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  • Dear Abby on a painful reunion

    [email protected] (Rupa Bose) wrote in message news:<[email protected] com>...
    I guess many of you would have seen this Dear Abby. I'm tossing it in here for discussion purposes. Rupa
    Um. Ok. Here goes:

    My first reaction to this story is that it isn't a "fake", is that
    there is a lot that "Abby" and the rest of us aren't being told. First
    of all, 25 years ago was the late 70s. This wasn't the dark ages, and
    the girl was a teenager. I find it very hard to believe that:

    1. A man raped a young girl and she didn't report it to anyone.
    2. That her parents didn't question this man and his wife,
    particularly after he pays for her to "go away" to a maternity home.
    3. That he would *admit* to being a rapist and instead didn't just
    claim that she "seduced him".
    4. That his wife would consent to remain married to a rapist, allowing
    him to live with her and their children, an to remain in their
    community.
    5. That, in these open and liberated times, the birthmother didn't
    tell the adoptee the truth about her conception.

    My thinking is this: I think that "Drew" seduced the 16 year old
    babysitter. When she got pregnant, she threatened to tell his wife
    and expose him. He freaked, and concocted a story of "rape", probably
    telling his wife that he was drunk and confused when he did it. He and
    his wife probably not only paid for the girls "expenses", but he
    probably bought her off in other ways, too. The now-birthmother hasn't
    told her daughter "the truth" about her conception because "the truth"
    isn't what this wife thinks it is.

    I will also note that I think this wife is a total dingbat.

    L.

  • #2
    Dear Abby on a painful reunion

    << Um. Ok. Here goes:

    <<My first reaction to this story is that it isn't a "fake", is that
    there is a lot that "Abby" and the rest of us aren't being told. First
    of all, 25 years ago was the late 70s. This wasn't the dark ages, and
    the girl was a teenager. I find it very hard to believe that:

    <<1. A man raped a young girl and she didn't report it to anyone.>>
    <<2. That her parents didn't question this man and his wife,
    particularly after he pays for her to "go away" to a maternity home.
    <<3. That he would *admit* to being a rapist and instead didn't just
    claim that she "seduced him".
    <<4. That his wife would consent to remain married to a rapist, allowing
    him to live with her and their children, an to remain in their
    community.
    <<5. That, in these open and liberated times, the birthmother didn't
    tell the adoptee the truth about her conception.

    <<My thinking is this: I think that "Drew" seduced the 16 year old
    babysitter. >>

    I read this Dear Abby and had one of those "wtf" moments, then let it go.
    Technically, Lanie, whether it was seduction or by force, it was rape. Or would
    be in most states given the difference in ages.

    <<When she got pregnant, she threatened to tell his wife
    and expose him. He freaked, and concocted a story of "rape", probably
    telling his wife that he was drunk and confused when he did it.

    The "I didn't know what I was doing" argument you propose works as well for
    either act. And "she made me do it" certainly would seem more palatable than
    the "I did it all by myself, but didn't know what I was doing" excuse. I also
    cannot wrap my mind around the notion that a wife would prefer to think of what
    happened as a rape, instead of seduction. I mean, really! Except..okay, now
    you've forced me to think about this: Since, assuming some baseline truth to
    the tale, it *was* rape whatever other facts may have been in play, perhaps
    that's the price she has compelled him to pay. That she has permitted no sugar
    coating of his conduct.

    <<He and
    his wife probably not only paid for the girls "expenses", but he
    probably bought her off in other ways, too. The now-birthmother hasn't
    told her daughter "the truth" about her conception because "the truth"
    isn't what this wife thinks it is.

    I was left assuming "something" had happened (it didn't occur to me that the
    writer could have been the sob sister's equivalent of a troll), but that the
    telling of the tale was so obfuscated as to leave any reader in the dark as to
    what it actually was.

    <<I will also note that I think this wife is a total dingbat.

    Well, *that* goes without saying. I certainly feel for this adoptee.

