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Thread: Can I withdraw a Temporary PFA in PA? Pennsylvania

  1. #1
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    Arrow Can I withdraw a Temporary PFA in PA? Pennsylvania

    My situation SUCKS right now and I am having a really hard time.

    I love my husband with all of my heart, we have 3 children together, but recently he has become more serious in verbal abuse and also physical aspects, such as choking, grabbing, shoving, punching holes in things and in front of the children. My daughter had to call 911 on him when he had me trapped in the bathroom holding me because I got a job and it is as a waitress at a bar. I then got a PFA on him and got my own apartment. That was just 4 days ago. Our hearing for the permanent PFA is next week.

    I no longer want to go through with it. I miss him and feel safer now that I have my own apt and he can not legally just come in as he pleases and I could always call the cops since he is not on the lease. After this time period he has had to cool down and know I am not taking things lightly anymore, I do feel safer also he has not tried to violate the PFA at all, but I did text him a lot last night and he apolgized profusely.

    How can I go about calling off the hearing? or do I just not go to the hearing?
    Please advise me. I am in pennsylvania.

  2. #2
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    Quote Originally Posted by mommix5 View Post
    My situation SUCKS right now and I am having a really hard time.

    I love my husband with all of my heart, we have 3 children together, but recently he has become more serious in verbal abuse and also physical aspects, such as choking, grabbing, shoving, punching holes in things and in front of the children. My daughter had to call 911 on him when he had me trapped in the bathroom holding me because I got a job and it is as a waitress at a bar. I then got a PFA on him and got my own apartment. That was just 4 days ago. Our hearing for the permanent PFA is next week.

    I no longer want to go through with it. I miss him and feel safer now that I have my own apt and he can not legally just come in as he pleases and I could always call the cops since he is not on the lease. After this time period he has had to cool down and know I am not taking things lightly anymore, I do feel safer also he has not tried to violate the PFA at all, but I did text him a lot last night and he apolgized profusely.

    How can I go about calling off the hearing? or do I just not go to the hearing?
    Please advise me. I am in pennsylvania.
    It sounds like this has been going on for a while, not just a one time thing. Since the abuse happened around children, there may be additional charges made by the DA. It is not wise at all to drop this! You feel safe right now, because you are, but if you drop this, nothing can stop him from coming over, and hurting you before you have the chance to call the police! If you have the restraining order, you can call if you just see that he is on your property, before he even gets to the door, without the restraining order, he must hurt you first before you can get help! Please for your childrens sake, do not drop this. It may be that since the police were called, that you have no choice, because the proof of abuse was there, and if you go in and lie on the stand, you are charged with perjury. Why would you think that he would not hurt you again???? I know you have read enough to know that abusers don't stop abusing, they just get worse. Sorry, not trying to lecture you, I just don't want you to be one of the statistics that dropped the charge and were assaulted, and even killed the next time. You must show up in court, you could be in trouble for not doing so, courts don't take to kindly to paying a judge, baliff, etc to be there, and people missing work, just for you not to show up. I will see if there are laws on this, stick around for further answers! OH, and YOU are breaking the law by contacting him, NO MORE TEXTING!!!
    Last edited by turbowray; 10-11-2006 at 05:24 PM.

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by mommix5 View Post
    My situation SUCKS right now and I am having a really hard time.

    I love my husband with all of my heart, we have 3 children together, but recently he has become more serious in verbal abuse and also physical aspects, such as choking, grabbing, shoving, punching holes in things and in front of the children. My daughter had to call 911 on him when he had me trapped in the bathroom holding me because I got a job and it is as a waitress at a bar. I then got a PFA on him and got my own apartment. That was just 4 days ago. Our hearing for the permanent PFA is next week.

    I no longer want to go through with it. I miss him and feel safer now that I have my own apt and he can not legally just come in as he pleases and I could always call the cops since he is not on the lease. After this time period he has had to cool down and know I am not taking things lightly anymore, I do feel safer also he has not tried to violate the PFA at all, but I did text him a lot last night and he apolgized profusely.

