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  • Some adoptees struggle to trust, love

    http://www.ohio.com/mld/ohio/living/8753278.htm?1c

    Some adoptees struggle to trust, love

    By Betsy Flagler

    United Feature Syndicate


    Q: Our adopted 10-year-old son has a severe attachment disorder because of what
    he missed out on in his early years in an orphanage in Russia. Our neighbors
    and his teachers don't understand that what works for other kids doesn't apply
    to him. -- Mother in Charlotte, N.C.

    A: In the lives of kids who struggle to love, the lack of understanding stems
    from not seeing or hearing both sides of the story, parents and experts say.

    One mother says of the Russian boy she adopted at age 4: ``He told his teachers
    I wouldn't help him with his homework. He left out the part about how he was
    stabbing holes in the wall with pencils so I had to take them away.''

    Neighbors worried about another boy who had only a mattress on the floor. What
    they didn't know: He chipped away the wood of the headboard to use as weapons.

    Lark Eshleman, Ph.D., author of the new book Becoming a Family: Promoting
    Healthy Attachments with Your Adopted Child (Taylor Publishing Company, 2004),
    says adoptive mothers particularly tend to take the brunt of the disturbed
    child's aggression, disrespect and emotional outbursts.

    The missing piece for kids with an inability to form relationships is a lack of
    conscience, Eshleman says. Babies are born with a need to attach. Every time a
    baby cries and a caregiver answers, trust builds. If nobody answers repeatedly,
    the cycle of trust is broken. Normal parenting doesn't work for the child who
    doesn't trust and accept limits.

    ``Few people will ever really understand what she and her husband are going
    through,'' says Brad Andrews of Garland, Texas. ``They usually end up blaming
    the parents for things that are out of their control.''

    The Andrews adopted four siblings 10 years ago. The older two, ages 5 and 7
    when adopted, have faced severe attachment issues. Last year, while the couple
    focused on their 17-year-old daughter, their son, 14, ran away, made threats,
    and had to be placed in a long-term care facility, the father says.

    ``Looking back, I can see he had all the signs of attachment disorder, but
    since he was more sociable, we didn't realize how deep his issues really
    were,'' he says.

    A mother who adopted a toddler in California has a common complaint among
    parents: Her daughter appeared charming and manipulated her teachers. ``I told
    the teachers to tell her the rule, but not give her 10 chances. The schools
    failed me.''

    Maggie Macaulay, an adult adoptee and parent educator in Broward County, Fla.,
    suggests parents of kids with attachment problems remember that others lack
    experience with the disorder and need to be educated in positive ways.

    ``Enroll folks in your mission to teach your child that people, especially Mom
    and Dad, are reliable, that it is OK to love deeply, that his family is
    forever, and that he is loveable,'' Macaulay says. ``Have meetings throughout
    the school year with teachers. Let new teachers know how they can help.''

    Other tips:

    • ``The mother must advocate for her son,'' says Linda Lisowski of Elizabeth
    City, N.C., a former foster mother and an associate professor of special
    education. ``If he has academic problems, he is eligible for special education
    services as a child with an emotional disorder.'' An Individualized Education
    Program needs to be developed with the mother.

    • Find a support group with other adoptive parents.

    • The Association for Treatment and Training in the Attachment of Children
    (ATTACh), based in Columbia, S.C., is an international coalition of parents,
    professionals and others working to increase awareness about attachment issues.
    Call 866-453-8224 for more information. The Web site is www.attach.org.

    • A 20-year-old Virginia Beach, Va., reader, and his adoptive mother offer
    seasoned advice: He says lack of attention and care in his first year of foster
    care was distressing. ``People like us naturally have a tendency to distrust
    others. Even though I don't fully trust my parents, I love them very much.''

    His mother's view: ``Our son doesn't trust so he hasn't ever been honest with
    the doctors, and he's always been diagnosed with less serious problems. Our son
    has been a difficult person to enjoy, but now that he's grown I would recommend
    to the next parent -- don't take things away to make them do what you want.
    Help them learn, whether it's to put one problem on a page or to assist them in
    cleanup as a young child. The most needy or worst-behaved child needs to be
    loved the most and in a constant way.''

    • Several social workers and parents recommend resources by attachment
    therapist Nancy Thomas, including the book When Love is Not Enough: A Guide to
    Parenting Children with RAD -- Reactive Attachment Disorder (Families by
    Design, 1997). She has videotapes, including Captive in the Classroom. For more
    information, her Web site is www.nancythomasparenting.com.


    -------------------------
    A good friend will come and bail you out of jail . . . but, a true friend will
    be sitting next to you saying, "**** . . . that was fun!"
    -----Unknown

  • #2
    Some adoptees struggle to trust, love

    >Subject: Some adoptees struggle to trust, love
    From: [email protected]ospam (LilMtnCbn)Date: 5/25/2004 12:19 PM Eastern Daylight TimeMessage-id: <[email protected]>http://www.ohio.com/mld/ohio/living/8753278.htm?1cSome adoptees struggle to trust, loveBy Betsy FlaglerUnited Feature SyndicateQ: Our adopted 10-year-old son has a severe attachment disorderbecause of what he missed out on in his early years in an orphanagein Russia. Our neighbors and his teachers don't understand that whatworks for other kids doesn't apply to him. -- Mother in Charlotte, N.C.A: In the lives of kids who struggle to love, the lack of understanding stemsfrom not seeing or hearing both sides of the story, parents and experts say.One mother says of the Russian boy she adopted at age 4: ``He told histeachers I wouldn't help him with his homework. He left out the part abouthow he was stabbing holes in the wall with pencils so I had to take themaway.''
    We took the door off our daughter's bedroom because of her repeated
    self-destructive behavior after bedtime. She's told several classmates that
    her parents don't give her any privacy.
    Neighbors worried about another boy who had only a mattress on the floor.What they didn't know: He chipped away the wood of the headboard to use asweapons.
    I used to supervise my daughter's bathtime after she (twice) flooded the
    upstairs bathroom floor to such an extent that hundreds of gallons seeped
    through the floor into the kitchen downstairs.

    Now my wife supervises her bathtime because she's of an age where it's
    inappropriate for fathers to be present.
    Lark Eshleman, Ph.D., author of the new book Becoming a Family: PromotingHealthy Attachments with Your Adopted Child (Taylor Publishing Company,2004), says adoptive mothers particularly tend to take the brunt of the
    disturbed
    child's aggression, disrespect and emotional outbursts.
    So true. As much as I complain, it is my wife who takes the brunt of of her
    anger and aggression.
    The missing piece for kids with an inability to form relationships is a lackof conscience, Eshleman says.
    Or the absolute inability to feel empathy. Or remorse. Or shame, when
    appropriate.
    Babies are born with a need to attach. Every time a baby cries and a caregiveranswers, trust builds. If nobody answers repeatedly, the cycle of trust is
    broken.
    Normal parenting doesn't work for the child who doesn't trust and accept
    limits.

