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Thread: Married to a psycho, need help

  1. #1
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    Default Married to a psycho, need help

    My wife and I have been married for 2 years now and things have been
    getting increasingly worse. She has 2 kids which I never adopted
    because of her wishes (more on that later). We got married in
    September 2001, went on our honeymoon in the beginning of October and
    while we were on our honeymoon, the apartment we were living in went
    up for sale. We managed to buy a condo when we got back and moved in
    on Christmas Eve. That night, my wife and I were having a few drinks,
    but my wife had a few too many. A very serious argument broke out
    between my wife and her older daughter (18 years old at the time) and
    my wife beat the crap out of her. Punched her square in the face
    repeatedly. I pulled her off and then her daughter ran into the
    bathroom, locked the door, and called the police. Then she turned on
    me. When the police came to the door, my wife told me that she would
    get the kids to say that it was me and that she would make sure that I
    was the one who got into trouble. The police asked me some question
    and then took her away to spend the night in jail. Her oldest daughter
    went to the hospital to get checked out while I stayed home with the
    youngest (Then 3 years old). My wife has had physically abusive
    episodes since towards me. I have been emotionally and verbally abused
    constantly throughout our relationship and I can't take it anymore.
    She has done other things but this is the worst. We once got a laptop
    an we didn't have 24 hours before she snatched it from my hands and
    broke it. The list goes on and on.

    She has complete control over the finances and I have to ask
    permission to do anything financially. If I need gas, I have to ask.
    She has complete control over my life and seems to feel the need to
    control everyone else's life. She doesn't work; I am the only source
    of income except for the child support she receives every week from
    the children's father (See second sentence above). I have no say in
    what the kids do or how they act. The youngest gets away with anything
    she wants. When she gets angry at me, she almost always does it in
    front of the children and then makes me look bad. This makes the
    children not like me. It's as if she turns them away from me.

    Every time I need something, like my car fixed, we never have the
    money. But when her car needs fixed, it's in the shop the next day. I
    asked her why that was and she said that I have caused the family
    monetary hardship. This was due to some bills that weren't paid off
    when we got married. But it wasn't that bad.

    The mortgage for the condo is under my name but both of us had to sign
    it, she has 2 kids (Not my own) but doesn't have a job. I can't live
    like this anymore. I'm married to a psycho and I need suggestions.

  2. #2
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    Default Married to a psycho, need help

    I have no suggestions other than opening your own account and leaving
    your wife asap before she becomes entitled to alimony etc.

    i

    In article <5516f1bc.0310220950.1120428b@posting.google.com >, Unforgiven wrote:
    My wife and I have been married for 2 years now and things have been getting increasingly worse. She has 2 kids which I never adopted because of her wishes (more on that later). We got married in September 2001, went on our honeymoon in the beginning of October and while we were on our honeymoon, the apartment we were living in went up for sale. We managed to buy a condo when we got back and moved in on Christmas Eve. That night, my wife and I were having a few drinks, but my wife had a few too many. A very serious argument broke out between my wife and her older daughter (18 years old at the time) and my wife beat the crap out of her. Punched her square in the face repeatedly. I pulled her off and then her daughter ran into the bathroom, locked the door, and called the police. Then she turned on me. When the police came to the door, my wife told me that she would get the kids to say that it was me and that she would make sure that I was the one who got into trouble. The police asked me some question and then took her away to spend the night in jail. Her oldest daughter went to the hospital to get checked out while I stayed home with the youngest (Then 3 years old). My wife has had physically abusive episodes since towards me. I have been emotionally and verbally abused constantly throughout our relationship and I can't take it anymore. She has done other things but this is the worst. We once got a laptop an we didn't have 24 hours before she snatched it from my hands and broke it. The list goes on and on. She has complete control over the finances and I have to ask permission to do anything financially. If I need gas, I have to ask. She has complete control over my life and seems to feel the need to control everyone else's life. She doesn't work; I am the only source of income except for the child support she receives every week from the children's father (See second sentence above). I have no say in what the kids do or how they act. The youngest gets away with anything she wants. When she gets angry at me, she almost always does it in front of the children and then makes me look bad. This makes the children not like me. It's as if she turns them away from me. Every time I need something, like my car fixed, we never have the money. But when her car needs fixed, it's in the shop the next day. I asked her why that was and she said that I have caused the family monetary hardship. This was due to some bills that weren't paid off when we got married. But it wasn't that bad. The mortgage for the condo is under my name but both of us had to sign it, she has 2 kids (Not my own) but doesn't have a job. I can't live like this anymore. I'm married to a psycho and I need suggestions.

  3. #3
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    Default Married to a psycho, need help

    Listen to Ignoramus. He makes sense.

    SD



  4. #4
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    Default Married to a psycho, need help

    How would one just get up and leave? I'd feel like a real scumbag
    leaving a wife that has no job and two children to support. Also too, I
    don't know where I'd go. Any suggestions? What do most people do in
    situations like this?

    -U

    Ignoramus7261 wrote:
    I have no suggestions other than opening your own account and leaving your wife asap before she becomes entitled to alimony etc. i In article <5516f1bc.0310220950.1120428b@posting.google.com >, Unforgiven wrote:
    My wife and I have been married for 2 years now and things have beengetting increasingly worse. She has 2 kids which I never adoptedbecause of her wishes (more on that later). We got married inSeptember 2001, went on our honeymoon in the beginning of October andwhile we were on our honeymoon, the apartment we were living in wentup for sale. We managed to buy a condo when we got back and moved inon Christmas Eve. That night, my wife and I were having a few drinks,but my wife had a few too many. A very serious argument broke outbetween my wife and her older daughter (18 years old at the time) andmy wife beat the crap out of her. Punched her square in the facerepeatedly. I pulled her off and then her daughter ran into thebathroom, locked the door, and called the police. Then she turned onme. When the police came to the door, my wife told me that she wouldget the kids to say that it was me and that she would make sure that Iwas the one who got into trouble. The police asked me some questionand then took her away to spend the night in jail. Her oldest daughterwent to the hospital to get checked out while I stayed home with theyoungest (Then 3 years old). My wife has had physically abusiveepisodes since towards me. I have been emotionally and verbally abusedconstantly throughout our relationship and I can't take it anymore.She has done other things but this is the worst. We once got a laptopan we didn't have 24 hours before she snatched it from my hands andbroke it. The list goes on and on.She has complete control over the finances and I have to askpermission to do anything financially. If I need gas, I have to ask.She has complete control over my life and seems to feel the need tocontrol everyone else's life. She doesn't work; I am the only sourceof income except for the child support she receives every week fromthe children's father (See second sentence above). I have no say inwhat the kids do or how they act. The youngest gets away with anythingshe wants. When she gets angry at me, she almost always does it infront of the children and then makes me look bad. This makes thechildren not like me. It's as if she turns them away from me.Every time I need something, like my car fixed, we never have themoney. But when her car needs fixed, it's in the shop the next day. Iasked her why that was and she said that I have caused the familymonetary hardship. This was due to some bills that weren't paid offwhen we got married. But it wasn't that bad.The mortgage for the condo is under my name but both of us had to signit, she has 2 kids (Not my own) but doesn't have a job. I can't livelike this anymore. I'm married to a psycho and I need suggestions.

