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Thread: Wife that is hateful

  1. #1
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    Default Wife that is hateful

    I have been married for 10 years and my wife has always been hateful
    to my parents. She is also hateful to me sometimes. I have tried
    talking to her but do not know what to do. She is just fine to her
    family, talks to her mom on the ohone every night several times a
    night.

    I feel she has no emotional attachment to me. Never get hugs or
    anything like that. For awhile I would initiate it but I gave up.

    My parent are always complaining to me she is hateful to them. She
    always takes my daughter to places with her mom but when I want to
    take my daughter to my mom and dads she just says "If they want to see
    her they can come over here."

    She gets upset when I confront her about my parents and she just says
    I am always worried about how they think and not how she thinks.
    (Which is not true).

    I forgot to tell her that someone called about some of our pictures
    being ready and she yelled at me. We did not speak all night. My dad
    called wanting to talk to my daughter (who had called for him
    previously) and my wife told him she was busy watching TV.)

    I am a quite guy and usually when I get mad I just dont speak.

    I feel as if I am giving in too much all the time but I dont think it
    phases her how i feel. If I told her I was leaving she would just say
    ok.

    I feel as if I disappeared off the face of the earth it would suit her
    fine.

  2. #2
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    Default Wife that is hateful

    On 10 Dec 2003 05:41:05 -0800, Don
    <tiredofthis12001@yahoo.com> wrote:
    I have been married for 10 years and my wife has always been hateful to my parents. She is also hateful to me sometimes. I have tried talking to her but do not know what to do. She is just fine to her family, talks to her mom on the ohone every night several times a night.
    Is there another side of this? How do your folks (especially your mom)
    treat your wife?
    I feel she has no emotional attachment to me. Never get hugs or anything like that. For awhile I would initiate it but I gave up.
    This is a different problem altogether.
    My parent are always complaining to me she is hateful to them. She always takes my daughter to places with her mom but when I want to take my daughter to my mom and dads she just says "If they want to see her they can come over here." She gets upset when I confront her about my parents and she just says I am always worried about how they think and not how she thinks. (Which is not true). I forgot to tell her that someone called about some of our pictures being ready and she yelled at me. We did not speak all night. My dad called wanting to talk to my daughter (who had called for him previously) and my wife told him she was busy watching TV.) I am a quite guy and usually when I get mad I just dont speak. I feel as if I am giving in too much all the time but I dont think it phases her how i feel. If I told her I was leaving she would just say ok. I feel as if I disappeared off the face of the earth it would suit her fine.
    The day before my wife and I got married, I was sitting in the kitchen of
    my apartment with my mom. (The apartment was actually hers, my wife and I
    were going to rent from my mom with my mom being the landlord).

    I told her that I was getting married tomorrow. If she got in a fight
    with my wife, she (my mom) was going to lose. If she didn't treat us like
    regular tenents (give us our privacy), we would move regardless of how
    much extra it would cost is.

    I have had to reinforce this particular speech a few times over the almost
    19 years my wife and I have been married. My mom asked "Will you support
    your wife even if she's wrong". I said: "Unless she is doing something
    that I consider evil, I will support her". If she is being a pain in the
    butt, and you are being a pain in the butt, my wife wins. You can choose
    whether to visit our home, and you are always welcome, but how often your
    grandchildren visit will be directly proportional to how confortable you
    make my wife feel in your home. I will not force my wife to go somewhere
    where she is made to feel uncomfortable.

    I say your parents are going to have to suck it up and be respectful to
    your wife if thye expect to see their grandchildren.

    Also, if you have been backing your parents at the expense of your wife,
    If I were her I wouldn't want to sleep with a momma's boy like you.

    -Tony

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    "If the grass appears to be greener on the other side of the fence, it's time
    to fertilize your lawn!"
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  3. #3
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    Default Wife that is hateful

    In article <e647cf2.0312100541.22d8f173@posting.google.com> ,
    tiredofthis12001@yahoo.com spoke thusly...
    I have been married for 10 years and my wife has always been hateful to my parents. She is also hateful to me sometimes. I have tried talking to her but do not know what to do. She is just fine to her family, talks to her mom on the ohone every night several times a night. I feel she has no emotional attachment to me. Never get hugs or anything like that. For awhile I would initiate it but I gave up. My parent are always complaining to me she is hateful to them. She always takes my daughter to places with her mom but when I want to take my daughter to my mom and dads she just says "If they want to see her they can come over here." She gets upset when I confront her about my parents and she just says I am always worried about how they think and not how she thinks. (Which is not true).
    Sounds like she has depression. She should see a good psychiatrist
    who may recommend meds. It's a slow process, finding the right
    combination of meds, that will take years. If she is willing to
    change, stay by her. If not, give her an ultimatum to get on some
    meds, and if she doesn't divorce her and find someone who appreciates
    you.

