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I am 17 and really in need of some help. Can anyone help me? Wisconsin

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  • I am 17 and really in need of some help. Can anyone help me? Wisconsin

    Hello, my name is Ashley. I am a seventeen year old female who is finishing up her junior year in high school. So, I am in some desperate need of help, and I was wondering if anyone could help me. I have been having family issues for a very long time, and it is starting to really take a toll on me. It all started the summer of 2015, and I was in a serious relationship with a man who is much older than me. Him and I have had a serious relationship for quite a while that my folks never approved of because I am yet a minor. The relationship has been so serious that he had eventually proposed still knowing that I'm a minor but he has agreed to wait until after I graduate high school. Anyway, since my relationship, things have changed in my entire family and it has gotten to where my folks are threatening to put me in a mental facility, take away my medical insurance, not co-signing for me for college, my father has threatened to beat me and has told me he doesn't know why he hasn't already, they told me they'd shoot my boyfriend in front of me, and they've even sent me to see a psychiatrist. They had taken my job away because my boyfriend and I worked together, they shut off my phone, took my drivers license away, and made me pay for my cellphone bill when it was still activated when it was taken away. I had lost 18 pounds in less than two weeks and I became anorexic. I stopped eating and drinking things and I eventually had to go to the hospital. Everything was completely taken away because they found out I was having sexual interactions with my boyfriend whom they don't approve of. My depression has been going on for 8 months now, and it has been affecting my study habits, grades, self-esteem, health, and my younger brother who is too young to fully understand what is going on. There have been multiple interventions between my family and I, and I just can't get them to let me go because it is really hurting me. So, my question for you today is, is there emancipation laws in the state of Wisconsin? I originally tried asking to go stay someplace else for a while, but my folks won't let me go. Instead, I stay isolated and my job is my escape from all the stress. I have been taking two college courses in school and getting myself ready for what I want to do afterwards. I want to be a Dental Assistant in Orthodontics and become nationally certified and get my associates degree in applied science. I have been doing these classes so I dont have to take them as general courses in college. I already know where I want to go to school. I have two jobs waitressing at restaurants. The only thing that I have an issue with is I use my fathers 1990 buick to get to and from places. I have been taking care of my cat who has been sick. I've been taking him to the vet and paying my own expenses. I have been going to school full-time like I'm supposed to, and I also have been doing my best to keep my grades up. Anyway, my boyfriend has become very very ill. I have been told to have absolutely no contact with him what so ever by my folks and they have done everything in their power to try to keep the no contact between him and I, but i always find my ways to contact him. He has been very sick, and he really needs me and is in desperate need of me to go home to him. I love him very much and I have had a very hard time trying to keep myself going without him. Ive been doing all of what I can to keep it so I can have a great future and provide for myself. He needs me and I need him. I really hope this doesn't make me sound immature, but it is a factor. Ive been wanting to become emancipated because I can't take all the negativity, stress, and depression anymore. Also, to know my boyfriend is in need of my help and we can help each other really makes me feel even more depressed. So is there emancipation laws in wisconsin? Do you think I can prove to the courts that I am mature and fully capable of providing for myself? What is your opinion on this? Who do I go to see at the courthouse? Your words would be so helpful. Thank you very much for your time, and I hope to hear from someone asap. Thanks again!

  • #2
    Ashley, unless you are able to prove to the satisfaction of the court that you can pay every single penny of what it takes to support you (that includes but is not limited to rent - and I mean the same rent that anyone else would pay, not a token rent for living in your best friend's spare bedroom; utilities; food; clothing; transportation; insurance; medical care; school fees and supplies; staples; etc.) all while still going to school and getting better than average grades, you do not qualify for emancipation. And while I'm sorry your boyfriend is ill, there is not a judge anywhere in the US who is going to emancipate a minor because her parents will not let her see her boyfriend. Particularly when it appears that your parents have valid concerns about your relationship.

    And before you write back and say, oh, but your boyfriend will be contributing to your support, legally THAT DOESN'T COUNT. If YOU, all by yourself without any help from anyone, cannot support yourself entirely, then emancipation is a no-go.

    It is rare, rare, rare indeed for a minor to be emancipated. It is not and never was intended to be a means for a minor to leave a bad situation; it was and is intended to be a means to provide legal protections to a minor who, through circumstances outside his or her own control, found him or herself living on their own.
    Last edited by cbg; 02-08-2016, 06:42 AM.
    The above answer, whatever it is, assumes that no legally binding and enforceable contract or CBA says otherwise. If it does, then the terms of the contract or CBA apply.

