The x is starting drama Iowa

[lilmscel]

recently my boy friend was charged with assulting me. We are going to counsling and he is going to batters education classes. We are trying to work out our issues. He has 2 teenage kids part time and they did not see what happened.
Now his x wife was looking and found out I was charged (due to a car accident) in 2000 with reckless driving and assult with a dangerous weapon ( my car.) during the accident I could not keep my car under control and almost his a by stander.
She is treatening him that he needs to keep me away from his kids or she will file a no contact order against me. I am afraid that she will make up lies to get this. She lies all the time.
I have in NO way threaten his kids.
Can she do this on behalf of her kids? I thought she would need evidence of threats or soem things.
Please Help me..

[alone]

Originally Posted by lilmscel

recently my boy friend was charged with assulting me. We are going to counsling and he is going to batters education classes. We are trying to work out our issues. He has 2 teenage kids part time and they did not see what happened.
Now his x wife was looking and found out I was charged (due to a car accident) in 2000 with reckless driving and assult with a dangerous weapon ( my car.) during the accident I could not keep my car under control and almost his a by stander.
She is treatening him that he needs to keep me away from his kids or she will file a no contact order against me. I am afraid that she will make up lies to get this. She lies all the time.
I have in NO way threaten his kids.
Can she do this on behalf of her kids? I thought she would need evidence of threats or soem things.
Please Help me..

You have no right to these kids. You are only a gf. Are you two living together? If not then why is this such a problem? How long have you 2 been together? She does have the right to request you not to be around her children especially if there is domestic abuse problems. Why would you want to be with him anyway if he is abusing you?

Any way yes she can file a petition to keep you away from her kids and will probably win it because you are only a gf.

[Zephyr]

Originally Posted by alone

You have no right to these kids. You are only a gf. Are you two living together? If not then why is this such a problem? How long have you 2 been together? She does have the right to request you not to be around her children especially if there is domestic abuse problems. Why would you want to be with him anyway if he is abusing you?

Any way yes she can file a petition to keep you away from her kids and will probably win it because you are only a gf.

I wouldn't be a hands down win as you suggest........that was a long time ago and was not intentional.....

but I agree with you that she should get out of the relationship anyway

[alone]

Originally Posted by Zephyr

I wouldn't be a hands down win as you suggest........that was a long time ago and was not intentional.....

but I agree with you that she should get out of the relationship anyway

Judges do not like gf/bf getting involved. If one parent has a problem with a gf/bf of the other parent, no matter what the problem is, the judge will make an order to keep the gf/bf away from the kids. It's better than the kids hearing the parents argue about it. This is almost always the case unless the gf has already played a major role in the kids' lives for a long time.

[mommyof4]

Originally Posted by lilmscel

recently my boy friend was charged with assulting me. We are going to counsling and he is going to batters education classes. We are trying to work out our issues. He has 2 teenage kids part time and they did not see what happened.
Now his x wife was looking and found out I was charged (due to a car accident) in 2000 with reckless driving and assult with a dangerous weapon ( my car.) during the accident I could not keep my car under control and almost his a by stander.
She is treatening him that he needs to keep me away from his kids or she will file a no contact order against me. I am afraid that she will make up lies to get this. She lies all the time.
I have in NO way threaten his kids.
Can she do this on behalf of her kids? I thought she would need evidence of threats or soem things.
Please Help me..

Were you CONVICTED of reckless driving and assault with a deadly weapon?

Anywho, I agree with the others that this is not a good relationship. For the safety of both of you, not to mention the drama this introduces into the children's lives, you should end this. It is not going to be so much your former legal problem that will allow her to have grounds to obtain a restraining order, as it is going to be the domestic violence issues. Whether or not the kids were there during the incident, as a mother, she is correct to be concerned that you and he pose a threat if something were to occur in the future. She can try to say it is because of you, but the judge, if he is smart, will realize that no matter WHAT happened, you and this man are combustible when together, and will not put the children in the position where they could possibly see this or be directly impacted and/or involved.

Just a little side note...you and this man started this drama when he hit you and you decided to stay. The mother has every right to protect her children, whether she has jealousy issues or not.