    You can't go through life trying to fix something that doesn't want
    to be fixed.
    --
    Say no to fixed width tables. They look terrible.

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    Default Wife that is hateful

    Depression??? Why?

    i

    In article <br7jg1$8ai8$3@ID-185685.news.uni-berlin.de>, A man wrote:
    In article <e647cf2.0312100541.22d8f173@posting.google.com> , tiredofthis12001@yahoo.com spoke thusly...
    I have been married for 10 years and my wife has always been hateful to my parents. She is also hateful to me sometimes. I have tried talking to her but do not know what to do. She is just fine to her family, talks to her mom on the ohone every night several times a night. I feel she has no emotional attachment to me. Never get hugs or anything like that. For awhile I would initiate it but I gave up. My parent are always complaining to me she is hateful to them. She always takes my daughter to places with her mom but when I want to take my daughter to my mom and dads she just says "If they want to see her they can come over here." She gets upset when I confront her about my parents and she just says I am always worried about how they think and not how she thinks. (Which is not true).
    Sounds like she has depression. She should see a good psychiatrist who may recommend meds. It's a slow process, finding the right combination of meds, that will take years. If she is willing to change, stay by her. If not, give her an ultimatum to get on some meds, and if she doesn't divorce her and find someone who appreciates you. You can't go through life trying to fix something that doesn't want to be fixed.

  5. #5
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    Default Wife that is hateful

    Sounds like the run-of-the-mill *****.



  6. #6
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    Default Wife that is hateful

    My mom is totally respectful to my wife as is my dad. She often says
    she would like to consider my wife the daughter she never had.

    I am extremely nice to her family and get along with everyone. I dont
    think sticking up for your parents is being a momma's boy when they
    honestly are not at fault.

    I have stuck up for her before when my parents are wrong about
    something.

  7. #7
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    Default Wife that is hateful

    Your acting like a doormat so expect to be treated like it. This woman likes
    to fight, sounds like your mismatched. She's goading you into it.



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    Default Wife that is hateful

    The thing is, she does not act this way around anyone else. She talks
    all the time with her mom. She never talks to me.

    I really need some advice. I want to stand up and do something but I
    do not know how and dont want to be careful of my 3 year old.

  9. #9
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    Default Wife that is hateful

    "NJ" <aaa@msn.com> wrote in message news:<UeOBb.35685$AV2.16744@newssvr32.news.prodigy .com>...
    Your acting like a doormat so expect to be treated like it. This woman likes to fight, sounds like your mismatched. She's goading you into it.
    They may not be mismatched. On the contrary, it sounds like they are
    perfectly matched:

    - He needs to learn how to stand up for himself more (and he probably
    is aware that he needs to learn this lesson, otherwise how did he find
    himself so conveniently married to the perfect teacher?)

    - She needs to learn how to be more respectful towards those she loves
    (and she is probably also aware that this is her lesson to learn,
    otherwise how did she find herself so conveniently married to the
    perfect teacher?)

    They *both* need to learn how to get what they want. She needs to
    learn how to do that without stepping on his toes. He needs to learn
    how to do that by confronting her in a respectful manner when
    necessary.

    To the OP, my advice is:

    1) Learn to be brave and stop avoiding conflict - it's not getting you
    anywhere, fuming alone in silence. Conflict is not always evil. On the
    contrary, if handled well, it can be very beneficial and productive.

    2) When she says something hateful, center yourself, take a DEEP
    breath, and gently repeat back to her the exact words you heard. Don't
    say it as a challenge, say it as if you were politely asking her to
    clarify what you thought you just heard: "Honey, I believe I heard you
    just say that I am an a**hole because I forgot to pick up the
    pictures; please confirm?"

    3) If she responds back in more hateful terms, just continue to repeat
    back what you heard in this same polite, neutral manner. Hopefully she
    will calm down and restate in more respectful terms.

    4) If OTOH she just escalates and gets more emotional and hateful,
    and you find yourself getting too upset, put your hand up and say, "I
    propose we take a time out so we can both cool down. I'm going to take
    a walk. Let's table this until later."