  5. #5
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    Default Married to a psycho, need help

    In article <bn6mlv$u2ps1$2@ID-158858.news.uni-berlin.de>, Unforgiven wrote:
    How would one just get up and leave? I'd feel like a real scumbag leaving a wife that has no job and two children to support. Also too, I don't know where I'd go. Any suggestions? What do most people do in situations like this?
    rent a little studio apartment and go there. Then rent or buy
    something based on your finances, but beware of buying real estate
    before divorce. One day pick up your stuff and leave. you have little
    obligation towards those children, legally anyway, unless you are in
    canada. And besides, after moving out, you can still give them gifts
    if you feel like it.

    i
    -U Ignoramus7261 wrote:
    I have no suggestions other than opening your own account and leaving your wife asap before she becomes entitled to alimony etc. i In article <5516f1bc.0310220950.1120428b@posting.google.com >, Unforgiven wrote:
    My wife and I have been married for 2 years now and things have beengetting increasingly worse. She has 2 kids which I never adoptedbecause of her wishes (more on that later). We got married inSeptember 2001, went on our honeymoon in the beginning of October andwhile we were on our honeymoon, the apartment we were living in wentup for sale. We managed to buy a condo when we got back and moved inon Christmas Eve. That night, my wife and I were having a few drinks,but my wife had a few too many. A very serious argument broke outbetween my wife and her older daughter (18 years old at the time) andmy wife beat the crap out of her. Punched her square in the facerepeatedly. I pulled her off and then her daughter ran into thebathroom, locked the door, and called the police. Then she turned onme. When the police came to the door, my wife told me that she wouldget the kids to say that it was me and that she would make sure that Iwas the one who got into trouble. The police asked me some questionand then took her away to spend the night in jail. Her oldest daughterwent to the hospital to get checked out while I stayed home with theyoungest (Then 3 years old). My wife has had physically abusiveepisodes since towards me. I have been emotionally and verbally abusedconstantly throughout our relationship and I can't take it anymore.She has done other things but this is the worst. We once got a laptopan we didn't have 24 hours before she snatched it from my hands andbroke it. The list goes on and on.She has complete control over the finances and I have to askpermission to do anything financially. If I need gas, I have to ask.She has complete control over my life and seems to feel the need tocontrol everyone else's life. She doesn't work; I am the only sourceof income except for the child support she receives every week fromthe children's father (See second sentence above). I have no say inwhat the kids do or how they act. The youngest gets away with anythingshe wants. When she gets angry at me, she almost always does it infront of the children and then makes me look bad. This makes thechildren not like me. It's as if she turns them away from me.Every time I need something, like my car fixed, we never have themoney. But when her car needs fixed, it's in the shop the next day. Iasked her why that was and she said that I have caused the familymonetary hardship. This was due to some bills that weren't paid offwhen we got married. But it wasn't that bad.The mortgage for the condo is under my name but both of us had to signit, she has 2 kids (Not my own) but doesn't have a job. I can't livelike this anymore. I'm married to a psycho and I need suggestions.

  6. #6
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    Default Married to a psycho, need help

    What about the condo? She'd still be living in the condo that's under my
    name and I would have to pay all of her bills as well as my newly
    created ones. I don't know if that's possible. I would have to keep her
    utilities going until she got on her feet. She has no job.

    -U

    Ignoramus7261 wrote:
    In article <bn6mlv$u2ps1$2@ID-158858.news.uni-berlin.de>, Unforgiven wrote:
    How would one just get up and leave? I'd feel like a real scumbagleaving a wife that has no job and two children to support.Also too, Idon't know where I'd go. Any suggestions? What do most people do insituations like this?
    rent a little studio apartment and go there. Then rent or buy something based on your finances, but beware of buying real estate before divorce. One day pick up your stuff and leave. you have little obligation towards those children, legally anyway, unless you are in canada. And besides, after moving out, you can still give them gifts if you feel like it. i
    -UIgnoramus7261 wrote:
    I have no suggestions other than opening your own account and leavingyour wife asap before she becomes entitled to alimony etc.iIn article <5516f1bc.0310220950.1120428b@posting.google.com >, Unforgiven wrote:>My wife and I have been married for 2 years now and things have been>getting increasingly worse. She has 2 kids which I never adopted>because of her wishes (more on that later). We got married in>September 2001, went on our honeymoon in the beginning of October and>while we were on our honeymoon, the apartment we were living in went>up for sale. We managed to buy a condo when we got back and moved in>on Christmas Eve. That night, my wife and I were having a few drinks,>but my wife had a few too many. A very serious argument broke out>between my wife and her older daughter (18 years old at the time) and>my wife beat the crap out of her. Punched her square in the face>repeatedly. I pulled her off and then her daughter ran into the>bathroom, locked the door, and called the police. Then she turned on>me. When the police came to the door, my wife told me that she would>get the kids to say that it was me and that she would make sure that I>was the one who got into trouble. The police asked me some question>and then took her away to spend the night in jail. Her oldest daughter>went to the hospital to get checked out while I stayed home with the>youngest (Then 3 years old). My wife has had physically abusive>episodes since towards me. I have been emotionally and verbally abused>constantly throughout our relationship and I can't take it anymore.>She has done other things but this is the worst. We once got a laptop>an we didn't have 24 hours before she snatched it from my hands and>broke it. The list goes on and on.>>She has complete control over the finances and I have to ask>permission to do anything financially. If I need gas, I have to ask.>She has complete control over my life and seems to feel the need to>control everyone else's life. She doesn't work; I am the only source>of income except for the child support she receives every week from>the children's father (See second sentence above). I have no say in>what the kids do or how they act. The youngest gets away with anything>she wants. When she gets angry at me, she almost always does it in>front of the children and then makes me look bad. This makes the>children not like me. It's as if she turns them away from me.>>Every time I need something, like my car fixed, we never have the>money. But when her car needs fixed, it's in the shop the next day. I>asked her why that was and she said that I have caused the family>monetary hardship. This was due to some bills that weren't paid off>when we got married. But it wasn't that bad.>>The mortgage for the condo is under my name but both of us had to sign>it, she has 2 kids (Not my own) but doesn't have a job. I can't live>like this anymore. I'm married to a psycho and I need suggestions.

  7. #7
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    Default Married to a psycho, need help

    What do people do in situations like this?

    -U

    Unforgiven wrote:
    What about the condo? She'd still be living in the condo that's under my name and I would have to pay all of her bills as well as my newly created ones. I don't know if that's possible. I would have to keep her utilities going until she got on her feet. She has no job. -U Ignoramus7261 wrote:
    In article <bn6mlv$u2ps1$2@ID-158858.news.uni-berlin.de>, Unforgiven wrote:
    How would one just get up and leave? I'd feel like a real scumbag leaving a wife that has no job and two children to support. Also too, I don't know where I'd go. Any suggestions? What do most people do in situations like this?
    rent a little studio apartment and go there. Then rent or buy something based on your finances, but beware of buying real estate before divorce. One day pick up your stuff and leave. you have little obligation towards those children, legally anyway, unless you are in canada. And besides, after moving out, you can still give them gifts if you feel like it. i
    -U Ignoramus7261 wrote:> I have no suggestions other than opening your own account and leaving> your wife asap before she becomes entitled to alimony etc.>> i>> In article <5516f1bc.0310220950.1120428b@posting.google.com>, > Unforgiven wrote:>>>> My wife and I have been married for 2 years now and things have been>> getting increasingly worse. She has 2 kids which I never adopted>> because of her wishes (more on that later). We got married in>> September 2001, went on our honeymoon in the beginning of October and>> while we were on our honeymoon, the apartment we were living in went>> up for sale. We managed to buy a condo when we got back and moved in>> on Christmas Eve. That night, my wife and I were having a few drinks,>> but my wife had a few too many. A very serious argument broke out>> between my wife and her older daughter (18 years old at the time) and>> my wife beat the crap out of her. Punched her square in the face>> repeatedly. I pulled her off and then her daughter ran into the>> bathroom, locked the door, and called the police. Then she turned on>> me. When the police came to the door, my wife told me that she would>> get the kids to say that it was me and that she would make sure that I>> was the one who got into trouble. The police asked me some question>> and then took her away to spend the night in jail. Her oldest daughter>> went to the hospital to get checked out while I stayed home with the>> youngest (Then 3 years old). My wife has had physically abusive>> episodes since towards me. I have been emotionally and verbally abused>> constantly throughout our relationship and I can't take it anymore.>> She has done other things but this is the worst. We once got a laptop>> an we didn't have 24 hours before she snatched it from my hands and>> broke it. The list goes on and on.>>>> She has complete control over the finances and I have to ask>> permission to do anything financially. If I need gas, I have to ask.>> She has complete control over my life and seems to feel the need to>> control everyone else's life. She doesn't work; I am the only source>> of income except for the child support she receives every week from>> the children's father (See second sentence above). I have no say in>> what the kids do or how they act. The youngest gets away with anything>> she wants. When she gets angry at me, she almost always does it in>> front of the children and then makes me look bad. This makes the>> children not like me. It's as if she turns them away from me.>>>> Every time I need something, like my car fixed, we never have the>> money. But when her car needs fixed, it's in the shop the next day. I>> asked her why that was and she said that I have caused the family>> monetary hardship. This was due to some bills that weren't paid off>> when we got married. But it wasn't that bad.>>>> The mortgage for the condo is under my name but both of us had to sign>> it, she has 2 kids (Not my own) but doesn't have a job. I can't live>> like this anymore. I'm married to a psycho and I need suggestions.

