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  • Shamed by "losing a child to adoption"

    Letter to the Editor


    http://www.illinoisleader.com/printe...le.asp?c=17386


    Shamed by "losing a child to adoption"

    Wednesday, July 07, 2004

    I am writing to answer some of the issues you raised ["Planned
    Parenthood's 30-year-old anti-adoption campaign," July 5, 2004] in
    response to the letter from "Adoption not seen as a loving option for
    these two women" [June 29, 2004], where you discuss the anguish of
    adoption versus the anguish of abortion.

    In the first place, you are making the exact same assumption that the
    adoption industry has made for years and that is that these are the only
    alternatives that are available to a young woman dealing with an
    unplanned, unintended pregnancy. What utter, simplistic nonsense! There
    are any number of alternative solutions that have not been discussed by
    you. It does not have to be a “lesser of two evils” alternative.

    I would expect a young, naïve, frightened girl with little or no family
    support to leap to this sort of either/or conclusion, but I am somewhat
    surprised at a sophisticated, grown woman being so black and white.

    What of Kin Care, where a child is placed with his biological relatives
    and is able to maintain his genetic connection? What about guardianship,
    where a child is placed with a family not related, but retains his name
    and his family information? What of social services or family (including
    the father of the child who often walks away scot-free) pitching in with
    support and some of the funding that is currently being used to remove
    this same young woman from her infant? What is the urgency about
    stripping a child of his heritage, culture, heredity, genetic
    connection, and all that is comfortable and familiar to him?

    Certainly the young women standing outside the abortion clinic are
    young, frightened, and ashamed. There are people from the anti-choice
    organizations intruding on what should be a private decision between a
    woman (no matter how young), and her doctor. Somehow, they seem to feel
    they have the right -- no the mandate, to push their own agenda on these
    young women.

    And who is fostering the shame in these young women? Shame is not an
    emotion one arrives at automatically. Shame is a placed emotion; shame
    comes from outside oneself and is placed by someone else. Shame should
    never be associated with creating a life. If these young women are
    feeling shame, I can assure you that someone else has made them feel
    that way. If you think that there is no shame associated with losing
    your child to adoption, let me quickly put that notion to rest. That
    shame is to the cellular level. I know this from personal experience.

    I lost a son to adoption in 1967. We have been reunited since 1990, and
    he is a loving part of my life, but his anger at losing his mother and
    my anger at the coercive tactics that were used to rob me of my
    motherhood and my son of his true upbringing goes to the cellular level.
    There is no shame that compares to the shame a mother feels at not being
    strong enough to defend her child from predators.

    You talk about it being against nature for a mother to discontinue a
    pregnancy. You say it as if it is the most natural thing in the world
    for a mother to go through nine months of pregnancy, a difficult
    childbirth, and then calmly walk away, turning her beloved infant over
    to perfect strangers whom society has deemed more worthy than she to
    raise her own child simply because they have more money, are older and
    more stable, or just because the want it. Please, Ms. Wright, tell me
    what is normal about that?

    This young woman will not always be so young, so poor, so without
    resources. But if she listens to you, she will forever be without her
    child. Most responsible mothers won’t even leave their child with a
    babysitter for an evening unless they know the sitter, her parents, her
    background, and leave a list of contact numbers where they can be
    reached. And yet, you are saying it is normal for her to walk away
    forever leaving strangers to care for her child and never look back. I
    don’t think so.

    Your final argument that the young women who give their babies up for
    adoption are a “cut above their peers in maturity and having high moral
    standards” makes no sense. By whose yardstick do you make these
    assertions? From my experience, both personal and by being in contact
    with the thousand of adopted adults and natural mothers I am in contact
    with on a daily basis, I can tell you that it is a false premise. The
    adopted adult is not grateful to the mother who unselfishly gave him
    life and then surrendered him to adoption. They feel abandoned, not good
    enough, less than, and are either badly damaged by the entire process,
    or so deep into denial that they are overwhelmingly grateful to their
    adopters for the things that any normal parent would do for their child.
    I am sorry, Ms. Wright, but in this area, you are wrong.

    Sandy Young
    Hondo, Texas (formerly Peoria)

    ***************

    Do you have thoughts, ideas or comments on this letter? Send a letter

    about a letter to the editor! Address it to [email protected]

    Don't forget to include your full name and town/city where you live!



    (c) The Illinois Leader, Illinois' Conservative News Voice
    __________________________________________________ _________
    Reprinted for educational purposes only.

  • #2
    Shamed by "losing a child to adoption"


    "pb..." <[email protected]> wrote in message
    news:[email protected]
    Letter to the Editor http://www.illinoisleader.com/printe...le.asp?c=17386 Shamed by "losing a child to adoption" Wednesday, July 07, 2004 I am writing to answer some of the issues you raised ["Planned Parenthood's 30-year-old anti-adoption campaign," July 5, 2004] in response to the letter from "Adoption not seen as a loving option for these two women" [June 29, 2004], where you discuss the anguish of adoption versus the anguish of abortion. In the first place, you are making the exact same assumption that the adoption industry has made for years and that is that these are the only alternatives that are available to a young woman dealing with an unplanned, unintended pregnancy. What utter, simplistic nonsense! There are any number of alternative solutions that have not been discussed by you. It does not have to be a “lesser of two evils” alternative. I would expect a young, naïve, frightened girl with little or no family support to leap to this sort of either/or conclusion, but I am somewhat surprised at a sophisticated, grown woman being so black and white. What of Kin Care, where a child is placed with his biological relatives and is able to maintain his genetic connection? What about guardianship, where a child is placed with a family not related, but retains his name and his family information? What of social services or family (including the father of the child who often walks away scot-free) pitching in with support and some of the funding that is currently being used to remove this same young woman from her infant? What is the urgency about stripping a child of his heritage, culture, heredity, genetic connection, and all that is comfortable and familiar to him? Certainly the young women standing outside the abortion clinic are young, frightened, and ashamed. There are people from the anti-choice organizations intruding on what should be a private decision between a woman (no matter how young), and her doctor. Somehow, they seem to feel they have the right -- no the mandate, to push their own agenda on these young women. And who is fostering the shame in these young women? Shame is not an emotion one arrives at automatically. Shame is a placed emotion; shame comes from outside oneself and is placed by someone else. Shame should never be associated with creating a life. If these young women are feeling shame, I can assure you that someone else has made them feel that way. If you think that there is no shame associated with losing your child to adoption, let me quickly put that notion to rest. That shame is to the cellular level. I know this from personal experience. I lost a son to adoption in 1967. We have been reunited since 1990, and he is a loving part of my life, but his anger at losing his mother and my anger at the coercive tactics that were used to rob me of my motherhood and my son of his true upbringing goes to the cellular level. There is no shame that compares to the shame a mother feels at not being strong enough to defend her child from predators. You talk about it being against nature for a mother to discontinue a pregnancy. You say it as if it is the most natural thing in the world for a mother to go through nine months of pregnancy, a difficult childbirth, and then calmly walk away, turning her beloved infant over to perfect strangers whom society has deemed more worthy than she to raise her own child simply because they have more money, are older and more stable, or just because the want it. Please, Ms. Wright, tell me what is normal about that? This young woman will not always be so young, so poor, so without resources. But if she listens to you, she will forever be without her child. Most responsible mothers won’t even leave their child with a babysitter for an evening unless they know the sitter, her parents, her background, and leave a list of contact numbers where they can be reached. And yet, you are saying it is normal for her to walk away forever leaving strangers to care for her child and never look back. I don’t think so. Your final argument that the young women who give their babies up for adoption are a “cut above their peers in maturity and having high moral standards” makes no sense. By whose yardstick do you make these assertions? From my experience, both personal and by being in contact with the thousand of adopted adults and natural mothers I am in contact with on a daily basis, I can tell you that it is a false premise.