[lilmscel]

Ok so she can lie to a judge and tell them that she is afraid i will do some thing bad to the kids. When her X my B/f was charged with Dosemtic assult?? That is crazy..I have done nothing wrong. I have been in his kids life for 2 years now. I have taken care of them and listen to his daughter when she talks about how her mother hits her and mentally abuses her.. But she is after me.. I dont get it. What do I do?? I love him and want to be with him..
This is crazy

[mommyof4]

Originally Posted by lilmscel

Ok so she can lie to a judge and tell them that she is afraid i will do some thing bad to the kids. When her X my B/f was charged with Dosemtic assult?? That is crazy..I have done nothing wrong. I have been in his kids life for 2 years now. I have taken care of them and listen to his daughter when she talks about how her mother hits her and mentally abuses her.. But she is after me.. I dont get it. What do I do?? I love him and want to be with him..
This is crazy

How is it lying to the judge that the children witnessing this mess is a danger and detriment to her children? If you love him, you will walk away and allow him to have a relationship with his children. Maybe you should be in individual therapy to figure out why you "love" a man that physically abuses you. Do you think that is a good example to set for this girl, especially if she is abused by the mother? All you are doing is showing her that it is okay that someone hits them, because, gee whiz, you love him. That's not love, that's pathetic. Sorry to be harsh, but you need to wake up and realize that love doesn't leave bruises.

Another thought...if you are comforting the daughter after her mother abuses her, why have you not picked up the phone and called CPS or the police? You have a legal responsibility to report any abuse or suspected abuse.

[Zephyr]

Originally Posted by alone

Judges do not like gf/bf getting involved. If one parent has a problem with a gf/bf of the other parent, no matter what the problem is, the judge will make an order to keep the gf/bf away from the kids. It's better than the kids hearing the parents argue about it. This is almost always the case unless the gf has already played a major role in the kids' lives for a long time.

you are wrong

[alone]

Originally Posted by Zephyr

you are wrong

No I am not wrong. I have been there and done that and seen many others go through it. I am telling you that judges do not like it when they have to waiste there time because a bf/gf won't stay out of things that are none of their business. Especially with the fact that there has been domestic violence. If the mother realy wants to pursue this then she will more than likely win.

[Zephyr]

Originally Posted by alone

No I am not wrong. I have been there and done that and seen many others go through it. I am telling you that judges do not like it when they have to waiste there time because a bf/gf won't stay out of things that are none of their business. Especially with the fact that there has been domestic violence. If the mother realy wants to pursue this then she will more than likely win.

you need to understand that BOTH parents have the right to raise their children in the manner that they see fit, that also includes who they choose to expose their children to, unless the SO is a danger to the children, a judge will not place a restraining order on the new SO......they really don't like wasting their time on these little stupid power struggles or jealousy games- it is more likely that mom would be told to grow up and find a way to co parent.

[alone]

Originally Posted by Zephyr

you need to understand that BOTH parents have the right to raise their children in the manner that they see fit, that also includes who they choose to expose their children to, unless the SO is a danger to the children, a judge will not place a restraining order on the new SO......they really don't like wasting their time on these little stupid power struggles or jealousy games- it is more likely that mom would be told to grow up and find a way to co parent.

Have you ever been through something like this? You are right judges don't like dealing with this. That's why most of the time they just tell the so to butt out! This saves from alot of other problems. It takes the problem out of the situation. Like I already said I have been there and done that.

[Zephyr]

Originally Posted by alone

Have you ever been through something like this? You are right judges don't like dealing with this. That's why most of the time they just tell the so to butt out! This saves from alot of other problems. It takes the problem out of the situation. Like I already said I have been there and done that.

your situation is not indicative of the norm so you shouldn't hand out advice as if it were

[alone]

Originally Posted by Zephyr

your situation is not indicative of the norm so you should hand out advice as if it were

First of all you didn't answer my question. Have YOU ever been through this? Second I'm not just basing this on my situation. Like I said I've also seen others go through this. I have been in support groups where there have been many woman in similar situations where the judge tells the bf/gf to butt out!

[Zephyr]

Originally Posted by alone

First of all you didn't answer my question. Have YOU ever been through this? Second I'm not just basing this on my situation. Like I said I've also seen others go through this. I have been in support groups where there have been many woman in similar situations where the judge tells the bf/gf to butt out!

ummmm.....yes have been right smack dab in the middle of it-----as the custodial mother whose ex husband decided to start dating a convicted drug felon....(dealing cocaine) who also happened to have 3 or 4 disorderly conducts under her belt as well......

[Zephyr]

Originally Posted by alone

First of all you didn't answer my question. Have YOU ever been through this? Second I'm not just basing this on my situation. Like I said I've also seen others go through this. I have been in support groups where there have been many woman in similar situations where the judge tells the bf/gf to butt out!

yes- tells them to butt out- certainly......but does not prevent contact between that person and the child



which is what you said here- where you were wrong

Judges do not like gf/bf getting involved. If one parent has a problem with a gf/bf of the other parent, no matter what the problem is, the judge will make an order to keep the gf/bf away from the kids. It's better than the kids hearing the parents argue about it. This is almost always the case unless the gf has already played a major role in the kids' lives for a long time.