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  • Cheryl
    started a topic To Divorce or Not

    To Divorce or Not

    I'm 28 years old and been married to my wife for 4 years. When we first
    met, we were both young and inexperienced - I was 22 and she was 19. I was
    young and naive, and really didn't know myself or what kind of woman would
    make me happy. She just came along in my life and we got along great and
    fell in love, so the next logical thing in my mind was to marry because we
    both wanted a long term relationship. Keep in mind I have a religious
    family so living together was a no no (which now I realize would of been
    great to "test" each other). We only dated for about a year. I dated other
    women before I met my wife, but nothing long term, so I was pretty
    inexperienced in general with relationships. My wife also was
    inexperienced, even more so than I.

    Now 4 years later, I've learned a great deal about who am I as a person.
    I've gained confidence, knowledge, and a good career. Unfortunately, we
    haven't been able to grow as a couple and share common interests. I kept
    thinking to myself that if I gave us enough time, we would gain common
    interests and keep re-igniting the flame. Now if things keep going the way
    they have been, I can't see myself being with her for the rest of my life.
    To top things off, we are trying to have kids. Should I end it in divorce
    now and save our kids from having to go through it, or keep holding on
    trying to start a family and hoping that somehow I will be able to love her?



  • kattoo13
    replied
    1) having kids won't miraculously bring you to the realization to stay with your wife.
    2)if you're this confused now, you'll be 10x's more confused once you have kids. it won't be just you wondering if you should leave your wife, you'll have to deal with custody issues (trust me, i've been there)
    3)wrap your salami, god **** it!
    4)if you feel you aren't sure about divorce, try seperation, marriage counseling, etc.
    5)if that doesn't work, move on. you're still young. a lifetime with somebody you're not sure about isn't worth it.
    6)of course this thread is old, so things may have changed since you posted it.

    Leave a comment:


  • cyjeff
    replied
    Originally posted by angryforhim View Post
    Hi how are you Im fine well Im surely not an expert but I am a mother . Kdea.Im a single mother think about it you have kids and then divorce down the road the kids are the ones to suffer back and forth between two parents who were together and parted ways .If you can prevent the a divorce and stay that would be great but add kids now your talkin a great deal of stress for her and the kids sit down and work the issues in the marriage
    before u jump into a bigger responsibility even if u did have thoughts of divorce kids would mean you and her are the parents of this child married or not so shell be around forever with the kids.all im sayin is think about whats important to yu before u jump into a lifetime stress and aggravation on innocent childern
    Lookie up there in the top left of the post. See that? It's called a date.

    Usually, you can assume that any post over two and a half years old is probably dead... no matter how vital your little chunk of knowledge is, the original poster will probably never read it.

    Leave a comment:


  • angryforhim
    replied
    if divorce has came to your mind

    Originally posted by Cheryl View Post
    I'm 28 years old and been married to my wife for 4 years. When we first
    met, we were both young and inexperienced - I was 22 and she was 19. I was
    young and naive, and really didn't know myself or what kind of woman would
    make me happy. She just came along in my life and we got along great and
    fell in love, so the next logical thing in my mind was to marry because we
    both wanted a long term relationship. Keep in mind I have a religious
    family so living together was a no no (which now I realize would of been
    great to "test" each other). We only dated for about a year. I dated other
    women before I met my wife, but nothing long term, so I was pretty
    inexperienced in general with relationships. My wife also was
    inexperienced, even more so than I.

    Now 4 years later, I've learned a great deal about who am I as a person.
    I've gained confidence, knowledge, and a good career. Unfortunately, we
    haven't been able to grow as a couple and share common interests. I kept
    thinking to myself that if I gave us enough time, we would gain common
    interests and keep re-igniting the flame. Now if things keep going the way
    they have been, I can't see myself being with her for the rest of my life.
    To top things off, we are trying to have kids. Should I end it in divorce
    now and save our kids from having to go through it, or keep holding on
    trying to start a family and hoping that somehow I will be able to love her?
    Hi how are you Im fine well Im surely not an expert but I am a mother . Kdea.Im a single mother think about it you have kids and then divorce down the road the kids are the ones to suffer back and forth between two parents who were together and parted ways .If you can prevent the a divorce and stay that would be great but add kids now your talkin a great deal of stress for her and the kids sit down and work the issues in the marriage
    before u jump into a bigger responsibility even if u did have thoughts of divorce kids would mean you and her are the parents of this child married or not so shell be around forever with the kids.all im sayin is think about whats important to yu before u jump into a lifetime stress and aggravation on innocent childern

    Leave a comment:


  • JWB
    replied
    To Divorce or Not

    "Stephanie Stowe" <[email protected]> wrote in message
    news:[email protected]
    "JWB" <[email protected]> wrote in message
    I would try and get fired when it got to a breaking point, because a few months of an unemployment check means I can liesurly plot my next move I thought that if you were fired for cause that you would not get unemployment. I guess I thought wrong.
    Personality conflicts do not count as "cause".