    5) When she's calmer, try explaining to her that there seems to be two
    issues going on here: first, the issue that's made her upset
    (forgetting the pictures). Second, the manner that she's communicated
    how upset she is (calling you an a**hole). Tell her you would like to
    address each one separately.

    6) If her reason for being upset with you has some merit (you did
    forget the pictures), then admit it and validate her feelings. "I
    guess there really is no excuse for forgetting the pictures honey, and
    I guess I didn't realize it was so important to you. I am sorry and
    next time I will try to do better."

    7) Don't let her get away without addressing the second issue: "Now
    that we've settled that, can we please talk about how we can improve
    our communications in the future? I understand you have every right to
    your feelings and being angry with me when I screw up. My issue is how
    you express that anger. I have to say that I do not like being called
    an a*hole. It hurts my feelings a lot."

    Hope that helps.

    jen

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    Default Wife that is hateful

    In article <e647cf2.0312121026.4fa2456d@posting.google.com> , Don wrote:
    The thing is, she does not act this way around anyone else. She talks all the time with her mom. She never talks to me. I really need some advice. I want to stand up and do something but I do not know how and dont want to be careful of my 3 year old.
    Ah, you do not want to be careful of your 3 year old! How terrible!
    (I do realize that it was probably a typo, so I am kidding)

    You do not have much choice Don. Either to live with dignity with your
    daughter, or to live separately. Your wife may well decide that living
    together with you is a better deal even if she has to make behavior
    adjustments.

    That she is nice to you in presence of others is a good thing. That
    means that given proper incentives, she can be nice to you in their
    absence. (to look good to others).

    Do not be afraid to stand up for yourself.

    She may be more likely to leave you if you do not behave in a manly
    manner (e.g. refuse to be a doormat). no kidding.

    I tend to agree with someone else who said that you married a run of
    the mill *****.

    i

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    Default Wife that is hateful

    In article <c8cb5319.0312121049.75999587@posting.google.com >, shinypenny wrote:
    "NJ" <aaa@msn.com> wrote in message news:<UeOBb.35685$AV2.16744@newssvr32.news.prodigy .com>...
    Your acting like a doormat so expect to be treated like it. This woman likes to fight, sounds like your mismatched. She's goading you into it.
    They may not be mismatched. On the contrary, it sounds like they are perfectly matched: - He needs to learn how to stand up for himself more (and he probably is aware that he needs to learn this lesson, otherwise how did he find himself so conveniently married to the perfect teacher?) - She needs to learn how to be more respectful towards those she loves (and she is probably also aware that this is her lesson to learn, otherwise how did she find herself so conveniently married to the perfect teacher?) They *both* need to learn how to get what they want. She needs to learn how to do that without stepping on his toes. He needs to learn how to do that by confronting her in a respectful manner when necessary. To the OP, my advice is: 1) Learn to be brave and stop avoiding conflict - it's not getting you anywhere, fuming alone in silence. Conflict is not always evil. On the contrary, if handled well, it can be very beneficial and productive.
    Just like I said. Bingo.
    2) When she says something hateful, center yourself, take a DEEP breath, and gently repeat back to her the exact words you heard. Don't say it as a challenge, say it as if you were politely asking her to clarify what you thought you just heard: "Honey, I believe I heard you just say that I am an a**hole because I forgot to pick up the pictures; please confirm?" 3) If she responds back in more hateful terms, just continue to repeat back what you heard in this same polite, neutral manner. Hopefully she will calm down and restate in more respectful terms.
    that's an interesting concept actually. Where did you get it? Wherever
    you go it it seems like something worth trying. If you invented it,
    congratulations.
    4) If OTOH she just escalates and gets more emotional and hateful, and you find yourself getting too upset, put your hand up and say, "I propose we take a time out so we can both cool down. I'm going to take a walk. Let's table this until later."
    My guess is that she carefully times these outbursts to moments when
    he cannot walk out. Like when he is getting ready to bathe his
    daughter.

    i

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    Default Wife that is hateful

    In article <e647cf2.0312121026.4fa2456d@posting.google.com> , Don wrote:
    The thing is, she does not act this way around anyone else. She talks all the time with her mom. She never talks to me. I really need some advice. I want to stand up and do something but I do not know how and dont want to be careful of my 3 year old.
    My another suggestion to you that is of extreme importance.

    I am sorry I forgot to say it.

    Under all circumstances, try to foster and maintain a close, loving,
    trusting, and respectful relationship with your daughter.

