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  • Married to a psycho, need help

    My wife and I have been married for 2 years now and things have been
    getting increasingly worse. She has 2 kids which I never adopted
    because of her wishes (more on that later). We got married in
    September 2001, went on our honeymoon in the beginning of October and
    while we were on our honeymoon, the apartment we were living in went
    up for sale. We managed to buy a condo when we got back and moved in
    on Christmas Eve. That night, my wife and I were having a few drinks,
    but my wife had a few too many. A very serious argument broke out
    between my wife and her older daughter (18 years old at the time) and
    my wife beat the crap out of her. Punched her square in the face
    repeatedly. I pulled her off and then her daughter ran into the
    bathroom, locked the door, and called the police. Then she turned on
    me. When the police came to the door, my wife told me that she would
    get the kids to say that it was me and that she would make sure that I
    was the one who got into trouble. The police asked me some question
    and then took her away to spend the night in jail. Her oldest daughter
    went to the hospital to get checked out while I stayed home with the
    youngest (Then 3 years old). My wife has had physically abusive
    episodes since towards me. I have been emotionally and verbally abused
    constantly throughout our relationship and I can't take it anymore.
    She has done other things but this is the worst. We once got a laptop
    an we didn't have 24 hours before she snatched it from my hands and
    broke it. The list goes on and on.

    She has complete control over the finances and I have to ask
    permission to do anything financially. If I need gas, I have to ask.
    She has complete control over my life and seems to feel the need to
    control everyone else's life. She doesn't work; I am the only source
    of income except for the child support she receives every week from
    the children's father (See second sentence above). I have no say in
    what the kids do or how they act. The youngest gets away with anything
    she wants. When she gets angry at me, she almost always does it in
    front of the children and then makes me look bad. This makes the
    children not like me. It's as if she turns them away from me.

    Every time I need something, like my car fixed, we never have the
    money. But when her car needs fixed, it's in the shop the next day. I
    asked her why that was and she said that I have caused the family
    monetary hardship. This was due to some bills that weren't paid off
    when we got married. But it wasn't that bad.

    The mortgage for the condo is under my name but both of us had to sign
    it, she has 2 kids (Not my own) but doesn't have a job. I can't live
    like this anymore. I'm married to a psycho and I need suggestions.

  • #2
    Married to a psycho, need help

    I have no suggestions other than opening your own account and leaving
    your wife asap before she becomes entitled to alimony etc.

    i

    In article <[email protected] >, Unforgiven wrote:
    My wife and I have been married for 2 years now and things have been getting increasingly worse. She has 2 kids which I never adopted because of her wishes (more on that later). We got married in September 2001, went on our honeymoon in the beginning of October and while we were on our honeymoon, the apartment we were living in went up for sale. We managed to buy a condo when we got back and moved in on Christmas Eve. That night, my wife and I were having a few drinks, but my wife had a few too many. A very serious argument broke out between my wife and her older daughter (18 years old at the time) and my wife beat the crap out of her. Punched her square in the face repeatedly. I pulled her off and then her daughter ran into the bathroom, locked the door, and called the police. Then she turned on me. When the police came to the door, my wife told me that she would get the kids to say that it was me and that she would make sure that I was the one who got into trouble. The police asked me some question and then took her away to spend the night in jail. Her oldest daughter went to the hospital to get checked out while I stayed home with the youngest (Then 3 years old). My wife has had physically abusive episodes since towards me. I have been emotionally and verbally abused constantly throughout our relationship and I can't take it anymore. She has done other things but this is the worst. We once got a laptop an we didn't have 24 hours before she snatched it from my hands and broke it. The list goes on and on. She has complete control over the finances and I have to ask permission to do anything financially. If I need gas, I have to ask. She has complete control over my life and seems to feel the need to control everyone else's life. She doesn't work; I am the only source of income except for the child support she receives every week from the children's father (See second sentence above). I have no say in what the kids do or how they act. The youngest gets away with anything she wants. When she gets angry at me, she almost always does it in front of the children and then makes me look bad. This makes the children not like me. It's as if she turns them away from me. Every time I need something, like my car fixed, we never have the money. But when her car needs fixed, it's in the shop the next day. I asked her why that was and she said that I have caused the family monetary hardship. This was due to some bills that weren't paid off when we got married. But it wasn't that bad. The mortgage for the condo is under my name but both of us had to sign it, she has 2 kids (Not my own) but doesn't have a job. I can't live like this anymore. I'm married to a psycho and I need suggestions.