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    • #3
      Hello! Thank you very much for responding. That is what I was afraid of. This whole thing really has nothing to do with my boyfriend. I have had family issues since I was very little. What has made me push away and just completely had me go over the edge is having to deal with the authorities because of my situation with my boyfriend. Since he was older than me and I was 16 when we were being sexually intimate, my folks called the authorities and people were interviewed and it just became a complete mess. Everything was counted as consensual and I am very glad it was because it was very true. Anyway, that is beside my point. My point is that I have been really having a lot of issues with my family and it is really taking a huge toll on me. I realize that emancipation is something that is very rare and isn't taken lightly. I know that it can bring a huge shock to my folks and make things more uptight. I am very aware of that. What I would like to know is what you think I should do. It has gotten to the point where I don't think I can handle much more of this stress, anxiety, depression and everything. Now, I realize that you may get all of this from tons of teens, but I want you to know that I definitely don't think I know it all or anything of that sort. If I absolutely knew everything, I wouldn't be where I am today. I am just really in need of some advice. I've tried everything I can think of to bring things to being more at ease, but nothing is working. I need help. What do I do? From the sounds of my situation, everything that has happened to me, and all of what I'm going through.. also with the plans I have for my future and what I have been doing, do you think I am capable of being able to prove myself to the courts with things I have said previously. This isn't fully about me wanting to leave from under my parents roof, its about living my life the way I've always wanted and having my rights and proving to everyone what it is I'm capable of. Please, help me if you can..

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      • #4
        I think you need to get your head around the fact that you are going to have to put up with the situation until you turn 18. You do not qualify for emancipation and nothing you have posted is going to cause a court to take you out of the home and let you live on your own. In fact, you have posted several things that would lead a court to believe that you need more parental supervision, not less. When you turn 18 you can walk out the door and never look back, but until that time your parents have complete care, custody and control of you.
        The above answer, whatever it is, assumes that no legally binding and enforceable contract or CBA says otherwise. If it does, then the terms of the contract or CBA apply.

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        • #5
          If you truly love this guy, let him go. If he really is sick, he needs the support and care of someone much older than yourself. Legally, you can not do anything for him. While you are in school and have homework and such to contend with you just do not have the time to be a caregiver. The fact that he was sleeping with you at 16 and remained involved with you while underage against your parents' wishes does not speak very highly of him. If he loved you, he would not want to make your life difficult at home. He would have waited until you were at least 18 to get involved and certainly before starting a sexual relationship. Emancipation is not a possibility and the law is totally on your parents' side here. I strongly suggest speaking with your guidance counselor and participating with the therapy your parents have arranged.
          I post with the full knowledge and support of my employer, though the opinions rendered are my own and not necessarily representative of their position. In other words, I'm a free agent.

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          • #6
            My point is that I have been really having a lot of issues with my family and it is really taking a huge toll on me. I realize that emancipation is something that is very rare and isn't taken lightly. I know that it can bring a huge shock to my folks and make things more uptight. I am very aware of that. What I would like to know is what you think I should do. It has gotten to the point where I don't think I can handle much more of this stress, anxiety, depression and everything. Now, I realize that you may get all of this from tons of teens, but I want you to know that I definitely don't think I know it all or anything of that sort. If I absolutely knew everything, I wouldn't be where I am today. I am just really in need of some advice. I've tried everything I can think of to bring things to being more at ease, but nothing is working. I need help. What do I do? From the sounds of my situation, everything that has happened to me, and all of what I'm going through.. also with the plans I have for my future and what I have been doing, do you think I am capable of being able to prove myself to the courts with things I have said previously. This isn't fully about me wanting to leave from under my parents roof, its about living my life the way I've always wanted and having my rights and proving to everyone what it is I'm capable of. Yes, my boyfriend is a factor in the situation, but that isn't the main reason why I've been thinking of doing this. I'm not even entirely for sure whether or not Wisconsin has emancipation laws and I was hoping you'd be able to clarify that with me. I come from a very small community, and I'm well known and I really need some help. I understand that I have ten months left until I am of age and seen as an adult in the eyes of state of Wisconsin, but under my circumstances and everything that is going on, I can't handle much more of this. Please, help me if you can. It would be very much appreciated. I need to know what it is I should do. I don't want to be counted as a runaway or get anyone in trouble for kidnapping. I've offered to live somewhere else for awhile, but they say that isn't an option. I've looked into an apartment for myself. I have two places lined up and two jobs waitressing. I'm finishing my junior year in high school. I have a bank statement, receipts, etc. I wrote up a resume and included all my awards and achievements. I also have my recent report card on hand showing that I have been getting all As and one B. I have all my medals in a box and all my work experience wrote out and what it is I'm doing now. I have a list of places I've checked into separate from my boyfriend's place to show that I will be living in one of the two places as a start and working and going to school and also keeping money coming in the door and having enough money to purchase the things I will always need. I don't ever buy anything that I don't necessarily need unless it's something I absolutely have to have, and that rarely happens. I also have in mind having UMR medical insurance since my folks will be taking me off the family plan anyways. It would be illegal for me not to have medical insurance. I've also looked into a car at a Chevrolet dealership. My grandfather has told me he wants to help me purchase my vehicle. That is something we both discussed so, that is what's going to happen and soon. I also have evidence of taking college prerequisites and also getting prepared for what I want to do with my life and go to college for. I also have evidence of looking into the American Heart Association for becoming certified for CPR. I have to have that for my program. So, with all of this.. So with all this information being brought forth to you today, you say I wouldn't qualify or be successful with becoming emancipated?
            Last edited by ashley_rein3; 02-08-2016, 08:36 AM.