  8. #8
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    Default Married to a psycho, need help

    In article <bn6o7q$u3kb4$1@ID-158858.news.uni-berlin.de>, Unforgiven wrote:
    What about the condo? She'd still be living in the condo that's under my name and I would have to pay all of her bills as well as my newly created ones. I don't know if that's possible. I would have to keep her utilities going until she got on her feet. She has no job.
    let her get a job...

    if you think that she can beat you and be entitled to your support,
    that is unfortunate.

    As part of your divorce, you will likely sell the condo or one party
    will pay another a bit of money in exchange for the right to live in
    it.

    Ask a lawyer as to what you are required to pay her exactly while the
    divorce is ongoing. It may not be as much as you think. For instance,
    maybe you are required to pay mortgage (it is your financial
    obligation to the bank), but you can likely take your name off utility
    bills. etc. Any lawyer will explain it to you in an hour. you had a
    short duration marriage with no kids born to both of you.

    i
    -U Ignoramus7261 wrote:
    In article <bn6mlv$u2ps1$2@ID-158858.news.uni-berlin.de>, Unforgiven wrote:
    How would one just get up and leave? I'd feel like a real scumbagleaving a wife that has no job and two children to support.Also too, Idon't know where I'd go. Any suggestions? What do most people do insituations like this?
    rent a little studio apartment and go there. Then rent or buy something based on your finances, but beware of buying real estate before divorce. One day pick up your stuff and leave. you have little obligation towards those children, legally anyway, unless you are in canada. And besides, after moving out, you can still give them gifts if you feel like it. i
    -UIgnoramus7261 wrote:>I have no suggestions other than opening your own account and leaving>your wife asap before she becomes entitled to alimony etc.>>i>>In article <5516f1bc.0310220950.1120428b@posting.google.com >, Unforgiven wrote:>>>>My wife and I have been married for 2 years now and things have been>>getting increasingly worse. She has 2 kids which I never adopted>>because of her wishes (more on that later). We got married in>>September 2001, went on our honeymoon in the beginning of October and>>while we were on our honeymoon, the apartment we were living in went>>up for sale. We managed to buy a condo when we got back and moved in>>on Christmas Eve. That night, my wife and I were having a few drinks,>>but my wife had a few too many. A very serious argument broke out>>between my wife and her older daughter (18 years old at the time) and>>my wife beat the crap out of her. Punched her square in the face>>repeatedly. I pulled her off and then her daughter ran into the>>bathroom, locked the door, and called the police. Then she turned on>>me. When the police came to the door, my wife told me that she would>>get the kids to say that it was me and that she would make sure that I>>was the one who got into trouble. The police asked me some question>>and then took her away to spend the night in jail. Her oldest daughter>>went to the hospital to get checked out while I stayed home with the>>youngest (Then 3 years old). My wife has had physically abusive>>episodes since towards me. I have been emotionally and verbally abused>>constantly throughout our relationship and I can't take it anymore.>>She has done other things but this is the worst. We once got a laptop>>an we didn't have 24 hours before she snatched it from my hands and>>broke it. The list goes on and on.>>>>She has complete control over the finances and I have to ask>>permission to do anything financially. If I need gas, I have to ask.>>She has complete control over my life and seems to feel the need to>>control everyone else's life. She doesn't work; I am the only source>>of income except for the child support she receives every week from>>the children's father (See second sentence above). I have no say in>>what the kids do or how they act. The youngest gets away with anything>>she wants. When she gets angry at me, she almost always does it in>>front of the children and then makes me look bad. This makes the>>children not like me. It's as if she turns them away from me.>>>>Every time I need something, like my car fixed, we never have the>>money. But when her car needs fixed, it's in the shop the next day. I>>asked her why that was and she said that I have caused the family>>monetary hardship. This was due to some bills that weren't paid off>>when we got married. But it wasn't that bad.>>>>The mortgage for the condo is under my name but both of us had to sign>>it, she has 2 kids (Not my own) but doesn't have a job. I can't live>>like this anymore. I'm married to a psycho and I need suggestions.

  9. #9
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    Default Married to a psycho, need help

    On 22 Oct 2003 10:50:05 -0700, sltdat@netscape.net (Unforgiven) wrote:
    My wife and I have been married for 2 years now and things have beengetting increasingly worse. [...]
    The mortgage for the condo is under my name but both of us had to signit, she has 2 kids (Not my own) but doesn't have a job. I can't livelike this anymore. I'm married to a psycho and I need suggestions.
    In addition to the child support issue, I speculate your wife, {possibly}
    anticipating the marriage to fail, did not want you to have any advantage, if
    you wished to take custody of the children.

    Always consider the source. Some of your wife's temper tantrums must look very
    childlike--only she throws things with the strength and adrenaline of an
    adult. She is carrying a lot of emotional baggage; most likely, she had it
    when you got married. I wish you had spotted it, and prepared yourselves to
    constructively deal with it. She is angry and appears to sometimes use alcohol
    as an escape mechanism.

    I believe your wife is using "control" as a defense mechanism. We usually feel
    safe enough, when we are in control. She is also vindictive. Her misdirected
    aggression is actually meant for someone other than you.

    I wish I could candy coat this in some way, but I can't. Surely with the
    greatest of hope and intentions, you've entered a marriage with a lot of
    severe problems. And I don't think you were prepared for what you're
    encountering.

    You are the bread winner, but your wife controls the finances. You accepted a
    marriage that forbids you from being involved in the guidance of your step
    children. I consider those major errors. I've had some experience with the
    latter. Whew, it seems the new parent, the intruder, almost never survives.

    Whatever happened with the finances, early on, must have really frightened
    your wife--or maybe reminded her of some bad experience from the past.

    If you learn to consider the source, you'll be able to ignore most of the
    painful things your wife says. As for the physical abuse from your wife, I
    don't know what to say: except that I'd bring that to a screeching halt. How?
    I'm not sure. I'd dodge the things she throws, block the blows and try to
    ignore the hostility--remembering that it really isn't meant for you.

    Your wife is not apt to get any better, without medical intervention. You
    should have learned this before the wedding, but something is deeply troubling
    your wife. I hope you two can work things out. Maybe an antidepressant and/or
    some counseling would change things.

    There's close to zero teamwork in your marriage; and I don't think a marriage
    can succeed without it.

    This is a tough situation, but you are seeking help; so, there is some hope.

    Best wishes,
    Michael
    A day without recoil is like a day without sunshine!