    Comment


    • #3
      Married to a psycho, need help

      Listen to Ignoramus. He makes sense.

      SD


      Comment


      • #4
        Married to a psycho, need help

        How would one just get up and leave? I'd feel like a real scumbag
        leaving a wife that has no job and two children to support. Also too, I
        don't know where I'd go. Any suggestions? What do most people do in
        situations like this?

        -U

        Ignoramus7261 wrote:
        I have no suggestions other than opening your own account and leaving your wife asap before she becomes entitled to alimony etc. i In article <[email protected] >, Unforgiven wrote:
        My wife and I have been married for 2 years now and things have beengetting increasingly worse. She has 2 kids which I never adoptedbecause of her wishes (more on that later). We got married inSeptember 2001, went on our honeymoon in the beginning of October andwhile we were on our honeymoon, the apartment we were living in wentup for sale. We managed to buy a condo when we got back and moved inon Christmas Eve. That night, my wife and I were having a few drinks,but my wife had a few too many. A very serious argument broke outbetween my wife and her older daughter (18 years old at the time) andmy wife beat the crap out of her. Punched her square in the facerepeatedly. I pulled her off and then her daughter ran into thebathroom, locked the door, and called the police. Then she turned onme. When the police came to the door, my wife told me that she wouldget the kids to say that it was me and that she would make sure that Iwas the one who got into trouble. The police asked me some questionand then took her away to spend the night in jail. Her oldest daughterwent to the hospital to get checked out while I stayed home with theyoungest (Then 3 years old). My wife has had physically abusiveepisodes since towards me. I have been emotionally and verbally abusedconstantly throughout our relationship and I can't take it anymore.She has done other things but this is the worst. We once got a laptopan we didn't have 24 hours before she snatched it from my hands andbroke it. The list goes on and on.She has complete control over the finances and I have to askpermission to do anything financially. If I need gas, I have to ask.She has complete control over my life and seems to feel the need tocontrol everyone else's life. She doesn't work; I am the only sourceof income except for the child support she receives every week fromthe children's father (See second sentence above). I have no say inwhat the kids do or how they act. The youngest gets away with anythingshe wants. When she gets angry at me, she almost always does it infront of the children and then makes me look bad. This makes thechildren not like me. It's as if she turns them away from me.Every time I need something, like my car fixed, we never have themoney. But when her car needs fixed, it's in the shop the next day. Iasked her why that was and she said that I have caused the familymonetary hardship. This was due to some bills that weren't paid offwhen we got married. But it wasn't that bad.The mortgage for the condo is under my name but both of us had to signit, she has 2 kids (Not my own) but doesn't have a job. I can't livelike this anymore. I'm married to a psycho and I need suggestions.

        Comment


        • #5
          Married to a psycho, need help

          In article <[email protected]>, Unforgiven wrote:
          How would one just get up and leave? I'd feel like a real scumbag leaving a wife that has no job and two children to support. Also too, I don't know where I'd go. Any suggestions? What do most people do in situations like this?
          rent a little studio apartment and go there. Then rent or buy
          something based on your finances, but beware of buying real estate
          before divorce. One day pick up your stuff and leave. you have little
          obligation towards those children, legally anyway, unless you are in
          canada. And besides, after moving out, you can still give them gifts
          if you feel like it.