    Things like stealing and drug use... yea, that's "cause". because you told
    the boss what you think of him/her... likely not.


    Leave a comment:


  • JWB
    replied
    To Divorce or Not

    "Stephanie Stowe" <[email protected]> wrote in message
    news:[email protected]
    "JWB" <[email protected]> wrote in message
    I would try and get fired when it got to a breaking point, because a few months of an unemployment check means I can liesurly plot my next move I thought that if you were fired for cause that you would not get unemployment. I guess I thought wrong.
    Personality conflicts do not count as "cause".

    Things like stealing and drug use... yea, that's "cause". because you told
    the boss what you think of him/her... likely not.


    Leave a comment:


  • Stephanie
    replied
    To Divorce or Not


    "JWB" <[email protected]> wrote in message
    news:[email protected]
    "Emma Anne" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:1gshgil.1uovzpnqcj1thN%[email protected]
    JWB <[email protected]> wrote: I couldn't stand the thought of disliking my job. I've had a few jobs that I grew to hate, and I either quit or got myself fired (which I've proven to be quite adept at... I don't get fired, but I do get out of there. Like you, I much prefer to work for myself.
    I would try and get fired when it got to a breaking point, because a few months of an unemployment check means I can liesurly plot my next move
    I thought that if you were fired for cause that you would not get
    unemployment. I guess I thought wrong.
    apparently, I'm capable of rubbing people the wrong way
    No way! :-)
    stunning, huh?


    Leave a comment:


  • Stephanie
    replied
    To Divorce or Not


    "JWB" <[email protected]> wrote in message
    news:[email protected]
    "Emma Anne" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:1gshgil.1uovzpnqcj1thN%[email protected]
    JWB <[email protected]> wrote: I couldn't stand the thought of disliking my job. I've had a few jobs that I grew to hate, and I either quit or got myself fired (which I've proven to be quite adept at... I don't get fired, but I do get out of there. Like you, I much prefer to work for myself.
    I would try and get fired when it got to a breaking point, because a few months of an unemployment check means I can liesurly plot my next move
    I thought that if you were fired for cause that you would not get
    unemployment. I guess I thought wrong.
    apparently, I'm capable of rubbing people the wrong way
    No way! :-)
    stunning, huh?


    Leave a comment:


  • JWB
    replied
    To Divorce or Not

    "Emma Anne" <[email protected]> wrote in message
    news:1gshgil.1uovzpnqcj1thN%[email protected]
    JWB <[email protected]> wrote:
    I couldn't stand the thought of disliking my job. I've had a few jobs that I grew to hate, and I either quit or got myself fired (which I've proven to be quite adept at... I don't get fired, but I do get out of there. Like you, I much prefer to work for myself.

    I would try and get fired when it got to a breaking point, because a few
    months of an unemployment check means I can liesurly plot my next move

    apparently, I'm capable of rubbing people the wrong way
    No way! :-)
    stunning, huh?


    Leave a comment:


  • JWB
    replied
    To Divorce or Not

    "Emma Anne" <[email protected]> wrote in message
    news:1gshgil.1uovzpnqcj1thN%[email protected]
    JWB <[email protected]> wrote:
    I couldn't stand the thought of disliking my job. I've had a few jobs that I grew to hate, and I either quit or got myself fired (which I've proven to be quite adept at... I don't get fired, but I do get out of there. Like you, I much prefer to work for myself.

    I would try and get fired when it got to a breaking point, because a few
    months of an unemployment check means I can liesurly plot my next move

    apparently, I'm capable of rubbing people the wrong way
    No way! :-)
    stunning, huh?


