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  • California - Restraining Order

    Daughter (17yrs) has been stalked and harrased by ex-BF (19yrs). He will not stop calling here home phone and cell, and showing up places where she is at (ex. school, work, etc.). We have seen bruises on her arms. he has several times says that he was going to kill himself and if he can have her then no one else. He has called to her cousins (14 and 13 yrs) - harrased them with threatening words and profanities. We tried talking to his parents, with no results.

    what can be done? restraining order?

  • #2
    Yes, a restraining order & if he violates it, he can be arrested.
    Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. Leo Buscaglia

    Live in peace with animals. Animals bring love to our hearts and warmth to our souls.

    Comment


    • #3
      Have you reported this to the police? There are stalking laws, harrassing a minor, etc. that might allow them to arrest him now, if you have proof. Are you and she documenting every encounter? Are there witnesses? Call the police anyway, and file a report, so at least it's on record.
      I am not an attorney, and don't play one on TV. Any information given is a description only and should be verified by your attorney.

      Comment


      • #4
        Alice is right. As much as I despise cops, make sure everything is on report with the local department and "log" everything.

        Every time something happens involving him, write down what happened when and where to whom and who the witnesses are. And report it to the police.

        And get a gun. A 12 gauge shotgun is best, and I suggest double ought buckshot. I am proficient with a single shot shotgun, but maybe a 3-5 shot pump like a Mossberg or a Savage would suit you (if you have no experience, but practice certainly helps!).

        The second he steps in your home, let's just say that all bets are off.


        Betty is right about a restraining order, get one. But a restraining order is just a piece of paper. If he violates it, yeah the punishment is more severe for him. Provided he does nothing to her. When he violates it, it's not like Obi Wan Kenobi and Luke Skywalker appear out of no where with lightsabres in hand. It's not like the 22nd Marine Expeditionary Unit comes charging out of a closet. He violates it, and until someone does something, nothing is done.

        I have a restraining order against a man that threatened my life after breaking into my home. Even when I did report the RO violations (twice), the pigs did nothing. If I had a gun I'd have shot him. In fact there was a woman here in my town killed by a sex pervert that violated his restraining order. What happened to her? She's dead. What value is the RO? None. He killed himself after killing her. Is that scary? Yes, and it should be.

        Pigs, aka cops, are the last line of defense, because when cops are only a few minutes away, seconds count. All they are is a clean up crew. And most of the time they can't even do that right. You have to take care of yourself.

        And if you think I'm exaggerating, go talk to a few of the women victims at the local women's shelter.


        PS- And get your daughter into martial arts courses. She's gotta learn how to take care of herself when you aren't around.
        I don't believe what I write, and neither should you. Information furnished to you is for debate purposes only, be sure to verify with your own research.
        Keep in mind that the information provided may not be worth any more than either a politician's promise or what you paid for it (nothing).
        I also may not have been either sane or sober when I wrote it down.
        Don't worry, be happy.

        http://www.rcfp.org/taping/index.html is a good resource!

        Comment


        • #5
          Cactus Jack, usually I find your comments amusing. However as a sister in law to a police officer, I find this post very offensive.

          Perhaps if you had some experience with the good police officers (of which there are many) you would have a different attitude. My brother in law has to wear his bullet proof vest on every shift so that he can protect the residents of the city. It boggles my mind that anyone wants to do a job like that (which includes military) but I am grateful for those people.

          Since you have such distain for police I assume you never call them. Of course they might find you if you are shooting others with your shotgun.

          Since you have no faith in restraining orders what do you suggest? Should the courts take a person's word that they are being stalked and lock the other person up? How would you feel if it happened to you?

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by HRinMA View Post
            Cactus Jack, usually I find your comments amusing. However as a sister in law to a police officer, I find this post very offensive.
            That's unfortunate. I come from a family of cops. Most of my firearms training is from cops, retired cops or retired military. I do not take or consider the use of deadly force lightly or in humor.

            Using deadly force is a new spectrum I pray I never face. Taking that which can never be given back....best make darn sure it's righteous when it happens.


            Originally posted by HRinMA View Post
            Perhaps if you had some experience with the good police officers (of which there are many) you would have a different attitude. My brother in law has to wear his bullet proof vest on every shift so that he can protect the residents of the city. It boggles my mind that anyone wants to do a job like that (which includes military) but I am grateful for those people.
            That's the price he has to pay for the job he wants. Why does he want it? Back when I was a firefighter I remember cops that did it for the power. Some did it because they can do now (I guess "then" is best?) what they would go to jail for doing when they were kids. And once in a while a cop that did it for the love of doing what's right.

