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im 17 and my mom thinks she can control me Oklahoma

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  • im 17 and my mom thinks she can control me Oklahoma

    I really need answers and quick if at all possible! I am 17 and dating a 26 yr old...yes i know the age difference is huge! I am living in Oklahoma but i am originally from New jersey. My mom found a hicky on my neck the other day and called the whole family on the coast and they want to move me back there. I am no longer a virgin and she doesnt know that if she did than that wouldnt be good for anyone. I have a couple questions, i know that i can date him but if things start getting bad can i move out and live with him for a little with out getting emanciptated? also, my mom has been giving me the sex talk almost everyday now which is wise but also bad timing, i think that I might show up pregnant because of what happened over the weekend and she told me that she would FORCE me to get an abortion! That is out of the question for me, can she really do that??? I need answers because how free is this country if they let your parents kill your child and drag you across the country????

  • #2
    Originally posted by jerseygirl23 View Post
    I really need answers and quick if at all possible! I am 17 and dating a 26 yr old...yes i know the age difference is huge! I am living in Oklahoma but i am originally from New jersey. My mom found a hicky on my neck the other day and called the whole family on the coast and they want to move me back there. I am no longer a virgin and she doesnt know that if she did than that wouldnt be good for anyone. I have a couple questions, i know that i can date him but if things start getting bad can i move out and live with him for a little with out getting emanciptated? also, my mom has been giving me the sex talk almost everyday now which is wise but also bad timing, i think that I might show up pregnant because of what happened over the weekend and she told me that she would FORCE me to get an abortion! That is out of the question for me, can she really do that??? I need answers because how free is this country if they let your parents kill your child and drag you across the country????
    First, you are still a minor. At age 17, yes your mother has control over you.

    So far, your BF has been lucky that your mother has not gone to the police or to the court for a restraining order. Your BF is basically a child molester and if yoy really do love him you should stay away from him until you are 18.

    If your mother sends you to family to live, you have to go, until your 18th birthday.

    Hopefully you are using protection, if you aren't you should do so from now on. IF you do become pregnant, it would be a really bad thing for everyone. Your mother would not be able to force you to have an abortion, but a pregnancy would be a pretty good way for your BF to land in jail.

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    • #3
      Until you are 18, and not one minute before, your mother is right - she DOES get to control you. You can only date him if your mother gives you permission, and if she wants to send you to live somewhere else, then that's where you're going to live. The age of majority is 18, not 17 - you are still under your mother's care and control.

      In your state, emancipation (which would NOT be granted under the circumstances you describe in any state) would do you no good since in OK, the only thing an emancipated minor can do that a non-emancipated minor cannot do is buy real estate. But you don't qualify for emancipation, based on your post, in any state.

      The one issue on which you have control in your post, is that you cannot be forced to get an abortion. If you are pregnant, you are NOT legally emancipated, and being pregnant makes it pretty certain that you won't be legally emancipated at any time until you are 18. However, pregnancy does grant you MEDICAL emancipation, meaning that you, with the help of your doctor, can make your own decisions about your medical care, including whether or not to have an abortion. But the chances that a pregnant minor, and you are still a minor, will be legally emancipated in ANY state are slightly less than the chances that you will win the lottery and get hit by lightning on the same day.
      The above answer, whatever it is, assumes that no legally binding and enforceable contract or CBA says otherwise. If it does, then the terms of the contract or CBA apply.

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      • #4
        I agree with Xena and cbg on every issue except one.

        As long as you're under 18, your mother has legal control over you. Her interfering with your love life may be annoying, unfair, and perhaps even poor parenting, but she has the legal ability to do that until you're 18 (unless, of course, a court terminates her parental rights, but it would take more than her being less than generous with your dates for this to happen).

        Both Xena and cbg are right that you cannot be forced to get an abortion, even while under age 18. However, your mother still may be able to prevent you from getting an abortion while under age 18; the relationship between the two is not symmetrical. That being said, using protection if you continue to have sex is a better option.

        My advice to you would be to talk to your mother about the entire situation. Prove to her your maturity and capacity to think and act like the adult you almost are by providing her with good reasons that you and your boyfriend are a good couple, as well as why she should not object to your relationship. Ask her opinions and advice about these things and calmly and maturely tell her your side of the story. Believe me, on rational and mature adults, this works much better than throwing a fit and demanding your way.

        If she doesn't compromise with you, then wait until you're 18 (which is not even a year away), when your mother's opinion is legally irrelevant and do as you wish. Even then, I hope you can handle the situation in a way that doesn't destroy your relationship with your mother.

        Now, the part I had a question about:

        Originally posted by xena View Post
        So far, your BF has been lucky that your mother has not gone to the police or to the court for a restraining order. Your BF is basically a child molester and if yoy really do love him you should stay away from him until you are 18.
        According to this website's information, the age of consent in Oklahoma is 16: http://blog.laborlawtalk.com/2006/11...ge-of-consent/ . Assuming the young lady and young gentleman did not engage in sexual activity before she was 16, how is this a sex offense, specifically a "child molestation"? If it was consensual, it's not a sex crime, according to this site's information.

