Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

16 yo mom, 5m old baby, 17yo dad: no support North Carolina

Collapse
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • 16 yo mom, 5m old baby, 17yo dad: no support North Carolina

    I am 16 an I have a beautiful 5 month old baby that I wouldn't trade anything in the world for but her daddy sees her ocationally and I go to school to get my GED classes an I need a baby sitter and I'm currently tryig to find a job so I'm making no income and no child support or any kind of support from him Im on the waiting list to be called for daycare but it will be next year sometime. Everyone says I can't do nothing or get any help from him until he turns 18. Which won't be for another 6-7 months. I need help now what should I do? Tell me what you can please and don't be rude I am a great mother and would do anything for my baby.

  • #2
    Originally posted by Hkatherine View Post
    I am 16 an I have a beautiful 5 month old baby that I wouldn't trade anything in the world for but her daddy sees her ocationally and I go to school to get my GED classes an I need a baby sitter and I'm currently tryig to find a job so I'm making no income and no child support or any kind of support from him Im on the waiting list to be called for daycare but it will be next year sometime. Everyone says I can't do nothing or get any help from him until he turns 18. Which won't be for another 6-7 months. I need help now what should I do? Tell me what you can please and don't be rude I am a great mother and would do anything for my baby.
    Katharine, go back to high school. Seriously. It's going to be SO hard, I know. But do it. Go back. Graduate. That is very very important, ok?
    Don't listen to people if they tell you it can't be done or that you can't do it, because many young mothers have. You're fighting an uphill battle as it is. You don't need their crap.

    What should you do? Well, where is the relationship at? I think your parents should be involved. You are still their daughter.
    If I was your daddy, I'd have you in our home, taking are of both you and our grandchild so you can get your HS diploma. I would also corner the young man that's responsible and make darn sure he knows HOW responsible he isn't. I suppose you don't need or want to hear that, I'm sorry.

    Where is he at? Where are your parents at? That is very important.
    I don't believe what I write, and neither should you. Information furnished to you is for debate purposes only, be sure to verify with your own research.
    Keep in mind that the information provided may not be worth any more than either a politician's promise or what you paid for it (nothing).
    I also may not have been either sane or sober when I wrote it down.
    Don't worry, be happy.

    http://www.rcfp.org/taping/index.html is a good resource!

    Comment


    • #3
      I can't go back to highschool it's to embarrassing and I don't have anyone to watch my baby for tht amount if time. My mom is here bursts dosent help me my granny helps me the best she can and my baby's father is a his home I suppose. He had a job but he got fired for cussing out the manager he is a very bad influinse and my baby dosent go around there much because I do not trust him that well. He very rarely asks to see her.

      Comment


      • #4
        He is still responsible. What has your grandmother said so far?
        I don't believe what I write, and neither should you. Information furnished to you is for debate purposes only, be sure to verify with your own research.
        Keep in mind that the information provided may not be worth any more than either a politician's promise or what you paid for it (nothing).
        I also may not have been either sane or sober when I wrote it down.
        Don't worry, be happy.

        http://www.rcfp.org/taping/index.html is a good resource!

        Comment


        • #5
          She dosent care that he isn't around bc she doesn't like him but she's always complaining abou the money she spends

          Comment


          • #6
            Please don't hate me for saying this, but contact Social Services and start a case. I'm serious. You and your child need help badly. They can help and just because you ask for help does not mean they will take your child (a common misperception).

            I don't know any other way to get you two the help you need.
            I hope it doesn't offend you to say that you and your child are in my prayers.


            But stick around here and there are other folks that just might be able to do more to help you than I can.
            Last edited by cactus jack; 11-29-2012, 12:46 AM.
            I don't believe what I write, and neither should you. Information furnished to you is for debate purposes only, be sure to verify with your own research.
            Keep in mind that the information provided may not be worth any more than either a politician's promise or what you paid for it (nothing).
            I also may not have been either sane or sober when I wrote it down.
            Don't worry, be happy.

            http://www.rcfp.org/taping/index.html is a good resource!

            Comment


            • #7
              Das ist in der Doktor!

              Originally posted by Hkatherine View Post
              I am 16 an I have a beautiful 5 month old baby that I wouldn't trade anything in the world for but her daddy sees her ocationally and I go to school to get my GED classes an I need a baby sitter and I'm currently tryig to find a job so I'm making no income and no child support or any kind of support from him Im on the waiting list to be called for daycare but it will be next year sometime. Everyone says I can't do nothing or get any help from him until he turns 18. Which won't be for another 6-7 months. I need help now what should I do? Tell me what you can please and don't be rude I am a great mother and would do anything for my baby.
              Then be the great mother you say you are and consider giving the baby up for adoption.
              The child deserves a better chance at life than the one you can give it, please give it some thought.

              sorry to be so rude....
              but it's no longer all about you.

              ..___________________
              ~ The thing about getting old is your body has a way of telling you when itís time to start making decisions using a different part of your anatomy. ~ drr

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by drruthless View Post
                Then be the great mother you say you are and consider giving the baby up for adoption.
                The child deserves a better chance at life than the one you can give it, please give it some thought.

                sorry to be so rude....
                but it's no longer all about you.

