Can custodial parent stop non-custodial from going to jail? New York

[4Brothers]

Without giving all of the full details, is it possible for the custodial parent to stop the non-custodial parent from being sentenced to Jail for willful violation of child support order? The child support is sent directly to the custodial parent and not through the state of New York child support enforcement unit. I just need to know if it is possible. Please help.

A Worried son

[milspecgirl]

can and will the CP show proof CS was paid? Why is CSE involved? Has any state assistance been received?

[4Brothers]

CP will not say all of it is paid. CSE was involved because 10 years ago CP went on welfare for less than a year. This matter has nothing to do with the money owed to the state while on welfare. This is about money owed to the CP. Child support was paid through CSE up until about 3 months ago when the NCP was found in willful violation and would spend 6 months in jail. The 4 sons of the parents (14, 18, 19, 22) stood up against the mother (CP) and said this was wrong and did not want to see their father in jail because he is a good father. She then had the child support paid directly to her. And a 6 week period was used to see if the NCP could pay directly to her. He paid $600 for the 14 year old's braces, $375 for piano lessons for the same son, $200 directly to her, and paid for gas and food for all 4 boys on multiple occasions throughout the 6 weeks. That amount of money well surpassed what was needed to cover the CS for the 6 weeks. The CP did not count the $375 for piano lessons or any of the gas and food so now it is being recommended that the NCP spend weekends in jail. This is not in the best interest of the children. The children see their father on weekends. The 14 year old takes piano lessons on sundays with the father there. the NCP does not deserve this and the CP denies any control over the matter. I am the 19 year old son and my father does not deserve to spend ANY time in jail. What can be done by my brothers and I and is my mother lying when she says she has no control over the matter?

Worried son

[xena]

CP will not say all of it is paid. CSE was involved because 10 years ago CP went on welfare for less than a year. This matter has nothing to do with the money owed to the state while on welfare. This is about money owed to the CP. Child support was paid through CSE up until about 3 months ago when the NCP was found in willful violation and would spend 6 months in jail. The 4 sons of the parents (14, 18, 19, 22) stood up against the mother (CP) and said this was wrong and did not want to see their father in jail because he is a good father. She then had the child support paid directly to her. And a 6 week period was used to see if the NCP could pay directly to her. He paid $600 for the 14 year old's braces, $375 for piano lessons for the same son, $200 directly to her, and paid for gas and food for all 4 boys on multiple occasions throughout the 6 weeks. That amount of money well surpassed what was needed to cover the CS for the 6 weeks. The CP did not count the $375 for piano lessons or any of the gas and food so now it is being recommended that the NCP spend weekends in jail. This is not in the best interest of the children. The children see their father on weekends. The 14 year old takes piano lessons on sundays with the father there. the NCP does not deserve this and the CP denies any control over the matter. I am the 19 year old son and my father does not deserve to spend ANY time in jail. What can be done by my brothers and I and is my mother lying when she says she has no control over the matter?

Worried son

Your Dad needs to get an attorney, and have the payments sent thru the state/court from now on. All he can do is explain to the Judge what has happened and what he has paid and hope that the Judge doesn't send him to jail.

[milspecgirl]

he can't just decide to pay her and not thru the court and he can't pay for expenses in lieu of support. Does he have documentation that he paid the support- receipts or something?

[4Brothers]

He did not decide. My mother requested that child support not go through the state but directly to her. She did this because my brothers and I told her we did not want our father in jail. And it stopped that from happening. But we're right back in the same place again. And no he does not have reciepts for them. He has my brothers and mine's word which I know is probably not anything that will fly in court. The bottom line is my father has paid $88,000 of $108,000 in child support over the last 10 years. I need to know how to stop him from going to jail. He is in a terrible financial slump right now. His life as a carpenter is coming to an end because of his physical health. He has just remodeled and opened a bed and breakfast to bring in money. Businesses take time. He has no credit, no license, no health insurance. nothing. He has no money. He is going to go to jail and he can't pay any amount of money to stop that from happening. He has a lawyer.
I need to know what my brothers and I can do to stop this from happening. I need to know if I can convince my mother to do something. Or if my brothers and I can write letters telling the court that my father is a good father. Something. Anything. My father is depressed and this whole thing is killing him. He has been screwed out of money many times and he does not deserve any of this. Does anyone know what I can do?? Is my mother lying to me when she says she has no control over the matter??

worried son

[milspecgirl]

I don't think your mom can stop it from happening. Once CSE pushes for it and it's ordered, it is out of her hands. Whether she can try to request it or not, I guess she could. Whether she will- I don't know. She is your mom- if all of you are talking to her, maybe she will come around. She cannot decide to have it paid to her either- only the court can do that and if he paid her directly without the order from a judge then he messed up and there's nothing he can do. She would have to give him receipts for what he paid her and the braces, piano, gas, food, etc do not count. Those are gifts. In all honesty, he is 20k behind. If he cannot work, he needs to file for disability. Opening a business when you are in financial trouble is not a good move. I know you love him and he is your dad, but I doubt a judge is going to listen to you for that very fact. He broke the law and normally jail is one of the last things considered so the fact is, he has probably had many chances up till now.