    Hey, GR, welcome back. I'm returning to lurk mode - too many irons in the fire
    (and how's that for an old chestnut?)

    e

    Comment


    • #3
      Dear Abby on a painful reunion

      [email protected]x (Eldie) wrote in message news:<[email protected]>...
      <<My thinking is this: I think that "Drew" seduced the 16 year old babysitter. >> I read this Dear Abby and had one of those "wtf" moments, then let it go. Technically, Lanie, whether it was seduction or by force, it was rape. Or would be in most states given the difference in ages.
      Depends on the state but yes, I agree.


      <<When she got pregnant, she threatened to tell his wife and expose him. He freaked, and concocted a story of "rape", probably telling his wife that he was drunk and confused when he did it. The "I didn't know what I was doing" argument you propose works as well for either act. And "she made me do it" certainly would seem more palatable than the "I did it all by myself, but didn't know what I was doing" excuse. I also cannot wrap my mind around the notion that a wife would prefer to think of what happened as a rape, instead of seduction. I mean, really! Except..okay, now you've forced me to think about this: Since, assuming some baseline truth to the tale, it *was* rape whatever other facts may have been in play, perhaps that's the price she has compelled him to pay. That she has permitted no sugar coating of his conduct.
      That could also be. Like you, I am just trying to wrap my mind around
      the situation and figure out how this was "packaged" by the husband so
      as to make his wife sympathetic. I myself wouldn't stay married for a
      second to an admitted rapist, but if he managed to package the
      incident such that this was a single act of drunken debauchery, I
      *suppose* that some weak-minded woman might buy it hook, line, and
      sinker.

      After further consideration, I am still trying to understand where the
      16 year-old's parents were in all this. I am wondering if the
      rapist/bio-dad didn't approach them with some story about how the girl
      got knocked up by a neighborhood boy, and then explain that he "felt
      responsible" for "not keeping a better eye on her", and thus offered
      to pay for the girl's expenses.

      Disgusting, if that is what happened.

      <<He and his wife probably not only paid for the girls "expenses", but he probably bought her off in other ways, too. The now-birthmother hasn't told her daughter "the truth" about her conception because "the truth" isn't what this wife thinks it is. I was left assuming "something" had happened (it didn't occur to me that the writer could have been the sob sister's equivalent of a troll), but that the telling of the tale was so obfuscated as to leave any reader in the dark as to what it actually was.
      Yeah. There is a lot that we aren't being told. I suspect that there
      is a lot that many of the parties involved here aren't being told.

      The worst scenario, IMHO, is that this man did violently rape the
      girl, and has been violently raping other girls for the past 25 years
      because his wife didn't have the ovaries to turn him in.

      L.

      Comment


      • #4
        Dear Abby on a painful reunion


        "Lainie Petersen" <[email protected]> wrote in message
        news:[email protected] ..
        I will also note that I think this wife is a total dingbat. L.
        ITA! I would have been outta there in a New York minute.

