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Need help with Custody/support for Teens in Maryland

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  • Need help with Custody/support for Teens in Maryland

    Hope you have time to read this is going to be long....
    Here is the background of this drama..
    Back in 1999 my ex husband and I divorced, we have two boys and a daughter. He had custody of our boys and I my daughter. I moved from NY to MD because I was working at a better job, and could not afford to live in NY. We separated in 1996. The agreement { separation agreement stated he had custody of the boys and I had visitation rights but were not specific} and if he was found drinking and drugging I would obtain custody.
    The boys lived with EX for about a year and then EX was tossed into jail for DUI. I got a call that the boys were coming back to live with me the next day. I had been living in a two bedroom apartment with my three children { two from previous marriage} I didn't have room at that point and time, so the boys went to live with an Aunt till I could get on my feet and a bigger place to live. meanwhile the EX only did 3 months and was out of jail and took the boys.
    In a few months only to be picked up again for DUI. At this point I had a bigger place and the boys came to live with me. The ex got out after a few months and came to MD so he could be with the kids... ha... I let him stay with me till he could find an apartment, but only to regret that decision. He had come after me and my daughter with a knife. I called the cops and had him removed. The boys were heartbroken { they were only 8-5 at the time}
    and wanted to move in with him.... They were begging me to live with him. So I made the decision that as long as he STAYED in Maryland around the area I could keep an eye on them they could go and live with dad. { stupid I know}
    In the meantime I had given up my apartment to save money to buy a house and moved in with my then boyfriend and whom I married.
    The boys were in a nice apartment that instead of me saving money was paying the rent for because their father was throwing away his money, so I tried to keep up the rent for them so they had a place to stay until I could once again get on my feet. To make this short they eventually got thrown out and went to live with another family, but that didn't work out and my EX skipped out of town and went to NY with the boys.
    I did some searching for them and the people that I knew my EX would tell me that they had not seen them when in fact he was living there.
    That was in 2000. In 2001 I was sent a letter asking from the CPS of NY for child support. I had finally found where they were! July of that year I was called and told my sons were left alone in the house the EX was renting, because their father was picked up for a DUI and reckless endangerment to children. This time he went to jail for 4 years! The boys were sent back to MD to live with me.
    Things were going well, and the boys were getting their lives back, finally!
    The EX was doing the full 4 years in jail no time off because of all the priors he had. He was released in 2005 { to the best of my memory} and lived in NY calling now and then to talk to the children, visited maybe 3 times He was too busy with his girlfriends to be bothered.
    Here is my problem...
    My 16 year old son now wants to move in with said father... Our oldest son was killed in 2003 by a reckless driver. and our daughter who is 18 but is mentally disabled and he wanted nothing to do with her for the past 18 years also wants to move in with him because he promises them EVERYTHING and gives NOTHING.
    He has never paid an ounce of child support because he was working off the books, but now is working for a painting company here in MD and is working on the books.
    I know for a fact that he is doing RX drugs xanax because he told me they were here in my shed in his box he had mailed here unknown by me and to make sure my son didn't get into them.
    so my questions are, does my son have any say in moving in with the EX?
    Does the separation agreement { from NY} have any say over Maryland law?
    Though my daughter is 18 but is mentally disabled { mental retardation mild } can she say who she wants to live with? { shes still in school }
    Can I go after him for child support?
    Should I go to the courts and apply for a visitation agreement? { because he just thinks when he calls he can have them even when I say no then I'm the bad guy}
    The EX is staying with a woman { surprise } that they are moving in an apartment that is known in that area for gangs and people being shot. At this point they are living in a motel. The apartment is being paid for by the state { HUD grant} and the EX is NOT on the application and working.. is there someone that can be notified about this?
    Sorry this is so long!
    if you can PLEASE help!
    Thank you for your time

  • #2
    Originally posted by DKT View Post
    Hope you have time to read this is going to be long....
    Here is the background of this drama..
    Back in 1999 my ex husband and I divorced, we have two boys and a daughter. He had custody of our boys and I my daughter. I moved from NY to MD because I was working at a better job, and could not afford to live in NY. We separated in 1996. The agreement { separation agreement stated he had custody of the boys and I had visitation rights but were not specific} and if he was found drinking and drugging I would obtain custody.
    The boys lived with EX for about a year and then EX was tossed into jail for DUI. I got a call that the boys were coming back to live with me the next day. I had been living in a two bedroom apartment with my three children { two from previous marriage} I didn't have room at that point and time, so the boys went to live with an Aunt till I could get on my feet and a bigger place to live. meanwhile the EX only did 3 months and was out of jail and took the boys.
    In a few months only to be picked up again for DUI. At this point I had a bigger place and the boys came to live with me. The ex got out after a few months and came to MD so he could be with the kids... ha... I let him stay with me till he could find an apartment, but only to regret that decision. He had come after me and my daughter with a knife. I called the cops and had him removed. The boys were heartbroken { they were only 8-5 at the time}
    and wanted to move in with him.... They were begging me to live with him. So I made the decision that as long as he STAYED in Maryland around the area I could keep an eye on them they could go and live with dad. { stupid I know}
    In the meantime I had given up my apartment to save money to buy a house and moved in with my then boyfriend and whom I married.
    The boys were in a nice apartment that instead of me saving money was paying the rent for because their father was throwing away his money, so I tried to keep up the rent for them so they had a place to stay until I could once again get on my feet. To make this short they eventually got thrown out and went to live with another family, but that didn't work out and my EX skipped out of town and went to NY with the boys.
    I did some searching for them and the people that I knew my EX would tell me that they had not seen them when in fact he was living there.
    That was in 2000. In 2001 I was sent a letter asking from the CPS of NY for child support. I had finally found where they were! July of that year I was called and told my sons were left alone in the house the EX was renting, because their father was picked up for a DUI and reckless endangerment to children. This time he went to jail for 4 years! The boys were sent back to MD to live with me.
    Things were going well, and the boys were getting their lives back, finally!
    The EX was doing the full 4 years in jail no time off because of all the priors he had. He was released in 2005 { to the best of my memory} and lived in NY calling now and then to talk to the children, visited maybe 3 times He was too busy with his girlfriends to be bothered.
    Here is my problem...
    My 16 year old son now wants to move in with said father... Our oldest son was killed in 2003 by a reckless driver. and our daughter who is 18 but is mentally disabled and he wanted nothing to do with her for the past 18 years also wants to move in with him because he promises them EVERYTHING and gives NOTHING.
    He has never paid an ounce of child support because he was working off the books, but now is working for a painting company here in MD and is working on the books.
    I know for a fact that he is doing RX drugs xanax because he told me they were here in my shed in his box he had mailed here unknown by me and to make sure my son didn't get into them.
    so my questions are, does my son have any say in moving in with the EX?
    Does the separation agreement { from NY} have any say over Maryland law?
    Though my daughter is 18 but is mentally disabled { mental retardation mild } can she say who she wants to live with? { shes still in school }
    Can I go after him for child support?
    Should I go to the courts and apply for a visitation agreement? { because he just thinks when he calls he can have them even when I say no then I'm the bad guy}
    The EX is staying with a woman { surprise } that they are moving in an apartment that is known in that area for gangs and people being shot. At this point they are living in a motel. The apartment is being paid for by the state { HUD grant} and the EX is NOT on the application and working.. is there someone that can be notified about this?
    Sorry this is so long!
    if you can PLEASE help!
    Thank you for your time
    Your post is hard to wade through.