    Do not be put in the position of "disciplining dad", "unavailable
    dad", "grumpy dad" etc. (and do not show her that you are a doormat
    dad)

    Read a book called "Parent Effectiveness Training" by Gordon and
    follow it to the reasonable extent possible. (yes, it works). It more
    or less guarantees such a good relationship.

    Spend time with your daughter, which your wife will likely appreciate
    as it gives her free time. Let's say at least 2 hours per day. If you
    two hang on for a while and then split when your daughter is 10, you
    will thank me for my advice.

    Winning your daughter's love, admiration and interest may be more
    realistic and more productive than winning same from your wife, at a
    prohibitive emotional cost.

    Trying to improve how she treats you is a good thing, and I wrote
    about it a little in my other posts. But my suggestion in this post is
    also quite important.

    i

  13. #13
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    Ignoramus19207 wrote:
    In article <e647cf2.0312121026.4fa2456d@posting.google.com> , Don wrote:
    The thing is, she does not act this way around anyone else. She talks all the time with her mom. She never talks to me. I really need some advice. I want to stand up and do something but I do not know how and dont want to be careful of my 3 year old.
    My another suggestion to you that is of extreme importance. I am sorry I forgot to say it. Under all circumstances, try to foster and maintain a close, loving, trusting, and respectful relationship with your daughter. Do not be put in the position of "disciplining dad", "unavailable dad", "grumpy dad" etc. (and do not show her that you are a doormat dad) Read a book called "Parent Effectiveness Training" by Gordon and follow it to the reasonable extent possible. (yes, it works). It more or less guarantees such a good relationship. Spend time with your daughter, which your wife will likely appreciate as it gives her free time. Let's say at least 2 hours per day. If you two hang on for a while and then split when your daughter is 10, you will thank me for my advice. Winning your daughter's love, admiration and interest may be more realistic and more productive than winning same from your wife, at a prohibitive emotional cost. Trying to improve how she treats you is a good thing, and I wrote about it a little in my other posts. But my suggestion in this post is also quite important.
    Good post, Igor.

    I'm not sure if I've mentioned this before but I think your incentive-based
    approach using both positive *and* negative techniques has merit. With a few
    provisos about using more positive than negative incentives and keeping the
    negative responses under strict control, that is. lol It's been interesting
    reading your experiences with your wife's past behaviour towards you and you
    present them and how you dealt with them in a thoughtful and helpful way.

    Tai



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    Default Wife that is hateful

    In article <brdnec$29i29$1@ID-123442.news.uni-berlin.de>, Tai wrote:
    Ignoramus19207 wrote:
    In article <e647cf2.0312121026.4fa2456d@posting.google.com> , Don wrote:
    The thing is, she does not act this way around anyone else. She talks all the time with her mom. She never talks to me. I really need some advice. I want to stand up and do something but I do not know how and dont want to be careful of my 3 year old.
    My another suggestion to you that is of extreme importance. I am sorry I forgot to say it. Under all circumstances, try to foster and maintain a close, loving, trusting, and respectful relationship with your daughter. Do not be put in the position of "disciplining dad", "unavailable dad", "grumpy dad" etc. (and do not show her that you are a doormat dad) Read a book called "Parent Effectiveness Training" by Gordon and follow it to the reasonable extent possible. (yes, it works). It more or less guarantees such a good relationship. Spend time with your daughter, which your wife will likely appreciate as it gives her free time. Let's say at least 2 hours per day. If you two hang on for a while and then split when your daughter is 10, you will thank me for my advice. Winning your daughter's love, admiration and interest may be more realistic and more productive than winning same from your wife, at a prohibitive emotional cost. Trying to improve how she treats you is a good thing, and I wrote about it a little in my other posts. But my suggestion in this post is also quite important.
    Good post, Igor. I'm not sure if I've mentioned this before but I think your incentive-based approach using both positive *and* negative techniques has merit. With a few provisos about using more positive than negative incentives and keeping the negative responses under strict control, that is. lol It's been interesting reading your experiences with your wife's past behaviour towards you and you present them and how you dealt with them in a thoughtful and helpful way.
    Thanks Tai. Yes, I was surprised and delighted to see it work. Whether
    it works long term remains to be seen, but I am hopeful.

    i


  15. #15
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    Default Wife that is hateful