  10. #10
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    Default Married to a psycho, need help

    Unforgiven <sltdat@netscape.net> wrote:
    She has complete control over the finances and I have to ask permission to do anything financially.
    <...>
    I am the only source of income
    Well, that's your own **** fault. Open an individual checking account at a
    different bank, change where the direct deposit goes. Start cancelling any
    joint credit cards -- you can do it even if there's a balance, although
    you'll still have to pay them off (obviously).
    I asked her why that was and she said that I have caused the family monetary hardship. This was due to some bills that weren't paid off when we got married. But it wasn't that bad.
    Boo f___ing hoo for her.
    The mortgage for the condo is under my name but both of us had to sign it, she has 2 kids (Not my own) but doesn't have a job. I can't live like this anymore. I'm married to a psycho and I need suggestions.
    First, get a backbone. See if you can work it out standing up to her. You
    let her act like that, and well... you get what you're asking for.

    Failing that, talk to a lawyer. Try to document the abuse before filing,
    although her getting arrested will help with that, then check in on A.S.D

  11. #11
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    Default Married to a psycho, need help

    Unforgiven <sltdat@netscape.net> wrote:
    How would one just get up and leave?
    You just do it. Pack your stuff, get a room for a month, and start selling
    the condo. She'll probably be entitled to half the equity.
    I'd feel like a real scumbag leaving a wife that has no job and two children to support.
    They're not your kids, and from the sound of it one of them is practically a
    grownup.
    Also too, I don't know where I'd go. Any suggestions? What do most people do in situations like this?
    Yeah, try to work it out before leaving: get a backbone with her about
    financial issues. Don't be afraid to call the police if she gets violent.
    You might see if there's some kind of psychiatric support you can get her.

  12. #12
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    Default Married to a psycho, need help


    "Unforgiven" <sltdat@netscape.net> wrote in message
    news:bn6o7q$u3kb4$1@ID-158858.news.uni-berlin.de...
    What about the condo? She'd still be living in the condo that's under my name and I would have to pay all of her bills as well as my newly created ones. I don't know if that's possible. I would have to keep her utilities going until she got on her feet. She has no job.
    You really should talk to a lawyer before moving. It could make a
    difference in what you have to pay/end up with, depending on the laws in the
    area in which you live. In fact, you should just talk to a lawyer, period.
    The physical abuse puts you in danger, and you want to know how to protect
    yourself in case you have to leave, and also since she has threatened to
    make false allegations before you need to talk to a lawyer about how to
    protect yourself legally from that, too.

    Joy




  13. #13
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    Default Married to a psycho, need help


    "Unforgiven" <sltdat@netscape.net> wrote in message
    news:5516f1bc.0310220950.1120428b@posting.google.c om...
    My wife and I have been married for 2 years now and things have been getting increasingly worse. She has 2 kids which I never adopted because of her wishes (more on that later). We got married in September 2001, went on our honeymoon in the beginning of October and while we were on our honeymoon, the apartment we were living in went up for sale. We managed to buy a condo when we got back and moved in on Christmas Eve. That night, my wife and I were having a few drinks, but my wife had a few too many. A very serious argument broke out between my wife and her older daughter (18 years old at the time) and my wife beat the crap out of her. Punched her square in the face repeatedly. I pulled her off and then her daughter ran into the bathroom, locked the door, and called the police. Then she turned on me. When the police came to the door, my wife told me that she would get the kids to say that it was me and that she would make sure that I was the one who got into trouble.
    This part should scare you. If she is willing to try to make the kids blame
    you for her violence, things could get ugly. You should be thinking in
    terms of protecting yourself legally.

    The police asked me some question
    and then took her away to spend the night in jail.
    What happened as a result of this? Were charges placed against your wife?

    Her oldest daughter
    went to the hospital to get checked out while I stayed home with the youngest (Then 3 years old). My wife has had physically abusive episodes since towards me. I have been emotionally and verbally abused constantly throughout our relationship and I can't take it anymore. She has done other things but this is the worst. We once got a laptop an we didn't have 24 hours before she snatched it from my hands and broke it. The list goes on and on. She has complete control over the finances and I have to ask permission to do anything financially.
    I don't understand this part - don't you have a bank account? Can't you go
    to the bank/ATM and get money out? Do you have a joint checking account?
    Maybe I'm missing something - has she really stopped you somehow from
    getting access to your money, or is it that you are just too afraid of her
    to buy gas for your car without permission? Either way, you have real
    problems, but I suppose it would make a difference in the solution.
    If I need gas, I have to ask. She has complete control over my life and seems to feel the need to control everyone else's life. She doesn't work; I am the only source of income except for the child support she receives every week from the children's father (See second sentence above). I have no say in what the kids do or how they act. The youngest gets away with anything she wants. When she gets angry at me, she almost always does it in front of the children and then makes me look bad. This makes the children not like me. It's as if she turns them away from me. Every time I need something, like my car fixed, we never have the money. But when her car needs fixed, it's in the shop the next day. I asked her why that was and she said that I have caused the family monetary hardship. This was due to some bills that weren't paid off when we got married. But it wasn't that bad. The mortgage for the condo is under my name but both of us had to sign it, she has 2 kids (Not my own) but doesn't have a job. I can't live like this anymore. I'm married to a psycho and I need suggestions.
    I'd suggest a really good lawyer.



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    Default Married to a psycho, need help

    You asked for suggestions. Suggestions for what, may I ask?

    sltdat@netscape.net (Unforgiven) wrote in message news:<5516f1bc.0310220950.1120428b@posting.google. com>...
    My wife and I have been married for 2 years now and things have been getting increasingly worse. She has 2 kids which I never adopted because of her wishes (more on that later). We got married in September 2001, went on our honeymoon in the beginning of October and while we were on our honeymoon, the apartment we were living in went up for sale. We managed to buy a condo when we got back and moved in on Christmas Eve. That night, my wife and I were having a few drinks, but my wife had a few too many. A very serious argument broke out between my wife and her older daughter (18 years old at the time) and my wife beat the crap out of her. Punched her square in the face repeatedly. I pulled her off and then her daughter ran into the bathroom, locked the door, and called the police. Then she turned on me. When the police came to the door, my wife told me that she would get the kids to say that it was me and that she would make sure that I was the one who got into trouble. The police asked me some question and then took her away to spend the night in jail. Her oldest daughter went to the hospital to get checked out while I stayed home with the youngest (Then 3 years old). My wife has had physically abusive episodes since towards me. I have been emotionally and verbally abused constantly throughout our relationship and I can't take it anymore. She has done other things but this is the worst. We once got a laptop an we didn't have 24 hours before she snatched it from my hands and broke it. The list goes on and on. She has complete control over the finances and I have to ask permission to do anything financially. If I need gas, I have to ask. She has complete control over my life and seems to feel the need to control everyone else's life. She doesn't work; I am the only source of income except for the child support she receives every week from the children's father (See second sentence above). I have no say in what the kids do or how they act. The youngest gets away with anything she wants. When she gets angry at me, she almost always does it in front of the children and then makes me look bad. This makes the children not like me. It's as if she turns them away from me. Every time I need something, like my car fixed, we never have the money. But when her car needs fixed, it's in the shop the next day. I asked her why that was and she said that I have caused the family monetary hardship. This was due to some bills that weren't paid off when we got married. But it wasn't that bad. The mortgage for the condo is under my name but both of us had to sign it, she has 2 kids (Not my own) but doesn't have a job. I can't live like this anymore. I'm married to a psycho and I need suggestions.