          i
          -U Ignoramus7261 wrote:
          I have no suggestions other than opening your own account and leaving your wife asap before she becomes entitled to alimony etc. i In article <[email protected] >, Unforgiven wrote:
          My wife and I have been married for 2 years now and things have beengetting increasingly worse. She has 2 kids which I never adoptedbecause of her wishes (more on that later). We got married inSeptember 2001, went on our honeymoon in the beginning of October andwhile we were on our honeymoon, the apartment we were living in wentup for sale. We managed to buy a condo when we got back and moved inon Christmas Eve. That night, my wife and I were having a few drinks,but my wife had a few too many. A very serious argument broke outbetween my wife and her older daughter (18 years old at the time) andmy wife beat the crap out of her. Punched her square in the facerepeatedly. I pulled her off and then her daughter ran into thebathroom, locked the door, and called the police. Then she turned onme. When the police came to the door, my wife told me that she wouldget the kids to say that it was me and that she would make sure that Iwas the one who got into trouble. The police asked me some questionand then took her away to spend the night in jail. Her oldest daughterwent to the hospital to get checked out while I stayed home with theyoungest (Then 3 years old). My wife has had physically abusiveepisodes since towards me. I have been emotionally and verbally abusedconstantly throughout our relationship and I can't take it anymore.She has done other things but this is the worst. We once got a laptopan we didn't have 24 hours before she snatched it from my hands andbroke it. The list goes on and on.She has complete control over the finances and I have to askpermission to do anything financially. If I need gas, I have to ask.She has complete control over my life and seems to feel the need tocontrol everyone else's life. She doesn't work; I am the only sourceof income except for the child support she receives every week fromthe children's father (See second sentence above). I have no say inwhat the kids do or how they act. The youngest gets away with anythingshe wants. When she gets angry at me, she almost always does it infront of the children and then makes me look bad. This makes thechildren not like me. It's as if she turns them away from me.Every time I need something, like my car fixed, we never have themoney. But when her car needs fixed, it's in the shop the next day. Iasked her why that was and she said that I have caused the familymonetary hardship. This was due to some bills that weren't paid offwhen we got married. But it wasn't that bad.The mortgage for the condo is under my name but both of us had to signit, she has 2 kids (Not my own) but doesn't have a job. I can't livelike this anymore. I'm married to a psycho and I need suggestions.

          Comment


          • #6
            Married to a psycho, need help

            What about the condo? She'd still be living in the condo that's under my
            name and I would have to pay all of her bills as well as my newly
            created ones. I don't know if that's possible. I would have to keep her
            utilities going until she got on her feet. She has no job.

            -U

            Ignoramus7261 wrote:
            In article <[email protected]>, Unforgiven wrote:
            How would one just get up and leave? I'd feel like a real scumbagleaving a wife that has no job and two children to support.Also too, Idon't know where I'd go. Any suggestions? What do most people do insituations like this?
            rent a little studio apartment and go there. Then rent or buy something based on your finances, but beware of buying real estate before divorce. One day pick up your stuff and leave. you have little obligation towards those children, legally anyway, unless you are in canada. And besides, after moving out, you can still give them gifts if you feel like it. i
            -UIgnoramus7261 wrote:
            I have no suggestions other than opening your own account and leavingyour wife asap before she becomes entitled to alimony etc.iIn article <[email protected] >, Unforgiven wrote:>My wife and I have been married for 2 years now and things have been>getting increasingly worse. She has 2 kids which I never adopted>because of her wishes (more on that later). We got married in>September 2001, went on our honeymoon in the beginning of October and>while we were on our honeymoon, the apartment we were living in went>up for sale. We managed to buy a condo when we got back and moved in>on Christmas Eve. That night, my wife and I were having a few drinks,>but my wife had a few too many. A very serious argument broke out>between my wife and her older daughter (18 years old at the time) and>my wife beat the crap out of her. Punched her square in the face>repeatedly. I pulled her off and then her daughter ran into the>bathroom, locked the door, and called the police. Then she turned on>me. When the police came to the door, my wife told me that she would>get the kids to say that it was me and that she would make sure that I>was the one who got into trouble. The police asked me some question>and then took her away to spend the night in jail. Her oldest daughter>went to the hospital to get checked out while I stayed home with the>youngest (Then 3 years old). My wife has had physically abusive>episodes since towards me. I have been emotionally and verbally abused>constantly throughout our relationship and I can't take it anymore.>She has done other things but this is the worst. We once got a laptop>an we didn't have 24 hours before she snatched it from my hands and>broke it. The list goes on and on.>>She has complete control over the finances and I have to ask>permission to do anything financially. If I need gas, I have to ask.>She has complete control over my life and seems to feel the need to>control everyone else's life. She doesn't work; I am the only source>of income except for the child support she receives every week from>the children's father (See second sentence above). I have no say in>what the kids do or how they act. The youngest gets away with anything>she wants. When she gets angry at me, she almost always does it in>front of the children and then makes me look bad. This makes the>children not like me. It's as if she turns them away from me.>>Every time I need something, like my car fixed, we never have the>money. But when her car needs fixed, it's in the shop the next day. I>asked her why that was and she said that I have caused the family>monetary hardship. This was due to some bills that weren't paid off>when we got married. But it wasn't that bad.>>The mortgage for the condo is under my name but both of us had to sign>it, she has 2 kids (Not my own) but doesn't have a job. I can't live>like this anymore. I'm married to a psycho and I need suggestions.