    "Normal parents" who have bonded with other older adopted children are often
    brought to their knees with children who cannot form attachments.
    ``Few people will ever really understand what she and her husband are goingthrough,'' says Brad Andrews of Garland, Texas. ``They usually end up blamingthe parents for things that are out of their control.''
    Don't I know it.
    The Andrews adopted four siblings 10 years ago. The older two, ages 5 and 7when adopted, have faced severe attachment issues. Last year, while thecouple focused on their 17-year-old daughter, their son, 14, ran away, madethreats, and had to be placed in a long-term care facility, the father says.``Looking back, I can see he had all the signs of attachment disorder, butsince he was more sociable, we didn't realize how deep his issues reallywere,'' he says.A mother who adopted a toddler in California has a common complaint amongparents: Her daughter appeared charming and manipulated her teachers. ``Itold the teachers to tell her the rule, but not give her 10 chances. The
    schools
    failed me.''
    Fortunately, my wife is on the faculty of the school where my daughter
    attends.
    Maggie Macaulay, an adult adoptee and parent educator in Broward County,Fla., suggests parents of kids with attachment problems remember that others
    lack
    experience with the disorder and need to be educated in positive ways.``Enroll folks in your mission to teach your child that people, especiallyMom and Dad, are reliable, that it is OK to love deeply, that his family isforever, and that he is loveable,'' Macaulay says. ``Have meetings throughoutthe school year with teachers. Let new teachers know how they can help.''Other tips:• ``The mother must advocate for her son,'' says Linda Lisowski of ElizabethCity, N.C., a former foster mother and an associate professor of specialeducation. ``If he has academic problems, he is eligible for special educationservices as a child with an emotional disorder.'' An Individualized EducationProgram needs to be developed with the mother.• Find a support group with other adoptive parents.
    Better than therapy, in my opinion. It helps to talk with parents who have
    been there, done that, and survived.
    • The Association for Treatment and Training in the Attachment of Children(ATTACh), based in Columbia, S.C., is an international coalition of parents,professionals and others working to increase awareness about attachmentissues.Call 866-453-8224 for more information. The Web site is www.attach.org.• A 20-year-old Virginia Beach, Va., reader, and his adoptive mother offerseasoned advice: He says lack of attention and care in his first year offoster care was distressing. ``People like us naturally have a tendency todistrust others. Even though I don't fully trust my parents, I love them very
    much.''
    His mother's view: ``Our son doesn't trust so he hasn't ever been honest withthe doctors, and he's always been diagnosed with less serious problems. Ourson has been a difficult person to enjoy, but now that he's grown I wouldrecommend to the next parent -- don't take things away to make them do whatyou want.
    Sage advice. Giving consequences for poor behaviors doesn't work with
    attachment disordered children. It simply reinforces their disorder.
    Help them learn, whether it's to put one problem on a page or to assist themin cleanup as a young child. The most needy or worst-behaved child needs to beloved the most and in a constant way.''• Several social workers and parents recommend resources by attachmenttherapist Nancy Thomas, including the book When Love is Not Enough: A Guideto Parenting Children with RAD -- Reactive Attachment Disorder (Families byDesign, 1997). She has videotapes, including Captive in the Classroom. Formore information, her Web site is www.nancythomasparenting.com.
    Nancy Thomas books and tapes have been extremely helpful to us. There are
    specific techniques for children with attachment disorders which fly in the
    face of conventional parenting.

    Dad

    Comment


    • #3
      Some adoptees struggle to trust, love

      >Subject: Some adoptees struggle to trust, love
      From: [email protected]ospam (LilMtnCbn)Date: 5/25/2004 12:19 PM Eastern Daylight TimeMessage-id: <[email protected]>http://www.ohio.com/mld/ohio/living/8753278.htm?1cSome adoptees struggle to trust, loveBy Betsy FlaglerUnited Feature SyndicateQ: Our adopted 10-year-old son has a severe attachment disorderbecause of what he missed out on in his early years in an orphanagein Russia. Our neighbors and his teachers don't understand that whatworks for other kids doesn't apply to him. -- Mother in Charlotte, N.C.A: In the lives of kids who struggle to love, the lack of understanding stemsfrom not seeing or hearing both sides of the story, parents and experts say.One mother says of the Russian boy she adopted at age 4: ``He told histeachers I wouldn't help him with his homework. He left out the part abouthow he was stabbing holes in the wall with pencils so I had to take themaway.''
      We took the door off our daughter's bedroom because of her repeated
      self-destructive behavior after bedtime. She's told several classmates that
      her parents don't give her any privacy.
      Neighbors worried about another boy who had only a mattress on the floor.What they didn't know: He chipped away the wood of the headboard to use asweapons.
      I used to supervise my daughter's bathtime after she (twice) flooded the
      upstairs bathroom floor to such an extent that hundreds of gallons seeped
      through the floor into the kitchen downstairs.

      Now my wife supervises her bathtime because she's of an age where it's
      inappropriate for fathers to be present.
      Lark Eshleman, Ph.D., author of the new book Becoming a Family: PromotingHealthy Attachments with Your Adopted Child (Taylor Publishing Company,2004), says adoptive mothers particularly tend to take the brunt of the
      disturbed
      child's aggression, disrespect and emotional outbursts.
      So true. As much as I complain, it is my wife who takes the brunt of of her
      anger and aggression.
      The missing piece for kids with an inability to form relationships is a lackof conscience, Eshleman says.
      Or the absolute inability to feel empathy. Or remorse. Or shame, when
      appropriate.
      Babies are born with a need to attach. Every time a baby cries and a caregiveranswers, trust builds. If nobody answers repeatedly, the cycle of trust is
      broken.
      Normal parenting doesn't work for the child who doesn't trust and accept
      limits.