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    Default Married to a psycho, need help

    In article <2nkdpv8n3q96amm0gglaqacains8p57d0b@4ax.com>, Michael A Ball wrote:
    On 22 Oct 2003 10:50:05 -0700, sltdat@netscape.net (Unforgiven) wrote:
    My wife and I have been married for 2 years now and things have beengetting increasingly worse. [...]The mortgage for the condo is under my name but both of us had to signit, she has 2 kids (Not my own) but doesn't have a job. I can't livelike this anymore. I'm married to a psycho and I need suggestions.
    In addition to the child support issue, I speculate your wife, {possibly} anticipating the marriage to fail, did not want you to have any advantage, if you wished to take custody of the children.
    what custody, they are not his children.

    i
    Always consider the source. Some of your wife's temper tantrums must look very childlike--only she throws things with the strength and adrenaline of an adult. She is carrying a lot of emotional baggage; most likely, she had it when you got married. I wish you had spotted it, and prepared yourselves to constructively deal with it. She is angry and appears to sometimes use alcohol as an escape mechanism. I believe your wife is using "control" as a defense mechanism. We usually feel safe enough, when we are in control. She is also vindictive. Her misdirected aggression is actually meant for someone other than you. I wish I could candy coat this in some way, but I can't. Surely with the greatest of hope and intentions, you've entered a marriage with a lot of severe problems. And I don't think you were prepared for what you're encountering. You are the bread winner, but your wife controls the finances. You accepted a marriage that forbids you from being involved in the guidance of your step children. I consider those major errors. I've had some experience with the latter. Whew, it seems the new parent, the intruder, almost never survives. Whatever happened with the finances, early on, must have really frightened your wife--or maybe reminded her of some bad experience from the past. If you learn to consider the source, you'll be able to ignore most of the painful things your wife says. As for the physical abuse from your wife, I don't know what to say: except that I'd bring that to a screeching halt. How? I'm not sure. I'd dodge the things she throws, block the blows and try to ignore the hostility--remembering that it really isn't meant for you. Your wife is not apt to get any better, without medical intervention. You should have learned this before the wedding, but something is deeply troubling your wife. I hope you two can work things out. Maybe an antidepressant and/or some counseling would change things. There's close to zero teamwork in your marriage; and I don't think a marriage can succeed without it. This is a tough situation, but you are seeking help; so, there is some hope. Best wishes, Michael A day without recoil is like a day without sunshine!

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    Default Married to a psycho, need help

    "Unforgiven" <sltdat@netscape.net> wrote in message
    news:bn6oc4$sfo7s$1@ID-158858.news.uni-berlin.de...
    What do people do in situations like this?
    They usually do one of two things:

    Most people just rock along saying "what should I do?", make excuses why
    they can't do whatever it is people advise them to do, and generally have a
    ****ty life.

    A minority take control of their lives and start living.

    Screw the condo - call a lawyer, move out, and start living your life.



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    Default Married to a psycho, need help

    On 23 Oct 2003 00:31:47 GMT, Ignoramus7261 <ignoramus7261@NOSPAM.7261.invalid>
    wrote:
    In article <2nkdpv8n3q96amm0gglaqacains8p57d0b@4ax.com>, Michael A Ball wrote:
    In addition to the child support issue, I speculate your wife, {possibly} anticipating the marriage to fail, did not want you to have any advantage, if you wished to take custody of the children.what custody, they are not his children.
    I don't claim to be an expert on child custody, but I'm not certain the
    absence of a genetic tie would preclude him from challenging for custody of
    the three-year-old. The 18 year old would probably just leave.

    Michael
    A day without recoil is like a day without sunshine!

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    Default Married to a psycho, need help

    In article <pa9epvknnak4uu7j6d6pv339uqmgr7hn3b@4ax.com>, Michael A Ball wrote:
    On 23 Oct 2003 00:31:47 GMT, Ignoramus7261 <ignoramus7261@NOSPAM.7261.invalid> wrote:
    In article <2nkdpv8n3q96amm0gglaqacains8p57d0b@4ax.com>, Michael A Ball wrote: In addition to the child support issue, I speculate your wife, {possibly} anticipating the marriage to fail, did not want you to have any advantage, if you wished to take custody of the children.what custody, they are not his children.
    I don't claim to be an expert on child custody, but I'm not certain the absence of a genetic tie would preclude him from challenging for custody of the three-year-old. The 18 year old would probably just leave.
    it pretty much does preclude if you are not a legal parent...

    Michael A day without recoil is like a day without sunshine!

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    Default Married to a psycho, need help

    Unforgiven <sltdat@netscape.net> wrote in message news:<bn6mlv$u2ps1$2@ID-158858.news.uni-berlin.de>...
    How would one just get up and leave? I'd feel like a real scumbag leaving a wife that has no job and two children to support.
    Uh, hello? She had no job and two children to support *before* you
    married her. You should ask yourself what it is about you that needs
    to rescue people, then sleep soundly at night knowing we have a
    welfare system that will take good care of her and pay for her mental
    hospital stays.

    Also too, I don't know where I'd go.
    How did you survive on your own, before you met her?
    Any suggestions? What do most people do in situations like this?
    Run like hell.

    jen

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    Default Married to a psycho, need help



    shinypenny wrote:
    Unforgiven <sltdat@netscape.net> wrote in message news:<bn6mlv$u2ps1$2@ID-158858.news.uni-berlin.de>...
    How would one just get up and leave? I'd feel like a real scumbagleaving a wife that has no job and two children to support.
    Uh, hello? She had no job and two children to support *before* you married her. You should ask yourself what it is about you that needs to rescue people, then sleep soundly at night knowing we have a welfare system that will take good care of her and pay for her mental hospital stays.
    She did have a job before we got married but eventually lost it. She has
    only worked a few months since. I don't feel that I need to rescue
    people and welfare doesn't take care of s**t.
    Also too, Idon't know where I'd go.
    How did you survive on your own, before you met her?
    I had a room mate at the time but don't think I could get one in a pinch
    at the moment.
    Any suggestions? What do most people do insituations like this?
    Run like hell.
    Thank you for your reply. I appreciate it.

    -U
    jen

  21. #21
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    Default Married to a psycho, need help



    Michael A. Ball wrote:
    On 22 Oct 2003 10:50:05 -0700, sltdat@netscape.net (Unforgiven) wrote:
    My wife and I have been married for 2 years now and things have beengetting increasingly worse. [...]The mortgage for the condo is under my name but both of us had to signit, she has 2 kids (Not my own) but doesn't have a job. I can't livelike this anymore. I'm married to a psycho and I need suggestions.
    In addition to the child support issue, I speculate your wife, {possibly} anticipating the marriage to fail, did not want you to have any advantage, if you wished to take custody of the children. Always consider the source. Some of your wife's temper tantrums must look very childlike--only she throws things with the strength and adrenaline of an adult. She is carrying a lot of emotional baggage; most likely, she had it when you got married. I wish you had spotted it, and prepared yourselves to constructively deal with it. She is angry and appears to sometimes use alcohol as an escape mechanism. I believe your wife is using "control" as a defense mechanism. We usually feel safe enough, when we are in control. She is also vindictive. Her misdirected aggression is actually meant for someone other than you. I wish I could candy coat this in some way, but I can't. Surely with the greatest of hope and intentions, you've entered a marriage with a lot of severe problems. And I don't think you were prepared for what you're encountering. You are the bread winner, but your wife controls the finances. You accepted a marriage that forbids you from being involved in the guidance of your step children. I consider those major errors. I've had some experience with the latter. Whew, it seems the new parent, the intruder, almost never survives.
    Yes, I agree to all of the above. And what's more troubling, is the fact
    that after the abuse incident with her daughter, her daughter turned on
    me too.

    It was early in the morning on that Christmas day when I picked the
    eldest up from the hospital where she was being checked out. She had
    called me several hours before but because of the little one, I couldn't
    pick her up right away. The little one was up all night asking when her
    mother was coming home. She wanted to know why the police took her away.
    I just told her that she had to go and fill out some paperwork. I mean,
    what do you tell a 3 year old.