            Comment


            • #7
              Married to a psycho, need help

              What do people do in situations like this?

              -U

              Unforgiven wrote:
              What about the condo? She'd still be living in the condo that's under my name and I would have to pay all of her bills as well as my newly created ones. I don't know if that's possible. I would have to keep her utilities going until she got on her feet. She has no job. -U Ignoramus7261 wrote:
              In article <[email protected]>, Unforgiven wrote:
              How would one just get up and leave? I'd feel like a real scumbag leaving a wife that has no job and two children to support. Also too, I don't know where I'd go. Any suggestions? What do most people do in situations like this?
              rent a little studio apartment and go there. Then rent or buy something based on your finances, but beware of buying real estate before divorce. One day pick up your stuff and leave. you have little obligation towards those children, legally anyway, unless you are in canada. And besides, after moving out, you can still give them gifts if you feel like it. i
              -U Ignoramus7261 wrote:> I have no suggestions other than opening your own account and leaving> your wife asap before she becomes entitled to alimony etc.>> i>> In article <[email protected]>, > Unforgiven wrote:>>>> My wife and I have been married for 2 years now and things have been>> getting increasingly worse. She has 2 kids which I never adopted>> because of her wishes (more on that later). We got married in>> September 2001, went on our honeymoon in the beginning of October and>> while we were on our honeymoon, the apartment we were living in went>> up for sale. We managed to buy a condo when we got back and moved in>> on Christmas Eve. That night, my wife and I were having a few drinks,>> but my wife had a few too many. A very serious argument broke out>> between my wife and her older daughter (18 years old at the time) and>> my wife beat the crap out of her. Punched her square in the face>> repeatedly. I pulled her off and then her daughter ran into the>> bathroom, locked the door, and called the police. Then she turned on>> me. When the police came to the door, my wife told me that she would>> get the kids to say that it was me and that she would make sure that I>> was the one who got into trouble. The police asked me some question>> and then took her away to spend the night in jail. Her oldest daughter>> went to the hospital to get checked out while I stayed home with the>> youngest (Then 3 years old). My wife has had physically abusive>> episodes since towards me. I have been emotionally and verbally abused>> constantly throughout our relationship and I can't take it anymore.>> She has done other things but this is the worst. We once got a laptop>> an we didn't have 24 hours before she snatched it from my hands and>> broke it. The list goes on and on.>>>> She has complete control over the finances and I have to ask>> permission to do anything financially. If I need gas, I have to ask.>> She has complete control over my life and seems to feel the need to>> control everyone else's life. She doesn't work; I am the only source>> of income except for the child support she receives every week from>> the children's father (See second sentence above). I have no say in>> what the kids do or how they act. The youngest gets away with anything>> she wants. When she gets angry at me, she almost always does it in>> front of the children and then makes me look bad. This makes the>> children not like me. It's as if she turns them away from me.>>>> Every time I need something, like my car fixed, we never have the>> money. But when her car needs fixed, it's in the shop the next day. I>> asked her why that was and she said that I have caused the family>> monetary hardship. This was due to some bills that weren't paid off>> when we got married. But it wasn't that bad.>>>> The mortgage for the condo is under my name but both of us had to sign>> it, she has 2 kids (Not my own) but doesn't have a job. I can't live>> like this anymore. I'm married to a psycho and I need suggestions.