        I agree that if the young man violates a restraining order then he has committed a crime, but that's not a sex crime. Further, if he continues to frustrate the young lady's mother's wishes, he's treading getting hit with aiding a minor's delinquency, but that's not a sex offense either.

        So I don't see how this is a sex offense/child molestation issue rather than an interference with parental custody or authority.
        Last edited by glassell; 10-28-2009, 07:26 PM.

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        • #5
          Glassell, regardless of whether it is a sex crime or not, and Xena did not say it was, there is something very wrong with a 26 year old who is interested in a 17 year old. The difference in maturity levels ought to be much greater at that point than it would be a decade or two later. Every 17 year old girl thinks she's much more mature than she really is and is flattered beyond belief when an "older man" looks at her. But for the older man to be interested in a girl that much younger, and not yet of majority, does not speak well for the man.

          Quite honestly, I am getting pretty tired of you coming onto this board and encouraging minors to have sex with adults just because "it's not a crime". It doesn't have to be a crime to be WRONG. It is WRONG for a 26 year old to be having sex with a 17 year old, even if it is not technically against the law. And if you continue to encourage it, which is precisely what you are doing whether that is your intent or not, you will not continue to post on this board.
          The above answer, whatever it is, assumes that no legally binding and enforceable contract or CBA says otherwise. If it does, then the terms of the contract or CBA apply.

          Comment


          • #6
            its not that we dont understand our age difference because we both do. we both understand it quite clearly. He does mention to me that our age difference is a huge difficulty in our relationship, but its one of those things that we cant help! You cant just ignore feelings, or thoughts about a person especially about when your thinking of them constantly. Its not infatuation or lust either, i am a little more wise to be able to tell the difference. I have tried over and over with my mother to get her to understand, but as a parent she has her concerns and i do understand where she is coming from. but, she also chooses to ignore how I feel on the situation of being moved back and forth. I also just found out recently that the medications that I am taking can cause either a still born fetus or a mentally challenged child. This is more reason to be careful because i am so against abortion. All of your opinions matter to me because I am getting different views on how to approach this. Thanks!

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            • #7
              He does mention to me that our age difference is a huge difficulty in our relationship, but its one of those things that we cant help! You cant just ignore feelings, or thoughts about a person especially about when your thinking of them constantly.

              You may not be able to help how you feel, but a mature adult is capable of not acting on his or her feelings. A 26 year old should be able to control himself sufficiently; civilized adults do not yield to every urge. If your "friend" cannot do so, then either he is extremely immature emotionally or using and manipulating you.
              The above answer, whatever it is, assumes that no legally binding and enforceable contract or CBA says otherwise. If it does, then the terms of the contract or CBA apply.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by cbg View Post
                Glassell, regardless of whether it is a sex crime or not, and Xena did not say it was, there is something very wrong with a 26 year old who is interested in a 17 year old. The difference in maturity levels ought to be much greater at that point than it would be a decade or two later. Every 17 year old girl thinks she's much more mature than she really is and is flattered beyond belief when an "older man" looks at her. But for the older man to be interested in a girl that much younger, and not yet of majority, does not speak well for the man.
                cbg, I apologize if I misunderstood Xena. I took her claim of "child molester" to be a claim that a sex crime was committed. If that is incorrect, I apologize.

                Further, I do agree with you that a dating relationship between a 17 year old and a 26 year old raises red flags. That being said, I do not know enough about the individuals involved, their histories, goals, maturity levels, relationship experience, etc., to be able to say flat out that this cannot be a good thing. I feel that the two people, and the parents of the minor, should be the ones deciding that for the concerned parties, not unrelated strangers unaware of the specifics or a legislature/court system who are also unaware of the key facts.

                I will respond to your second paragraph in PM, as it is more administrative in nature and impertinent to the thread as a whole.
                Last edited by glassell; 10-30-2009, 06:34 PM.

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                • #9
                  I feel that the two people, and the parents of the minor, should be the ones deciding that for the concerned parties,

                  And the parent of the minor has already made her position clear. That's why we're having this discussion - because the OP wants us to tell her that the mother does not have that right. Unfortunately for the OP, she does.
                  The above answer, whatever it is, assumes that no legally binding and enforceable contract or CBA says otherwise. If it does, then the terms of the contract or CBA apply.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    No she doesn't! She has no right to "force you to have an abortion". Now a days, parents think that just because they're older than you, they have a right to control you like some robot. You're 17 and the law in that state says you have a right to sleep with anyone of a certain age if you're 16. As for the abortion, it's YOUR body and only YOU have a say in what you can do with it. You're mother is only getting upset about this because she knows that once you turn 18, she can't tell you what to do anymore. That's what most parents do when their kids turn 17. They know their power over you in coming to an end.

                    Anyway, she can't make you move. It's your life, your body, and none of HER business what you do with either one. If push comes to shove, you do what you think is best for YOUR life. Because once you turn 18, she can't do a **** thing.

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                    • #11
                      Thingirl91, please do not reply to old threads. This thread is almost 5 mos. old & the original poster was given correct answers by xena & cbg.
                      Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. Leo Buscaglia

                      Live in peace with animals. Animals bring love to our hearts and warmth to our souls.

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