    Leave a comment:


  • Emma Anne
    replied
    To Divorce or Not

    JWB <[email protected]> wrote:
    "Emma Anne" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:1gsfv3a.1l9p5mz1p2nav3N%[email protected]
    JWB <[email protected]> wrote:
    "longshot" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected] > your kidding right? most people spend their whole lives working.. why > does > a > person work? for the money. If I worked solely for the money, I would have chosen a higher-paying profession. But I work for pleasure too. If I had millions, I'd still do the same work I'm doing now.
    My dad says there are two kinds of jobs: (1) the kind that pay well; and (2) the kind you enjoy. and I think he's right for most people. I'm a patent attorney, and that *can* pay well, but not if you work the hours I work. If I worked long hours, I wouldn't like my job anymore.
    I couldn't stand the thought of disliking my job. I've had a few jobs that I grew to hate, and I either quit or got myself fired (which I've proven to be quite adept at...
    I don't get fired, but I do get out of there. Like you, I much prefer
    to work for myself.
    apparently, I'm capable of rubbing people the wrong way
    No way! :-)

    Leave a comment:


  • Emma Anne
    replied
    To Divorce or Not

    JWB <[email protected]> wrote:
    "Emma Anne" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:1gsfv3a.1l9p5mz1p2nav3N%[email protected]
    JWB <[email protected]> wrote:
    "longshot" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected] > your kidding right? most people spend their whole lives working.. why > does > a > person work? for the money. If I worked solely for the money, I would have chosen a higher-paying profession. But I work for pleasure too. If I had millions, I'd still do the same work I'm doing now.
    My dad says there are two kinds of jobs: (1) the kind that pay well; and (2) the kind you enjoy. and I think he's right for most people. I'm a patent attorney, and that *can* pay well, but not if you work the hours I work. If I worked long hours, I wouldn't like my job anymore.
    I couldn't stand the thought of disliking my job. I've had a few jobs that I grew to hate, and I either quit or got myself fired (which I've proven to be quite adept at...
    I don't get fired, but I do get out of there. Like you, I much prefer
    to work for myself.
    apparently, I'm capable of rubbing people the wrong way
    No way! :-)

    Leave a comment:


  • JWB
    replied
    To Divorce or Not

    "Emma Anne" <[email protected]> wrote in message
    news:1gsfv3a.1l9p5mz1p2nav3N%[email protected]
    JWB <[email protected]> wrote:
    "longshot" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected]
    your kidding right? most people spend their whole lives working.. why does a person work? for the money.
    If I worked solely for the money, I would have chosen a higher-paying profession. But I work for pleasure too. If I had millions, I'd still do the same work I'm doing now.
    My dad says there are two kinds of jobs: (1) the kind that pay well; and (2) the kind you enjoy. and I think he's right for most people. I'm a patent attorney, and that *can* pay well, but not if you work the hours I work. If I worked long hours, I wouldn't like my job anymore.
    I couldn't stand the thought of disliking my job. I've had a few jobs that I
    grew to hate, and I either quit or got myself fired (which I've proven to be
    quite adept at... apparently, I'm capable of rubbing people the wrong way


    Leave a comment:


  • JWB
    replied
    To Divorce or Not

    "Emma Anne" <[email protected]> wrote in message
    news:1gsfv3a.1l9p5mz1p2nav3N%[email protected]
    JWB <[email protected]> wrote:
    "longshot" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected]
    your kidding right? most people spend their whole lives working.. why does a person work? for the money.
    If I worked solely for the money, I would have chosen a higher-paying profession. But I work for pleasure too. If I had millions, I'd still do the same work I'm doing now.
    My dad says there are two kinds of jobs: (1) the kind that pay well; and (2) the kind you enjoy. and I think he's right for most people. I'm a patent attorney, and that *can* pay well, but not if you work the hours I work. If I worked long hours, I wouldn't like my job anymore.
    I couldn't stand the thought of disliking my job. I've had a few jobs that I
    grew to hate, and I either quit or got myself fired (which I've proven to be
    quite adept at... apparently, I'm capable of rubbing people the wrong way


    Leave a comment:


  • Emma Anne
    replied
    To Divorce or Not

    JWB <[email protected]> wrote:
    "longshot" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected]
    your kidding right? most people spend their whole lives working.. why does a person work? for the money.
    If I worked solely for the money, I would have chosen a higher-paying profession. But I work for pleasure too. If I had millions, I'd still do the same work I'm doing now.
    My dad says there are two kinds of jobs:

    (1) the kind that pay well; and
    (2) the kind you enjoy.

    and I think he's right for most people. I'm a patent attorney, and that
    *can* pay well, but not if you work the hours I work. If I worked long
    hours, I wouldn't like my job anymore.

    Leave a comment:

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