              Comment


              • #8
                Married to a psycho, need help

                In article <[email protected]>, Unforgiven wrote:
                What about the condo? She'd still be living in the condo that's under my name and I would have to pay all of her bills as well as my newly created ones. I don't know if that's possible. I would have to keep her utilities going until she got on her feet. She has no job.
                let her get a job...

                if you think that she can beat you and be entitled to your support,
                that is unfortunate.

                As part of your divorce, you will likely sell the condo or one party
                will pay another a bit of money in exchange for the right to live in
                it.

                Ask a lawyer as to what you are required to pay her exactly while the
                divorce is ongoing. It may not be as much as you think. For instance,
                maybe you are required to pay mortgage (it is your financial
                obligation to the bank), but you can likely take your name off utility
                bills. etc. Any lawyer will explain it to you in an hour. you had a
                short duration marriage with no kids born to both of you.

                i
                -U Ignoramus7261 wrote:
                In article <[email protected]>, Unforgiven wrote:
                How would one just get up and leave? I'd feel like a real scumbagleaving a wife that has no job and two children to support.Also too, Idon't know where I'd go. Any suggestions? What do most people do insituations like this?
                rent a little studio apartment and go there. Then rent or buy something based on your finances, but beware of buying real estate before divorce. One day pick up your stuff and leave. you have little obligation towards those children, legally anyway, unless you are in canada. And besides, after moving out, you can still give them gifts if you feel like it. i
                -UIgnoramus7261 wrote:>I have no suggestions other than opening your own account and leaving>your wife asap before she becomes entitled to alimony etc.>>i>>In article <[email protected] >, Unforgiven wrote:>>>>My wife and I have been married for 2 years now and things have been>>getting increasingly worse. She has 2 kids which I never adopted>>because of her wishes (more on that later). We got married in>>September 2001, went on our honeymoon in the beginning of October and>>while we were on our honeymoon, the apartment we were living in went>>up for sale. We managed to buy a condo when we got back and moved in>>on Christmas Eve. That night, my wife and I were having a few drinks,>>but my wife had a few too many. A very serious argument broke out>>between my wife and her older daughter (18 years old at the time) and>>my wife beat the crap out of her. Punched her square in the face>>repeatedly. I pulled her off and then her daughter ran into the>>bathroom, locked the door, and called the police. Then she turned on>>me. When the police came to the door, my wife told me that she would>>get the kids to say that it was me and that she would make sure that I>>was the one who got into trouble. The police asked me some question>>and then took her away to spend the night in jail. Her oldest daughter>>went to the hospital to get checked out while I stayed home with the>>youngest (Then 3 years old). My wife has had physically abusive>>episodes since towards me. I have been emotionally and verbally abused>>constantly throughout our relationship and I can't take it anymore.>>She has done other things but this is the worst. We once got a laptop>>an we didn't have 24 hours before she snatched it from my hands and>>broke it. The list goes on and on.>>>>She has complete control over the finances and I have to ask>>permission to do anything financially. If I need gas, I have to ask.>>She has complete control over my life and seems to feel the need to>>control everyone else's life. She doesn't work; I am the only source>>of income except for the child support she receives every week from>>the children's father (See second sentence above). I have no say in>>what the kids do or how they act. The youngest gets away with anything>>she wants. When she gets angry at me, she almost always does it in>>front of the children and then makes me look bad. This makes the>>children not like me. It's as if she turns them away from me.>>>>Every time I need something, like my car fixed, we never have the>>money. But when her car needs fixed, it's in the shop the next day. I>>asked her why that was and she said that I have caused the family>>monetary hardship. This was due to some bills that weren't paid off>>when we got married. But it wasn't that bad.>>>>The mortgage for the condo is under my name but both of us had to sign>>it, she has 2 kids (Not my own) but doesn't have a job. I can't live>>like this anymore. I'm married to a psycho and I need suggestions.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Married to a psycho, need help

                  On 22 Oct 2003 10:50:05 -0700, [email protected] (Unforgiven) wrote:
                  My wife and I have been married for 2 years now and things have beengetting increasingly worse. [...]
                  The mortgage for the condo is under my name but both of us had to signit, she has 2 kids (Not my own) but doesn't have a job. I can't livelike this anymore. I'm married to a psycho and I need suggestions.
                  In addition to the child support issue, I speculate your wife, {possibly}
                  anticipating the marriage to fail, did not want you to have any advantage, if
                  you wished to take custody of the children.