            But so often they fail to realize they are not doing what is right, they are doing what their boss wants. If they really are intent on doing what is right, there's a lot of criminals out there that aren't touched and should be in prison for a very long time, and there's volumes of evidence of the crimes.

            Sadly they are all still in office as we speak because no one is big enough to arrest them.


            Originally posted by HRinMA View Post
            Since you have such distain for police I assume you never call them. Of course they might find you if you are shooting others with your shotgun.
            I don't think you comprehend what I was saying. Let me ask you this.....
            nah I'll wait for later in this message instead.


            Originally posted by HRinMA View Post
            Since you have no faith in restraining orders what do you suggest?
            Shoot, shovel & shut up.

            Ask Jessica Gonzales about the value of restraining orders. Want some help?
            http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Castle_Rock_v._Gonzales
            http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,162325,00.html

            Your suggestions, after reading about her, are certainly more than welcome. In fact, ask your brother in law.

            Originally posted by HRinMA View Post
            Should the courts take a person's word that they are being stalked and lock the other person up? How would you feel if it happened to you?
            What value is the court when the cops find you dead after being strangled with your pantyhose after some thug raped you? What would you rather have? Being a dead martyr for women that don't defend themselves? Or sitting in prison for a few years because you pumped 5 rounds of 12 gauge double ought buck into a man at point blank range that forced his way into your home to rape you, and the only reason it was 5 rounds is because you had to stop to reload....? I'd pick the latter.


            According to the mother we have an underage girl that is being assaulted and stalked by a man that is clearly an adult. First it was hitting. Then it became stalking. Next is.....WHAT? Let us not even consider what may happen. Instead let's us consider how many rounds to pump into the punks chest. Ask your brother in law what he'd suggest for the young girl.


            If that's harsh to you, consider that if I were to give an accurate view of what I think should be done to the young man, Cbg would ban me in a New York Minute.

            And yes I have been attacked in my home, and I even called 911.
            I don't believe what I write, and neither should you. Information furnished to you is for debate purposes only, be sure to verify with your own research.
            Keep in mind that the information provided may not be worth any more than either a politician's promise or what you paid for it (nothing).
            I also may not have been either sane or sober when I wrote it down.
            Don't worry, be happy.

            http://www.rcfp.org/taping/index.html is a good resource!

            Comment


            • #7
              Perhaps we could take this dispute offline?
              The above answer, whatever it is, assumes that no legally binding and enforceable contract or CBA says otherwise. If it does, then the terms of the contract or CBA apply.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by cactus jack View Post
                That's unfortunate. I come from a family of cops. Most of my firearms training is from cops, retired cops or retired military. I do not take or consider the use of deadly force lightly or in humor.I guess this is where your contempt of police came from.

                That's the price he has to pay for the job he wants. Why does he want it? Back when I was a firefighter I remember cops that did it for the power. Some did it because they can do now (I guess "then" is best?) what they would go to jail for doing when they were kids. And once in a while a cop that did it for the love of doing what's right.

                But so often they fail to realize they are not doing what is right, they are doing what their boss wants. If they really are intent on doing what is right, there's a lot of criminals out there that aren't touched and should be in prison for a very long time, and there's volumes of evidence of the crimes.

                Sadly they are all still in office as we speak because no one is big enough to arrest them.

                You seem to be confusing what police officers are responsible for and what the court system is responsible for. It is not realistic to think that every criminal will be caught and locked up. It would be nice but then again not realistic. I have known my brother in law since he was 16. He did not do the usual teenage crimes because he did not want to interfer with his future. He is a police officer because he genuinely wants to help people.



                Shoot, shovel & shut up.

                Ask Jessica Gonzales about the value of restraining orders. Want some help?
                http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Castle_Rock_v._Gonzales
                http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,162325,00.html

                Your suggestions, after reading about her, are certainly more than welcome. In fact, ask your brother in law.


                What value is the court when the cops find you dead after being strangled with your pantyhose after some thug raped you? What would you rather have? Being a dead martyr for women that don't defend themselves? Or sitting in prison for a few years because you pumped 5 rounds of 12 gauge double ought buck into a man at point blank range that forced his way into your home to rape you, and the only reason it was 5 rounds is because you had to stop to reload....? I'd pick the latter.I have no problem with someone having a gun and protecting themselves in their home. Given your choice I would agree with you. After all the court and police can only do so much. They can't convict someone because they might do a crime.