    Eventually, I made it to the hospital to pick her up and on the way home
    the older one was unloading on me and I told her a couple of my feelings
    about things too. And don't you know, everything I told that girl
    about how I felt got right back to her mother and it's as if they all
    took sides against me. Maybe she felt she had to get on her mothers side
    just because it's her mother, I don't know.
    Whatever happened with the finances, early on, must have really frightened your wife--or maybe reminded her of some bad experience from the past. If you learn to consider the source, you'll be able to ignore most of the painful things your wife says. As for the physical abuse from your wife, I don't know what to say: except that I'd bring that to a screeching halt. How? I'm not sure. I'd dodge the things she throws, block the blows and try to ignore the hostility--remembering that it really isn't meant for you. Your wife is not apt to get any better, without medical intervention. You should have learned this before the wedding, but something is deeply troubling your wife. I hope you two can work things out. Maybe an antidepressant and/or some counseling would change things.
    She had counseling for quite some time but the problem is, is that she
    told her counselor everything she wanted to hear. So really, it just
    looked good.
    There's close to zero teamwork in your marriage; and I don't think a marriage can succeed without it.
    I agree. Thank you.
    This is a tough situation, but you are seeking help; so, there is some hope. Best wishes, Michael A day without recoil is like a day without sunshine!

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    Default Married to a psycho, need help



    Joy wrote:
    "Unforgiven" <sltdat@netscape.net> wrote in message news:5516f1bc.0310220950.1120428b@posting.google.c om...
    My wife and I have been married for 2 years now and things have beengetting increasingly worse. She has 2 kids which I never adoptedbecause of her wishes (more on that later). We got married inSeptember 2001, went on our honeymoon in the beginning of October andwhile we were on our honeymoon, the apartment we were living in wentup for sale. We managed to buy a condo when we got back and moved inon Christmas Eve. That night, my wife and I were having a few drinks,but my wife had a few too many. A very serious argument broke outbetween my wife and her older daughter (18 years old at the time) andmy wife beat the crap out of her. Punched her square in the facerepeatedly. I pulled her off and then her daughter ran into thebathroom, locked the door, and called the police. Then she turned onme. When the police came to the door, my wife told me that she wouldget the kids to say that it was me and that she would make sure that Iwas the one who got into trouble.
    This part should scare you. If she is willing to try to make the kids blame you for her violence, things could get ugly. You should be thinking in terms of protecting yourself legally. The police asked me some question
    and then took her away to spend the night in jail.
    What happened as a result of this? Were charges placed against your wife?
    Yes, there were charges but when court time came along, the daughter
    didn't press charges. In fact, her daughter drove her to court. She got
    a lawyer and got off easy.
    Her oldest daughter
    went to the hospital to get checked out while I stayed home with theyoungest (Then 3 years old). My wife has had physically abusiveepisodes since towards me. I have been emotionally and verbally abusedconstantly throughout our relationship and I can't take it anymore.She has done other things but this is the worst. We once got a laptopan we didn't have 24 hours before she snatched it from my hands andbroke it. The list goes on and on.She has complete control over the finances and I have to askpermission to do anything financially.
    I don't understand this part - don't you have a bank account? Can't you go to the bank/ATM and get money out? Do you have a joint checking account? Maybe I'm missing something - has she really stopped you somehow from getting access to your money, or is it that you are just too afraid of her to buy gas for your car without permission? Either way, you have real problems, but I suppose it would make a difference in the solution.
    Yes, we have a joint account and I have an ATM card. There were 2
    occasions where the arguments were bad enough that I walked out and got
    a hotel room for the night. On both occasions, I found the locks have
    been changed upon return and my name was removed from our bank accounts.
    Personally, I don't see how someone can do that legally, but she did it.
    After the last altercation, she now has her own separate account and
    we still have a joint checking.
    If I need gas, I have to ask.She has complete control over my life and seems to feel the need tocontrol everyone else's life. She doesn't work; I am the only sourceof income except for the child support she receives every week fromthe children's father (See second sentence above). I have no say inwhat the kids do or how they act. The youngest gets away with anythingshe wants. When she gets angry at me, she almost always does it infront of the children and then makes me look bad. This makes thechildren not like me. It's as if she turns them away from me.Every time I need something, like my car fixed, we never have themoney. But when her car needs fixed, it's in the shop the next day. Iasked her why that was and she said that I have caused the familymonetary hardship. This was due to some bills that weren't paid offwhen we got married. But it wasn't that bad.The mortgage for the condo is under my name but both of us had to signit, she has 2 kids (Not my own) but doesn't have a job. I can't livelike this anymore. I'm married to a psycho and I need suggestions.
    I'd suggest a really good lawyer.

  23. #23
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    Default Married to a psycho, need help



    Char wrote:
    You asked for suggestions. Suggestions for what, may I ask?
    On how to handle the entire situation. I have never had to deal with
    anything like this before. It's as if someone wacked me upside the head
    with a 2x4. Maybe someone should have a long time ago so I wouldn't be
    in this mess. But now I am in this mess and I have to deal with it and
    don't know how. So I need input from others.

    -U
    sltdat@netscape.net (Unforgiven) wrote in message news:<5516f1bc.0310220950.1120428b@posting.google. com>...
    My wife and I have been married for 2 years now and things have beengetting increasingly worse. She has 2 kids which I never adoptedbecause of her wishes (more on that later). We got married inSeptember 2001, went on our honeymoon in the beginning of October andwhile we were on our honeymoon, the apartment we were living in wentup for sale. We managed to buy a condo when we got back and moved inon Christmas Eve. That night, my wife and I were having a few drinks,but my wife had a few too many. A very serious argument broke outbetween my wife and her older daughter (18 years old at the time) andmy wife beat the crap out of her. Punched her square in the facerepeatedly. I pulled her off and then her daughter ran into thebathroom, locked the door, and called the police. Then she turned onme. When the police came to the door, my wife told me that she wouldget the kids to say that it was me and that she would make sure that Iwas the one who got into trouble. The police asked me some questionand then took her away to spend the night in jail. Her oldest daughterwent to the hospital to get checked out while I stayed home with theyoungest (Then 3 years old). My wife has had physically abusiveepisodes since towards me. I have been emotionally and verbally abusedconstantly throughout our relationship and I can't take it anymore.She has done other things but this is the worst. We once got a laptopan we didn't have 24 hours before she snatched it from my hands andbroke it. The list goes on and on.She has complete control over the finances and I have to askpermission to do anything financially. If I need gas, I have to ask.She has complete control over my life and seems to feel the need tocontrol everyone else's life. She doesn't work; I am the only sourceof income except for the child support she receives every week fromthe children's father (See second sentence above). I have no say inwhat the kids do or how they act. The youngest gets away with anythingshe wants. When she gets angry at me, she almost always does it infront of the children and then makes me look bad. This makes thechildren not like me. It's as if she turns them away from me.Every time I need something, like my car fixed, we never have themoney. But when her car needs fixed, it's in the shop the next day. Iasked her why that was and she said that I have caused the familymonetary hardship. This was due to some bills that weren't paid offwhen we got married. But it wasn't that bad.The mortgage for the condo is under my name but both of us had to signit, she has 2 kids (Not my own) but doesn't have a job. I can't livelike this anymore. I'm married to a psycho and I need suggestions.

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    Default Married to a psycho, need help

    Joy <fairly_happy_doesn't_need_any_more_spam@withoutsp amyahoo.com>
    wrote:
    "Unforgiven" <sltdat@netscape.net> wrote in message news:bn6o7q$u3kb4$1@ID-158858.news.uni-berlin.de...
    What about the condo? She'd still be living in the condo that's under my name and I would have to pay all of her bills as well as my newly created ones. I don't know if that's possible. I would have to keep her utilities going until she got on her feet. She has no job.
    You really should talk to a lawyer before moving. It could make a difference in what you have to pay/end up with, depending on the laws in the area in which you live.
    Normally this is really good advice, but with a violent person, I'd get
    out first and talk to a lawyer later. Money isn't as important as
    safety.