      "Normal parents" who have bonded with other older adopted children are often
      brought to their knees with children who cannot form attachments.
      ``Few people will ever really understand what she and her husband are goingthrough,'' says Brad Andrews of Garland, Texas. ``They usually end up blamingthe parents for things that are out of their control.''
      Don't I know it.
      The Andrews adopted four siblings 10 years ago. The older two, ages 5 and 7when adopted, have faced severe attachment issues. Last year, while thecouple focused on their 17-year-old daughter, their son, 14, ran away, madethreats, and had to be placed in a long-term care facility, the father says.``Looking back, I can see he had all the signs of attachment disorder, butsince he was more sociable, we didn't realize how deep his issues reallywere,'' he says.A mother who adopted a toddler in California has a common complaint amongparents: Her daughter appeared charming and manipulated her teachers. ``Itold the teachers to tell her the rule, but not give her 10 chances. The
      schools
      failed me.''
      Fortunately, my wife is on the faculty of the school where my daughter
      attends.
      Maggie Macaulay, an adult adoptee and parent educator in Broward County,Fla., suggests parents of kids with attachment problems remember that others
      lack
      experience with the disorder and need to be educated in positive ways.``Enroll folks in your mission to teach your child that people, especiallyMom and Dad, are reliable, that it is OK to love deeply, that his family isforever, and that he is loveable,'' Macaulay says. ``Have meetings throughoutthe school year with teachers. Let new teachers know how they can help.''Other tips:• ``The mother must advocate for her son,'' says Linda Lisowski of ElizabethCity, N.C., a former foster mother and an associate professor of specialeducation. ``If he has academic problems, he is eligible for special educationservices as a child with an emotional disorder.'' An Individualized EducationProgram needs to be developed with the mother.• Find a support group with other adoptive parents.
      Better than therapy, in my opinion. It helps to talk with parents who have
      been there, done that, and survived.
      • The Association for Treatment and Training in the Attachment of Children(ATTACh), based in Columbia, S.C., is an international coalition of parents,professionals and others working to increase awareness about attachmentissues.Call 866-453-8224 for more information. The Web site is www.attach.org.• A 20-year-old Virginia Beach, Va., reader, and his adoptive mother offerseasoned advice: He says lack of attention and care in his first year offoster care was distressing. ``People like us naturally have a tendency todistrust others. Even though I don't fully trust my parents, I love them very
      much.''
      His mother's view: ``Our son doesn't trust so he hasn't ever been honest withthe doctors, and he's always been diagnosed with less serious problems. Ourson has been a difficult person to enjoy, but now that he's grown I wouldrecommend to the next parent -- don't take things away to make them do whatyou want.
      Sage advice. Giving consequences for poor behaviors doesn't work with
      attachment disordered children. It simply reinforces their disorder.
      Help them learn, whether it's to put one problem on a page or to assist themin cleanup as a young child. The most needy or worst-behaved child needs to beloved the most and in a constant way.''• Several social workers and parents recommend resources by attachmenttherapist Nancy Thomas, including the book When Love is Not Enough: A Guideto Parenting Children with RAD -- Reactive Attachment Disorder (Families byDesign, 1997). She has videotapes, including Captive in the Classroom. Formore information, her Web site is www.nancythomasparenting.com.
      Nancy Thomas books and tapes have been extremely helpful to us. There are
      specific techniques for children with attachment disorders which fly in the
      face of conventional parenting.

      Dad

      Comment


      • #4
        Some adoptees struggle to trust, love

        On 25 May 2004 20:36:16 GMT, [email protected] (AdoptaDad) wrote:
        Subject: Some adoptees struggle to trust, loveFrom: [email protected]ospam (LilMtnCbn)Date: 5/25/2004 12:19 PM Eastern Daylight TimeMessage-id: <[email protected]>http://www.ohio.com/mld/ohio/living/8753278.htm?1cSome adoptees struggle to trust, loveBy Betsy FlaglerUnited Feature SyndicateQ: Our adopted 10-year-old son has a severe attachment disorderbecause of what he missed out on in his early years in an orphanagein Russia. Our neighbors and his teachers don't understand that whatworks for other kids doesn't apply to him. -- Mother in Charlotte, N.C.A: In the lives of kids who struggle to love, the lack of understanding stemsfrom not seeing or hearing both sides of the story, parents and experts say.One mother says of the Russian boy she adopted at age 4: ``He told histeachers I wouldn't help him with his homework. He left out the part abouthow he was stabbing holes in the wall with pencils so I had to take themaway.'' We took the door off our daughter's bedroom because of her repeatedself-destructive behavior after bedtime. She's told several classmates thather parents don't give her any privacy.
        Neighbors worried about another boy who had only a mattress on the floor.What they didn't know: He chipped away the wood of the headboard to use asweapons.
        I used to supervise my daughter's bathtime after she (twice) flooded theupstairs bathroom floor to such an extent that hundreds of gallons seepedthrough the floor into the kitchen downstairs. Now my wife supervises her bathtime because she's of an age where it'sinappropriate for fathers to be present.
        Lark Eshleman, Ph.D., author of the new book Becoming a Family: PromotingHealthy Attachments with Your Adopted Child (Taylor Publishing Company,2004), says adoptive mothers particularly tend to take the brunt of the
        disturbed
        child's aggression, disrespect and emotional outbursts.
        So true. As much as I complain, it is my wife who takes the brunt of of heranger and aggression.
        The missing piece for kids with an inability to form relationships is a lackof conscience, Eshleman says.
        Or the absolute inability to feel empathy. Or remorse. Or shame, whenappropriate.
        Babies are born with a need to attach. Every time a baby cries and a caregiveranswers, trust builds. If nobody answers repeatedly, the cycle of trust is
        broken.
        Normal parenting doesn't work for the child who doesn't trust and accept
        limits. "Normal parents" who have bonded with other older adopted children are oftenbrought to their knees with children who cannot form attachments.
        ``Few people will ever really understand what she and her husband are goingthrough,'' says Brad Andrews of Garland, Texas. ``They usually end up blamingthe parents for things that are out of their control.''
        Don't I know it.
        Please count me among those few people who do understand, Dad.
        The Andrews adopted four siblings 10 years ago. The older two, ages 5 and 7when adopted, have faced severe attachment issues. Last year, while thecouple focused on their 17-year-old daughter, their son, 14, ran away, madethreats, and had to be placed in a long-term care facility, the father says.``Looking back, I can see he had all the signs of attachment disorder, butsince he was more sociable, we didn't realize how deep his issues reallywere,'' he says.A mother who adopted a toddler in California has a common complaint amongparents: Her daughter appeared charming and manipulated her teachers. ``Itold the teachers to tell her the rule, but not give her 10 chances. Theschools
        failed me.''
        Fortunately, my wife is on the faculty of the school where my daughterattends.
        Maggie Macaulay, an adult adoptee and parent educator in Broward County,Fla., suggests parents of kids with attachment problems remember that others
        lack
        experience with the disorder and need to be educated in positive ways.``Enroll folks in your mission to teach your child that people, especiallyMom and Dad, are reliable, that it is OK to love deeply, that his family isforever, and that he is loveable,'' Macaulay says. ``Have meetings throughoutthe school year with teachers. Let new teachers know how they can help.''Other tips: ``The mother must advocate for her son,'' says Linda Lisowski of ElizabethCity, N.C., a former foster mother and an associate professor of specialeducation. ``If he has academic problems, he is eligible for special educationservices as a child with an emotional disorder.'' An Individualized EducationProgram needs to be developed with the mother. Find a support group with other adoptive parents.
        Better than therapy, in my opinion. It helps to talk with parents who havebeen there, done that, and survived.
        The Association for Treatment and Training in the Attachment of Children(ATTACh), based in Columbia, S.C., is an international coalition of parents,professionals and others working to increase awareness about attachmentissues.Call 866-453-8224 for more information. The Web site is www.attach.org. A 20-year-old Virginia Beach, Va., reader, and his adoptive mother offerseasoned advice: He says lack of attention and care in his first year offoster care was distressing. ``People like us naturally have a tendency todistrust others. Even though I don't fully trust my parents, I love them very
        much.''
        His mother's view: ``Our son doesn't trust so he hasn't ever been honest withthe doctors, and he's always been diagnosed with less serious problems. Ourson has been a difficult person to enjoy, but now that he's grown I wouldrecommend to the next parent -- don't take things away to make them do whatyou want.
        Sage advice. Giving consequences for poor behaviors doesn't work withattachment disordered children. It simply reinforces their disorder.
        Help them learn, whether it's to put one problem on a page or to assist themin cleanup as a young child. The most needy or worst-behaved child needs to beloved the most and in a constant way.'' Several social workers and parents recommend resources by attachmenttherapist Nancy Thomas, including the book When Love is Not Enough: A Guideto Parenting Children with RAD -- Reactive Attachment Disorder (Families byDesign, 1997). She has videotapes, including Captive in the Classroom. Formore information, her Web site is www.nancythomasparenting.com.
        Nancy Thomas books and tapes have been extremely helpful to us. There arespecific techniques for children with attachment disorders which fly in theface of conventional parenting.Dad
        Have you read Frank Kunstal's "Troubled Transplants"? He also has
        some unconventional advice that I found refreshing.