    She should have stopped right there. She did fine imo, until then.


    The
    adopted adult is not grateful to the mother who unselfishly gave him life and then surrendered him to adoption. They feel abandoned, not good enough, less than, and are either badly damaged by the entire process, or so deep into denial that they are overwhelmingly grateful to their adopters for the things that any normal parent would do for their child. I am sorry, Ms. Wright, but in this area, you are wrong. Sandy Young Hondo, Texas (formerly Peoria)
    She is doing exactly what she is lambasting Ms. Wright for - *speaking for
    others* I'm as sooooooo sick of bmothers who have to portray adoptees this
    way in order to justify how "bad" adoption is for *them*.

    Perhaps the "thousand of adopted adults and natural mothers" Ms. Young
    claims she is "in contact
    with on a daily basis" (an exaggeration most likely) feel that way
    (unlikely, imo that every last one does) but I doubt they are the majority
    of adoptees.

    Kathy 1



    *************** Do you have thoughts, ideas or comments on this letter? Send a letter about a letter to the editor! Address it to [email protected] Don't forget to include your full name and town/city where you live! (c) The Illinois Leader, Illinois' Conservative News Voice __________________________________________________ _________ Reprinted for educational purposes only.

    Comment


    • #3
      Shamed by &quot;losing a child to adoption&quot;


      "kat" <[email protected]> wrote in message
      news:[email protected]
      "pb..." <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected]
      Letter to the Editor http://www.illinoisleader.com/printe...le.asp?c=17386 Shamed by "losing a child to adoption" Wednesday, July 07, 2004 I am writing to answer some of the issues you raised ["Planned Parenthood's 30-year-old anti-adoption campaign," July 5, 2004] in response to the letter from "Adoption not seen as a loving option for these two women" [June 29, 2004], where you discuss the anguish of adoption versus the anguish of abortion. In the first place, you are making the exact same assumption that the adoption industry has made for years and that is that these are the only alternatives that are available to a young woman dealing with an unplanned, unintended pregnancy. What utter, simplistic nonsense! There are any number of alternative solutions that have not been discussed by you. It does not have to be a "lesser of two evils" alternative. I would expect a young, naïve, frightened girl with little or no family support to leap to this sort of either/or conclusion, but I am somewhat surprised at a sophisticated, grown woman being so black and white. What of Kin Care, where a child is placed with his biological relatives and is able to maintain his genetic connection? What about guardianship, where a child is placed with a family not related, but retains his name and his family information? What of social services or family (including the father of the child who often walks away scot-free) pitching in with support and some of the funding that is currently being used to remove this same young woman from her infant? What is the urgency about stripping a child of his heritage, culture, heredity, genetic connection, and all that is comfortable and familiar to him? Certainly the young women standing outside the abortion clinic are young, frightened, and ashamed. There are people from the anti-choice organizations intruding on what should be a private decision between a woman (no matter how young), and her doctor. Somehow, they seem to feel they have the right -- no the mandate, to push their own agenda on these young women. And who is fostering the shame in these young women? Shame is not an emotion one arrives at automatically. Shame is a placed emotion; shame comes from outside oneself and is placed by someone else. Shame should never be associated with creating a life. If these young women are feeling shame, I can assure you that someone else has made them feel that way. If you think that there is no shame associated with losing your child to adoption, let me quickly put that notion to rest. That shame is to the cellular level. I know this from personal experience. I lost a son to adoption in 1967. We have been reunited since 1990, and he is a loving part of my life, but his anger at losing his mother and my anger at the coercive tactics that were used to rob me of my motherhood and my son of his true upbringing goes to the cellular level. There is no shame that compares to the shame a mother feels at not being strong enough to defend her child from predators. You talk about it being against nature for a mother to discontinue a pregnancy. You say it as if it is the most natural thing in the world for a mother to go through nine months of pregnancy, a difficult childbirth, and then calmly walk away, turning her beloved infant over to perfect strangers whom society has deemed more worthy than she to raise her own child simply because they have more money, are older and more stable, or just because the want it. Please, Ms. Wright, tell me what is normal about that? This young woman will not always be so young, so poor, so without resources. But if she listens to you, she will forever be without her child. Most responsible mothers won't even leave their child with a babysitter for an evening unless they know the sitter, her parents, her background, and leave a list of contact numbers where they can be reached. And yet, you are saying it is normal for her to walk away forever leaving strangers to care for her child and never look back. I don't think so. Your final argument that the young women who give their babies up for adoption are a "cut above their peers in maturity and having high moral standards" makes no sense. By whose yardstick do you make these assertions? From my experience, both personal and by being in contact with the thousand of adopted adults and natural mothers I am in contact with on a daily basis, I can tell you that it is a false premise.
      She should have stopped right there. She did fine imo, until then. The
      adopted adult is not grateful to the mother who unselfishly gave him life and then surrendered him to adoption. They feel abandoned, not good enough, less than, and are either badly damaged by the entire process, or so deep into denial that they are overwhelmingly grateful to their adopters for the things that any normal parent would do for their child. I am sorry, Ms. Wright, but in this area, you are wrong. Sandy Young Hondo, Texas (formerly Peoria)
      She is doing exactly what she is lambasting Ms. Wright for - *speaking for others* I'm as sooooooo sick of bmothers who have to portray adoptees
      this
      way in order to justify how "bad" adoption is for *them*. Perhaps the "thousand of adopted adults and natural mothers" Ms. Young claims she is "in contact with on a daily basis" (an exaggeration most likely) feel that way (unlikely, imo that every last one does) but I doubt they are the majority of adoptees. Kathy 1
      The Illionois Leader is a Christian Right newspaper that's been pushing
      Choose Life plates recently as well as new relinquishment for self-esteem.
      If you look at the Planned Parenthood letter link you'll see that Wright was
      suggesting that the anti-adoption bmoms who wrote the original letters
      become "sidewalk counsellors"--that is stand in front of clinics and shout
      and evangelize women going into them hectoring them to give their little
      bundle to some Christian stranger. Why the anti-adoption bmoms would
      consider doing such a thing is behond my comprehension.

      Marley
      *************** Do you have thoughts, ideas or comments on this letter? Send a letter about a letter to the editor! Address it to [email protected] Don't forget to include your full name and town/city where you live! (c) The Illinois Leader, Illinois' Conservative News Voice __________________________________________________ _________ Reprinted for educational purposes only.

      Comment


      • #4
        Shamed by &quot;losing a child to adoption&quot;