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            • #7
              That is exactly right. With everything you have said, you would not qualify or be successful with emancipation.

              Once again, emancipation is not granted because a minor is having family issues or is unhappy or wants to do different things with her life. It is not granted because she has plans and college credits and a place to live and help from her grandfather to provide transportation. In the very, very rare circumstances under which emancipation is granted, it is granted SOLELY on the basis of the minor's PROVEN HISTORY of supporting herself, NOT on her plans to do so in future.

              To put this in perspective, I've been volunteering on these boards for close to fifteen years (this is not the only board I volunteer on). In that time I've probably seen a thousand minors asking about emancipation. Do you know how many actually achieved it?

              One. In fifteen years, ONE. And he was not in your state AND he had the written permission of both parents.

              The very fact that you were sexually active at 16 (regardless of whether or not the authorities decided it was consentual or not) is a big count AGAINST you. So is the fact that your boyfriend is so much older that the authorities got involved in the first place. And the fact that you've been hospitalized for anorexia is enough to shut down your petition right there, all by itself, without any other factors.

              So I think you need to stop thinking about emancipation. It isn't going to happen. You can leave when you're 18.
              The above answer, whatever it is, assumes that no legally binding and enforceable contract or CBA says otherwise. If it does, then the terms of the contract or CBA apply.

              Comment


              • #8
                Since you are a minor, it is best also that you stay away from your boyfriend because your parents can make more trouble for him.
                Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. Leo Buscaglia

                Live in peace with animals. Animals bring love to our hearts and warmth to our souls.

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                • #9
                  I have worked with teens for better than 20 years. Trust me sweetpea, you aren't the first kid to think their home life is horrible, their parents do not understand them, and they are ready to handle their own affairs. Each one thinks their situation is somehow unique. Heck, I though that at your age too and I got along with my parents. It goes with the teenage years. I say this not to minimize your feelings but to point out that not only are you not alone, but you have tons of company. Talk to your guidance counselor. Go to therapy and actively participate. I promise nothing you say will be anything they have not heard before and helped with.

                  The biggest thing you can do is to follow your parents' rules. Legally, you don't have a choice. You can buck and spit and holler all you want that you don't like them and it is unfair, but at the end of the day, you have to follow them anyway. You can make that easy or difficult. Nothing you indicate implies your parents are doing anything immoral, inappropriate, or that will get you in legal trouble.

                  Lose the bf. Seriously. If he truly is "worth it", he will agree to make your home life easier and you can reconnect when you are 18 (or older). If he has moved on, or you have, it wasn't meant to be. Once in a while, it can work. My cousin married a girl he met when she was 14 and he was 21. They clicked but he cared enough about her to not even attempt to date her until she was out of college because he wanted her to feel free to date guys her own age and have the full college experience. They have now been married 21 years and have 3 kids.
                  I post with the full knowledge and support of my employer, though the opinions rendered are my own and not necessarily representative of their position. In other words, I'm a free agent.

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