        Kathy 1


        Comment


        • #5
          Dear Abby on a painful reunion



          Hey Eldie - good to see ya! Seems ages since you've been around. <s>

          Helen


          "Eldie" <[email protected]> wrote in message
          news:[email protected]
          << Um. Ok. Here goes: <<My first reaction to this story is that it isn't a "fake", is that there is a lot that "Abby" and the rest of us aren't being told. First of all, 25 years ago was the late 70s. This wasn't the dark ages, and the girl was a teenager. I find it very hard to believe that: <<1. A man raped a young girl and she didn't report it to anyone.>> <<2. That her parents didn't question this man and his wife, particularly after he pays for her to "go away" to a maternity home. <<3. That he would *admit* to being a rapist and instead didn't just claim that she "seduced him". <<4. That his wife would consent to remain married to a rapist, allowing him to live with her and their children, an to remain in their community. <<5. That, in these open and liberated times, the birthmother didn't tell the adoptee the truth about her conception. <<My thinking is this: I think that "Drew" seduced the 16 year old babysitter. >> I read this Dear Abby and had one of those "wtf" moments, then let it go. Technically, Lanie, whether it was seduction or by force, it was rape. Or
          would
          be in most states given the difference in ages. <<When she got pregnant, she threatened to tell his wife and expose him. He freaked, and concocted a story of "rape", probably telling his wife that he was drunk and confused when he did it. The "I didn't know what I was doing" argument you propose works as well
          for
          either act. And "she made me do it" certainly would seem more palatable
          than
          the "I did it all by myself, but didn't know what I was doing" excuse. I
          also
          cannot wrap my mind around the notion that a wife would prefer to think of
          what
          happened as a rape, instead of seduction. I mean, really! Except..okay,
          now
          you've forced me to think about this: Since, assuming some baseline truth
          to
          the tale, it *was* rape whatever other facts may have been in play,
          perhaps
          that's the price she has compelled him to pay. That she has permitted no
          sugar
          coating of his conduct. <<He and his wife probably not only paid for the girls "expenses", but he probably bought her off in other ways, too. The now-birthmother hasn't told her daughter "the truth" about her conception because "the truth" isn't what this wife thinks it is. I was left assuming "something" had happened (it didn't occur to me that
          the
          writer could have been the sob sister's equivalent of a troll), but that
          the
          telling of the tale was so obfuscated as to leave any reader in the dark
          as to
          what it actually was. <<I will also note that I think this wife is a total dingbat. Well, *that* goes without saying. I certainly feel for this adoptee. Hey, GR, welcome back. I'm returning to lurk mode - too many irons in the
          fire
          (and how's that for an old chestnut?) e

          Comment


          • #6
            Dear Abby on a painful reunion

            <<
            Hey Eldie - good to see ya! Seems ages since you've been around.

            Helen >>

            It has been ages, Helen. i found myself in over my head workwise and had to put
            nose to the grindstone (ah, another nice old chestnut). There's more to my not
            being here, but I don't see any point in stirring up old arguments that go no
            place. Except I will say, most of my biggest concerns have come to have
            credence. You'll know what I'm talking about. :-)

            L


            Comment


            • #7
              Dear Abby on a painful reunion

              [email protected] (Lainie Petersen) wrote >
              Um. Ok. Here goes: My first reaction to this story is that it isn't a "fake", is that there is a lot that "Abby" and the rest of us aren't being told. First of all, 25 years ago was the late 70s. This wasn't the dark ages, and the girl was a teenager. I find it very hard to believe that: 1. A man raped a young girl and she didn't report it to anyone. 2. That her parents didn't question this man and his wife, particularly after he pays for her to "go away" to a maternity home. 3. That he would *admit* to being a rapist and instead didn't just claim that she "seduced him". 4. That his wife would consent to remain married to a rapist, allowing him to live with her and their children, an to remain in their community. 5. That, in these open and liberated times, the birthmother didn't tell the adoptee the truth about her conception. My thinking is this: I think that "Drew" seduced the 16 year old babysitter. When she got pregnant, she threatened to tell his wife and expose him. He freaked, and concocted a story of "rape", probably telling his wife that he was drunk and confused when he did it. He and his wife probably not only paid for the girls "expenses", but he probably bought her off in other ways, too. The now-birthmother hasn't told her daughter "the truth" about her conception because "the truth" isn't what this wife thinks it is. I will also note that I think this wife is a total dingbat. L.

              I think you're right, and it was consensual. It would have been
              statutory rape, though, wouldn't it? If she was 16, wouldn't she be
              below the age of consent in most states?

              I'm thinking that maybe that's why the wife used the term 'rape.' If
              it was forcible or violent, which I think is the image I also get from
              that word, it's scary that she would 'rebuild her marriage' with the
              guy.