        "Marley Greiner" <[email protected]> wrote in message
        news:[email protected]
        "kat" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected]
        "pb..." <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected]
        Letter to the Editor http://www.illinoisleader.com/printe...le.asp?c=17386 Shamed by "losing a child to adoption" Wednesday, July 07, 2004 I am writing to answer some of the issues you raised ["Planned Parenthood's 30-year-old anti-adoption campaign," July 5, 2004] in response to the letter from "Adoption not seen as a loving option for these two women" [June 29, 2004], where you discuss the anguish of adoption versus the anguish of abortion. In the first place, you are making the exact same assumption that the adoption industry has made for years and that is that these are the
        only
        alternatives that are available to a young woman dealing with an unplanned, unintended pregnancy. What utter, simplistic nonsense!
        There
        are any number of alternative solutions that have not been discussed
        by
        you. It does not have to be a "lesser of two evils" alternative. I would expect a young, naïve, frightened girl with little or no
        family
        support to leap to this sort of either/or conclusion, but I am
        somewhat
        surprised at a sophisticated, grown woman being so black and white. What of Kin Care, where a child is placed with his biological
        relatives
        and is able to maintain his genetic connection? What about
        guardianship,
        where a child is placed with a family not related, but retains his
        name
        and his family information? What of social services or family
        (including
        the father of the child who often walks away scot-free) pitching in
        with
        support and some of the funding that is currently being used to remove this same young woman from her infant? What is the urgency about stripping a child of his heritage, culture, heredity, genetic connection, and all that is comfortable and familiar to him? Certainly the young women standing outside the abortion clinic are young, frightened, and ashamed. There are people from the anti-choice organizations intruding on what should be a private decision between a woman (no matter how young), and her doctor. Somehow, they seem to
        feel
        they have the right -- no the mandate, to push their own agenda on
        these
        young women. And who is fostering the shame in these young women? Shame is not an emotion one arrives at automatically. Shame is a placed emotion; shame comes from outside oneself and is placed by someone else. Shame should never be associated with creating a life. If these young women are feeling shame, I can assure you that someone else has made them feel that way. If you think that there is no shame associated with losing your child to adoption, let me quickly put that notion to rest. That shame is to the cellular level. I know this from personal experience. I lost a son to adoption in 1967. We have been reunited since 1990,
        and
        he is a loving part of my life, but his anger at losing his mother and my anger at the coercive tactics that were used to rob me of my motherhood and my son of his true upbringing goes to the cellular
        level.
        There is no shame that compares to the shame a mother feels at not
        being
        strong enough to defend her child from predators. You talk about it being against nature for a mother to discontinue a pregnancy. You say it as if it is the most natural thing in the world for a mother to go through nine months of pregnancy, a difficult childbirth, and then calmly walk away, turning her beloved infant over to perfect strangers whom society has deemed more worthy than she to raise her own child simply because they have more money, are older and more stable, or just because the want it. Please, Ms. Wright, tell me what is normal about that? This young woman will not always be so young, so poor, so without resources. But if she listens to you, she will forever be without her child. Most responsible mothers won't even leave their child with a babysitter for an evening unless they know the sitter, her parents,
        her
        background, and leave a list of contact numbers where they can be reached. And yet, you are saying it is normal for her to walk away forever leaving strangers to care for her child and never look back. I don't think so. Your final argument that the young women who give their babies up for adoption are a "cut above their peers in maturity and having high
        moral
        standards" makes no sense. By whose yardstick do you make these assertions? From my experience, both personal and by being in contact with the thousand of adopted adults and natural mothers I am in
        contact
        with on a daily basis, I can tell you that it is a false premise. She should have stopped right there. She did fine imo, until then. The
        adopted adult is not grateful to the mother who unselfishly gave him life and then surrendered him to adoption. They feel abandoned, not
        good
        enough, less than, and are either badly damaged by the entire process, or so deep into denial that they are overwhelmingly grateful to their adopters for the things that any normal parent would do for their
        child.
        I am sorry, Ms. Wright, but in this area, you are wrong. Sandy Young Hondo, Texas (formerly Peoria) She is doing exactly what she is lambasting Ms. Wright for - *speaking
        for
        others* I'm as sooooooo sick of bmothers who have to portray adoptees this
        way in order to justify how "bad" adoption is for *them*. Perhaps the "thousand of adopted adults and natural mothers" Ms. Young claims she is "in contact with on a daily basis" (an exaggeration most likely) feel that way (unlikely, imo that every last one does) but I doubt they are the
        majority
        of adoptees. Kathy 1 The Illionois Leader is a Christian Right newspaper that's been pushing Choose Life plates recently as well as new relinquishment for self-esteem. If you look at the Planned Parenthood letter link you'll see that Wright
        was
        suggesting that the anti-adoption bmoms who wrote the original letters become "sidewalk counsellors"--that is stand in front of clinics and shout and evangelize women going into them hectoring them to give their little bundle to some Christian stranger. Why the anti-adoption bmoms would consider doing such a thing is behond my comprehension. Marley
        And as always it is about everybody else's agenda with each side using the
        adoptee as a "pawn". Imo, Ms. Young is the flip side of Ms. Wright.

        Kathy 1


        Comment


        • #5
          Shamed by &quot;losing a child to adoption&quot;


          "kat" <[email protected]> wrote in message
          news:[email protected]
          "Marley Greiner" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected]
          "kat" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected]
          "pb..." <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected] > Letter to the Editor > > > http://www.illinoisleader.com/printe...le.asp?c=17386 > > > Shamed by "losing a child to adoption" > > Wednesday, July 07, 2004 > > I am writing to answer some of the issues you raised ["Planned > Parenthood's 30-year-old anti-adoption campaign," July 5, 2004] in > response to the letter from "Adoption not seen as a loving option
          for
          > these two women" [June 29, 2004], where you discuss the anguish of > adoption versus the anguish of abortion. > > In the first place, you are making the exact same assumption that
          the
          > adoption industry has made for years and that is that these are the only
          > alternatives that are available to a young woman dealing with an > unplanned, unintended pregnancy. What utter, simplistic nonsense!
          There
          > are any number of alternative solutions that have not been discussed
          by
          > you. It does not have to be a "lesser of two evils" alternative. > > I would expect a young, naïve, frightened girl with little or no
          family
          > support to leap to this sort of either/or conclusion, but I am
          somewhat
          > surprised at a sophisticated, grown woman being so black and white. > > What of Kin Care, where a child is placed with his biological
          relatives
          > and is able to maintain his genetic connection? What about
          guardianship,
          > where a child is placed with a family not related, but retains his
          name
          > and his family information? What of social services or family
          (including
          > the father of the child who often walks away scot-free) pitching in
          with
          > support and some of the funding that is currently being used to
          remove
          > this same young woman from her infant? What is the urgency about > stripping a child of his heritage, culture, heredity, genetic > connection, and all that is comfortable and familiar to him? > > Certainly the young women standing outside the abortion clinic are > young, frightened, and ashamed. There are people from the
          anti-choice
          > organizations intruding on what should be a private decision between
          a
          > woman (no matter how young), and her doctor. Somehow, they seem to feel
          > they have the right -- no the mandate, to push their own agenda on
          these
          > young women. > > And who is fostering the shame in these young women? Shame is not an > emotion one arrives at automatically. Shame is a placed emotion;
          shame
          > comes from outside oneself and is placed by someone else. Shame
          should
          > never be associated with creating a life. If these young women are > feeling shame, I can assure you that someone else has made them feel > that way. If you think that there is no shame associated with losing > your child to adoption, let me quickly put that notion to rest. That > shame is to the cellular level. I know this from personal
          experience.
          > > I lost a son to adoption in 1967. We have been reunited since 1990, and
          > he is a loving part of my life, but his anger at losing his mother
          and
          > my anger at the coercive tactics that were used to rob me of my > motherhood and my son of his true upbringing goes to the cellular level.
          > There is no shame that compares to the shame a mother feels at not
          being
          > strong enough to defend her child from predators. > > You talk about it being against nature for a mother to discontinue a > pregnancy. You say it as if it is the most natural thing in the
          world
          > for a mother to go through nine months of pregnancy, a difficult > childbirth, and then calmly walk away, turning her beloved infant
          over
          > to perfect strangers whom society has deemed more worthy than she to > raise her own child simply because they have more money, are older
          and
          > more stable, or just because the want it. Please, Ms. Wright, tell
          me
          > what is normal about that? > > This young woman will not always be so young, so poor, so without > resources. But if she listens to you, she will forever be without
          her
          > child. Most responsible mothers won't even leave their child with a > babysitter for an evening unless they know the sitter, her parents, her
          > background, and leave a list of contact numbers where they can be > reached. And yet, you are saying it is normal for her to walk away > forever leaving strangers to care for her child and never look back.
          I
          > don't think so. > > Your final argument that the young women who give their babies up
          for
          > adoption are a "cut above their peers in maturity and having high moral
          > standards" makes no sense. By whose yardstick do you make these > assertions? From my experience, both personal and by being in
          contact
          > with the thousand of adopted adults and natural mothers I am in contact
          > with on a daily basis, I can tell you that it is a false premise. She should have stopped right there. She did fine imo, until then. The > adopted adult is not grateful to the mother who unselfishly gave him > life and then surrendered him to adoption. They feel abandoned, not
          good
          > enough, less than, and are either badly damaged by the entire
          process,
          > or so deep into denial that they are overwhelmingly grateful to
          their
          > adopters for the things that any normal parent would do for their child.
          > I am sorry, Ms. Wright, but in this area, you are wrong. > > Sandy Young > Hondo, Texas (formerly Peoria) She is doing exactly what she is lambasting Ms. Wright for - *speaking
          for
          others* I'm as sooooooo sick of bmothers who have to portray adoptees this
          way in order to justify how "bad" adoption is for *them*. Perhaps the "thousand of adopted adults and natural mothers" Ms.
          Young
          claims she is "in contact with on a daily basis" (an exaggeration most likely) feel that way (unlikely, imo that every last one does) but I doubt they are the majority
          of adoptees. Kathy 1 The Illionois Leader is a Christian Right newspaper that's been pushing Choose Life plates recently as well as new relinquishment for
          self-esteem.
          If you look at the Planned Parenthood letter link you'll see that Wright was
          suggesting that the anti-adoption bmoms who wrote the original letters become "sidewalk counsellors"--that is stand in front of clinics and
          shout
          and evangelize women going into them hectoring them to give their little bundle to some Christian stranger. Why the anti-adoption bmoms would consider doing such a thing is behond my comprehension. Marley And as always it is about everybody else's agenda with each side using the adoptee as a "pawn". Imo, Ms. Young is the flip side of Ms. Wright. Kathy 1
          Maybe, but I'm pointing out the Christian nuttiness of the paper in general
          and it's general disregard for people involved in adoption--or even a
          comprehension of what adoption is. I liked the piece myself except for the
          couple of sentences, though I agree with you that nobody should be claiming
          to speak for everybody.