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    Default Married to a psycho, need help

    Unforgiven <sltdat@netscape.net> wrote:
    a hotel room for the night. On both occasions, I found the locks have been changed upon return and my name was removed from our bank accounts. Personally, I don't see how someone can do that legally, but she did it. After the last altercation, she now has her own separate account and we still have a joint checking.
    How does she have her own account without her own income -- just the child
    support checks? You need to get your own account and if you have direct
    deposit, get it switched over ASAP.



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    Default Married to a psycho, need help


    "Emma Anne" <mbjq@earthlink.net> wrote in message
    news:1g3a2tz.z4dp0v1srxa1fN%mbjq@earthlink.net...
    Normally this is really good advice, but with a violent person, I'd get out first and talk to a lawyer later. Money isn't as important as safety.
    Good point.
    Also, it might be worth his while to post this to alt.support.divorce



  27. #27
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    Default Married to a psycho, need help

    Get out. You have no obligation to her. Get someplace, somewhere, the court
    will give her the condo if she has the obligation to make payments.
    Subject: Re: Married to a psycho, need helpFrom: Unforgiven sltdat@netscape.netDate: 10/22/2003 3:10 PM Eastern Standard TimeMessage-id: <bn6o7q$u3kb4$1@ID-158858.news.uni-berlin.de>What about the condo? She'd still be living in the condo that's under myname and I would have to pay all of her bills as well as my newlycreated ones. I don't know if that's possible. I would have to keep herutilities going until she got on her feet. She has no job.-UIgnoramus7261 wrote:
    In article <bn6mlv$u2ps1$2@ID-158858.news.uni-berlin.de>, Unforgiven wrote:
    How would one just get up and leave? I'd feel like a real scumbagleaving a wife that has no job and two children to support.Also too, Idon't know where I'd go. Any suggestions? What do most people do insituations like this?
    rent a little studio apartment and go there. Then rent or buy something based on your finances, but beware of buying real estate before divorce. One day pick up your stuff and leave. you have little obligation towards those children, legally anyway, unless you are in canada. And besides, after moving out, you can still give them gifts if you feel like it. i
    -UIgnoramus7261 wrote:>I have no suggestions other than opening your own account and leaving>your wife asap before she becomes entitled to alimony etc.>>i>>In article <5516f1bc.0310220950.1120428b@posting.google.com >, Unforgiven
    wrote:
    >>>>My wife and I have been married for 2 years now and things have been>>getting increasingly worse. She has 2 kids which I never adopted>>because of her wishes (more on that later). We got married in>>September 2001, went on our honeymoon in the beginning of October and>>while we were on our honeymoon, the apartment we were living in went>>up for sale. We managed to buy a condo when we got back and moved in>>on Christmas Eve. That night, my wife and I were having a few drinks,>>but my wife had a few too many. A very serious argument broke out>>between my wife and her older daughter (18 years old at the time) and>>my wife beat the crap out of her. Punched her square in the face>>repeatedly. I pulled her off and then her daughter ran into the>>bathroom, locked the door, and called the police. Then she turned on>>me. When the police came to the door, my wife told me that she would>>get the kids to say that it was me and that she would make sure that I>>was the one who got into trouble. The police asked me some question>>and then took her away to spend the night in jail. Her oldest daughter>>went to the hospital to get checked out while I stayed home with the>>youngest (Then 3 years old). My wife has had physically abusive>>episodes since towards me. I have been emotionally and verbally abused>>constantly throughout our relationship and I can't take it anymore.>>She has done other things but this is the worst. We once got a laptop>>an we didn't have 24 hours before she snatched it from my hands and>>broke it. The list goes on and on.>>>>She has complete control over the finances and I have to ask>>permission to do anything financially. If I need gas, I have to ask.>>She has complete control over my life and seems to feel the need to>>control everyone else's life. She doesn't work; I am the only source>>of income except for the child support she receives every week from>>the children's father (See second sentence above). I have no say in>>what the kids do or how they act. The youngest gets away with anything>>she wants. When she gets angry at me, she almost always does it in>>front of the children and then makes me look bad. This makes the>>children not like me. It's as if she turns them away from me.>>>>Every time I need something, like my car fixed, we never have the>>money. But when her car needs fixed, it's in the shop the next day. I>>asked her why that was and she said that I have caused the family>>monetary hardship. This was due to some bills that weren't paid off>>when we got married. But it wasn't that bad.>>>>The mortgage for the condo is under my name but both of us had to sign>>it, she has 2 kids (Not my own) but doesn't have a job. I can't live>>like this anymore. I'm married to a psycho and I need suggestions.


  28. #28
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    Posts
    7

    Default Married to a psycho, need help


    "Unforgiven" <sltdat@netscape.net> wrote in message
    news:bn8jq5$ugjts$1@ID-158858.news.uni-berlin.de...
    Joy wrote:
    "Unforgiven" <sltdat@netscape.net> wrote in message news:5516f1bc.0310220950.1120428b@posting.google.c om...
    My wife and I have been married for 2 years now and things have beengetting increasingly worse. She has 2 kids which I never adoptedbecause of her wishes (more on that later). We got married inSeptember 2001, went on our honeymoon in the beginning of October andwhile we were on our honeymoon, the apartment we were living in wentup for sale. We managed to buy a condo when we got back and moved inon Christmas Eve. That night, my wife and I were having a few drinks,but my wife had a few too many. A very serious argument broke outbetween my wife and her older daughter (18 years old at the time) andmy wife beat the crap out of her. Punched her square in the facerepeatedly.
    I suppose my first thought is for the children. How often is she violent
    towards the children (of any age)? Punching her daughter in the face does
    not sound like a first time outburst of violence. Even though they are not
    your biological children, I think I'd look at options for protecting them
    (especially the 3 yr old) first. Although, children tend (usually) to
    protect their parents regardless of the circumstances.
    I pulled her off and then her daughter ran into thebathroom, locked the door, and called the police. Then she turned onme. When the police came to the door, my wife told me that she wouldget the kids to say that it was me and that she would make sure that Iwas the one who got into trouble. This part should scare you. If she is willing to try to make the kids
    blame
    you for her violence, things could get ugly. You should be thinking in terms of protecting yourself legally.
    Some severe control issues going on here!!!
    The police asked me some question
    and then took her away to spend the night in jail.
    What happened as a result of this? Were charges placed against your
    wife?
    Yes, there were charges but when court time came along, the daughter didn't press charges. In fact, her daughter drove her to court. She got a lawyer and got off easy.
    I don't know where you live, but I thought that if an officer saw physical
    signs of abuse that the option to press charges was no longer that of the
    victim, but that charges were automatically pressed by the state.
    Especially with a hospital visit being required!
    Her oldest daughter
    went to the hospital to get checked out while I stayed home with theyoungest (Then 3 years old). My wife has had physically abusiveepisodes since towards me. I have been emotionally and verbally abusedconstantly throughout our relationship and I can't take it anymore.She has done other things but this is the worst. We once got a laptopan we didn't have 24 hours before she snatched it from my hands andbroke it. The list goes on and on.
    She is in terrible need of anger management!
    She has complete control over the finances and I have to askpermission to do anything financially.

    I don't understand this part - don't you have a bank account? Can't you
    go
    to the bank/ATM and get money out? Do you have a joint checking
    account?
    Maybe I'm missing something - has she really stopped you somehow from getting access to your money, or is it that you are just too afraid of
    her
    to buy gas for your car without permission? Either way, you have real problems, but I suppose it would make a difference in the solution.

