Sexual Harrassment? Massachusetts

[delmjs2009]

What is the classification of Sexual Harassment?


I'm in a situation at work where this one man makes me feel extremley uncomfortable. He hasn't said anything to me or touched in any way but the way he's always looking at me and always looking at my chest really bothers me to the point where I dont even want to come to work. I feel like I always have to "cover up" and I'm always making sure to pull up my shirt so its nice and high even though I NEVER EVER wear anything revealing. Two other woman in the office have also mentioned to me the way he is always looking at me. Is that considered sexual harassment and it's making me EXTREMLEY uncomfortable on a daily basis?

[Morgana]

It certainly could be. Have you told anyone? Told him to quit looking at you that way? Told a supervisor? Told HR?

You need to let someone know ASAP so it can be stopped.

[delmjs2009]

Well that is where the problem comes in. My boss is the most difficult person to deal with, she's very degrating, unprofessional, rude and downright very bad mannored and she is not very approachable to begin with. Anyone higher than her would be her father which is a NO CAN DO, and the person that will not stop staring at me making me uncomfortable is good freinds with both my boss and the dad. So I'm STUCK and I don't feel comfortable saying anything, I just want to leave so badly because coming here every day is taking a toll on me, it's making me depressed because I feel stuck with no way out.

I can't quit without having another income, unemployment isnt aloud if you leave on your own, and I feel like I CANT speak up on this matter given the relationships of the employee, my boss, and the higher up. (my boss is also HR).

Is there anything that I could do that I don't know about? Any assistance or guidance would be greatly appreciated.....I feel like I hit a dead end and I'm miserable. I've been applying to other jobs on a daily basis and nothing's come of any, not even a phone call.

[HRinMA]

What about speaking to the person who is staring directly?

A polite conversation where you say "I'm not sure if you realize it but sometimes you stare at me. It makes me uncomfortable and I would appreciate it if you stop".

[delmjs2009]

I'm so non confrontational, that's just not an option for me. I dont know what to do!

[Morgana]

You can go to the EEOC. They will want to know if your company has any policies or guidelines for reporting sexual harassment and if you followed those policies. Federal laws only apply to companies with 15 or more employees. How large is your organization?

Cases can get thrown out because an employee did not try to follow company policy or make the company aware of the problem and allow the company an opportunity to make things right.

Its harder to get anywhere when you say you have been harassed but never told anyone in management or made them aware that there is even a problem.

As I mentioned earlier, you and the others can tell the person directly that I dont like the way you are looking at me and you need to stop now.

[delmjs2009]

Unfortunatley there are not 15 employees here.

As far as policies I was also NEVER given an employee handbook so as far as I know, there are no sexual harassment guidlines set up here. I work directly under my boss who is HR along with other things but doesnt do much in the HR department. I have NEVER seen an employee handbook, even when preparing new hire documentation and packets for new employees.

[delmjs2009]

I just sent an email to someone at the EEOC so I'm hoping I get a response. I also eamiled the department of unemployment to see if there's any way they could help me. I'm not looking to get anyone in trouble or hurt anyone, I just want to be able to get out so I don't have to feel this way anymore because it's down right torture to feel this way.

[Betty3]

Since there aren't 15 or more employees, if the EEOC isn't able to help you, you might want to file a complaint with the Ma. Commission Against Discrimination - Ma. has a general statute that entitles everyone freedom from sexual harassment. You may also be protected under the Ma. Equal Rights Act.

[TSCompliance]

I can't imagine that Unemployment would ever approve you, since you've done nothing to stop the problem.

You're advised to tell the offensive person to stop. You say you can't do that.

You're advised to tell someone in management. You say you can't do that.

You don't want to quit.

You don't want to get anyone in trouble.


Though no one deserves to be treated like a sexual object, there comes a point where you go from being an innocent victim to being complicit in the problem by not taking any action.

You have it within your power to do a number of different things, but you are choosing to let things continue as-is. Maybe even though you say that being stared at is horrible enough to cause depression, perhaps it isn't horrible enough, or you'd have done something. Would you take some action if he were saying lewd things to you? Touching you? How bad does it have to be before you'll do something?

You admit to not being very confrontational, but you are using that as an excuse to be a victim. Empowerment is not about hoping someone will rescue you; it's about taking action.

I might sound harsh, but this is not intended to be a personal attack on you, but to help you. Sometimes "confrontation" is the only answer.

[Morgana]

Good post TS. I have been thinking along the same lines but hadnt said anything.

[Alice Dodd]

You need to let him know it's bothering you. Practice what you'll say with a friend, or in the mirror or whatever.

Here's some lines I like to use when I catch them stairing:

HEY! (pointing at your head.) I'M UP HERE!

Put your pinky in the side of your mouth and pull your lips back to show your back teeth. Say "you wanna inspect my teeth too?"

The polite one: "They're not so big that a decent guy would lose all the manners that his mother taught him and stare with his tongue hanging out. Put your tongue back in your mouth, quit staring at my boobs, and treat me with the respect that I deserve."

Variation: "I thought you were a decent guy, but staring at my chest makes me think I was wrong. Maybe you should find something else to look at."

Finally, you have to let him save face some, so you have to turn and walk away so he doesn't have to reply to you, or so he can't give you some BS line that you're imagining things. BTW, it's best if you can catch him staring while others are around, (your friends) to witness it and what you say.

You need to do this. You know why? Compliant little girls like you are the biggest targets for rape and date rape and all sorts of other abuse in life. You can still be a good girl and stand up for yourself, and do it in ways that others gain respect for you. How do you expect others to respect you if you don't respect yourself enough to stand up for yourself?

[HRinMA]

Betty3

I have appeared as company rep (along with attorney) at a MCAD hearing. First thing that gets asked is who did you tell about the problem?

So unless the OP wants to ignore the staring she is going to have to work up the courage to tell someone.

OP, what about getting the other 2 women to go with you to complain in a group?

[Betty3]

Originally Posted by HRinMA

Betty3I have appeared as company rep (along with attorney) at a MCAD hearing. First thing that gets asked is who did you tell about the problem?

Probably so, but someone had suggested contacting the EEOC. I was just saying for the # of employees, it would have to be the MCAD - they might be able to help. However, yes, she should do something "internally" first. OP was already told that when contacting the EEOC was mentioned.