        Julia

        Comment


        • #5
          Some adoptees struggle to trust, love

          On 25 May 2004 20:36:16 GMT, [email protected] (AdoptaDad) wrote:
          Subject: Some adoptees struggle to trust, loveFrom: [email protected]ospam (LilMtnCbn)Date: 5/25/2004 12:19 PM Eastern Daylight TimeMessage-id: <[email protected]>http://www.ohio.com/mld/ohio/living/8753278.htm?1cSome adoptees struggle to trust, loveBy Betsy FlaglerUnited Feature SyndicateQ: Our adopted 10-year-old son has a severe attachment disorderbecause of what he missed out on in his early years in an orphanagein Russia. Our neighbors and his teachers don't understand that whatworks for other kids doesn't apply to him. -- Mother in Charlotte, N.C.A: In the lives of kids who struggle to love, the lack of understanding stemsfrom not seeing or hearing both sides of the story, parents and experts say.One mother says of the Russian boy she adopted at age 4: ``He told histeachers I wouldn't help him with his homework. He left out the part abouthow he was stabbing holes in the wall with pencils so I had to take themaway.'' We took the door off our daughter's bedroom because of her repeatedself-destructive behavior after bedtime. She's told several classmates thather parents don't give her any privacy.
          Neighbors worried about another boy who had only a mattress on the floor.What they didn't know: He chipped away the wood of the headboard to use asweapons.
          I used to supervise my daughter's bathtime after she (twice) flooded theupstairs bathroom floor to such an extent that hundreds of gallons seepedthrough the floor into the kitchen downstairs. Now my wife supervises her bathtime because she's of an age where it'sinappropriate for fathers to be present.
          Lark Eshleman, Ph.D., author of the new book Becoming a Family: PromotingHealthy Attachments with Your Adopted Child (Taylor Publishing Company,2004), says adoptive mothers particularly tend to take the brunt of the
          disturbed
          child's aggression, disrespect and emotional outbursts.
          So true. As much as I complain, it is my wife who takes the brunt of of heranger and aggression.
          The missing piece for kids with an inability to form relationships is a lackof conscience, Eshleman says.
          Or the absolute inability to feel empathy. Or remorse. Or shame, whenappropriate.
          Babies are born with a need to attach. Every time a baby cries and a caregiveranswers, trust builds. If nobody answers repeatedly, the cycle of trust is
          broken.
          Normal parenting doesn't work for the child who doesn't trust and accept
          limits. "Normal parents" who have bonded with other older adopted children are oftenbrought to their knees with children who cannot form attachments.
          ``Few people will ever really understand what she and her husband are goingthrough,'' says Brad Andrews of Garland, Texas. ``They usually end up blamingthe parents for things that are out of their control.''
          Don't I know it.
          Please count me among those few people who do understand, Dad.
          The Andrews adopted four siblings 10 years ago. The older two, ages 5 and 7when adopted, have faced severe attachment issues. Last year, while thecouple focused on their 17-year-old daughter, their son, 14, ran away, madethreats, and had to be placed in a long-term care facility, the father says.``Looking back, I can see he had all the signs of attachment disorder, butsince he was more sociable, we didn't realize how deep his issues reallywere,'' he says.A mother who adopted a toddler in California has a common complaint amongparents: Her daughter appeared charming and manipulated her teachers. ``Itold the teachers to tell her the rule, but not give her 10 chances. Theschools
          failed me.''
          Fortunately, my wife is on the faculty of the school where my daughterattends.
          Maggie Macaulay, an adult adoptee and parent educator in Broward County,Fla., suggests parents of kids with attachment problems remember that others
          lack
          experience with the disorder and need to be educated in positive ways.``Enroll folks in your mission to teach your child that people, especiallyMom and Dad, are reliable, that it is OK to love deeply, that his family isforever, and that he is loveable,'' Macaulay says. ``Have meetings throughoutthe school year with teachers. Let new teachers know how they can help.''Other tips: ``The mother must advocate for her son,'' says Linda Lisowski of ElizabethCity, N.C., a former foster mother and an associate professor of specialeducation. ``If he has academic problems, he is eligible for special educationservices as a child with an emotional disorder.'' An Individualized EducationProgram needs to be developed with the mother. Find a support group with other adoptive parents.
          Better than therapy, in my opinion. It helps to talk with parents who havebeen there, done that, and survived.
          The Association for Treatment and Training in the Attachment of Children(ATTACh), based in Columbia, S.C., is an international coalition of parents,professionals and others working to increase awareness about attachmentissues.Call 866-453-8224 for more information. The Web site is www.attach.org. A 20-year-old Virginia Beach, Va., reader, and his adoptive mother offerseasoned advice: He says lack of attention and care in his first year offoster care was distressing. ``People like us naturally have a tendency todistrust others. Even though I don't fully trust my parents, I love them very
          much.''
          His mother's view: ``Our son doesn't trust so he hasn't ever been honest withthe doctors, and he's always been diagnosed with less serious problems. Ourson has been a difficult person to enjoy, but now that he's grown I wouldrecommend to the next parent -- don't take things away to make them do whatyou want.
          Sage advice. Giving consequences for poor behaviors doesn't work withattachment disordered children. It simply reinforces their disorder.
          Help them learn, whether it's to put one problem on a page or to assist themin cleanup as a young child. The most needy or worst-behaved child needs to beloved the most and in a constant way.'' Several social workers and parents recommend resources by attachmenttherapist Nancy Thomas, including the book When Love is Not Enough: A Guideto Parenting Children with RAD -- Reactive Attachment Disorder (Families byDesign, 1997). She has videotapes, including Captive in the Classroom. Formore information, her Web site is www.nancythomasparenting.com.
          Nancy Thomas books and tapes have been extremely helpful to us. There arespecific techniques for children with attachment disorders which fly in theface of conventional parenting.Dad
          Have you read Frank Kunstal's "Troubled Transplants"? He also has
          some unconventional advice that I found refreshing.