    Yes, we have a joint account and I have an ATM card. There were 2 occasions where the arguments were bad enough that I walked out and got a hotel room for the night. On both occasions, I found the locks have been changed upon return and my name was removed from our bank accounts. Personally, I don't see how someone can do that legally, but she did it. After the last altercation, she now has her own separate account and we still have a joint checking.
    What you need to understand is that *you* are the one working. Go to the
    bank, open an account, change the direct deposit, and close the joint
    account when the direct deposit begins. I control the majority of the
    finances in my marriage too, but DH does not have to ask for money for
    anything outside of major expenses. (I'm not talking about being heartless
    and leaving her to have to live in a box, I'm talking about protecting
    assets.)
    If I need gas, I have to ask.She has complete control over my life and seems to feel the need tocontrol everyone else's life. She doesn't work; I am the only sourceof income except for the child support she receives every week fromthe children's father (See second sentence above). I have no say inwhat the kids do or how they act. The youngest gets away with anythingshe wants. When she gets angry at me, she almost always does it infront of the children and then makes me look bad. This makes thechildren not like me. It's as if she turns them away from me.
    There is something else going on her besides control, IMO.
    Every time I need something, like my car fixed, we never have themoney. But when her car needs fixed, it's in the shop the next day. Iasked her why that was and she said that I have caused the familymonetary hardship. This was due to some bills that weren't paid offwhen we got married. But it wasn't that bad.
    She knew it when she married you - she needs to deal with it.
    The mortgage for the condo is under my name but both of us had to signit, she has 2 kids (Not my own) but doesn't have a job. I can't livelike this anymore. I'm married to a psycho and I need suggestions.
    So don't. Just take things one step at a time, and keep it to yourself for
    now.
    I'd suggest a really good lawyer.
    I agree, and the sooner the better.

  29. #29
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    Posts
    1

    Default Married to a psycho, need help

    rj0719 wrote:
    : "Unforgiven" <sltdat@netscape.net> wrote in message
    : news:bn8jq5$ugjts$1@ID-158858.news.uni-berlin.de...
    ::
    ::
    :: Joy wrote:
    ::
    ::: "Unforgiven" <sltdat@netscape.net> wrote in message
    ::: news:5516f1bc.0310220950.1120428b@posting.google.c om...
    :::
    :::: My wife and I have been married for 2 years now and things have
    :::: been getting increasingly worse. She has 2 kids which I never
    :::: adopted because of her wishes (more on that later). We got married
    :::: in September 2001, went on our honeymoon in the beginning of
    :::: October and while we were on our honeymoon, the apartment we were
    :::: living in went up for sale. We managed to buy a condo when we got
    :::: back and moved in on Christmas Eve. That night, my wife and I were
    :::: having a few drinks, but my wife had a few too many. A very
    :::: serious argument broke out between my wife and her older daughter
    :::: (18 years old at the time) and my wife beat the crap out of her.
    :::: Punched her square in the face repeatedly.
    :
    : I suppose my first thought is for the children. How often is she
    : violent towards the children (of any age)? Punching her daughter in
    : the face does not sound like a first time outburst of violence. Even
    : though they are not your biological children, I think I'd look at
    : options for protecting them (especially the 3 yr old) first.
    : Although, children tend (usually) to protect their parents regardless
    : of the circumstances.
    :
    :::: I pulled her off and then her daughter ran into the
    :::: bathroom, locked the door, and called the police. Then she turned
    :::: on me. When the police came to the door, my wife told me that she
    :::: would get the kids to say that it was me and that she would make
    :::: sure that I was the one who got into trouble.
    :::
    :::
    ::: This part should scare you. If she is willing to try to make the
    ::: kids blame you for her violence, things could get ugly. You
    ::: should be thinking in terms of protecting yourself legally.
    :
    : Some severe control issues going on here!!!
    :::
    ::: The police asked me some question
    :::
    :::: and then took her away to spend the night in jail.
    :::
    :::
    ::: What happened as a result of this? Were charges placed against
    ::: your wife?
    :::
    ::
    :: Yes, there were charges but when court time came along, the daughter
    :: didn't press charges. In fact, her daughter drove her to court. She
    :: got a lawyer and got off easy.
    :
    : I don't know where you live, but I thought that if an officer saw
    : physical signs of abuse that the option to press charges was no
    : longer that of the victim, but that charges were automatically
    : pressed by the state. Especially with a hospital visit being required!
    ::
    ::: Her oldest daughter
    :::
    :::: went to the hospital to get checked out while I stayed home with
    :::: the youngest (Then 3 years old). My wife has had physically abusive
    :::: episodes since towards me. I have been emotionally and verbally
    :::: abused constantly throughout our relationship and I can't take it
    :::: anymore. She has done other things but this is the worst. We once
    :::: got a laptop an we didn't have 24 hours before she snatched it
    :::: from my hands and broke it. The list goes on and on.
    :
    : She is in terrible need of anger management!
    :
    ::::
    :::: She has complete control over the finances and I have to ask
    :::: permission to do anything financially.
    :
    :
    ::: I don't understand this part - don't you have a bank account?
    ::: Can't you go to the bank/ATM and get money out? Do you have a
    ::: joint checking account? Maybe I'm missing something - has she
    ::: really stopped you somehow from getting access to your money, or is
    ::: it that you are just too afraid of her to buy gas for your car
    ::: without permission? Either way, you have real problems, but I
    ::: suppose it would make a difference in the solution.
    :
    :
    :: Yes, we have a joint account and I have an ATM card. There were 2
    :: occasions where the arguments were bad enough that I walked out and
    :: got a hotel room for the night. On both occasions, I found the locks
    :: have been changed upon return and my name was removed from our bank
    :: accounts. Personally, I don't see how someone can do that legally,
    :: but she did it. After the last altercation, she now has her own
    :: separate account and
    :: we still have a joint checking.
    ::
    :
    : What you need to understand is that *you* are the one working. Go to
    : the bank, open an account, change the direct deposit, and close the
    : joint account when the direct deposit begins. I control the majority
    : of the finances in my marriage too, but DH does not have to ask for
    : money for anything outside of major expenses. (I'm not talking about
    : being heartless and leaving her to have to live in a box, I'm talking
    : about protecting assets.)
    :::
    :::
    :::: If I need gas, I have to ask.
    :::: She has complete control over my life and seems to feel the need to
    :::: control everyone else's life. She doesn't work; I am the only
    :::: source of income except for the child support she receives every
    :::: week from the children's father (See second sentence above). I
    :::: have no say in what the kids do or how they act. The youngest gets
    :::: away with anything she wants. When she gets angry at me, she
    :::: almost always does it in front of the children and then makes me
    :::: look bad. This makes the children not like me. It's as if she
    :::: turns them away from me.
    :
    : There is something else going on her besides control, IMO.
    ::::
    :::: Every time I need something, like my car fixed, we never have the
    :::: money. But when her car needs fixed, it's in the shop the next
    :::: day. I asked her why that was and she said that I have caused the
    :::: family monetary hardship. This was due to some bills that weren't
    :::: paid off when we got married. But it wasn't that bad.
    :
    : She knew it when she married you - she needs to deal with it.
    :
    :::: The mortgage for the condo is under my name but both of us had to
    :::: sign it, she has 2 kids (Not my own) but doesn't have a job. I
    :::: can't live like this anymore. I'm married to a psycho and I need
    :::: suggestions.
    :::
    : So don't. Just take things one step at a time, and keep it to
    : yourself for now.
    :
    ::: I'd suggest a really good lawyer.
    :::
    : I agree, and the sooner the better.

    Thank you rj for all of your replies. I appreciate it. I saw a lawyer about
    this last night and I'm considering having the paycheck transfered to
    another account. My lawyers reply was to try and talk about this calmly so
    that it could be worked out peacfully. Basically, If I have the paycheck
    transfereed, she's going to get a lawyer and that's when things will get
    messy. He also said, On the other hand, if getting out now is what you need
    to do, then that's what you need to do; But I have to be prepared to go into
    a costly litigation. My head is still spinning.

    Someone on this thread suggested that I move next door to
    alt.support.divorce so that's what I did. This thread has been ongoing there
    if you wish to participate further. I've still been checking here too,
    though.

    Cordially,

    -U


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