          Marley

          Comment


          • #6
            Shamed by &quot;losing a child to adoption&quot;


            "Marley Greiner" <[email protected]> wrote in message
            news:[email protected]

            The Illionois Leader is a Christian Right newspaper that's been
            pushing
            Choose Life plates recently as well as new relinquishment for self-esteem.
            If you look at the Planned Parenthood letter link you'll see that
            Wright
            was
            suggesting that the anti-adoption bmoms who wrote the original letters become "sidewalk counsellors"--that is stand in front of clinics and
            shout
            and evangelize women going into them hectoring them to give their
            little
            bundle to some Christian stranger. Why the anti-adoption bmoms would consider doing such a thing is behond my comprehension. Marley And as always it is about everybody else's agenda with each side using
            the
            adoptee as a "pawn". Imo, Ms. Young is the flip side of Ms. Wright. Kathy 1 Maybe, but I'm pointing out the Christian nuttiness of the paper in
            general
            and it's general disregard for people involved in adoption--or even a comprehension of what adoption is.

            Ah but you forget I am well aware of such issues You have probably
            forgotten but my bmother started working for a CPC shortly after we
            reunited. We had a few testy conversations about such issues.
            I liked the piece myself
            I did too - up until the point I indicated. I thought Ms. Young was more
            articulate than the earlier.anti-adoption bmoms. Then she had to go and
            blow it. . . . .

            except for the
            couple of sentences, though I agree with you that nobody should be
            claiming
            to speak for everybody. Marley

            Comment


            • #7
              Shamed by &quot;losing a child to adoption&quot;


              "kat" <[email protected]l.com> wrote in message
              news:[email protected]
              "Marley Greiner" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected]
              > The Illionois Leader is a Christian Right newspaper that's been
              pushing
              > Choose Life plates recently as well as new relinquishment for self-esteem.
              > If you look at the Planned Parenthood letter link you'll see that
              Wright
              was > suggesting that the anti-adoption bmoms who wrote the original
              letters
              > become "sidewalk counsellors"--that is stand in front of clinics and shout
              > and evangelize women going into them hectoring them to give their
              little
              > bundle to some Christian stranger. Why the anti-adoption bmoms would > consider doing such a thing is behond my comprehension. > > Marley And as always it is about everybody else's agenda with each side using
              the
              adoptee as a "pawn". Imo, Ms. Young is the flip side of Ms. Wright. Kathy 1 Maybe, but I'm pointing out the Christian nuttiness of the paper in
              general
              and it's general disregard for people involved in adoption--or even a comprehension of what adoption is.
              Ah but you forget I am well aware of such issues You have probably forgotten but my bmother started working for a CPC shortly after we reunited. We had a few testy conversations about such issues.
              You're right. I did forget!
              I liked the piece myself
              I did too - up until the point I indicated. I thought Ms. Young was more articulate than the earlier.anti-adoption bmoms. Then she had to go and blow it. . .
              Most definitely. The editors of the Illinois Leader probably had no idea
              what she was talking about..They went absolutely hysterically over the
              Elizabeth Ehlert case, not so much over Ehlert personally, but how the
              outcome of her appeal would affect the state's infanticide and abortion
              laws, claming that if she were released it would "send a message" that the
              state will let you kill babies and get way with it.

              Marley
              except for the
              couple of sentences, though I agree with you that nobody should be
              claiming
              to speak for everybody. Marley

              Comment


              • #8
                Shamed by &quot;losing a child to adoption&quot;