          Julia

          Comment


          • #6
            Some adoptees struggle to trust, love

            "Julia" <[email protected]> wrote in message
            news:[email protected]
            On 25 May 2004 20:36:16 GMT, [email protected] (AdoptaDad) wrote:
            Subject: Some adoptees struggle to trust, loveFrom: [email protected]ospam (LilMtnCbn)Date: 5/25/2004 12:19 PM Eastern Daylight TimeMessage-id: <[email protected]>
            <snip>
            "Normal parents" who have bonded with other older adopted children are
            often
            brought to their knees with children who cannot form attachments.
            I currently sit on an adopton panel here in the UK and we have to keep
            telling the social workers that successfully having brought up birth
            children is not an advantage in raising an adopted child, in fact it can be
            somewhat of a disadvabtage because their tried and trusted parenting
            strategies just won't work. The message is getting through that they will
            have to work differently.

            <snip>
            . Find a support group with other adoptive parents. Better than therapy, in my opinion. It helps to talk with parents who
            have
            been there, done that, and survived.
            Support groups are sooo essential, you don't get judged for what you or your
            child does, you get to rant and you pick upso many strategies as well as
            passing on thise that have worked for you.

            <snip>
            . Several social workers and parents recommend resources by attachmenttherapist Nancy Thomas, including the book When Love is Not Enough: A
            Guide
            to Parenting Children with RAD -- Reactive Attachment Disorder (Families
            by
            Design, 1997). She has videotapes, including Captive in the Classroom.
            For
            more information, her Web site is www.nancythomasparenting.com. Nancy Thomas books and tapes have been extremely helpful to us. There
            are
            specific techniques for children with attachment disorders which fly in
            the
            face of conventional parenting.Dad Have you read Frank Kunstal's "Troubled Transplants"? He also has some unconventional advice that I found refreshing. Julia
            The Nancy Thomas and Frank Kunstal books are superb.

            A must-read author is Dan Hughes - Building the Bonds of Attachment:
            Awakening Love in Deeply Troubled Children and Facilitating Developmental
            Attachment: The Road to Emotional Recovery and Behavioral Change in Foster
            and Adopted Children If you haven't read his books go and get them now,
            absolutley essential reading forany adoptive parent who has a child with
            attachment issues. Let me rephrase that, essential for *ANY* adoptive
            parent.

            Also, in the UK there is a series of books by Caroline Archer (she's on
            amazon) that have been so valuable to us as parents.

            I could go on and on (Family Futures in London, Adoption UK, Deborah Hage)
            but this has started to sound like an advert for these resources but I just
            wanted to pass on what has been useful for us

            nigel
            --
            -----
            to reply, remove cavemen from below:
            [email protected]


            Comment


            • #7
              Some adoptees struggle to trust, love

              "Julia" <[email protected]> wrote in message
              news:[email protected]
              On 25 May 2004 20:36:16 GMT, [email protected] (AdoptaDad) wrote:
              Subject: Some adoptees struggle to trust, loveFrom: [email protected]ospam (LilMtnCbn)Date: 5/25/2004 12:19 PM Eastern Daylight TimeMessage-id: <[email protected]>
              <snip>
              "Normal parents" who have bonded with other older adopted children are
              often
              brought to their knees with children who cannot form attachments.
              I currently sit on an adopton panel here in the UK and we have to keep
              telling the social workers that successfully having brought up birth
              children is not an advantage in raising an adopted child, in fact it can be
              somewhat of a disadvabtage because their tried and trusted parenting
              strategies just won't work. The message is getting through that they will
              have to work differently.

              <snip>
              . Find a support group with other adoptive parents. Better than therapy, in my opinion. It helps to talk with parents who
              have
              been there, done that, and survived.
              Support groups are sooo essential, you don't get judged for what you or your
              child does, you get to rant and you pick upso many strategies as well as
              passing on thise that have worked for you.

              <snip>
              . Several social workers and parents recommend resources by attachmenttherapist Nancy Thomas, including the book When Love is Not Enough: A
              Guide
              to Parenting Children with RAD -- Reactive Attachment Disorder (Families
              by
              Design, 1997). She has videotapes, including Captive in the Classroom.
              For
              more information, her Web site is www.nancythomasparenting.com. Nancy Thomas books and tapes have been extremely helpful to us. There
              are
              specific techniques for children with attachment disorders which fly in
              the
              face of conventional parenting.Dad Have you read Frank Kunstal's "Troubled Transplants"? He also has some unconventional advice that I found refreshing. Julia
              The Nancy Thomas and Frank Kunstal books are superb.

              A must-read author is Dan Hughes - Building the Bonds of Attachment:
              Awakening Love in Deeply Troubled Children and Facilitating Developmental
              Attachment: The Road to Emotional Recovery and Behavioral Change in Foster
              and Adopted Children If you haven't read his books go and get them now,
              absolutley essential reading forany adoptive parent who has a child with
              attachment issues. Let me rephrase that, essential for *ANY* adoptive
              parent.

              Also, in the UK there is a series of books by Caroline Archer (she's on
              amazon) that have been so valuable to us as parents.

