Confused New York

[alone]

Okay so say he goes 6 months without seeing our daughter. Then he wants to see her again. Do I still have to let her go because the court order hasn't been changed? If I don't let her go can I get into trouble for breaking a court order even though he broke it first by not taking her on the set days?

[mommyof4]

Okay so say he goes 6 months without seeing our daughter. Then he wants to see her again. Do I still have to let her go because the court order hasn't been changed? If I don't let her go can I get into trouble for breaking a court order even though he broke it first by not taking her on the set days?

Yes, as unfair as it may be, as long as the court order is valid, you have to abide by that. You cannot FORCE him to exercise visitation, but you cannot prevent him exercising visitation until or unless you have the custody/visitation order modified.

[alone]

Yes, as unfair as it may be, as long as the court order is valid, you have to abide by that. You cannot FORCE him to exercise visitation, but you cannot prevent him exercising visitation until or unless you have the custody/visitation order modified.

That's a bunch of crap. I'm realy getting tired of this system. Who are they realy looking out for the children or the parents. If he wants nothing to do with her and I agree then why can't he just sign off his rights especially after everything that he has already put her through and she's only 3. Yes she loves him but she doesn't understand that fathers shouldn't scream, curse, and call there kids horrible names. I even have a witness who heard him tell her when she was just 7 months old that if she didn't shut up he would through her into a wall. What the hell is going on with the system. What can I do to change this? I am sooooooo angry and upset right now. I'm sorry if this sounds rude. Please don't take offense.

thanx
alone

[mommyof4]

That's a bunch of crap. I'm realy getting tired of this system. Who are they realy looking out for the children or the parents. If he wants nothing to do with her and I agree then why can't he just sign off his rights especially after everything that he has already put her through and she's only 3. Yes she loves him but she doesn't understand that fathers shouldn't scream, curse, and call there kids horrible names. I even have a witness who heard him tell her when she was just 7 months old that if she didn't shut up he would through her into a wall. What the hell is going on with the system. What can I do to change this? I am sooooooo angry and upset right now. I'm sorry if this sounds rude. Please don't take offense.

thanx
alone

Well, when he continued to forfiet his visitation, you could have filed to modify custody. You still can, for that matter. There really is no other solution. The courts will only terminate parental rights as a last resort. If he owes child support arrerags, and you have ever accepted state aid (I can't remember if you did or not, or if you ever said), they won't terminate his rights at all because he owes the state money.

[alone]

Well, when he continued to forfiet his visitation, you could have filed to modify custody. You still can, for that matter. There really is no other solution. The courts will only terminate parental rights as a last resort. If he owes child support arrerags, and you have ever accepted state aid (I can't remember if you did or not, or if you ever said), they won't terminate his rights at all because he owes the state money.

He has no custody. I have full physical and legal custody. He is supposed to take her once a week supervised for 8 hours. He hasn't taking her in 3 weeks. I'm trying to figure out if I should go back into court or if I should just leave well enough alone. Right now he sais he wants to sign off his rights but my lawyer said that in NY parents are not allowed to sign off their rights. The courts know about excessive abuse that he has admitted to while in court. My side is that because I lied about the abuse for 4 and 1/2 yrs that when I finally came forward with it the judges attitude was basically that it was all my falt because he felt that I could have left at any time. I take the blame for not leaving like I should have but it seems like they are not making him take responibility for what he has done. I was ordered into councelling, dv classes, parenting classes, and preventative services. He was ordered to stay in councelling for his bipolar and to stay away from drugs and alcohol. He is not going to councelling and is doing drugs and drinking. It's like they just don't care about the damage that all of this is doing to my little girl. My concern is that eventually he will get back into councelling etc. and he will want to jump back into her life. Then we will just repeat this cycle. This is how it has always been and will always be. What should I do? Any advice would be appreciated.

Thanx
alone

[mommyof4]

He has no custody. I have full physical and legal custody. He is supposed to take her once a week supervised for 8 hours. He hasn't taking her in 3 weeks. I'm trying to figure out if I should go back into court or if I should just leave well enough alone. Right now he sais he wants to sign off his rights but my lawyer said that in NY parents are not allowed to sign off their rights. The courts know about excessive abuse that he has admitted to while in court. My side is that because I lied about the abuse for 4 and 1/2 yrs that when I finally came forward with it the judges attitude was basically that it was all my falt because he felt that I could have left at any time. I take the blame for not leaving like I should have but it seems like they are not making him take responibility for what he has done. I was ordered into councelling, dv classes, parenting classes, and preventative services. He was ordered to stay in councelling for his bipolar and to stay away from drugs and alcohol. He is not going to councelling and is doing drugs and drinking. It's like they just don't care about the damage that all of this is doing to my little girl. My concern is that eventually he will get back into councelling etc. and he will want to jump back into her life. Then we will just repeat this cycle. This is how it has always been and will always be. What should I do? Any advice would be appreciated.

Thanx
alone

If you want to try to guarantee that he will not be able to pop in and out of her life, try to modify the custody/visitation order to revoke his visitation rights (different than parental rights) based on the fact that he is not fulfilling his responsibilities as decreed by the court. Any chance you have proof of his continuing drug use? That will help. I can't tell you how a judge will rule, but that is really all you can do. What are the odds that he would take you back to court if you refused to let him visit?

[alone]

If you want to try to guarantee that he will not be able to pop in and out of her life, try to modify the custody/visitation order to revoke his visitation rights (different than parental rights) based on the fact that he is not fulfilling his responsibilities as decreed by the court. Any chance you have proof of his continuing drug use? That will help. I can't tell you how a judge will rule, but that is really all you can do. What are the odds that he would take you back to court if you refused to let him visit?

Once he gets tired of the gf again he will get back into councelling and want to see his daughter again. He would definitely take me back into court. It could be tomorrow or in 2 years who know? But I do know that it will never stop.

[mommyof4]

Once he gets tired of the gf again he will get back into councelling and want to see his daughter again. He would definitely take me back into court. It could be tomorrow or in 2 years who know? But I do know that it will never stop.

Then your best bet is to take HIM back to court. It is much easier to be confident going into court if you are not the one having to find explanations for charges leveled against you. If it is in the court order that he attend counseling and abstain from alcohol and (obviously this is illegal anyway)drugs, he is in contempt, anyway.

[alone]

Then your best bet is to take HIM back to court. It is much easier to be confident going into court if you are not the one having to find explanations for charges leveled against you. If it is in the court order that he attend counseling and abstain from alcohol and (obviously this is illegal anyway)drugs, he is in contempt, anyway.

He has broken the same court order in the past and they did nothing about it. Will it make a difference this time?

[mommyof4]

He has broken the same court order in the past and they did nothing about it. Will it make a difference this time?

Honestly, I can't answer that because I can't go beat sense into the judge! But you know what will happen if he gets rid of the girlfriend. So, it's just a decision you have to make. Sorry.

[alone]

Honestly, I can't answer that because I can't go beat sense into the judge! But you know what will happen if he gets rid of the girlfriend. So, it's just a decision you have to make. Sorry.

Thanx for all the help. I realy do appreciate it. I'm trying to get a hold of my lawyer but that could take a while. I'll see what she sais about it. I'll probably end up taking back to court.

Thanx alot
alone