                "kat" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:<[email protected]>...
                "pb..." <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected]
                Letter to the Editor http://www.illinoisleader.com/printe...le.asp?c=17386 Shamed by "losing a child to adoption" Wednesday, July 07, 2004 I am writing to answer some of the issues you raised ["Planned Parenthood's 30-year-old anti-adoption campaign," July 5, 2004] in response to the letter from "Adoption not seen as a loving option for these two women" [June 29, 2004], where you discuss the anguish of adoption versus the anguish of abortion. In the first place, you are making the exact same assumption that the adoption industry has made for years and that is that these are the only alternatives that are available to a young woman dealing with an unplanned, unintended pregnancy. What utter, simplistic nonsense! There are any number of alternative solutions that have not been discussed by you. It does not have to be a ?lesser of two evils? alternative. I would expect a young, naïve, frightened girl with little or no family support to leap to this sort of either/or conclusion, but I am somewhat surprised at a sophisticated, grown woman being so black and white. What of Kin Care, where a child is placed with his biological relatives and is able to maintain his genetic connection? What about guardianship, where a child is placed with a family not related, but retains his name and his family information? What of social services or family (including the father of the child who often walks away scot-free) pitching in with support and some of the funding that is currently being used to remove this same young woman from her infant? What is the urgency about stripping a child of his heritage, culture, heredity, genetic connection, and all that is comfortable and familiar to him? Certainly the young women standing outside the abortion clinic are young, frightened, and ashamed. There are people from the anti-choice organizations intruding on what should be a private decision between a woman (no matter how young), and her doctor. Somehow, they seem to feel they have the right -- no the mandate, to push their own agenda on these young women. And who is fostering the shame in these young women? Shame is not an emotion one arrives at automatically. Shame is a placed emotion; shame comes from outside oneself and is placed by someone else. Shame should never be associated with creating a life. If these young women are feeling shame, I can assure you that someone else has made them feel that way. If you think that there is no shame associated with losing your child to adoption, let me quickly put that notion to rest. That shame is to the cellular level. I know this from personal experience. I lost a son to adoption in 1967. We have been reunited since 1990, and he is a loving part of my life, but his anger at losing his mother and my anger at the coercive tactics that were used to rob me of my motherhood and my son of his true upbringing goes to the cellular level. There is no shame that compares to the shame a mother feels at not being strong enough to defend her child from predators. You talk about it being against nature for a mother to discontinue a pregnancy. You say it as if it is the most natural thing in the world for a mother to go through nine months of pregnancy, a difficult childbirth, and then calmly walk away, turning her beloved infant over to perfect strangers whom society has deemed more worthy than she to raise her own child simply because they have more money, are older and more stable, or just because the want it. Please, Ms. Wright, tell me what is normal about that? This young woman will not always be so young, so poor, so without resources. But if she listens to you, she will forever be without her child. Most responsible mothers won?t even leave their child with a babysitter for an evening unless they know the sitter, her parents, her background, and leave a list of contact numbers where they can be reached. And yet, you are saying it is normal for her to walk away forever leaving strangers to care for her child and never look back. I don?t think so. Your final argument that the young women who give their babies up for adoption are a ?cut above their peers in maturity and having high moral standards? makes no sense. By whose yardstick do you make these assertions? From my experience, both personal and by being in contact with the thousand of adopted adults and natural mothers I am in contact with on a daily basis, I can tell you that it is a false premise.
                She should have stopped right there. She did fine imo, until then. The
                adopted adult is not grateful to the mother who unselfishly gave him life and then surrendered him to adoption. They feel abandoned, not good enough, less than, and are either badly damaged by the entire process, or so deep into denial that they are overwhelmingly grateful to their adopters for the things that any normal parent would do for their child. I am sorry, Ms. Wright, but in this area, you are wrong. Sandy Young Hondo, Texas (formerly Peoria)
                She is doing exactly what she is lambasting Ms. Wright for - *speaking for others*
                I agree.
                And it doesn't answer the 'argument' about the supposed maturity and
                high moral standards of women who 'choose' to relinquish. It sounds as
                if she started out meaning to do so, but fell into the trap of
                'speaking for' instead.
                However, that apart (and from my perspective) I thought it was a
                pretty good response to some serious garbage.
                Given the crap that was in that bin I think she kept her head on
                pretty tight.
                I don't think I'd have been able to do as well..
                and I'm as sooooooo sick of bmothers who have to portray adoptees this way in order to justify how "bad" adoption is for *them*. Perhaps the "thousand of adopted adults and natural mothers" Ms. Young claims she is "in contact with on a daily basis" (an exaggeration most likely) feel that way (unlikely, imo that every last one does) but I doubt they are the majority of adoptees.
                You know, I missed that part about the 1000's, etc, until you pointed
                it out.
                It's more than a tad over the top. Maybe she flipped her lid ;-)
                Nevertheless, I still think the rest of the letter is good.



                Rh





                Kathy 1

                Comment


                • #9
                  Shamed by &quot;losing a child to adoption&quot;


                  "Rhiannon" <[email protected]> wrote in message
                  news:[email protected] ..
                  "kat" <[email protected]> wrote in message
                  news:<[email protected]>...
                  "pb..." <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected]
                  Letter to the Editor http://www.illinoisleader.com/printe...le.asp?c=17386 Shamed by "losing a child to adoption" Wednesday, July 07, 2004 I am writing to answer some of the issues you raised ["Planned Parenthood's 30-year-old anti-adoption campaign," July 5, 2004] in response to the letter from "Adoption not seen as a loving option for these two women" [June 29, 2004], where you discuss the anguish of adoption versus the anguish of abortion. In the first place, you are making the exact same assumption that the adoption industry has made for years and that is that these are the
                  only
                  alternatives that are available to a young woman dealing with an unplanned, unintended pregnancy. What utter, simplistic nonsense!
                  There
                  are any number of alternative solutions that have not been discussed
                  by
                  you. It does not have to be a ?lesser of two evils? alternative. I would expect a young, naïve, frightened girl with little or no
                  family
                  support to leap to this sort of either/or conclusion, but I am
                  somewhat
                  surprised at a sophisticated, grown woman being so black and white. What of Kin Care, where a child is placed with his biological
                  relatives
                  and is able to maintain his genetic connection? What about
                  guardianship,
                  where a child is placed with a family not related, but retains his
                  name
                  and his family information? What of social services or family
                  (including
                  the father of the child who often walks away scot-free) pitching in
                  with
                  support and some of the funding that is currently being used to remove this same young woman from her infant? What is the urgency about stripping a child of his heritage, culture, heredity, genetic connection, and all that is comfortable and familiar to him? Certainly the young women standing outside the abortion clinic are young, frightened, and ashamed. There are people from the anti-choice organizations intruding on what should be a private decision between a woman (no matter how young), and her doctor. Somehow, they seem to
                  feel
                  they have the right -- no the mandate, to push their own agenda on
                  these
                  young women. And who is fostering the shame in these young women? Shame is not an emotion one arrives at automatically. Shame is a placed emotion; shame comes from outside oneself and is placed by someone else. Shame should never be associated with creating a life. If these young women are feeling shame, I can assure you that someone else has made them feel that way. If you think that there is no shame associated with losing your child to adoption, let me quickly put that notion to rest. That shame is to the cellular level. I know this from personal experience. I lost a son to adoption in 1967. We have been reunited since 1990,
                  and
                  he is a loving part of my life, but his anger at losing his mother and my anger at the coercive tactics that were used to rob me of my motherhood and my son of his true upbringing goes to the cellular
                  level.
                  There is no shame that compares to the shame a mother feels at not
                  being
                  strong enough to defend her child from predators. You talk about it being against nature for a mother to discontinue a pregnancy. You say it as if it is the most natural thing in the world for a mother to go through nine months of pregnancy, a difficult childbirth, and then calmly walk away, turning her beloved infant over to perfect strangers whom society has deemed more worthy than she to raise her own child simply because they have more money, are older and more stable, or just because the want it. Please, Ms. Wright, tell me what is normal about that? This young woman will not always be so young, so poor, so without resources. But if she listens to you, she will forever be without her child. Most responsible mothers won?t even leave their child with a babysitter for an evening unless they know the sitter, her parents,
                  her
                  background, and leave a list of contact numbers where they can be reached. And yet, you are saying it is normal for her to walk away forever leaving strangers to care for her child and never look back. I don?t think so. Your final argument that the young women who give their babies up for adoption are a ?cut above their peers in maturity and having high
                  moral
                  standards? makes no sense. By whose yardstick do you make these assertions? From my experience, both personal and by being in contact with the thousand of adopted adults and natural mothers I am in
                  contact
                  with on a daily basis, I can tell you that it is a false premise. She should have stopped right there. She did fine imo, until then. The
                  adopted adult is not grateful to the mother who unselfishly gave him life and then surrendered him to adoption. They feel abandoned, not
                  good
                  enough, less than, and are either badly damaged by the entire process, or so deep into denial that they are overwhelmingly grateful to their adopters for the things that any normal parent would do for their
                  child.
                  I am sorry, Ms. Wright, but in this area, you are wrong. Sandy Young Hondo, Texas (formerly Peoria) She is doing exactly what she is lambasting Ms. Wright for - *speaking
                  for
                  others* I agree. And it doesn't answer the 'argument' about the supposed maturity and high moral standards of women who 'choose' to relinquish. It sounds as if she started out meaning to do so, but fell into the trap of 'speaking for' instead. However, that apart (and from my perspective) I thought it was a pretty good response to some serious garbage. Given the crap that was in that bin I think she kept her head on pretty tight. I don't think I'd have been able to do as well..
                  and I'm as sooooooo sick of bmothers who have to portray adoptees this way in order to justify how "bad" adoption is for *them*. Perhaps the "thousand of adopted adults and natural mothers" Ms. Young claims she is "in contact with on a daily basis" (an exaggeration most likely) feel that way (unlikely, imo that every last one does) but I doubt they are the
                  majority
                  of adoptees. You know, I missed that part about the 1000's, etc, until you pointed it out. It's more than a tad over the top. Maybe she flipped her lid ;-) Nevertheless, I still think the rest of the letter is good. Rh
                  Well I get up to 500 emails a day (not all "real emails) and I've had
                  contact with hundreds and maybe thousands of adoptees and a-and bparents
                  through the years.