    On 12 Dec 2003 19:10:23 GMT, Ignoramus19207
    <ignoramus19207@NOSPAM.19207.invalid> wrote:
    In article <e647cf2.0312121026.4fa2456d@posting.google.com> , Don wrote:
    The thing is, she does not act this way around anyone else. She talks all the time with her mom. She never talks to me. I really need some advice. I want to stand up and do something but I do not know how and dont want to be careful of my 3 year old.
    My another suggestion to you that is of extreme importance.I am sorry I forgot to say it.Under all circumstances, try to foster and maintain a close, loving,trusting, and respectful relationship with your daughter.Do not be put in the position of "disciplining dad", "unavailabledad", "grumpy dad" etc. (and do not show her that you are a doormatdad)Read a book called "Parent Effectiveness Training" by Gordon andfollow it to the reasonable extent possible. (yes, it works). It moreor less guarantees such a good relationship.Spend time with your daughter, which your wife will likely appreciateas it gives her free time. Let's say at least 2 hours per day. If youtwo hang on for a while and then split when your daughter is 10, youwill thank me for my advice.Winning your daughter's love, admiration and interest may be morerealistic and more productive than winning same from your wife, at aprohibitive emotional cost.Trying to improve how she treats you is a good thing, and I wroteabout it a little in my other posts. But my suggestion in this post isalso quite important.i
    My ex husband was very close to her dad. One of the reasons that I
    they were is that they *did* things together, He took her out to
    dinner and a movie about once a week. The went hiking together.He also
    taught her to sail and to shoot. And he founded a pirate re-encators
    club (which has spawed more club around the world) and he and our
    daughter participated in their activities. Plus he has "kids" night at
    his house every thursday where all his friend and their kids came
    over. She just loved that. He was a pretty amazing dad.

  16. #16
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    tiredofthis12001@yahoo.com:

    I have been married for 10 years and my wife has always been hateful
    to my parents. She is also hateful to me sometimes. I have tried
    talking to her but do not know what to do

    What exactly does she say to you when you confront her on her behaviour? Just
    curious. Does she walk away, ignore?I feel she has no emotional attachment to me.

    Was there ever a time you felt she was affectionate to you? What was it like
    when you two dated?
    I feel as if I disappeared off the face of the earth it would suit her
    fine.

    Maybe you should leave if she remains closed to any kind of help or suggestion.
    It sounds as if she is miserable inside with resentment coming from somewhere
    within her own soul. Maybe she has some major issues that she needs some help
    with as far as counseling, etc.....things she has never dealt with. Life is way
    too short and this is certainly no good influence on your daughter. She may be
    young, but children feel the tension. I say after giving her every opportunity
    for help in all ways, you need to go on with your life and find someone who can
    give you what you give them in a relationship. I do not know both sides of the
    story but if this is indeed her problem, stemming from her past life, only your
    support can help her. YOU can't help her. She will have to take the initiative
    and deal with her demons. Good Luck and keep us posted on how things are going.
    For right now, devotion and much time with your daughter would certainly be a
    plus.

    Melanie




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    "shinypenny" <shinypenny0001@yahoo.com> wrote in message
    news:c8cb5319.0312121049.75999587@posting.google.c om...
    6) If her reason for being upset with you has some merit (you did forget the pictures), then admit it and validate her feelings. "I guess there really is no excuse for forgetting the pictures honey, and I guess I didn't realize it was so important to you. I am sorry and next time I will try to do better."
    Are you sure it's not to late for us to get married, Jen? 'Cause I think I'm
    in luuuuuuuuvvvv!



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    DrLith wrote:
    "shinypenny" <shinypenny0001@yahoo.com> wrote in message news:c8cb5319.0312121049.75999587@posting.google.c om...
    6) If her reason for being upset with you has some merit (you did forget the pictures), then admit it and validate her feelings. "I guess there really is no excuse for forgetting the pictures honey, and I guess I didn't realize it was so important to you. I am sorry and next time I will try to do better."
    Are you sure it's not to late for us to get married, Jen? 'Cause I think
    I'm
    in luuuuuuuuvvvv!
    You *can't* get married. Your a woman, and she's a woman. Come back and
    join us on this planet, Kathy. :-)



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    On Sun, 14 Dec 2003 01:14:12 GMT, Bill in Co.
    <nowhere@earthlink.net> wrote:
    DrLith wrote:
    "shinypenny" <shinypenny0001@yahoo.com> wrote in message news:c8cb5319.0312121049.75999587@posting.google.c om...
    6) If her reason for being upset with you has some merit (you did forget the pictures), then admit it and validate her feelings. "I guess there really is no excuse for forgetting the pictures honey, and I guess I didn't realize it was so important to you. I am sorry and next time I will try to do better."
    Are you sure it's not to late for us to get married, Jen? 'Cause I think
    I'm
    in luuuuuuuuvvvv!
    You *can't* get married. Your a woman, and she's a woman. Come back and join us on this planet, Kathy. :-)
    They can in Massachussets

    -Tony

    --
    "If the grass appears to be greener on the other side of the fence, it's time
    to fertilize your lawn!"
    Want to jump start your marriage? Consider a Marriage Encounter weekend.
    Check out http://www.wwme.org for more information.

