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  • SaraBaby
    started a topic This isn't my home... New York

    This isn't my home... New York

    Sorry this is reallly long. But here goes:

    I'm sixteen right now. And my mom recently told me she was done with me and that I was "free to do whatever the **** I want." She's said this a few times. And she won't help me look for a job or let me practice driving, or give me the money she owes me back (400 bucks.). And she told me she won't take me to any doctors appointments anymore. She doesn't want anything to do with me and I haven't talked to her in days. She's always been very cold and she makes me feel horrible about myself. She yells at me if I cry and she says hurtful things to me. Sometimes she's very nice, like she used to be years ago, but then after I feel like she's changing she says things that just crush me again. I hate living in my home.
    Now before you call me immature or "spoiled," know that I am considering all of my options. I know in NY, there are no emancipation laws (But my friend just told me that there were because his sister got emancipated...but that was four years ago.). And I know it's hard living on your own. I know I'd need a full time job and to continue to go to school.

    I know that the legal age to move out is 18. And no, I'm not doing this to live with my boyfriend, who's 18. I'm thinking about this because I can't take the pain of being here anymore. I dread coming home at night, or coming home after school. I don't feel comfortable living here especially with my mom's boyfriend moving in four months ago. He's so mean to me AND her.

    I was thinking: If I finished my junior year, got a job within the next few months, save up that money for driver's ed and just put the rest in the bank, get good grades and start my senior year. And during my senior year, I'd move out and live with a friend or even at my boyfriend's house (He still lives at home with his mom, who knows about my mom and says that if I could legally, she'd let me live with them. We aren't sexually active and we've been dating for a long time.) could that work out legally?

    I know there's a lot more to just that when you live on your own. I'm not naive; I know it'd be seriously hard. Another thing is, when I'm 18, I can get over 10,000 dollars from my other bank account.

    So, that'd be nice. And I'm planning on taking a certified nursing assistant course, in a few months, and become a CNA and make over 13 bucks an hour at the age of 17. I also plan on getting my junior license in about four months. I'm a pretty good driver but I still should take driver's ed.

    But my question is, if I moved out at 17, could the police force me to go home? Even if I have a good paying job, stay in school, do the right thing...?

    Please Remember: I'm just wondering. I'm not doing this to be with my boyfriend, I'm doing this because my mother really hurts me and I don't feel comfortable living here.

    Thank you. Any infortmation is helpful. Rude comments won't be cared about. And I'm working on back up plans because I know things don't always work out.


    Also, another thing is....if I lived at a friend's or at my bf's house...I wouldn't have to pay rent. Not until I graduate high school and move out of their house.

    And if my bf and I broke up before I graduated, I'd attend the college I plan on attending and just get a dorm. It'd be easier than paying for an apartment.

    And I wasn't planning on never talking to my mother again. I'd still talk to her. I just think she'd be a lot nicer if I didn't live with her. And my dad's house is not an option.


    I've tried working things out with my mom. I've apologized. She just ignores me. She even told me a few times that she couldn't wait for me to move out. I didn't even say anything to make her want to say that. She just does.


    This house isn't my home. It's just a place I sleep in and I've been feeling like this for so long.

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    Originally posted by moburkes View Post
    Are you really stating that a dentist isn't a doctor?

    DDS Doctor of dental surgery
    DDM Doctor of dental medicine

    They have doctorates.
    Yeah I did, and when I signed off and went to bed I realized it... oopsie!

    Leave a comment:


  • mommyof4
    replied
    Sara,

    Reread what you posted. What jumped out at me is that your plans for living on your own are all based and rely on support/help from others.

    Leave a comment:


  • moburkes
    replied
    Are you really stating that a dentist isn't a doctor?

    DDS Doctor of dental surgery
    DDM Doctor of dental medicine

    They have doctorates.

    Leave a comment:


  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    If you're sixteen you can go and make your own doctors appointments. If there is a serious situation going on the doctor or someone working there is required to phone into your parents. But uh you wouldn't go to a doctor for a cavity, that would be a dentist.


    So you're practically stating the only reason you don't want to leave your mom is so she pays for your car insurance? Tht's a little ignorant.