    How can I go about calling off the hearing? or do I just not go to the hearing?
    Please advise me. I am in pennsylvania.
    You won't be able to call off the hearing, in almost all cases such as yours the DA won't drop things when a victim asks.
    It's good that you have your own apt. it will give sonme distance between you and hubby while you both try to work things out.

    I'm giving you advice based on what I've seen happen in cases such as yours-

    if you go into court and ask that the PFA be dropped, it is virtually a guarantee that the Judge will make it permanent. If you really want to work things out, you should go into court, tell the Judge that you love your husband, want to work things out, but are afraid. Then ask for the PFA to remain temporary, say for another 6 months or so and request that the court order both of you into counseling and anger management.
    If your hubby agreees, most likely the court will be agreeable. This way you can have the protection you might need, and at the same time work thru things.

    One thing to remember though- although he apoligizes, just remind yourself of how many previous times he's apoligzed and still repeats the violence. A counselor will be able to help you no matter how things in your marriage turn out. Just please, protect yourself while working things out.
    Xena

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by mommix5 View Post
    My situation SUCKS right now and I am having a really hard time.

    I love my husband with all of my heart, we have 3 children together, but recently he has become more serious in verbal abuse and also physical aspects, such as choking, grabbing, shoving, punching holes in things and in front of the children. My daughter had to call 911 on him when he had me trapped in the bathroom holding me because I got a job and it is as a waitress at a bar. I then got a PFA on him and got my own apartment. That was just 4 days ago. Our hearing for the permanent PFA is next week.

    I no longer want to go through with it. I miss him and feel safer now that I have my own apt and he can not legally just come in as he pleases and I could always call the cops since he is not on the lease. After this time period he has had to cool down and know I am not taking things lightly anymore, I do feel safer also he has not tried to violate the PFA at all, but I did text him a lot last night and he apolgized profusely.

    How can I go about calling off the hearing? or do I just not go to the hearing?
    Please advise me. I am in pennsylvania.
    Let me explain something to you. If you allow this man to come back into your and your children's lives, YOU are just as responsible for any abuse the children witness as he is. You have a responsibility to protect your children before you worry about whether or not you "love" this abusive person. LOVE DOES NOT HURT. LOVE DOES NOT LEAVE BRUISES. LOVE DOES NOT TERRORIZE YOUR CHILDREN.

    You said yourself that you feel safer now that he is not around you. What makes you think that he will suddenly change his ways if you cave at the first opportunity. If you want to save your marriage (hellish prison), I suggest that he FIRST be required to attend intensive anger management counseling, individiual psychological counseling and then work for at least 2 YEARS to earn your and your children's trust back. Durng that time, YOU need to be in therapy discovering WHY you allow a person to control and abuse you and why you allow that person to abuse your children. Yes, abuse your children. They are seeing their father abuse their mother. What do you think your daughter was feeling when she had to call 911 to save her mother from her father? The children need to be in therapy to deal with all of these issues. A person can only abuse you as long as you allow him or her to do so.

    If he is facing criminal charges for the assault, the prosecution can and will proceed without your cooperation.

    I am going to be very blunt, and you will think I am being very harsh, but here it is...

    IF YOU ALLOW THIS MAN BACK INTO YOUR LIFE, GIVE YOUR CHILDREN TO SOMEONE THAT WILL CARE FOR THEM AND PROTECT THEM AS YOU ARE NOT WILLING TO DO. You are an adult and can make your own choices. Your children are innocent and defenseless. It is YOUR JOB AS A MOTHER to protect them before you "protect" the man that does not care whether or not he kills you (even if he only kills your soul).
    HOOK 'EM HORNS!!!
    How do you catch a very rare rabbit?
    (unique up on him)
    How do catch an ordinary rabbit?
    (same way)