                  Marley
                  Kathy 1

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Shamed by &quot;losing a child to adoption&quot;

                    >
                    I agree. And it doesn't answer the 'argument' about the supposed maturity and high moral standards of women who 'choose' to relinquish. It sounds as if she started out meaning to do so, but fell into the trap of 'speaking for' instead. However, that apart (and from my perspective) I thought it was a pretty good response to some serious garbage. Given the crap that was in that bin I think she kept her head on pretty tight. I don't think I'd have been able to do as well..
                    and I'm as sooooooo sick of bmothers who have to portray adoptees this way in order to justify how "bad" adoption is for *them*. Perhaps the "thousand of adopted adults and natural mothers" Ms. Young claims she is "in contact with on a daily basis" (an exaggeration most likely) feel that way (unlikely, imo that every last one does) but I doubt they are the majority of adoptees.
                    You know, I missed that part about the 1000's, etc, until you pointed it out. It's more than a tad over the top. Maybe she flipped her lid ;-) Nevertheless, I still think the rest of the letter is good. Rh
                    Kathy 1
                    Actually, I strongle suspect she has been in communication with more
                    than a thousand. (Perhaps even per day). She's quite active and gets
                    around, participating in numerous groups, with friends who have worked
                    very very hard to educate and reform. I've heard a lot of good
                    things about this woman, and all of what I've heard, supports the idea
                    that that statement was not an exaggeration.

                    Melinda

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Shamed by &quot;losing a child to adoption&quot;


                      "Melinda Walmsley" <[email protected]> wrote in message
                      news:[email protected] om...
                      I agree. And it doesn't answer the 'argument' about the supposed maturity and high moral standards of women who 'choose' to relinquish. It sounds as if she started out meaning to do so, but fell into the trap of 'speaking for' instead. However, that apart (and from my perspective) I thought it was a pretty good response to some serious garbage. Given the crap that was in that bin I think she kept her head on pretty tight. I don't think I'd have been able to do as well..
                      > > and I'm as sooooooo sick of bmothers who have to portray adoptees this way in order to justify how "bad" adoption is for *them*. Perhaps the "thousand of adopted adults and natural mothers" Ms. Young claims she is "in contact with on a daily basis" (an exaggeration most likely) feel that way (unlikely, imo that every last one does) but I doubt they are the
                      majority
                      of adoptees. > > You know, I missed that part about the 1000's, etc, until you pointed it out. It's more than a tad over the top. Maybe she flipped her lid ;-) Nevertheless, I still think the rest of the letter is good. Rh
                      Kathy 1
                      Actually, I strongle suspect she has been in communication with more than a thousand. (Perhaps even per day).

                      Oh please - every day?


                      She's quite active and gets
                      around, participating in numerous groups, with friends who have worked very very hard to educate and reform. I've heard a lot of good things about this woman, and all of what I've heard, supports the idea that that statement was not an exaggeration. Melinda
                      There is no way that I believe that every adoptee she comes into contact
                      with is as she describes:


                      The
                      adopted adult is not grateful to the mother who unselfishly gave him life and then surrendered him to adoption. They feel abandoned, not good enough, less than, and are either badly damaged by the entire process, or so deep into denial that they are overwhelmingly grateful to their adopters for the things that any normal parent would do for their child.
                      Kathy 1



                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Shamed by &quot;losing a child to adoption&quot;


                        "Marley Greiner" <[email protected]> wrote in message
                        news:[email protected]
                        "Rhiannon" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected] ..
                        "kat" <[email protected]> wrote in message
                        news:<[email protected]>...
                        "pb..." <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected] > Letter to the Editor > > > http://www.illinoisleader.com/printe...le.asp?c=17386 > > > Shamed by "losing a child to adoption" > > Wednesday, July 07, 2004 > > I am writing to answer some of the issues you raised ["Planned > Parenthood's 30-year-old anti-adoption campaign," July 5, 2004] in > response to the letter from "Adoption not seen as a loving option
                        for
                        > these two women" [June 29, 2004], where you discuss the anguish of > adoption versus the anguish of abortion. > > In the first place, you are making the exact same assumption that
                        the
                        > adoption industry has made for years and that is that these are the only
                        > alternatives that are available to a young woman dealing with an > unplanned, unintended pregnancy. What utter, simplistic nonsense!
                        There
                        > are any number of alternative solutions that have not been discussed
                        by
                        > you. It does not have to be a ?lesser of two evils? alternative. > > I would expect a young, naïve, frightened girl with little or no
                        family
                        > support to leap to this sort of either/or conclusion, but I am
                        somewhat
                        > surprised at a sophisticated, grown woman being so black and white. > > What of Kin Care, where a child is placed with his biological
                        relatives
                        > and is able to maintain his genetic connection? What about
                        guardianship,
                        > where a child is placed with a family not related, but retains his
                        name
                        > and his family information? What of social services or family
                        (including
                        > the father of the child who often walks away scot-free) pitching in
                        with
                        > support and some of the funding that is currently being used to
                        remove
                        > this same young woman from her infant? What is the urgency about > stripping a child of his heritage, culture, heredity, genetic > connection, and all that is comfortable and familiar to him? > > Certainly the young women standing outside the abortion clinic are > young, frightened, and ashamed. There are people from the
                        anti-choice
                        > organizations intruding on what should be a private decision between
                        a
                        > woman (no matter how young), and her doctor. Somehow, they seem to feel
                        > they have the right -- no the mandate, to push their own agenda on
                        these
                        > young women. > > And who is fostering the shame in these young women? Shame is not an > emotion one arrives at automatically. Shame is a placed emotion;
                        shame
                        > comes from outside oneself and is placed by someone else. Shame
                        should
                        > never be associated with creating a life. If these young women are > feeling shame, I can assure you that someone else has made them feel > that way. If you think that there is no shame associated with losing > your child to adoption, let me quickly put that notion to rest. That > shame is to the cellular level. I know this from personal
                        experience.
                        > > I lost a son to adoption in 1967. We have been reunited since 1990, and
                        > he is a loving part of my life, but his anger at losing his mother
                        and
                        > my anger at the coercive tactics that were used to rob me of my > motherhood and my son of his true upbringing goes to the cellular level.
                        > There is no shame that compares to the shame a mother feels at not
                        being
                        > strong enough to defend her child from predators. > > You talk about it being against nature for a mother to discontinue a > pregnancy. You say it as if it is the most natural thing in the
                        world
                        > for a mother to go through nine months of pregnancy, a difficult > childbirth, and then calmly walk away, turning her beloved infant
                        over
                        > to perfect strangers whom society has deemed more worthy than she to > raise her own child simply because they have more money, are older
                        and
                        > more stable, or just because the want it. Please, Ms. Wright, tell
                        me
                        > what is normal about that? > > This young woman will not always be so young, so poor, so without > resources. But if she listens to you, she will forever be without
                        her
                        > child. Most responsible mothers won?t even leave their child with a > babysitter for an evening unless they know the sitter, her parents, her
                        > background, and leave a list of contact numbers where they can be > reached. And yet, you are saying it is normal for her to walk away > forever leaving strangers to care for her child and never look back.
                        I
                        > don?t think so. > > Your final argument that the young women who give their babies up
                        for
                        > adoption are a ?cut above their peers in maturity and having high moral
                        > standards? makes no sense. By whose yardstick do you make these > assertions? From my experience, both personal and by being in
                        contact
                        > with the thousand of adopted adults and natural mothers I am in contact
                        > with on a daily basis, I can tell you that it is a false premise. She should have stopped right there. She did fine imo, until then. The > adopted adult is not grateful to the mother who unselfishly gave him > life and then surrendered him to adoption. They feel abandoned, not
                        good
                        > enough, less than, and are either badly damaged by the entire
                        process,
                        > or so deep into denial that they are overwhelmingly grateful to
                        their
                        > adopters for the things that any normal parent would do for their child.
                        > I am sorry, Ms. Wright, but in this area, you are wrong. > > Sandy Young > Hondo, Texas (formerly Peoria) She is doing exactly what she is lambasting Ms. Wright for - *speaking
                        for
                        others* > > I agree. And it doesn't answer the 'argument' about the supposed maturity and high moral standards of women who 'choose' to relinquish. It sounds as if she started out meaning to do so, but fell into the trap of 'speaking for' instead. However, that apart (and from my perspective) I thought it was a pretty good response to some serious garbage. Given the crap that was in that bin I think she kept her head on pretty tight. I don't think I'd have been able to do as well..
                        > > and I'm as sooooooo sick of bmothers who have to portray adoptees this way in order to justify how "bad" adoption is for *them*. Perhaps the "thousand of adopted adults and natural mothers" Ms. Young claims she is "in contact with on a daily basis" (an exaggeration most likely) feel that way (unlikely, imo that every last one does) but I doubt they are the
                        majority
                        of adoptees. > > You know, I missed that part about the 1000's, etc, until you pointed it out. It's more than a tad over the top. Maybe she flipped her lid ;-) Nevertheless, I still think the rest of the letter is good. Rh
                        Well I get up to 500 emails a day (not all "real emails)
                        And I know you answer each and every one