                  Always consider the source. Some of your wife's temper tantrums must look very
                  childlike--only she throws things with the strength and adrenaline of an
                  adult. She is carrying a lot of emotional baggage; most likely, she had it
                  when you got married. I wish you had spotted it, and prepared yourselves to
                  constructively deal with it. She is angry and appears to sometimes use alcohol
                  as an escape mechanism.

                  I believe your wife is using "control" as a defense mechanism. We usually feel
                  safe enough, when we are in control. She is also vindictive. Her misdirected
                  aggression is actually meant for someone other than you.

                  I wish I could candy coat this in some way, but I can't. Surely with the
                  greatest of hope and intentions, you've entered a marriage with a lot of
                  severe problems. And I don't think you were prepared for what you're
                  encountering.

                  You are the bread winner, but your wife controls the finances. You accepted a
                  marriage that forbids you from being involved in the guidance of your step
                  children. I consider those major errors. I've had some experience with the
                  latter. Whew, it seems the new parent, the intruder, almost never survives.

                  Whatever happened with the finances, early on, must have really frightened
                  your wife--or maybe reminded her of some bad experience from the past.

                  If you learn to consider the source, you'll be able to ignore most of the
                  painful things your wife says. As for the physical abuse from your wife, I
                  don't know what to say: except that I'd bring that to a screeching halt. How?
                  I'm not sure. I'd dodge the things she throws, block the blows and try to
                  ignore the hostility--remembering that it really isn't meant for you.

                  Your wife is not apt to get any better, without medical intervention. You
                  should have learned this before the wedding, but something is deeply troubling
                  your wife. I hope you two can work things out. Maybe an antidepressant and/or
                  some counseling would change things.

                  There's close to zero teamwork in your marriage; and I don't think a marriage
                  can succeed without it.

                  This is a tough situation, but you are seeking help; so, there is some hope.

                  Best wishes,
                  Michael
                  A day without recoil is like a day without sunshine!

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Married to a psycho, need help

                    Unforgiven <[email protected]> wrote:
                    She has complete control over the finances and I have to ask permission to do anything financially.
                    <...>
                    I am the only source of income
                    Well, that's your own **** fault. Open an individual checking account at a
                    different bank, change where the direct deposit goes. Start cancelling any
                    joint credit cards -- you can do it even if there's a balance, although
                    you'll still have to pay them off (obviously).
                    I asked her why that was and she said that I have caused the family monetary hardship. This was due to some bills that weren't paid off when we got married. But it wasn't that bad.
                    Boo f___ing hoo for her.
                    The mortgage for the condo is under my name but both of us had to sign it, she has 2 kids (Not my own) but doesn't have a job. I can't live like this anymore. I'm married to a psycho and I need suggestions.
                    First, get a backbone. See if you can work it out standing up to her. You
                    let her act like that, and well... you get what you're asking for.

                    Failing that, talk to a lawyer. Try to document the abuse before filing,
                    although her getting arrested will help with that, then check in on A.S.D

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Married to a psycho, need help

                      Unforgiven <[email protected]> wrote:
                      How would one just get up and leave?
                      You just do it. Pack your stuff, get a room for a month, and start selling
                      the condo. She'll probably be entitled to half the equity.
                      I'd feel like a real scumbag leaving a wife that has no job and two children to support.
                      They're not your kids, and from the sound of it one of them is practically a
                      grownup.
                      Also too, I don't know where I'd go. Any suggestions? What do most people do in situations like this?
                      Yeah, try to work it out before leaving: get a backbone with her about
                      financial issues. Don't be afraid to call the police if she gets violent.
                      You might see if there's some kind of psychiatric support you can get her.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Married to a psycho, need help


