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    Our daughter has been having minor to moderate discipline problems in school. We have tried several stages of punishment (non-corporal) with no avail. She came home with a bad mark from school and we sat down after supper and assigned a point value for her reports for school which would be met with swats. That evening she got 4 swats and we sat for approximately an hour and a half after that going through why she got the swats and why she should not act out in school and then setup an internal warning system for her. If the teacher warned her of getting in trouble, her train of thought is that if I get in trouble I should think "I could get a spanking for this". We practiced this through the friday and all through the weekend into monday with verbal prompting ("I'm going to pull a card"), and had nothing but positive results and experiences. On the following tuesday she was in trouble for the same thing, which resulted in 5 swats after supper. After that once again we sat down and talked about how we got to these consequences. The following day she immediately get into trouble and she knew that she was going to be in trouble when she got home and broke down in school crying. She told the counselor that she had been getting swats every night, which is certainly not the case. Upon investigation the state found welts from the previous night and bruising on her bottom from the prior event of which I had absolutely no knowledge or I would have immediately ceased. She was taken in to state custody that afternoon. After meeting with the state case worker she assured us that our youngest daughter would not be taken into custody as she felt that she was not in any "danger". After she meets with the DA both myself and my wife are deemed a threat and our youngest daughter is taken friday afternoon. That evening we meet with several people including our youngest daughter (which is against the standing order of the court, of course of which I am not complaining one bit). During this meeting the case worker tells us that this is not what she imagined happening in any way shape or form and her recommendation is that "the children be placed back with the paternal parents". We go to juv. court on monday. We where issued the orders at about 1600 just prior to our departure to the meeting.

    My first and foremost concern is that I am not an abusive father!!! I have set this discipline in a structured and informative scenerio and if at any time I thought that it was abusive or overboard I would have stopped immediately and changed it somehow. The just of it is that they have deemed me a threat to my children and this couldnt be further away from the truth!!!

    I understand the physical (corporal) punishment in not popular with some people because of the leaning to and possibility of abuse in these scenerios, but steps are constantly taken to keep from even coming close to this line, to include no immediate punishment at the time of finding out and following punishment with talk time to understand how and why we got where we are and how to alleviate it.

    My second concern is the timeframe in which we have to have our first fight for our children. Being ignorant as to the proceedings I dont know if we need a lawyer on monday and we certainly have not had the time to get one. As soon as we got home Friday night I began calling and leaving messages with custody lawyers, continuing into saturday.

    Ultimately we want and need our children back. If we need to change our discipline styles then so be it, I am more than happy to do so, as I certainly get absolutely no joy out of physically disciplining our daughter.

    We have had no prior contact with SRS and our oldest daughter has had 5 spankings in her lifetime beginning at the age of 3. Three of those have been a result of discipline from school, and I have never spanked our youngest daughter and at this point never plan on spanking either of them again.

    Any and all opinions and comments are appreciated. Even the negative as this will provide a tool as which to learn from. Thank you for your time.

  • #2
    I can understand your frustration as I have a son who is O.D.D. yet also suffers from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from an abusive biological father he hasn't seen in years.

    Just yelling at him or taking his TV away will get him screaming at the top of his lungs that he is being hurt. Luckily, the schools, doctors, police, everyone are very familiar with his situation and that he is not being abused now (he is checked often with various doctors and agencies).

    The problem you will have is explaining the welts. I would say that you need a lawyer above all else because you don't want to have any steps go wrong with this.

    Any advice from here is based off of others with very different situations and yours really needs the attention of a professional if you want to ensure they are with you always.


    • #3
      exactly. swats do not leave welts and bruising. You need a lawyer