                        and I've had
                        contact with hundreds and maybe thousands of adoptees and a-and bparents through the years. Marley
                        So are they all like Ms. Young describes?

                        The
                        adopted adult is not grateful to the mother who unselfishly gave him life and then surrendered him to adoption. They feel abandoned, not good enough, less than, and are either badly damaged by the entire process, or so deep into denial that they are overwhelmingly grateful to their adopters for the things that any normal parent would do for their child.

                        I am sorry, Ms. Wright, but in this area, you are wrong.
                        I'm sorry Ms. Young, but in this area, *you* are wrong.


                        Kathy 1


                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Shamed by &quot;losing a child to adoption&quot;

                          [email protected] (Melinda Walmsley) wrote in message news:<[email protected] com>...
                          I agree. And it doesn't answer the 'argument' about the supposed maturity and high moral standards of women who 'choose' to relinquish. It sounds as if she started out meaning to do so, but fell into the trap of 'speaking for' instead. However, that apart (and from my perspective) I thought it was a pretty good response to some serious garbage. Given the crap that was in that bin I think she kept her head on pretty tight. I don't think I'd have been able to do as well..
                          > >
                          and I'm as sooooooo sick of bmothers who have to portray adoptees this way in order to justify how "bad" adoption is for *them*. Perhaps the "thousand of adopted adults and natural mothers" Ms. Young claims she is "in contact with on a daily basis" (an exaggeration most likely) feel that way (unlikely, imo that every last one does) but I doubt they are the majority of adoptees. > > You know, I missed that part about the 1000's, etc, until you pointed it out. It's more than a tad over the top. Maybe she flipped her lid ;-) Nevertheless, I still think the rest of the letter is good. Rh
                          Kathy 1
                          Actually, I strongle suspect she has been in communication with more than a thousand. (Perhaps even per day). She's quite active and gets around, participating in numerous groups, with friends who have worked very very hard to educate and reform. I've heard a lot of good things about this woman, and all of what I've heard, supports the idea that that statement was not an exaggeration.
                          Fine.
                          I don't have a problem with the 1000's as such.
                          However, the letter explicitly states that this communication occurs
                          on a daily basis, and the implication is that it's on a personal
                          level.
                          I won't entirely count it out (there being more things in heaven and
                          earth, of course), though it's hard to imagine.
                          But whatever.

                          I repeat that I think the rest of the letter (bar the 'speaking for')
                          is a good response to some serious crap.




                          Rh.



                          Melinda

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Shamed by &quot;losing a child to adoption&quot;

                            "Marley Greiner" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:<[email protected]>...
                            "Rhiannon" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected] ..
                            "kat" <[email protected]> wrote in message
                            news:<[email protected]>...
                            "pb..." <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected] > Letter to the Editor > > > http://www.illinoisleader.com/printe...le.asp?c=17386 > > > Shamed by "losing a child to adoption" > > Wednesday, July 07, 2004 > > I am writing to answer some of the issues you raised ["Planned > Parenthood's 30-year-old anti-adoption campaign," July 5, 2004] in > response to the letter from "Adoption not seen as a loving option for > these two women" [June 29, 2004], where you discuss the anguish of > adoption versus the anguish of abortion. > > In the first place, you are making the exact same assumption that the > adoption industry has made for years and that is that these are the
                            only
                            > alternatives that are available to a young woman dealing with an > unplanned, unintended pregnancy. What utter, simplistic nonsense!
                            There
                            > are any number of alternative solutions that have not been discussed
                            by
                            > you. It does not have to be a ?lesser of two evils? alternative. > > I would expect a young, naïve, frightened girl with little or no
                            family
                            > support to leap to this sort of either/or conclusion, but I am
                            somewhat
                            > surprised at a sophisticated, grown woman being so black and white. > > What of Kin Care, where a child is placed with his biological
                            relatives
                            > and is able to maintain his genetic connection? What about
                            guardianship,
                            > where a child is placed with a family not related, but retains his
                            name
                            > and his family information? What of social services or family
                            (including
                            > the father of the child who often walks away scot-free) pitching in
                            with
                            > support and some of the funding that is currently being used to remove > this same young woman from her infant? What is the urgency about > stripping a child of his heritage, culture, heredity, genetic > connection, and all that is comfortable and familiar to him? > > Certainly the young women standing outside the abortion clinic are > young, frightened, and ashamed. There are people from the anti-choice > organizations intruding on what should be a private decision between a > woman (no matter how young), and her doctor. Somehow, they seem to
                            feel
                            > they have the right -- no the mandate, to push their own agenda on
                            these
                            > young women. > > And who is fostering the shame in these young women? Shame is not an > emotion one arrives at automatically. Shame is a placed emotion; shame > comes from outside oneself and is placed by someone else. Shame should > never be associated with creating a life. If these young women are > feeling shame, I can assure you that someone else has made them feel > that way. If you think that there is no shame associated with losing > your child to adoption, let me quickly put that notion to rest. That > shame is to the cellular level. I know this from personal experience. > > I lost a son to adoption in 1967. We have been reunited since 1990,
                            and
                            > he is a loving part of my life, but his anger at losing his mother and > my anger at the coercive tactics that were used to rob me of my > motherhood and my son of his true upbringing goes to the cellular
                            level.
                            > There is no shame that compares to the shame a mother feels at not
                            being
                            > strong enough to defend her child from predators. > > You talk about it being against nature for a mother to discontinue a > pregnancy. You say it as if it is the most natural thing in the world > for a mother to go through nine months of pregnancy, a difficult > childbirth, and then calmly walk away, turning her beloved infant over > to perfect strangers whom society has deemed more worthy than she to > raise her own child simply because they have more money, are older and > more stable, or just because the want it. Please, Ms. Wright, tell me > what is normal about that? > > This young woman will not always be so young, so poor, so without > resources. But if she listens to you, she will forever be without her > child. Most responsible mothers won?t even leave their child with a > babysitter for an evening unless they know the sitter, her parents,
                            her
                            > background, and leave a list of contact numbers where they can be > reached. And yet, you are saying it is normal for her to walk away > forever leaving strangers to care for her child and never look back. I > don?t think so. > > Your final argument that the young women who give their babies up for > adoption are a ?cut above their peers in maturity and having high
                            moral
                            > standards? makes no sense. By whose yardstick do you make these > assertions? From my experience, both personal and by being in contact > with the thousand of adopted adults and natural mothers I am in
                            contact
                            > with on a daily basis, I can tell you that it is a false premise. She should have stopped right there. She did fine imo, until then. The > adopted adult is not grateful to the mother who unselfishly gave him > life and then surrendered him to adoption. They feel abandoned, not
                            good
                            > enough, less than, and are either badly damaged by the entire process, > or so deep into denial that they are overwhelmingly grateful to their > adopters for the things that any normal parent would do for their
                            child.
                            > I am sorry, Ms. Wright, but in this area, you are wrong. > > Sandy Young > Hondo, Texas (formerly Peoria) She is doing exactly what she is lambasting Ms. Wright for - *speaking
                            for
                            others* > > I agree. And it doesn't answer the 'argument' about the supposed maturity and high moral standards of women who 'choose' to relinquish. It sounds as if she started out meaning to do so, but fell into the trap of 'speaking for' instead. However, that apart (and from my perspective) I thought it was a pretty good response to some serious garbage. Given the crap that was in that bin I think she kept her head on pretty tight. I don't think I'd have been able to do as well..
                            > >
                            and I'm as sooooooo sick of bmothers who have to portray adoptees this way in order to justify how "bad" adoption is for *them*. Perhaps the "thousand of adopted adults and natural mothers" Ms. Young claims she is "in contact with on a daily basis" (an exaggeration most likely) feel that way (unlikely, imo that every last one does) but I doubt they are the
                            majority
                            of adoptees. > > You know, I missed that part about the 1000's, etc, until you pointed it out. It's more than a tad over the top. Maybe she flipped her lid ;-) Nevertheless, I still think the rest of the letter is good. Rh
                            Well I get up to 500 emails a day (not all "real emails) and I've had contact with hundreds and maybe thousands of adoptees and a-and bparents through the years.
                            Yeah.
                            But like Kathy said.
                            And you don't assume they have a hive mentality.