              I could go on and on (Family Futures in London, Adoption UK, Deborah Hage)
              but this has started to sound like an advert for these resources but I just
              wanted to pass on what has been useful for us

              nigel
              --
              -----
              to reply, remove cavemen from below:
              [email protected]


              Comment


              • #8
                Some adoptees struggle to trust, love

                in article [email protected], dnh at [email protected] wrote
                on 26/5/04 1:15 pm:
                "Julia" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected]
                On 25 May 2004 20:36:16 GMT, [email protected] (AdoptaDad) wrote:
                > Subject: Some adoptees struggle to trust, love> From: [email protected]ospam (LilMtnCbn)> Date: 5/25/2004 12:19 PM Eastern Daylight Time> Message-id: <[email protected]>>
                <snip>
                "Normal parents" who have bonded with other older adopted children are
                often
                brought to their knees with children who cannot form attachments.
                I currently sit on an adopton panel here in the UK and we have to keep telling the social workers that successfully having brought up birth children is not an advantage in raising an adopted child, in fact it can be somewhat of a disadvabtage because their tried and trusted parenting strategies just won't work. The message is getting through that they will have to work differently. <snip>
                >> . Find a support group with other adoptive parents. Better than therapy, in my opinion. It helps to talk with parents who
                have
                been there, done that, and survived.
                Support groups are sooo essential, you don't get judged for what you or your child does, you get to rant and you pick upso many strategies as well as passing on thise that have worked for you. <snip>
                >> . Several social workers and parents recommend resources by attachment> therapist Nancy Thomas, including the book When Love is Not Enough: A
                Guide
                > to Parenting Children with RAD -- Reactive Attachment Disorder (Families
                by
                > Design, 1997). She has videotapes, including Captive in the Classroom.
                For
                > more information, her Web site is www.nancythomasparenting.com. Nancy Thomas books and tapes have been extremely helpful to us. There
                are
                specific techniques for children with attachment disorders which fly in
                the
                face of conventional parenting. Dad Have you read Frank Kunstal's "Troubled Transplants"? He also has some unconventional advice that I found refreshing. Julia
                The Nancy Thomas and Frank Kunstal books are superb. A must-read author is Dan Hughes - Building the Bonds of Attachment: Awakening Love in Deeply Troubled Children and Facilitating Developmental Attachment: The Road to Emotional Recovery and Behavioral Change in Foster and Adopted Children If you haven't read his books go and get them now, absolutley essential reading forany adoptive parent who has a child with attachment issues. Let me rephrase that, essential for *ANY* adoptive parent. Also, in the UK there is a series of books by Caroline Archer (she's on amazon) that have been so valuable to us as parents. I could go on and on (Family Futures in London, Adoption UK, Deborah Hage) but this has started to sound like an advert for these resources but I just wanted to pass on what has been useful for us nigel

                I rather think you might need to explain to people here, what an Adoption
                Panel is. I rather suspect it is unheard of in the US much to the detriment
                of many a child who finds himself in the care of clueless parents.

                Robin



                Comment


                • #9
                  Some adoptees struggle to trust, love

                  in article [email protected], dnh at [email protected] wrote
                  on 26/5/04 1:15 pm:
                  "Julia" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected]
                  On 25 May 2004 20:36:16 GMT, [email protected] (AdoptaDad) wrote:
                  > Subject: Some adoptees struggle to trust, love> From: [email protected]ospam (LilMtnCbn)> Date: 5/25/2004 12:19 PM Eastern Daylight Time> Message-id: <[email protected]>>
                  <snip>
                  "Normal parents" who have bonded with other older adopted children are
                  often
                  brought to their knees with children who cannot form attachments.
                  I currently sit on an adopton panel here in the UK and we have to keep telling the social workers that successfully having brought up birth children is not an advantage in raising an adopted child, in fact it can be somewhat of a disadvabtage because their tried and trusted parenting strategies just won't work. The message is getting through that they will have to work differently. <snip>
                  >> . Find a support group with other adoptive parents. Better than therapy, in my opinion. It helps to talk with parents who
                  have
                  been there, done that, and survived.
                  Support groups are sooo essential, you don't get judged for what you or your child does, you get to rant and you pick upso many strategies as well as passing on thise that have worked for you. <snip>
                  >> . Several social workers and parents recommend resources by attachment> therapist Nancy Thomas, including the book When Love is Not Enough: A
                  Guide
                  > to Parenting Children with RAD -- Reactive Attachment Disorder (Families
                  by
                  > Design, 1997). She has videotapes, including Captive in the Classroom.
                  For
                  > more information, her Web site is www.nancythomasparenting.com. Nancy Thomas books and tapes have been extremely helpful to us. There
                  are
                  specific techniques for children with attachment disorders which fly in
                  the
                  face of conventional parenting. Dad Have you read Frank Kunstal's "Troubled Transplants"? He also has some unconventional advice that I found refreshing. Julia
                  The Nancy Thomas and Frank Kunstal books are superb. A must-read author is Dan Hughes - Building the Bonds of Attachment: Awakening Love in Deeply Troubled Children and Facilitating Developmental Attachment: The Road to Emotional Recovery and Behavioral Change in Foster and Adopted Children If you haven't read his books go and get them now, absolutley essential reading forany adoptive parent who has a child with attachment issues. Let me rephrase that, essential for *ANY* adoptive parent. Also, in the UK there is a series of books by Caroline Archer (she's on amazon) that have been so valuable to us as parents. I could go on and on (Family Futures in London, Adoption UK, Deborah Hage) but this has started to sound like an advert for these resources but I just wanted to pass on what has been useful for us nigel

                  I rather think you might need to explain to people here, what an Adoption
                  Panel is. I rather suspect it is unheard of in the US much to the detriment
                  of many a child who finds himself in the care of clueless parents.