              Rupa

              Comment


              • #8
                Dear Abby on a painful reunion

                [email protected]8spam (Palms2pines) wrote in message news:<[email protected]>...
                Lainie's theory:
                My thinking is this: I think that "Drew" seduced the 16 year oldbabysitter. When she got pregnant, she threatened to tell his wifeand expose him. He freaked, and concocted a story of "rape", probablytelling his wife that he was drunk and confused when he did it. He andhis wife probably not only paid for the girls "expenses", but heprobably bought her off in other ways, too. The now-birthmother hasn'ttold her daughter "the truth" about her conception because "the truth"isn't what this wife thinks it is.I will also note that I think this wife is a total dingbat.L.
                I agree, Lainie, that the wife is a total dingbat. However, I cannot imagine a concocted story of rape would go over better than a story of seduction. I am wondering if the statue of limitations has run out for the victim, the then-teen birthmother. The rapist needs to pay for his crime. I hurt for the woman whose life was impacted in such huge ways. She has a case against both the rapist and his wife who harbored the rapist for all these years.

                Yeah. . .I dunno. I can think of several ways that this might have
                played out. I guess I could see how someone would be so insipid that
                they would prefer an accidental rapist over a cheating hubby.

                I think.

                Oh phooey. I give up.

                L.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Dear Abby on a painful reunion

                  >Subject: Re: Dear Abby on a painful reunion
                  From: [email protected] (Lainie Petersen)Date: 11/9/03 7:06 AM Pacific Standard TimeMessage-id: <[email protected]>rkbo [email protected] (Rupa Bose) wrote in messagenews:<[email protected] google.com>...
                  I guess many of you would have seen this Dear Abby. I'm tossing it in here for discussion purposes. Rupa
                  Um. Ok. Here goes:My first reaction to this story is that it isn't a "fake", is thatthere is a lot that "Abby" and the rest of us aren't being told. Firstof all, 25 years ago was the late 70s. This wasn't the dark ages, andthe girl was a teenager. I find it very hard to believe that:1. A man raped a young girl and she didn't report it to anyone.2. That her parents didn't question this man and his wife,particularly after he pays for her to "go away" to a maternity home.3. That he would *admit* to being a rapist and instead didn't justclaim that she "seduced him".4. That his wife would consent to remain married to a rapist, allowinghim to live with her and their children, an to remain in theircommunity.5. That, in these open and liberated times, the birthmother didn'ttell the adoptee the truth about her conception.My thinking is this: I think that "Drew" seduced the 16 year oldbabysitter. When she got pregnant, she threatened to tell his wifeand expose him. He freaked, and concocted a story of "rape", probablytelling his wife that he was drunk and confused when he did it. He andhis wife probably not only paid for the girls "expenses", but heprobably bought her off in other ways, too. The now-birthmother hasn'ttold her daughter "the truth" about her conception because "the truth"isn't what this wife thinks it is.I will also note that I think this wife is a total dingbat.L.
                  While reading the story, I was thinking much the same thing. 1) that the truth
                  is nowhere near what she's telling and 2) that she is a dingbat

                  If, by some strange Jerry Springer-like twist of bad fate, it's true... well
                  then, rock, meet your buddy hard place. I don't care how horrible the truth
                  is, that is all I will ever advocate them telling her. He should not refuse to
                  meet her, she deserves better than that. He needs to face the music with all
                  of the kids, and take his rocks.
                  Kathy, born Renee Karyn Racine

                  Permanent good can never be the outcome of untruth and violence.
                  --Mahatma Gandhi
                  Peace is not merely a distant goal that we seek, but a means by which we arrive
                  at that goal.
                  --Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Dear Abby on a painful reunion

                    [email protected]x (Eldie) wrote in message news:<[email protected]>...
                    << Hey Eldie - good to see ya! Seems ages since you've been around. Helen >> It has been ages, Helen. i found myself in over my head workwise and had to put nose to the grindstone (ah, another nice old chestnut). There's more to my not being here, but I don't see any point in stirring up old arguments that go no place. Except I will say, most of my biggest concerns have come to have credence. You'll know what I'm talking about. :-)
                    Oh Heck.
                    I'm even glad to see you. And your viewpoints on this particular issue
                    are of great interest to me.