                        "Unforgiven" <[email protected]> wrote in message
                        news:[email protected]
                        What about the condo? She'd still be living in the condo that's under my name and I would have to pay all of her bills as well as my newly created ones. I don't know if that's possible. I would have to keep her utilities going until she got on her feet. She has no job.
                        You really should talk to a lawyer before moving. It could make a
                        difference in what you have to pay/end up with, depending on the laws in the
                        area in which you live. In fact, you should just talk to a lawyer, period.
                        The physical abuse puts you in danger, and you want to know how to protect
                        yourself in case you have to leave, and also since she has threatened to
                        make false allegations before you need to talk to a lawyer about how to
                        protect yourself legally from that, too.

                        Joy



                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Married to a psycho, need help


                          "Unforgiven" <[email protected]> wrote in message
                          news:[email protected] om...
                          My wife and I have been married for 2 years now and things have been getting increasingly worse. She has 2 kids which I never adopted because of her wishes (more on that later). We got married in September 2001, went on our honeymoon in the beginning of October and while we were on our honeymoon, the apartment we were living in went up for sale. We managed to buy a condo when we got back and moved in on Christmas Eve. That night, my wife and I were having a few drinks, but my wife had a few too many. A very serious argument broke out between my wife and her older daughter (18 years old at the time) and my wife beat the crap out of her. Punched her square in the face repeatedly. I pulled her off and then her daughter ran into the bathroom, locked the door, and called the police. Then she turned on me. When the police came to the door, my wife told me that she would get the kids to say that it was me and that she would make sure that I was the one who got into trouble.
                          This part should scare you. If she is willing to try to make the kids blame
                          you for her violence, things could get ugly. You should be thinking in
                          terms of protecting yourself legally.

                          The police asked me some question
                          and then took her away to spend the night in jail.
                          What happened as a result of this? Were charges placed against your wife?

                          Her oldest daughter
                          went to the hospital to get checked out while I stayed home with the youngest (Then 3 years old). My wife has had physically abusive episodes since towards me. I have been emotionally and verbally abused constantly throughout our relationship and I can't take it anymore. She has done other things but this is the worst. We once got a laptop an we didn't have 24 hours before she snatched it from my hands and broke it. The list goes on and on. She has complete control over the finances and I have to ask permission to do anything financially.
                          I don't understand this part - don't you have a bank account? Can't you go
                          to the bank/ATM and get money out? Do you have a joint checking account?
                          Maybe I'm missing something - has she really stopped you somehow from
                          getting access to your money, or is it that you are just too afraid of her
                          to buy gas for your car without permission? Either way, you have real
                          problems, but I suppose it would make a difference in the solution.
                          If I need gas, I have to ask. She has complete control over my life and seems to feel the need to control everyone else's life. She doesn't work; I am the only source of income except for the child support she receives every week from the children's father (See second sentence above). I have no say in what the kids do or how they act. The youngest gets away with anything she wants. When she gets angry at me, she almost always does it in front of the children and then makes me look bad. This makes the children not like me. It's as if she turns them away from me. Every time I need something, like my car fixed, we never have the money. But when her car needs fixed, it's in the shop the next day. I asked her why that was and she said that I have caused the family monetary hardship. This was due to some bills that weren't paid off when we got married. But it wasn't that bad. The mortgage for the condo is under my name but both of us had to sign it, she has 2 kids (Not my own) but doesn't have a job. I can't live like this anymore. I'm married to a psycho and I need suggestions.
                          I'd suggest a really good lawyer.


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                          • #14
                            Married to a psycho, need help

                            You asked for suggestions. Suggestions for what, may I ask?