    It's great you can get discounts on body work and such done but don't count on getting a discount on inspections, or Registrations stickers, not to mention gas and all the oil you must keep your car uptodate with.

    Leave a comment:


  • moburkes
    replied
    It is legal for you to stay in your mom's home or call child protective services. It is not legal for you to leave her home without her permission.

    Leave a comment:


  • SaraBaby
    replied
    I tend to get defensive when I'm tired, sorry.

    As for my mom not taking me to the doctors, she wouldn't take me to get a filling for a cavity, which can turn into a root canal. And she didn't take me to the doctor's for my eating disorder. But that's taken care of. I'm getting help now.

    But the answers to your questions (because I should be able to answer them if I want to make it on my own.):

    Have you checked to see if there is a minimum age requirement for CNA? I worked in a nursing home for over a year. I know the age requirements because I used to work with CNA's. It's seventeen. My mom is a nurse. I also know, for a fact, I would get the job because my mom's been working there for years and I worked there for a year and a half. Most of the staff has known me since I was five. One reason why I have to deal with my mom's anger issues.

    Do you know how many hours you must complete to become a CNA? It's about 11 months to complete training.

    Are you aware of the average expense of the training? Yes I am. It's expensive. I'm going to take a course for it in BOCES.

    What else are you doing that will look good on your college application? I've joined clubs at school, I'm getting honor roll in my film production classes and I do a lot of community service.

    How will you pay for health care? At the nursing home, they give you full benifits as for paying for health care, I have to put a portion of the money I earn into that.

    Are you prepared for the myriad, every day expenses of living on your own? I buy my own clothes and I buy my own food now, even without a job. I still have a lot of money from my previous job. And, of course, I have to

    If you own a car, are you prepared to add into your budget auto insurance, daily wear and tear, routine upkeep, etc.? This is probably the only thing I'm worried about. This is also a reason why I don't want to get CPS involved. I need to have as good as a relationship with my mom as possible, just in case I need her help. And also, it's good to have good relationships with family members.

    Another thing is, my dad is in the car business and everyone, exaggeration but it's almost true because he's had over 100 jobs in this business (he tends to quit jobs every so months), on this island, who works in the car business (auto repair, car dealers, etc.), knows him. So I can get discounts off of body work, or any other kind of car work. My boyfriend's even got a 300 dollar discount because my dad called the man a head of time.


    If you don't have a car, are you able to use public transportation regularly? My dad is a fiance manager and he's getting me a car in a few months. I know this for a fact and I already know what type of car he's getting. So, I won't be needing public transportation. Also, my boyfriend has a car so if I ever don't have my car, for any reason, I could always use his.
    Last edited by SaraBaby; 10-01-2007, 02:43 PM.

    Leave a comment:


  • SaraBaby
    replied
    I want to know what's illegal or legal, so I can do the legal thing and not get in trouble for it.

    I want advice in that perspective. I know I can handle my mom. She hurts me but I've learned to deal with things when they are bad and work through them without getting in trouble.

    Leave a comment:


  • cbg
    replied
    In other words, you don't want advice; you're going to do what you want to do no matter what. You just wanted someone to tell you that it was okay.

    Leave a comment:


  • SaraBaby
    replied
    I have friends in foster care and their 'parents' are so strict, they can't even get jobs. I NEED a job. So, I'd rather stick it out and be with my mom for another year. She's not abusive, she hurts me with the words shes says a lot, but I'm not doing this to "get away from her." I'm doing this to live my own life because I honestly can't rely on her for many things.

    And I'm a minor, so I can't go to the doctor's by myself but usually when she drives me I go in myself and she's outside or she gets coffee. So I'm getting used to talking to doctor's by myself and taking care of myself.

    I'm not totally independent yet, but I'm getting there.

    And I'm looking for a job in film production. The whole CNA thing is going to be a job during high school and college; my mom's a nurse. Because I know the film industry is hard to get a job with if you don't have connections, thank God I do but that doesn't mean I'll have a job right away...

    If I can't move out at seventeen, I'll be okay with it. Because I'll have my car and I can just drive. Then I'll move out once I graduate next year. And my boyfriend and I plan on living together and going to college, because the college I want to go to and the college he's going to transfer to in two years are close to each other. If that doesn't work out, I'll get a dorm or rent an apartment with a few of my friends.