                    L.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Dear Abby on a painful reunion

                      << Oh Heck.
                      I'm even glad to see you. And your viewpoints on this particular issue
                      are of great interest to me.Al Gore finally quite pouting long enough to speak for me today. Of course, he
                      was much politer than I can be. There is a discussion on another board I read
                      involving in some small part the ability to discuss politics in a civil manner.
                      I'm afraid I've lost that ability as far as the present situation is concerned.


                      I will say that the tendency of any bureaucracy is to use every opportunity to
                      consolidate power. So, that being a given, I don't know that I think Gore would
                      have done otherwise. But I suspect he'd have never carried it this far. Then,
                      of course, it is doubtful he had obsessively spent the previous ten years
                      planning the course we find ourselves set upon. We will not soon recover from
                      this debacle.

                      Nice to see you, too, Lanie. Did we quarrel, or something? If so, guess I've
                      forgotten it.

                      e

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Dear Abby on a painful reunion

                        [email protected]x (Eldie) wrote in message news:<[email protected]>...

                        Nice to see you, too, Lanie. Did we quarrel, or something? If so, guess I've forgotten it.
                        Oh, no. Never quarrelled. Never, never.

                        (Looks Sheepish)

                        L.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Dear Abby on a painful reunion

                          << Nice to see you, too, Lanie. Did we quarrel, or something? If so, guess
                          I've
                          forgotten it.>>
                          <<Oh, no. Never quarrelled. Never, never.

                          (Looks Sheepish)>>

                          Hmmm....made me try to jiggle my poor, sieve-like memory, but you just aren't
                          on the one-handed list of people with whom I have actually quarreled here or
                          even, quarrel or no quarrel, the two-handed list of people I can't abide here.
                          So whatever it was, I assume it was merely a civil exchange of differing views
                          on matters about which reasonable people could and often do disagree. :-)

                          e


                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Dear Abby on a painful reunion

                            [email protected] (Lainie Petersen) wrote in message news:<[email protected] om>...
                            [email protected]8spam (Palms2pines) wrote in message news:<[email protected]>...
                            Lainie's theory:
                            My thinking is this: I think that "Drew" seduced the 16 year oldbabysitter. When she got pregnant, she threatened to tell his wifeand expose him. He freaked, and concocted a story of "rape", probablytelling his wife that he was drunk and confused when he did it. He andhis wife probably not only paid for the girls "expenses", but heprobably bought her off in other ways, too. The now-birthmother hasn'ttold her daughter "the truth" about her conception because "the truth"isn't what this wife thinks it is.I will also note that I think this wife is a total dingbat.L.
                            I agree, Lainie, that the wife is a total dingbat. However, I cannot imagine a concocted story of rape would go over better than a story of seduction. I am wondering if the statue of limitations has run out for the victim, the then-teen birthmother. The rapist needs to pay for his crime. I hurt for the woman whose life was impacted in such huge ways. She has a case against both the rapist and his wife who harbored the rapist for all these years.
                            Yeah. . .I dunno. I can think of several ways that this might have played out. I guess I could see how someone would be so insipid that they would prefer an accidental rapist over a cheating hubby.
                            What's an 'accidental rapist'?
                            (Is it like "The Accidental Tourist'?)

                            I thought rape was always intentional, one way or another.




                            Rh.
                            I think. Oh phooey. I give up. L.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Dear Abby on a painful reunion

                              [email protected] (Rhiannon) wrote in message news:<[email protected] m>...

                              Yeah. . .I dunno. I can think of several ways that this might have played out. I guess I could see how someone would be so insipid that they would prefer an accidental rapist over a cheating hubby.
                              What's an 'accidental rapist'? (Is it like "The Accidental Tourist'?) I thought rape was always intentional, one way or another.

                              I was kinda being sarcastic, but yes, rape is always intentional.

                              My point was that some women are more likely to understand an
                              impulsive act than they would a premeditated affair.

                              L.

                              Comment

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