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    Tony Miller wrote:
    On Sun, 14 Dec 2003 01:14:12 GMT, Bill in Co. <nowhere@earthlink.net> wrote:
    DrLith wrote:
    "shinypenny" <shinypenny0001@yahoo.com> wrote in message news:c8cb5319.0312121049.75999587@posting.google.c om...> 6) If her reason for being upset with you has some merit (you did> forget the pictures), then admit it and validate her feelings. "I> guess there really is no excuse for forgetting the pictures honey, and> I guess I didn't realize it was so important to you. I am sorry and> next time I will try to do better." Are you sure it's not to late for us to get married, Jen? 'Cause I think I'm in luuuuuuuuvvvv!
    You *can't* get married. Your a woman, and she's a woman. Come back and join us on this planet, Kathy. :-)
    They can in Massachussets -Tony
    Are you sure? I thought it was still illegal, even there. ??



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    Default Wife that is hateful

    "Bill in Co." <nowhere@earthlink.net> wrote:
    DrLith wrote:
    "shinypenny" <shinypenny0001@yahoo.com> wrote:
    6) If her reason for being upset with you has some merit (you did forget the pictures), then admit it and validate her feelings. "I guess there really is no excuse for forgetting the pictures honey, and I guess I didn't realize it was so important to you. I am sorry and next time I will try to do better."
    Are you sure it's not to late for us to get married, Jen? 'Cause I think I'm in luuuuuuuuvvvv!
    You *can't* get married. Your a woman, and she's a woman.
    They can get married in Ontario, the Netherlands or Belgium. If they
    can wait until June (lots of people think that's a good month for
    weddings) they can do it in Massachusetts.
    Come back and join us on this planet, Kathy. :-)
    Welcome to the 21st Century, Bill! :-)

  22. #22
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2003
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    1,484

    Default Wife that is hateful

    Larry Kessler <l_k_e_s_s_l_e_r@w_t.n_e_t> wrote in message news:<sc1otvot75bv5stefmcpkn8kvlvogosqlq@4ax.com>. ..
    "Bill in Co." <nowhere@earthlink.net> wrote:
    DrLith wrote:
    "shinypenny" <shinypenny0001@yahoo.com> wrote:> 6) If her reason for being upset with you has some merit (you did> forget the pictures), then admit it and validate her feelings. "I> guess there really is no excuse for forgetting the pictures honey, and> I guess I didn't realize it was so important to you. I am sorry and> next time I will try to do better." Are you sure it's not to late for us to get married, Jen? 'Cause I think I'm in luuuuuuuuvvvv!
    You *can't* get married. Your a woman, and she's a woman.
    They can get married in Ontario, the Netherlands or Belgium. If they can wait until June (lots of people think that's a good month for weddings) they can do it in Massachusetts.
    I always liked winter weddings. Kath, let's elope to Canada! What a
    wedding we will have.... and no one to complain when we run up the
    costs! Hey, maybe we can enlist Andre as our wedding planner.

    jen

  23. #23
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Posts
    1,966

    Default Wife that is hateful

    On 14 Dec 2003 05:24:31 -0800, shinypenny
    <shinypenny0001@yahoo.com> wrote:
    Larry Kessler <l_k_e_s_s_l_e_r@w_t.n_e_t> wrote in message news:<sc1otvot75bv5stefmcpkn8kvlvogosqlq@4ax.com>. ..
    "Bill in Co." <nowhere@earthlink.net> wrote:
    DrLith wrote:> "shinypenny" <shinypenny0001@yahoo.com> wrote:>>> 6) If her reason for being upset with you has some merit (you did>> forget the pictures), then admit it and validate her feelings. "I>> guess there really is no excuse for forgetting the pictures honey, and>> I guess I didn't realize it was so important to you. I am sorry and>> next time I will try to do better.">> Are you sure it's not to late for us to get married, Jen? 'Cause I think> I'm in luuuuuuuuvvvv!You *can't* get married. Your a woman, and she's a woman.
    They can get married in Ontario, the Netherlands or Belgium. If they can wait until June (lots of people think that's a good month for weddings) they can do it in Massachusetts.
    I always liked winter weddings. Kath, let's elope to Canada! What a wedding we will have.... and no one to complain when we run up the costs! Hey, maybe we can enlist Andre as our wedding planner.
    *sploosh!!!*

    You really need a beverage warning when you say something like this. Now
    you owe me a new keyboard.
    jen
    -Tony

    PS: I bet Andre would be devine with the decorations

    --
    "If the grass appears to be greener on the other side of the fence, it's time
    to fertilize your lawn!"
    Want to jump start your marriage? Consider a Marriage Encounter weekend.
    Check out http://www.wwme.org for more information.