                According to the mother we have an underage girl that is being assaulted and stalked by a man that is clearly an adult. First it was hitting. Then it became stalking. Next is.....WHAT? Let us not even consider what may happen. Instead let's us consider how many rounds to pump into the punks chest. Ask your brother in law what he'd suggest for the young girl. I have a 17 year old and 15 year old daughter. There are many things I would try before killing the young man. After all, not only do I have to consider my future but the effect the situation (whether the young man gives up, kills himself or is killed by my family) would have on my daughters.


                If that's harsh to you, consider that if I were to give an accurate view of what I think should be done to the young man, Cbg would ban me in a New York Minute.

                And yes I have been attacked in my home, and I even called 911. When the police responded did you call them pigs and tell them to mop up what you finished? After all, you should take the same advise you are giving the poster about protecting yourself in your own home.
                I did not read the link in your post. There are plenty of examples of restraining orders which did not work. No one writes about them succeeding when the person violates the order and gets locked up because it is not as interesting an article.

                Comment


                • #9
                  I agree w/the martial arts training

                  Hi, guys.

                  Ignoring the other (hot) topics, I'd like to weigh in here on the martial arts suggestion. I think it's a good one, and the mom would be very smart to have her daughter get some training.

                  Here's my experience. My daughter graduated HS at age 15, and decided to go straight to work. She had to ride the bus every day, and we live in a large city where a LOT of very strange people ride the bus, hang out at bus stops, etc. She took about a year of martial arts training prior to this. She is not, and never was much into physical exercise, but she really enjoyed this training. It gave her the kind of confidence she needed to handle herself in just about any situation she found herself. And she was smart enough to stay out of obviously bad situations.

                  Although I was never really comfortable with her riding the bus (and never let her ride at night) she did just fine, and nothing ever happened.

                  The other thing I would say to Mom is, it sounds like your daughter has bad judgement regarding men. It's really important that you help her stop being a victim, and the sooner the better.

                  You and she need to sit down and take a look together at what she might be doing to cause such men to be interested in her (examples: is she hanging out with an older crowd? drinking? drugs? hanging out with people who do these things even if she doesn't?), and get her to really see for herself that she needs to change that.

                  It may take some work on her and your part (for instance, changing the crowd she hangs out with isn't always an easy thing, if that's what the problem is) but it's definitely possible to help her out of this kind of situation.

                  If you can do this in a non-judgemental, supportive way, you will go a long ways helping her toward a mature adulthood and saner relationships.

                  Best of luck.
                  Last edited by lolcat; 03-30-2011, 10:01 AM.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Also, there are domestic violence hotlines that may be able to help you. There are ways to deal with stalkers that don't inflame them into more bad action.
                    I am not an attorney, and don't play one on TV. Any information given is a description only and should be verified by your attorney.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by HRinMA View Post
                      I did not read the link in your post. There are plenty of examples of restraining orders which did not work. No one writes about them succeeding when the person violates the order and gets locked up because it is not as interesting an article.
                      Well, responding to your comments is a bit difficult as you put them within the quotation codes.

                      Let us pretend for a bit that the girl in question here is your daughter. Would you rather she deal with the memory of killing in self-defense, or the memory of being beaten and raped? Provided, however, that she even survives....?
                      Last edited by cactus jack; 04-04-2011, 01:48 AM.
                      I don't believe what I write, and neither should you. Information furnished to you is for debate purposes only, be sure to verify with your own research.
                      Keep in mind that the information provided may not be worth any more than either a politician's promise or what you paid for it (nothing).
                      I also may not have been either sane or sober when I wrote it down.
                      Don't worry, be happy.

                      http://www.rcfp.org/taping/index.html is a good resource!

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        CJ, I think you've made your point sufficiently so that I am going to reiterate my former request - please take any further discussion off line.
                        The above answer, whatever it is, assumes that no legally binding and enforceable contract or CBA says otherwise. If it does, then the terms of the contract or CBA apply.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Understood. I edited the comment appropriately.
                          I don't believe what I write, and neither should you. Information furnished to you is for debate purposes only, be sure to verify with your own research.
                          Keep in mind that the information provided may not be worth any more than either a politician's promise or what you paid for it (nothing).
                          I also may not have been either sane or sober when I wrote it down.
                          Don't worry, be happy.

                          http://www.rcfp.org/taping/index.html is a good resource!

                          Comment

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