    Leave a comment:


  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    As far as your mom not taking you to the Dr., it may be neglect, I do not know 100% so. I'm not saying that it isn't but if you're out to seek so much independence couldn't you have made your own appointment, went to the Dr. yourself? If you move out this is what you will have to do on your own.


    Also, why were you so quick to put down the option of going into foster care? If you feel as if you are not in a 'home' now, what worse could a foster family be? Since this is what you have been dealing with for a while now, the unconditional love of a foster family that so many children get could be what you exactly need to make it further in life.

    If you really want to get into a career in nursing you should look into getting into the Air-force or the Navy when you turn 18, they both provide excellent nursing opportunities not to mention there is a lot more to gain from it.

    Leave a comment:


  • mommyof4
    replied
    Originally posted by SaraBaby View Post
    First off, don't sound too rude about it, ok?

    Second, I'm a junior in High School. And I haven't been accepted because I have yet to apply. But it's a film school and I'm taking college film courses (along with regular High School courses) and getting perfect scores. So I will be accepted. And if I'm not, I have other college options. Which include other film schools in other states.

    I'm also aware that dorm rooms are not cheap as are college tuitions; I have a boyfriend in college and although he's going to a community college, I understand how expensive they can be. Like I said, I'm not naive. I know it cost money. And that's why I'm working on saving money now. I already have over 10,000 dollars (Plus the money I have in my other bank account from my previous job, which I worked at for over a year.). Which is mine because it's from a lawsuit and it was given to me and no one, not even my mom, is allowed to touch it until I'm legally an adult. And the only way she can get her hands on it is if I give her permission and take it out of the bank myself.

    And my mother and I talked it out. She's giving me the 400 dollars as soon as she can. And, I've been asking her for money every now and then and each time she gives me twenty bucks, we reduct it from the 400. It was orginally 450. She's given me 50 dollars in the past two weeks.

    As far as the license goes, I understand that. Are you aware that the New York law is that people 17 and over can get their senior license? I'm 16. Again, 16. So I'm getting my JUNIOR license in Feb. Meaning until I turn 17, I will be able to drive to work and school without a parent or guardian in the vehichle. I've had a permit for four months now. And I'm taking driver's ed soon. I already have the money for it.

    And yes, I know one of the bullets was the one I wanted to hear. I read all of them...but I didn't know which one was true.

    Well, I got my answer: If I have my mom's permission, I can move out at 17.

    That's all I needed to know. I'm going to ask my school's social worker tomorrow for information.

    If I'm going to move out a year earlier, I'm going to do it the right way. I understand a lot of things. I'm working on it for the next year.

    I know my mom has never done anything legally wrong. But not taking your 16-year-old daughter to the doctor's is called neglect. That is abuse, so therefore it's wrong. She's hit me before, when I was about 11 but I'm not even going to go there. It was years ago and I know she wouldn't dare touch me now, because she knows how strong I am compared to her. But it doesn't matter.
    First off, remember that you are the one asking for advice on a topic that is not possible. You don't get to dictate how or who replies. I was not being rude. I was being honest.

    It depends on the medical condition that your mother refused to take you to a doctor for. There are many, many times that my kids may be ill and I don't take them to the doctor. It's by no means neglect.

    I asked you some legitimate questions.

    I'm going to ask some more. If you will stop reading anything into my replies, you will stop and think about the answers. I don't even need an answer. Just take the questions as food for thought.

    Have you checked to see if there is a minimum age requirement for CNA?

    Do you know how many hours you must complete to become a CNA?

    Are you aware of the average expense of the training?

    What else are you doing that will look good on your college application?

    How will you pay for health care?

    Are you prepared for the myriad, every day expenses of living on your own?

    If you own a car, are you prepared to add into your budget auto insurance, daily wear and tear, routine upkeep, etc.?

    If you don't have a car, are you able to use public transportation regularly?

    Leave a comment:


  • SaraBaby
    replied
    Originally posted by mommyof4 View Post
    OP, only ONE of those replies was the one you wanted. Did you not notice that?

    On another note...

    How do you plan on financing your way through your 'dream' college? Have you even been accepted?