  24. #24
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
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    Default Wife that is hateful

    On Sun, 14 Dec 2003 19:30:03 GMT, Tony Miller <tony@cigardiary.com>
    wrote:
    On 14 Dec 2003 05:24:31 -0800, shinypenny<shinypenny0001@yahoo.com> wrote:
    Larry Kessler <l_k_e_s_s_l_e_r@w_t.n_e_t> wrote in message news:<sc1otvot75bv5stefmcpkn8kvlvogosqlq@4ax.com>. ..
    "Bill in Co." <nowhere@earthlink.net> wrote: >DrLith wrote: >> "shinypenny" <shinypenny0001@yahoo.com> wrote: >> >>> 6) If her reason for being upset with you has some merit (you did >>> forget the pictures), then admit it and validate her feelings. "I >>> guess there really is no excuse for forgetting the pictures honey, and >>> I guess I didn't realize it was so important to you. I am sorry and >>> next time I will try to do better." >> >> Are you sure it's not to late for us to get married, Jen? 'Cause I think >> I'm in luuuuuuuuvvvv! > >You *can't* get married. Your a woman, and she's a woman. They can get married in Ontario, the Netherlands or Belgium. If they can wait until June (lots of people think that's a good month for weddings) they can do it in Massachusetts.
    I always liked winter weddings. Kath, let's elope to Canada! What a wedding we will have.... and no one to complain when we run up the costs! Hey, maybe we can enlist Andre as our wedding planner.
    *sploosh!!!*You really need a beverage warning when you say something like this. Nowyou owe me a new keyboard.
    jen
    -TonyPS: I bet Andre would be devine with the decorations
    Heh I laughed. Very cute.

    I wonder if Andre can sing?

  25. #25
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Posts
    712

    Default Wife that is hateful

    "shinypenny" <shinypenny0001@yahoo.com> wrote in message
    news:c8cb5319.0312140524.2ebeef41@posting.google.c om...
    Larry Kessler <l_k_e_s_s_l_e_r@w_t.n_e_t> wrote in message
    news:<sc1otvot75bv5stefmcpkn8kvlvogosqlq@4ax.com>. ..
    "Bill in Co." <nowhere@earthlink.net> wrote:
    DrLith wrote:> "shinypenny" <shinypenny0001@yahoo.com> wrote:>>> 6) If her reason for being upset with you has some merit (you did>> forget the pictures), then admit it and validate her feelings. "I>> guess there really is no excuse for forgetting the pictures honey,
    and
    >> I guess I didn't realize it was so important to you. I am sorry and>> next time I will try to do better.">> Are you sure it's not to late for us to get married, Jen? 'Cause I
    think
    > I'm in luuuuuuuuvvvv!You *can't* get married. Your a woman, and she's a woman. They can get married in Ontario, the Netherlands or Belgium. If they can wait until June (lots of people think that's a good month for weddings) they can do it in Massachusetts. I always liked winter weddings. Kath, let's elope to Canada! What a wedding we will have.... and no one to complain when we run up the costs! Hey, maybe we can enlist Andre as our wedding planner.
    Sounds good to me, so long as the honeymoon involves canoeing and mooses.
    Can we have it at Beaver Lick, Saskatchewan?



  26. #26
    Senior Member
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    Jun 2003
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    1,484