  5. #5
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    I just want to add that I do not think that you are a horrible mother or a weak woman. I think at this point you are very confused and feeling very lost. Take this opportunity to fall in love with yourself. As hard as it is right now, you need to remember that you are one of the lucky people that has been given a chance to start fresh and pain free. Every time you are missing him and wanting him back, look at your daughter's sweet face and think about the hell she has been through. Good luck and stay strong.
    HOOK 'EM HORNS!!!
    How do you catch a very rare rabbit?
    (unique up on him)
    How do catch an ordinary rabbit?
    (same way)

  6. #6
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    Default Dropping Protection Orders

    If at any time you request for a protection order to be dropped, the judges will never take your word in requesting one if you need it later on.

    You will throw away any future chances at protection if you need it.

  7. #7
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    Default Mommix5

    I know what you are going thru. Stay strong for your kids and by the way there is a great web site that has helped me so much. No one can tell you what to do but maybe after visiting the site you will find your own way. youarenotcrazy.com
    OKLAHOMA

  8. #8
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    i know somewhat what u are going through my (ex) boyfriend started the verbal abuse and then chocked me infront of our daughter -
    Think about you and your children - no one can tell you what to do - th time apart hopefully makes him realize what he as in you! I thin khe should go to anger management and counceling and if he is cooerative then dont feel stupid that you would give him a second chance. People hear abuse and they seay oh no dont go back - YES you do have to be careful but he IS your husband and if he SHows 100 % commitment and treats you adn the kids like you guys should be treated then do what feels rigth!

    Good luck with every thing - Dont drop th charges though - go to court and be honest - that you guys are working on the realationship etc...you dont want to get in trouble for anythign he caused!

  9. #9

    Default Hello there

    Hi Yes you can get the pfa taken off Either you just dont show up or depending on what county in pa you live you can go to the pfa office in the court house. Just remember its all on file If something happens again and you want a pfa his lawyer can use that agaist you. It wont look good for you in court dropping the pfa

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by makenzie3505 View Post
    Hi Yes you can get the pfa taken off Either you just dont show up or depending on what county in pa you live you can go to the pfa office in the court house. Just remember its all on file If something happens again and you want a pfa his lawyer can use that agaist you. It wont look good for you in court dropping the pfa
    The don't show up part won't work in most areas, the DA is required to follow through with protection orders.

    I have been in MANY MANY a Family Court room and can tell you that if you have it dropped and later need one, you will be in a tough spot to get one. The judges think you are playing a cat and mouse game with your spouse and not only lecture you on that fact, but may rule that you can not get the order of protection that you need.

    Domestic violence gets worse not better.

  11. #11
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    The OP could face trouble for not showing up anyhow, why would you suggest doing that?

  12. #12
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    I would advise you not to withdraw the PFA, no matter how much you love him.

  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by makenzie3505 View Post
    Hi Yes you can get the pfa taken off Either you just dont show up or depending on what county in pa you live you can go to the pfa office in the court house. Just remember its all on file If something happens again and you want a pfa his lawyer can use that agaist you. It wont look good for you in court dropping the pfa


    makenzie3505- Your tactics are what drain the legal system. Let me guess your the same woman that gets a PFA just so you have alone time with your boyfriend when you have a husband at home? I know this all too well. My ex did this to me and just got the temporary order anytime she felt like having alone time. Big waste of time and resources if you ask me. Everyone is entitled to the temporary order sometimes that's all you need I guess.

    In my case she ended up robbing a bunch of people and using their credit cards all over town. She pretty much screwed herself.

    Thanks for this little tidbit here it shows what a true woman you are.

    To all the other members here I apologize but the user makenzie3505 I think I know her.

    As for the OP go to the hearing and explain that you either worked things out on your own. Or that you were just afraid of what the person you got the PFA against would have done in the heat of the moment. If you figured things out that's fine. If you need a PFA keep it, it may be the only thing that saves you from being abused. Men for the most part never change. Once and abuser always an abuser.


    Take Care

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