                  Robin



                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Some adoptees struggle to trust, love

                    "dnh" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:<[email protected]>...
                    "Julia" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected]
                    On 25 May 2004 20:36:16 GMT, [email protected] (AdoptaDad) wrote:
                    >Subject: Some adoptees struggle to trust, love>From: [email protected]ospam (LilMtnCbn)>Date: 5/25/2004 12:19 PM Eastern Daylight Time>Message-id: <[email protected]>>
                    <snip>
                    "Normal parents" who have bonded with other older adopted children are
                    often
                    brought to their knees with children who cannot form attachments.
                    I currently sit on an adopton panel here in the UK and we have to keep telling the social workers that successfully having brought up birth children is not an advantage in raising an adopted child, in fact it can be somewhat of a disadvabtage because their tried and trusted parenting strategies just won't work. The message is getting through that they will have to work differently. <snip>
                    >>. Find a support group with other adoptive parents. Better than therapy, in my opinion. It helps to talk with parents who
                    have
                    been there, done that, and survived.
                    Support groups are sooo essential, you don't get judged for what you or your child does, you get to rant and you pick upso many strategies as well as passing on thise that have worked for you. <snip>
                    >>. Several social workers and parents recommend resources by attachment>therapist Nancy Thomas, including the book When Love is Not Enough: A
                    Guide
                    >to Parenting Children with RAD -- Reactive Attachment Disorder (Families
                    by
                    >Design, 1997). She has videotapes, including Captive in the Classroom.
                    For
                    >more information, her Web site is www.nancythomasparenting.com. Nancy Thomas books and tapes have been extremely helpful to us. There
                    are
                    specific techniques for children with attachment disorders which fly in
                    the
                    face of conventional parenting.Dad Have you read Frank Kunstal's "Troubled Transplants"? He also has some unconventional advice that I found refreshing. Julia
                    The Nancy Thomas and Frank Kunstal books are superb.
                    I agree.
                    A must-read author is Dan Hughes - Building the Bonds of Attachment: Awakening Love in Deeply Troubled Children and Facilitating Developmental Attachment: The Road to Emotional Recovery and Behavioral Change in Foster and Adopted Children If you haven't read his books go and get them now, absolutley essential reading forany adoptive parent who has a child with attachment issues. Let me rephrase that, essential for *ANY* adoptive parent.
                    I agree - although I suggest that *every* adoptive parent should read
                    them EARLY - not waiting until problems are obvious.
                    Also, in the UK there is a series of books by Caroline Archer (she's on amazon) that have been so valuable to us as parents.
                    I have two of her books, and would highly recommend them: "First steps
                    in parenting the child who hurts - tiddlers and toddlers" and "Next
                    steps in parenting the child who hurts - tykes and teens".
                    I could go on and on (Family Futures in London, Adoption UK, Deborah Hage) but this has started to sound like an advert for these resources but I just wanted to pass on what has been useful for us
                    I have often recommended to social workers working in adoption and
                    fostercare here in Ireland, and to anyone even thinking of adoption,
                    that they should join Adoption UK. It is a *wonderful* resource.

                    www.adoptionuk.org

                    Helen
                    nigel

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Some adoptees struggle to trust, love

                      "dnh" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:<[email protected]>...
                      "Julia" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected]
                      On 25 May 2004 20:36:16 GMT, [email protected] (AdoptaDad) wrote:
                      >Subject: Some adoptees struggle to trust, love>From: [email protected]ospam (LilMtnCbn)>Date: 5/25/2004 12:19 PM Eastern Daylight Time>Message-id: <[email protected]>>
                      <snip>
                      "Normal parents" who have bonded with other older adopted children are
                      often
                      brought to their knees with children who cannot form attachments.
                      I currently sit on an adopton panel here in the UK and we have to keep telling the social workers that successfully having brought up birth children is not an advantage in raising an adopted child, in fact it can be somewhat of a disadvabtage because their tried and trusted parenting strategies just won't work. The message is getting through that they will have to work differently. <snip>
                      >>. Find a support group with other adoptive parents. Better than therapy, in my opinion. It helps to talk with parents who
                      have
                      been there, done that, and survived.
                      Support groups are sooo essential, you don't get judged for what you or your child does, you get to rant and you pick upso many strategies as well as passing on thise that have worked for you. <snip>
                      >>. Several social workers and parents recommend resources by attachment>therapist Nancy Thomas, including the book When Love is Not Enough: A
                      Guide
                      >to Parenting Children with RAD -- Reactive Attachment Disorder (Families
                      by
                      >Design, 1997). She has videotapes, including Captive in the Classroom.
                      For
                      >more information, her Web site is www.nancythomasparenting.com. Nancy Thomas books and tapes have been extremely helpful to us. There
                      are
                      specific techniques for children with attachment disorders which fly in
                      the
                      face of conventional parenting.Dad Have you read Frank Kunstal's "Troubled Transplants"? He also has some unconventional advice that I found refreshing. Julia
                      The Nancy Thomas and Frank Kunstal books are superb.
                      I agree.
                      A must-read author is Dan Hughes - Building the Bonds of Attachment: Awakening Love in Deeply Troubled Children and Facilitating Developmental Attachment: The Road to Emotional Recovery and Behavioral Change in Foster and Adopted Children If you haven't read his books go and get them now, absolutley essential reading forany adoptive parent who has a child with attachment issues. Let me rephrase that, essential for *ANY* adoptive parent.
                      I agree - although I suggest that *every* adoptive parent should read
                      them EARLY - not waiting until problems are obvious.
                      Also, in the UK there is a series of books by Caroline Archer (she's on amazon) that have been so valuable to us as parents.
                      I have two of her books, and would highly recommend them: "First steps
                      in parenting the child who hurts - tiddlers and toddlers" and "Next
                      steps in parenting the child who hurts - tykes and teens".
                      I could go on and on (Family Futures in London, Adoption UK, Deborah Hage) but this has started to sound like an advert for these resources but I just wanted to pass on what has been useful for us
                      I have often recommended to social workers working in adoption and
                      fostercare here in Ireland, and to anyone even thinking of adoption,
                      that they should join Adoption UK. It is a *wonderful* resource.

                      www.adoptionuk.org

                      Helen
                      nigel

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Some adoptees struggle to trust, love