                            [email protected] (Unforgiven) wrote in message news:<[email protected] com>...
                            My wife and I have been married for 2 years now and things have been getting increasingly worse. She has 2 kids which I never adopted because of her wishes (more on that later). We got married in September 2001, went on our honeymoon in the beginning of October and while we were on our honeymoon, the apartment we were living in went up for sale. We managed to buy a condo when we got back and moved in on Christmas Eve. That night, my wife and I were having a few drinks, but my wife had a few too many. A very serious argument broke out between my wife and her older daughter (18 years old at the time) and my wife beat the crap out of her. Punched her square in the face repeatedly. I pulled her off and then her daughter ran into the bathroom, locked the door, and called the police. Then she turned on me. When the police came to the door, my wife told me that she would get the kids to say that it was me and that she would make sure that I was the one who got into trouble. The police asked me some question and then took her away to spend the night in jail. Her oldest daughter went to the hospital to get checked out while I stayed home with the youngest (Then 3 years old). My wife has had physically abusive episodes since towards me. I have been emotionally and verbally abused constantly throughout our relationship and I can't take it anymore. She has done other things but this is the worst. We once got a laptop an we didn't have 24 hours before she snatched it from my hands and broke it. The list goes on and on. She has complete control over the finances and I have to ask permission to do anything financially. If I need gas, I have to ask. She has complete control over my life and seems to feel the need to control everyone else's life. She doesn't work; I am the only source of income except for the child support she receives every week from the children's father (See second sentence above). I have no say in what the kids do or how they act. The youngest gets away with anything she wants. When she gets angry at me, she almost always does it in front of the children and then makes me look bad. This makes the children not like me. It's as if she turns them away from me. Every time I need something, like my car fixed, we never have the money. But when her car needs fixed, it's in the shop the next day. I asked her why that was and she said that I have caused the family monetary hardship. This was due to some bills that weren't paid off when we got married. But it wasn't that bad. The mortgage for the condo is under my name but both of us had to sign it, she has 2 kids (Not my own) but doesn't have a job. I can't live like this anymore. I'm married to a psycho and I need suggestions.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Married to a psycho, need help

                              In article <[email protected]>, Michael A Ball wrote:
                              On 22 Oct 2003 10:50:05 -0700, [email protected] (Unforgiven) wrote:
                              My wife and I have been married for 2 years now and things have beengetting increasingly worse. [...]The mortgage for the condo is under my name but both of us had to signit, she has 2 kids (Not my own) but doesn't have a job. I can't livelike this anymore. I'm married to a psycho and I need suggestions.
                              In addition to the child support issue, I speculate your wife, {possibly} anticipating the marriage to fail, did not want you to have any advantage, if you wished to take custody of the children.
                              what custody, they are not his children.

                              i
                              Always consider the source. Some of your wife's temper tantrums must look very childlike--only she throws things with the strength and adrenaline of an adult. She is carrying a lot of emotional baggage; most likely, she had it when you got married. I wish you had spotted it, and prepared yourselves to constructively deal with it. She is angry and appears to sometimes use alcohol as an escape mechanism. I believe your wife is using "control" as a defense mechanism. We usually feel safe enough, when we are in control. She is also vindictive. Her misdirected aggression is actually meant for someone other than you. I wish I could candy coat this in some way, but I can't. Surely with the greatest of hope and intentions, you've entered a marriage with a lot of severe problems. And I don't think you were prepared for what you're encountering. You are the bread winner, but your wife controls the finances. You accepted a marriage that forbids you from being involved in the guidance of your step children. I consider those major errors. I've had some experience with the latter. Whew, it seems the new parent, the intruder, almost never survives. Whatever happened with the finances, early on, must have really frightened your wife--or maybe reminded her of some bad experience from the past. If you learn to consider the source, you'll be able to ignore most of the painful things your wife says. As for the physical abuse from your wife, I don't know what to say: except that I'd bring that to a screeching halt. How? I'm not sure. I'd dodge the things she throws, block the blows and try to ignore the hostility--remembering that it really isn't meant for you. Your wife is not apt to get any better, without medical intervention. You should have learned this before the wedding, but something is deeply troubling your wife. I hope you two can work things out. Maybe an antidepressant and/or some counseling would change things. There's close to zero teamwork in your marriage; and I don't think a marriage can succeed without it. This is a tough situation, but you are seeking help; so, there is some hope. Best wishes, Michael A day without recoil is like a day without sunshine!

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