    Default Wife that is hateful

    "DrLith" <drlith@hotmail.com> wrote in message news:<brl77m$rbn$1@ngspool-d02.news.aol.com>...
    "shinypenny" <shinypenny0001@yahoo.com> wrote in message news:c8cb5319.0312140524.2ebeef41@posting.google.c om...
    Larry Kessler <l_k_e_s_s_l_e_r@w_t.n_e_t> wrote in message
    news:<sc1otvot75bv5stefmcpkn8kvlvogosqlq@4ax.com>. ..
    "Bill in Co." <nowhere@earthlink.net> wrote: >DrLith wrote: >> "shinypenny" <shinypenny0001@yahoo.com> wrote: >> >>> 6) If her reason for being upset with you has some merit (you did >>> forget the pictures), then admit it and validate her feelings. "I >>> guess there really is no excuse for forgetting the pictures honey,
    and
    >>> I guess I didn't realize it was so important to you. I am sorry and >>> next time I will try to do better." >> >> Are you sure it's not to late for us to get married, Jen? 'Cause I
    think
    >> I'm in luuuuuuuuvvvv! > >You *can't* get married. Your a woman, and she's a woman. They can get married in Ontario, the Netherlands or Belgium. If they can wait until June (lots of people think that's a good month for weddings) they can do it in Massachusetts. I always liked winter weddings. Kath, let's elope to Canada! What a wedding we will have.... and no one to complain when we run up the costs! Hey, maybe we can enlist Andre as our wedding planner.
    Sounds good to me, so long as the honeymoon involves canoeing and mooses. Can we have it at Beaver Lick, Saskatchewan?
    Okay, but we must have the wedding party dress in Star Trek uniforms.
    I'm sure Andre would approve.

    jen

  27. #27
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Posts
    389

    Default Wife that is hateful

    In article <e647cf2.0312121026.4fa2456d@posting.google.com> ,
    tiredofthis12001@yahoo.com spoke thusly...
    The thing is, she does not act this way around anyone else. She talks all the time with her mom. She never talks to me. I really need some advice. I want to stand up and do something but I do not know how and dont want to be careful of my 3 year old.
    Could she be mad at you or your parents for a reason? Perhaps that is
    how she expresses anger towards you or your parents.

    --
    Say no to fixed width tables. They look terrible in all browsers.

  28. #28
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Posts
    389

    Default Wife that is hateful

    In article <brdnec$29i29$1@ID-123442.news.uni-berlin.de>,
    tainuiti@yahoo.com spoke thusly...
    I'm not sure if I've mentioned this before but I think your incentive-based approach using both positive *and* negative techniques has merit. With a few provisos about using more positive than negative incentives and keeping the negative responses under strict control, that is. lol It's been interesting reading your experiences with your wife's past behaviour towards you and you present them and how you dealt with them in a thoughtful and helpful way.
    Yelling back where the daughter can hear you is a bad idea, but
    negative reinforcement may help if the daughter cannot hear either of
    you. You can't be too nice, or people will treat you badly. Try
    buying her some dead flowers one day when she is especially grumpy. I
    mean, dead flowers that look bad. Maybe she'll get the hint.


    --
    Say no to fixed width tables. They look terrible in all browsers.

  29. #29
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2003
    Posts
    74

    Default Wife that is hateful

    A man <uce@ftc.gov> wrote:
    Yelling back where the daughter can hear you is a bad idea
    True.
    but negative reinforcement may help if the daughter cannot heareither of you.
    Sometimes, just waiting silently while the other person rants and
    eventually runs out of steam, then responding in a very steady, low
    voice, is a good strategy too.
    You can't be too nice, or people will treat you badly.
    Ever heard of "killing {him|her} with kindness"? That's another
    tactic that may be effective. An exaggerated show of cheerfulness,
    cooperation, affection and good humor can throw a verbal abuser off
    guard.
    Try buying her some dead flowers one day when she is especiallygrumpy. I mean, dead flowers that look bad. Maybe she'll get the hint.
    Unless presented with a light, humorous air, this is more likely to
    provoke more anger and abuse than constructive interaction.

  30. #30
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Posts
    11

    Default Wife that is hateful

    In article <brq81k$67o97$3@ID-185685.news.uni-berlin.de>, A man wrote:
    In article <brdnec$29i29$1@ID-123442.news.uni-berlin.de>, tainuiti@yahoo.com spoke thusly...
    I'm not sure if I've mentioned this before but I think your incentive-based approach using both positive *and* negative techniques has merit. With a few provisos about using more positive than negative incentives and keeping the negative responses under strict control, that is. lol It's been interesting reading your experiences with your wife's past behaviour towards you and you present them and how you dealt with them in a thoughtful and helpful way.
    Yelling back where the daughter can hear you is a bad idea, but negative reinforcement may help if the daughter cannot hear either of you. You can't be too nice, or people will treat you badly. Try buying her some dead flowers one day when she is especially grumpy. I mean, dead flowers that look bad. Maybe she'll get the hint.
    What's wrong with yelling back in presence of kids if you did not
    initiate yelling? The child needs to learn how to yell back.

    i

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