[chrismacp]

I am not a lawyer but based on my experience with NY Family Court here are my insights:
First, a Non Custodial parent should Never Never privately agree with the CP to start paying Court ordered Child Support directly to the CP (mother). The family Court does not recognize any payments paid directly when the ordered support is still in effect. Money paid directly to the mother is counted as "gifts" not support. Even if the Non CP has receipts - the money does not count as support paid. The Non CP will be considered in arrears. Only money paid through the system is counted towards support. Every State is reimbursed by the Federal Government for the support money it collects. I believe it is about $66 for every $100 collected. I believe this is the reason States are such sticklers for the money going thru them, they make money from the Fed Gov.
Second: Yes, there is something your mother can do to stop your father from going to jail. When your mother went on Public Assistance, the next step was for the Dept of Social Services to have her petition Family Court for 1- An Order of paternity, 2-Court ordered Custody and 3-Court ordered Child Support. She also signed papers asking the State to represent her in collecting the Child Support. If your mother is not currently receiving Public Assistance, she needs to go to Child Support Enforcement and tell them she wants to "opt out of the program". She needs to tell them that she does not want the State's assistance anymore in collection efforts regarding support collections. Every State has this "opt out" option. She may have to be persistant - very persistant, because remember, the state makes money on every support dollar they collect.
Third: It is within your mother's right and power to forgive any and all money owed to her. Arrears is made up of 2 parts. One part is the sums owed to the Mother. This can be forgiven by her but it must be done thru the CS/ Family Court. Perhaps another reader here can give details on how to do this. The second part of arrears is what your father owes the State for repayment of the Public assistance she received. That is at this point still not forgivable due to the Sen Bradley Ammendment. However, even that can be negotiated - but that's another matter.
Summary: Your mother can opt out of the state's Child Support Collection Services. She can forgive any and all or the amount owed to her, and never, never pay any Court Ordered Child Support directly to the mother without the proper written agreement to do so. If your mother tells you she can't do anything to help your dad she is either mistaken or is angry with him. In the mean time research all you can about the laws (title IV) that empower the present CSE system. Become as knowledgeable as possible. Also Google father's rights groups. Remember, you are not alone. Millions of people and families are dealing with the same problems you boys are. Speak up whenever you can for change. The good news is that the movement for change is growing and the more that we share info, become informed, and voice the need for change, the faster that change will come.

[chrismacp]

4 brothers;
To ad to my last post; I am impressed by your persistance in trying to help your Dad. Children of Non Custodial dads can be very effective in helping change by writing to your State's Congressmen and Senators. You can also send letters to the editor. I would suggest that you speak out against the label "deadbeat Dad" and tell how you the Child Support Enforcement laws (title IV) are effecting you as children of divorced parents. Expect limited results and/or help when working thru the CSE and family Court system. I have repeatedly found that the clerks give out erroneous/false information. Be persistant and know your legal rights. Learn as much as you can. Do an "end run around the bureacracy by contacting political representatives and newspapers. You can help your Dad by continuing to speak out and express the views of boys who are seeing a good man suffer. You may want to consider a career in Law or Politics to help bring about change.

[Baystategirl]

CP will not say all of it is paid. CSE was involved because 10 years ago CP went on welfare for less than a year. This matter has nothing to do with the money owed to the state while on welfare. This is about money owed to the CP. Child support was paid through CSE up until about 3 months ago when the NCP was found in willful violation and would spend 6 months in jail. The 4 sons of the parents (14, 18, 19, 22) stood up against the mother (CP) and said this was wrong and did not want to see their father in jail because he is a good father. She then had the child support paid directly to her. And a 6 week period was used to see if the NCP could pay directly to her. He paid $600 for the 14 year old's braces, $375 for piano lessons for the same son, $200 directly to her, and paid for gas and food for all 4 boys on multiple occasions throughout the 6 weeks. That amount of money well surpassed what was needed to cover the CS for the 6 weeks. The CP did not count the $375 for piano lessons or any of the gas and food so now it is being recommended that the NCP spend weekends in jail. This is not in the best interest of the children. The children see their father on weekends. The 14 year old takes piano lessons on sundays with the father there. the NCP does not deserve this and the CP denies any control over the matter. I am the 19 year old son and my father does not deserve to spend ANY time in jail. What can be done by my brothers and I and is my mother lying when she says she has no control over the matter?

Worried son

You already got the LEGAL answer at Freeadvice...

http://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?t=353770