                ..___________________
                ~ The thing about getting old is your body has a way of telling you when itís time to start making decisions using a different part of your anatomy. ~ drr
                Drruthless that is the stupidest idea I've ever heard to not ever comment on my questions agian I don't care what the situation it I would NEVER give my baby girl up for adoptin and don't plan on it! He is my world and she comes first all the time fondant ever say something stupid like that agian because I take it afencive! She has a good life she had millions of toys and clothes most people let there kids grow up half naked and some abuse there kids so u should be telling them to give there baby up because my baby has a very good life if you think she would have a better life growing up in foster care and everything else in the book then there's something mentally wrong with you!!

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Hkatherine View Post
                  Drruthless that is the stupidest idea I've ever heard to not ever comment on my questions agian I don't care what the situation it I would NEVER give my baby girl up for adoptin and don't plan on it! He is my world and she comes first all the time fondant ever say something stupid like that agian because I take it afencive! She has a good life she had millions of toys and clothes most people let there kids grow up half naked and some abuse there kids so u should be telling them to give there baby up because my baby has a very good life if you think she would have a better life growing up in foster care and everything else in the book then there's something mentally wrong with you!!
                  Just because you don't like his advice doesn't mean it isn't good advice. The poster is suggesting giving your baby up for adoption, not foster care. Part of being a good parent and loving your child is doing the best thing for the child, even if it upsets you. If you were my daughter I would advice you to give the baby up so that both you and the child can live a better life. Children are very expensive and you have no means of support. What will you do for clothes, school supplies, dental and health care? The father is responsible for half of the child's support so you will still need to supply half of the support yourself.

                  You need to finish high school and polish your skills. Your spelling is atrocious as is your grammar. Without basic skills you won't succeed. Having a child makes going back to school much more difficult for you.

                  I feel for your grandmother. She is being forced to spend her money to take care of a child she had no say in making and no say in the raising of.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by HRinMA View Post
                    Just because you don't like his advice doesn't mean it isn't good advice. The poster is suggesting giving your baby up for adoption, not foster care. Part of being a good parent and loving your child is doing the best thing for the child, even if it upsets you. If you were my daughter I would advice you to give the baby up so that both you and the child can live a better life. Children are very expensive and you have no means of support. What will you do for clothes, school supplies, dental and health care? The father is responsible for half of the child's support so you will still need to supply half of the support yourself.

                    You need to finish high school and polish your skills. Your spelling is atrocious as is your grammar. Without basic skills you won't succeed. Having a child makes going back to school much more difficult for you.

                    I feel for your grandmother. She is being forced to spend her money to take care of a child she had no say in making and no say in the raising of.

                    Like I said I have a job just waiting for my uncle to tell me to go in and ppl may adding a baby just to treat it wrong! I did not ask a question on here for this kind of response this is my baby and I will not ever give her up period! She is happy and I know what's best fro her I am her mother. so if this is the kind of advice you all are going to give me then just don't even respond back! And I am not going back to high school period I take my GED test in January. So just let it be

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Hkatherine View Post
                      I am 16 an I have a beautiful 5 month old baby that I wouldn't trade anything in the world for but her daddy sees her ocationally and I go to school to get my GED classes an I need a baby sitter and I'm currently tryig to find a job so I'm making no income and no child support or any kind of support from him Im on the waiting list to be called for daycare but it will be next year sometime. Everyone says I can't do nothing or get any help from him until he turns 18. Which won't be for another 6-7 months. I need help now what should I do? Tell me what you can please and don't be rude I am a great mother and would do anything for my baby.
                      Please do not take what I say as being mean. I am the father of 3 daughters that I raised by myself. I completely understand the love you are feeling when you look at her.

                      Lets face the facts.

                      1. You are 16, unmarried with a child, and "baby daddy" that will not step up and help out financially.

                      2 You are living with your family. Your mother is unhappy and not willing to help. Your grandmother helps, but is letting you know it is not easy.

                      3. You do not have a job, or any way of making money to support yourself or your child.

                      4. You are not willing to carefully think over the suggestions made by people that have both been there, and have seen others in your situation.

                      I will accept that you are completely opposed to adoption, so I will not even discuss that option. It would be your safest and easiest one IMHO. BUT~~ it is your choice. That means that you will be struggling to survive in a hard world without the benefit of a complete education. You will also be forced to abandon your childhood, and the freedom that being a young adult has. Instead you will spend all your time trying to take care of your child.

                      There are a few things you need to do to start.

                      1. Go to Social Services and apply for what you can. They will not only make sure that she has medical care, but will also help you in any way that you need. Perhaps point you in the right direction for help in getting your GED. It might even mean food and diapers.

                      2 Find someone, a teacher you trust or an adult friend, that you can talk to about your situation. Talk about what the future holds for someone in your position. Also talk about what you can do to change it. (Job specific schooling)

                      You have the passion to change your situation. The trick is to find out what you want to do to support yourself and child. It will be hard, but I have seen people stubborn enough to fight their way into a decent job, and a real future for themselves and their child.