                            Rh
                            Marley
                            Kathy 1

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                            • #15
                              Shamed by &quot;losing a child to adoption&quot;



                              kat wrote:
                              "pb..." <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected]
                              Letter to the Editor http://www.illinoisleader.com/printe...le.asp?c=17386 Shamed by "losing a child to adoption" Wednesday, July 07, 2004 I am writing to answer some of the issues you raised ["Planned Parenthood's 30-year-old anti-adoption campaign," July 5, 2004] in response to the letter from "Adoption not seen as a loving option for these two women" [June 29, 2004], where you discuss the anguish of adoption versus the anguish of abortion. In the first place, you are making the exact same assumption that the adoption industry has made for years and that is that these are the only alternatives that are available to a young woman dealing with an unplanned, unintended pregnancy. What utter, simplistic nonsense! There are any number of alternative solutions that have not been discussed by you. It does not have to be a “lesser of two evils” alternative. I would expect a young, naïve, frightened girl with little or no family support to leap to this sort of either/or conclusion, but I am somewhat surprised at a sophisticated, grown woman being so black and white. What of Kin Care, where a child is placed with his biological relatives and is able to maintain his genetic connection? What about guardianship, where a child is placed with a family not related, but retains his name and his family information? What of social services or family (including the father of the child who often walks away scot-free) pitching in with support and some of the funding that is currently being used to remove this same young woman from her infant? What is the urgency about stripping a child of his heritage, culture, heredity, genetic connection, and all that is comfortable and familiar to him? Certainly the young women standing outside the abortion clinic are young, frightened, and ashamed. There are people from the anti-choice organizations intruding on what should be a private decision between a woman (no matter how young), and her doctor. Somehow, they seem to feel they have the right -- no the mandate, to push their own agenda on these young women. And who is fostering the shame in these young women? Shame is not an emotion one arrives at automatically. Shame is a placed emotion; shame comes from outside oneself and is placed by someone else. Shame should never be associated with creating a life. If these young women are feeling shame, I can assure you that someone else has made them feel that way. If you think that there is no shame associated with losing your child to adoption, let me quickly put that notion to rest. That shame is to the cellular level. I know this from personal experience. I lost a son to adoption in 1967. We have been reunited since 1990, and he is a loving part of my life, but his anger at losing his mother and my anger at the coercive tactics that were used to rob me of my motherhood and my son of his true upbringing goes to the cellular level. There is no shame that compares to the shame a mother feels at not being strong enough to defend her child from predators. You talk about it being against nature for a mother to discontinue a pregnancy. You say it as if it is the most natural thing in the world for a mother to go through nine months of pregnancy, a difficult childbirth, and then calmly walk away, turning her beloved infant over to perfect strangers whom society has deemed more worthy than she to raise her own child simply because they have more money, are older and more stable, or just because the want it. Please, Ms. Wright, tell me what is normal about that? This young woman will not always be so young, so poor, so without resources. But if she listens to you, she will forever be without her child. Most responsible mothers won’t even leave their child with a babysitter for an evening unless they know the sitter, her parents, her background, and leave a list of contact numbers where they can be reached. And yet, you are saying it is normal for her to walk away forever leaving strangers to care for her child and never look back. I don’t think so. Your final argument that the young women who give their babies up for adoption are a “cut above their peers in maturity and having high moral standards” makes no sense. By whose yardstick do you make these assertions? From my experience, both personal and by being in contact with the thousand of adopted adults and natural mothers I am in contact with on a daily basis, I can tell you that it is a false premise.
                              She should have stopped right there. She did fine imo, until then. The
                              adopted adult is not grateful to the mother who unselfishly gave him life and then surrendered him to adoption. They feel abandoned, not good enough, less than, and are either badly damaged by the entire process, or so deep into denial that they are overwhelmingly grateful to their adopters for the things that any normal parent would do for their child. I am sorry, Ms. Wright, but in this area, you are wrong. Sandy Young Hondo, Texas (formerly Peoria)
                              She is doing exactly what she is lambasting Ms. Wright for - *speaking for others* I'm as sooooooo sick of bmothers who have to portray adoptees this way in order to justify how "bad" adoption is for *them*.
                              You are obviously in denial. Adoption is deterministic of emotional
                              development; you either feel abandoned or you are duped into gratitude. It's
                              very simple, really.

                              Perhaps the "thousand of adopted adults and natural mothers" Ms. Young claims she is "in contact with on a daily basis" (an exaggeration most likely) feel that way (unlikely, imo that every last one does) but I doubt they are the majority of adoptees.
                              Who knows? Who cares? I'm fed up with pathologizing bull****.

                              Ron
                              Kathy 1
                              *************** Do you have thoughts, ideas or comments on this letter? Send a letter about a letter to the editor! Address it to [email protected] Don't forget to include your full name and town/city where you live! (c) The Illinois Leader, Illinois' Conservative News Voice __________________________________________________ _________ Reprinted for educational purposes only.

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