    Are you aware that room and board is part of the tuition for college? Just because you are enrolled, that does not mean that you will be offered dorm living at no extra expense (and believe me when I tell you that expenses for the dorm are not as cheap as you seem to think they are.)

    If you have your mother's consent, then you can move out. If you don't, you will be living where she tells you to live until you are 18.

    Oh yeah. Whether the money was earned by you or was a gift from whomever, legally, ANY money that is 'yours' is actually your mother's. As unfair as we may think it may be, legally, she doesn't owe you one red cent.

    As long as you have the basic necessities, there is nothing that she is doing (legally) wrong.

    Are you aware of the limitations that will be placed on your driver's license?
    First off, don't sound too rude about it, ok?

    Second, I'm a junior in High School. And I haven't been accepted because I have yet to apply. But it's a film school and I'm taking college film courses (along with regular High School courses) and getting perfect scores. So I will be accepted. And if I'm not, I have other college options. Which include other film schools in other states.

    I'm also aware that dorm rooms are not cheap as are college tuitions; I have a boyfriend in college and although he's going to a community college, I understand how expensive they can be. Like I said, I'm not naive. I know it cost money. And that's why I'm working on saving money now. I already have over 10,000 dollars (Plus the money I have in my other bank account from my previous job, which I worked at for over a year.). Which is mine because it's from a lawsuit and it was given to me and no one, not even my mom, is allowed to touch it until I'm legally an adult. And the only way she can get her hands on it is if I give her permission and take it out of the bank myself.

    And my mother and I talked it out. She's giving me the 400 dollars as soon as she can. And, I've been asking her for money every now and then and each time she gives me twenty bucks, we reduct it from the 400. It was orginally 450. She's given me 50 dollars in the past two weeks.

    As far as the license goes, I understand that. Are you aware that the New York law is that people 17 and over can get their senior license? I'm 16. Again, 16. So I'm getting my JUNIOR license in Feb. Meaning until I turn 17, I will be able to drive to work and school without a parent or guardian in the vehichle. I've had a permit for four months now. And I'm taking driver's ed soon. I already have the money for it.

    And yes, I know one of the bullets was the one I wanted to hear. I read all of them...but I didn't know which one was true.

    Well, I got my answer: If I have my mom's permission, I can move out at 17.

    That's all I needed to know. I'm going to ask my school's social worker tomorrow for information.

    If I'm going to move out a year earlier, I'm going to do it the right way. I understand a lot of things. I'm working on it for the next year.

    I know my mom has never done anything legally wrong. But not taking your 16-year-old daughter to the doctor's is called neglect. That is abuse, so therefore it's wrong. She's hit me before, when I was about 11 but I'm not even going to go there. It was years ago and I know she wouldn't dare touch me now, because she knows how strong I am compared to her. But it doesn't matter.
    Last edited by SaraBaby; 09-30-2007, 06:46 PM.

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  • mommyof4
    replied
    OP, only ONE of those replies was the one you wanted. Did you not notice that?

    On another note...

    How do you plan on financing your way through your 'dream' college? Have you even been accepted?

    Are you aware that room and board is part of the tuition for college? Just because you are enrolled, that does not mean that you will be offered dorm living at no extra expense (and believe me when I tell you that expenses for the dorm are not as cheap as you seem to think they are.)

    If you have your mother's consent, then you can move out. If you don't, you will be living where she tells you to live until you are 18.

    Oh yeah. Whether the money was earned by you or was a gift from whomever, legally, ANY money that is 'yours' is actually your mother's. As unfair as we may think it may be, legally, she doesn't owe you one red cent.

    As long as you have the basic necessities, there is nothing that she is doing (legally) wrong.

    Are you aware of the limitations that will be placed on your driver's license?
    Last edited by mommyof4; 09-30-2007, 05:52 PM.

    Leave a comment:


  • moburkes
    replied
    There is no state that considers a 17-year-old to be an adult. There may be a few states that might 'let it slide' if you're a few months shy of 18. But, I can assure you that if your parents scream loudly enough, something will be done. Because under the law (in every state) anyone under the age of 18 is a minor and is under the control/authority of their parents.


    That is the last bullet point from the site you are referring to.

    Leave a comment:

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