                      I had the advantage of having job skills when I got my children. I earned a college degree 20 years after High School, while taking care of three teenage daughters.

                      You can do it. Every day will be hard, but you can do it.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Katharine, Got is right. And so is DRRuthless. All of these are options for you to consider. Sadly a mistake was made. I am well known for my views on this. Kids will be kids, and mistakes will be made. But let us get past the past and strive towards the future.

                        I hope, I pray, that you and your daughter can stay together and that you can find a man to help you raise her. It takes two to make'em, it takes two to raise'em. With that said I understand your BF split on you. Well, if he can't provide support then AFAIC he ain't got no right to see her. If he's gonna be her daddy then he best start coughing up support. If he can't help support her then he ain't no daddy and he ain't got no right to see her. And honestly, the next time he wants to see her but he can't help support her and you, you oughta just punch him right square in the kisser. >BAM!< He deserves it!


                        I'm sorry. I'm starting to talk like a daddy, myself.
                        Well, consider all of these options hun.
                        I don't believe what I write, and neither should you. Information furnished to you is for debate purposes only, be sure to verify with your own research.
                        Keep in mind that the information provided may not be worth any more than either a politician's promise or what you paid for it (nothing).
                        I also may not have been either sane or sober when I wrote it down.
                        Don't worry, be happy.

                        http://www.rcfp.org/taping/index.html is a good resource!

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by cactus jack View Post
                          Katharine, Got is right. And so is DRRuthless. All of these are options for you to consider. Sadly a mistake was made. I am well known for my views on this. Kids will be kids, and mistakes will be made. But let us get past the past and strive towards the future.

                          I hope, I pray, that you and your daughter can stay together and that you can find a man to help you raise her. It takes two to make'em, it takes two to raise'em. With that said I understand your BF split on you. Well, if he can't provide support then AFAIC he ain't got no right to see her. If he's gonna be her daddy then he best start coughing up support. If he can't help support her then he ain't no daddy and he ain't got no right to see her. And honestly, the next time he wants to see her but he can't help support her and you, you oughta just punch him right square in the kisser. >BAM!< He deserves it!


                          I'm sorry. I'm starting to talk like a daddy, myself.
                          Well, consider all of these options hun.
                          Support is not tied to the right to see the child. They are seperate issues in court.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            You're talking about court, I'm talking about knuckle sandwiches. If he wants to see his kid, he can start providing support. If he doesn't, then I suppose he should be thankful she ain't my kid.
                            She hasn't gone to court yet. If he doesn't like the refusal of visitation, then I suppose he can call a lawyer or the sheriff.
                            If he calls a lawyer, the lawyer's gonna advise him to pay up. If he calls the sheriff, he can get in some trouble. He'll pay up to avoid problems. Unless he's an idiot.
                            I don't believe what I write, and neither should you. Information furnished to you is for debate purposes only, be sure to verify with your own research.
                            Keep in mind that the information provided may not be worth any more than either a politician's promise or what you paid for it (nothing).
                            I also may not have been either sane or sober when I wrote it down.
                            Don't worry, be happy.

                            http://www.rcfp.org/taping/index.html is a good resource!

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Right now it doesn't sound like there is a support order or agreement for this guy to violate. That needs to happen pronto. Visitation is a separate issue all together. If he doesn't have his act together, then I would not leave a defensely baby with him unattended. Someone who loses his job for cussing out a manager is a prime example. Have you talked to this guy about support or vistation? It doesn't sound like it. Where are his parents/guardians? Ideal would be for your grandmother or whomever is supposedly trying to raise you to contact whomever is trying to raise him (going out on a limb that it isn't a happily married and stable Mom and Dad situation) and set up a meeting. You all have some stake in this child's future and like it or not, there are legal obligations on all sides. If you can get a nuetral party to mediate, that would be best. Whether it is a teacher, social worker, guidance counselor, lawyer or other party. Whether you show up at school or not, you are still legally entitled to the services said school provides and if you are working on your GED, you still have some ties to the school. Trust me when I say that you are not the first to end up in your situation. Your school has seen it, been there, done that more times than they can count. Presumably this is the first time you have been in this boat so let those with the experience guide you.

                              You need to figure out child support, child care, visitation, rules (for all parties- including you and the father), communication going forward, insurance and health care for the baby, and about a million other things. You need an agreement on everything from whether baby gets vaccinated to who is allowed to watch her and under what conditions. A million toys and lots of cute clothes are meaningless to a baby and not at all indicative of either good or bad parenting. I'm also going to say that since you clearly don't have the support system you needed growing up, you are in a poor position to provide the needed support to this baby. You are going to need all the counseling and support you can get to raise this baby. It is a sure bet you can't count in the advice of you parents who aren't fully in the picture and a grandmother who is only sort of there reluctantly. Lord knows what the father has as support but if he is already a teenage father and not able to keep a steady job, his family view of how to raise a child and conduct relationships is seriously lacking as well.
                              I post with the full knowledge and support of my employer, though the opinions rendered are my own and not necessarily representative of their position. In other words, I'm a free agent.

                              Comment

                              Working...
                              X