    I would file for full permanant custody, and as for the CS, Blood from a stone. Do not hold your breath. I would do everything to protect the children.

    He has violated the original divorce decree (documented) with his convictions. You have permanant and full custody as it reads now, (if what I understood from your post is correct.)

    I am not sure what the legal status in on your daughter. You might need to find out from a lawyer. She might be eligable for SSDI, because of her mental retardation. There are many homes that the government maintains where she can be a productive member. I currently work in one such home.

    Bottom line, write down everything, and go see a lawyer. Interview a couple before you pick one.

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by GotSmart View Post
      Your post is hard to wade through.

      I would file for full permanant custody, and as for the CS, Blood from a stone. Do not hold your breath. I would do everything to protect the children.

      He has violated the original divorce decree (documented) with his convictions. You have permanant and full custody as it reads now, (if what I understood from your post is correct.)

      I am not sure what the legal status in on your daughter. You might need to find out from a lawyer. She might be eligable for SSDI, because of her mental retardation. There are many homes that the government maintains where she can be a productive member. I currently work in one such home.

      Bottom line, write down everything, and go see a lawyer. Interview a couple before you pick one.
      Thanks Got smart,
      Sorry to of confused you, but then again I'm confused at all of this.
      You state that because of the separation agreement that I have custody of my son and daughter but then you say I should go and file for permanent custody ? not understanding why I should go if I have the documents saying that I got custody of the children if he was using again.
      The other thing is would a court even give it a thought about letting a 16 year old to go live with a drunk and drug user? I don't drink nor drug, I smoke cigarettes that is about it. Only got into trouble with the law back when my daughter was younger because she snuck out of the house when we were all sleeping and for some reason they arrested me for child negligence, I still scratch my head on that one.
      My daughter does already get SSDI, and when she finishes high school we will be looking into other options if she wants.
      Should I file as her guardian? Is that what you meant?
      Thanks for your reply

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by DKT View Post
        Thanks Got smart,
        Sorry to of confused you, but then again I'm confused at all of this.
        You state that because of the separation agreement that I have custody of my son and daughter but then you say I should go and file for permanent custody ? not understanding why I should go if I have the documents saying that I got custody of the children if he was using again.
        The other thing is would a court even give it a thought about letting a 16 year old to go live with a drunk and drug user? I don't drink nor drug, I smoke cigarettes that is about it. Only got into trouble with the law back when my daughter was younger because she snuck out of the house when we were all sleeping and for some reason they arrested me for child negligence, I still scratch my head on that one.
        My daughter does already get SSDI, and when she finishes high school we will be looking into other options if she wants.
        Should I file as her guardian? Is that what you meant?
        Thanks for your reply

        As I see from your post, (I have not read the original documents) the original agreement had concrete stipulations. He violated them. You allowed the children to go back despite this. That created a grey area. You do not mention a agreement from the divorce. Another grey area. You allowed the boys to move back in with him after domestic violence. Another.

        You need to collect all your documents, and prepair to spend at least $5 K for legal fees.

        The negligence charge is something that can only hurt if you were convicted. (Conviction or not makes a difference.)


        File as her guardian by all means. You can only protect her.

        Please do not take this wrong. You have shown monumental stupidity for enableing your X by paying his bills while he neglected the boys. (my opinion)

        This is a battle you should have fought 10 years ago.
        How much are you owed in back CS? Ammunition.
        His convictions, Ammunition.
        His evictions, Ammunition.
        Lack if contact. Ammunition.
        Drug use, Ammunition
        Fact that he witheald the children from you. Ammunition.
        His treatment (lack of) of your daughter. Ammunition

        Make a list and contact me via PM. I will see if I can help. I will not mince words, as I have fought a hard battle myself for custody. There are also other posters on this site that can give fantastic advice. I call them the "Mom squad"

        Good luck.

        Comment

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