                        On 28 May 2004 09:24:54 -0700, [email protected] (helicon) wrote:
                        "dnh" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:<[email protected]>...
                        "Julia" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected]
                        On 25 May 2004 20:36:16 GMT, [email protected] (AdoptaDad) wrote: >>Subject: Some adoptees struggle to trust, love >>From: [email protected]ospam (LilMtnCbn) >>Date: 5/25/2004 12:19 PM Eastern Daylight Time >>Message-id: <[email protected]> >>
                        <snip>
                        > > "Normal parents" who have bonded with other older adopted children are
                        often
                        >brought to their knees with children who cannot form attachments. >
                        I currently sit on an adopton panel here in the UK and we have to keep telling the social workers that successfully having brought up birth children is not an advantage in raising an adopted child, in fact it can be somewhat of a disadvabtage because their tried and trusted parenting strategies just won't work. The message is getting through that they will have to work differently. <snip>
                        >> >>. Find a support group with other adoptive parents. > > Better than therapy, in my opinion. It helps to talk with parents who
                        have
                        >been there, done that, and survived.
                        Support groups are sooo essential, you don't get judged for what you or your child does, you get to rant and you pick upso many strategies as well as passing on thise that have worked for you. <snip>
                        >> >>. Several social workers and parents recommend resources by attachment >>therapist Nancy Thomas, including the book When Love is Not Enough: A
                        Guide
                        >>to Parenting Children with RAD -- Reactive Attachment Disorder (Families
                        by
                        >>Design, 1997). She has videotapes, including Captive in the Classroom.
                        For
                        >>more information, her Web site is www.nancythomasparenting.com. > > Nancy Thomas books and tapes have been extremely helpful to us. There
                        are
                        >specific techniques for children with attachment disorders which fly in
                        the
                        >face of conventional parenting. > >Dad Have you read Frank Kunstal's "Troubled Transplants"? He also has some unconventional advice that I found refreshing. Julia
                        The Nancy Thomas and Frank Kunstal books are superb.
                        I agree.
                        A must-read author is Dan Hughes - Building the Bonds of Attachment: Awakening Love in Deeply Troubled Children and Facilitating Developmental Attachment: The Road to Emotional Recovery and Behavioral Change in Foster and Adopted Children If you haven't read his books go and get them now, absolutley essential reading forany adoptive parent who has a child with attachment issues. Let me rephrase that, essential for *ANY* adoptive parent.
                        I agree - although I suggest that *every* adoptive parent should readthem EARLY - not waiting until problems are obvious.
                        Also, in the UK there is a series of books by Caroline Archer (she's on amazon) that have been so valuable to us as parents.
                        I have two of her books, and would highly recommend them: "First stepsin parenting the child who hurts - tiddlers and toddlers" and "Nextsteps in parenting the child who hurts - tykes and teens".
                        I could go on and on (Family Futures in London, Adoption UK, Deborah Hage) but this has started to sound like an advert for these resources but I just wanted to pass on what has been useful for us
                        I have often recommended to social workers working in adoption andfostercare here in Ireland, and to anyone even thinking of adoption,that they should join Adoption UK. It is a *wonderful* resource.www.adoptionuk.orgHelen
                        Adoption UK was formerly known as PPIAS, wasn't it? We exchanged our
                        association's journal "Adoption Australia" with them for many years
                        and were thrilled several years ago when we read they had decided to
                        follow the example of our group and change their name to "Adoption
                        UK". They've always had excellent articles. The one thing I miss
                        after ending my 17 years on our committee was that I no longer read
                        all the good journals.

                        Julia
                        nigel

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Some adoptees struggle to trust, love

                          On 28 May 2004 09:24:54 -0700, [email protected] (helicon) wrote:
                          "dnh" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:<[email protected]>...
                          "Julia" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected]
                          On 25 May 2004 20:36:16 GMT, [email protected] (AdoptaDad) wrote: >>Subject: Some adoptees struggle to trust, love >>From: [email protected]ospam (LilMtnCbn) >>Date: 5/25/2004 12:19 PM Eastern Daylight Time >>Message-id: <[email protected]> >>
                          <snip>
                          > > "Normal parents" who have bonded with other older adopted children are
                          often
                          >brought to their knees with children who cannot form attachments. >
                          I currently sit on an adopton panel here in the UK and we have to keep telling the social workers that successfully having brought up birth children is not an advantage in raising an adopted child, in fact it can be somewhat of a disadvabtage because their tried and trusted parenting strategies just won't work. The message is getting through that they will have to work differently. <snip>
                          >> >>. Find a support group with other adoptive parents. > > Better than therapy, in my opinion. It helps to talk with parents who
                          have
                          >been there, done that, and survived.
                          Support groups are sooo essential, you don't get judged for what you or your child does, you get to rant and you pick upso many strategies as well as passing on thise that have worked for you. <snip>
                          >> >>. Several social workers and parents recommend resources by attachment >>therapist Nancy Thomas, including the book When Love is Not Enough: A
                          Guide
                          >>to Parenting Children with RAD -- Reactive Attachment Disorder (Families
                          by
                          >>Design, 1997). She has videotapes, including Captive in the Classroom.
                          For
                          >>more information, her Web site is www.nancythomasparenting.com. > > Nancy Thomas books and tapes have been extremely helpful to us. There
                          are
                          >specific techniques for children with attachment disorders which fly in
                          the
                          >face of conventional parenting. > >Dad Have you read Frank Kunstal's "Troubled Transplants"? He also has some unconventional advice that I found refreshing. Julia
                          The Nancy Thomas and Frank Kunstal books are superb.
                          I agree.
                          A must-read author is Dan Hughes - Building the Bonds of Attachment: Awakening Love in Deeply Troubled Children and Facilitating Developmental Attachment: The Road to Emotional Recovery and Behavioral Change in Foster and Adopted Children If you haven't read his books go and get them now, absolutley essential reading forany adoptive parent who has a child with attachment issues. Let me rephrase that, essential for *ANY* adoptive parent.
                          I agree - although I suggest that *every* adoptive parent should readthem EARLY - not waiting until problems are obvious.
                          Also, in the UK there is a series of books by Caroline Archer (she's on amazon) that have been so valuable to us as parents.
                          I have two of her books, and would highly recommend them: "First stepsin parenting the child who hurts - tiddlers and toddlers" and "Nextsteps in parenting the child who hurts - tykes and teens".
                          I could go on and on (Family Futures in London, Adoption UK, Deborah Hage) but this has started to sound like an advert for these resources but I just wanted to pass on what has been useful for us
                          I have often recommended to social workers working in adoption andfostercare here in Ireland, and to anyone even thinking of adoption,that they should join Adoption UK. It is a *wonderful* resource.www.adoptionuk.orgHelen
                          Adoption UK was formerly known as PPIAS, wasn't it? We exchanged our
                          association's journal "Adoption Australia" with them for many years
                          and were thrilled several years ago when we read they had decided to
                          follow the example of our group and change their name to "Adoption
                          UK". They've always had excellent articles. The one thing I miss
                          after ending my 17 years on our committee was that I no longer read
                          all the good journals.

                          Julia
                          nigel

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Some adoptees struggle to trust, love

                            Sorry if this is twittering up the wrong tree, but that isn't Nigel HARVEY, is it?

                            Damsel PLUM
                            Struggling to truss, lunge

                            "dnh" <[email protected]> wrote in message
                            How does that sound, have I covered it. nigel

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Some adoptees struggle to trust, love

                              Sorry if this is twittering up the wrong tree, but that isn't Nigel HARVEY, is it?

                              Damsel PLUM
                              Struggling to truss, lunge

                              "dnh" <[email protected]> wrote in message
                              How does that sound, have I covered it. nigel

                              Comment

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