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At my witts end. Can anyone help me Please. Illinois

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  • At my witts end. Can anyone help me Please. Illinois

    My ex is a controlling abusive man. He was not Physically abusive so that there were any marks. No. He is mentally abusive. He is narccesistic, obsessive, controlling and I feel suffers from revenge obsession. He left my children and I over two years ago. Told me not to contact a lawyer till he was ready and he would let me know when that was. I contacted one anyway and throughout the divorce mostly gave into what he wanted just to end this and move on with my life. Since the divorce He has not done one thing he was ordered to do in the decree. I have done everything and then some that I was orderd to do. The only one I could not do was keep our old house. My husband and I moved with my children to a place we could afford. Since then my ex has sued me on over 50-60 things all within the last 6 months. When i disprove one suite he files two or more in its place. He has moved to Singapore and is continuing to file lawsuits against me. I just want left alone. My current husband and I recently suffered a house fire and lost all of our belongings. My ex of over 2 years has subpeoned the Insurance company about our settlement and the building of our new home. He is going after our builder next. I have been sued for marrying another man, moving to a village, not getting an "appropriate" job, Not working, working, not using my child support on the boys.... (Yet I have to pay a lawyer and lost my job), not fostering a good relationship for him with our children, ( this one I think he should do not me), getting married, going on a honeymoon, committing fraud against him, not driving our two sons to him on his vistiation weekends and not picking them up, and on and on. I have an order of protection already. It has stopped the phone calls, emails, ect. The legal stuff started after I filed and now is his "legal" harrassment. it is very much out of control. He even tells my two older children he HAS to sue me because someone needs to teach me a lesson. and he is NOT afraid to do it. I am not sure what lesson I am to learn, nor why. He had affairs, he walked out on us and yet I need to be taught lessons. He tells my kids he wants me to leave him alone so he can move on and enjoy his life. Yet he is the one filing the lawsuits. He is relentless and I just want him to go away. He has a high powered lawyer and I can not afford one so must represent myself. This scares me to death. I fired my lawyer after incurring almost 20 thousand dollars in bills. She basically backed him up on everything. Told me I needed to agree to his demands, told me the judge will force me to drive the boys and if I work will order me not to work on his weekends so I will be able to drive them, ect. Needless to say I am not real trusting of lawyers.

    Do I have anything I can do to stop this? I have been told already he will take me down and also take down my husband. I know he will not stop as long as I am alive.

    Please help, Please, I can't do this much longer.
    Last edited by Tazzmomm7; 04-05-2010, 05:53 PM. Reason: spelling errors ect.

  • #2
    Originally posted by Tazzmomm7 View Post
    My ex is a controlling abusive man. He was not Physically abusive so that there were any marks. No. He is mentally abusive. He is narccesistic, obsessive, controlling and I feel suffers from revenge obsession. He left my children and I over two years ago. Told me not to contact a lawyer till he was ready and he would let me know when that was. I contacted one anyway and throughout the divorce mostly gave into what he wanted just to end this and move on with my life. Since the divorce He has not done one thing he was ordered to do in the decree. I have done everything and then some that I was orderd to do. The only one I could not do was keep our old house. My husband and I moved with my children to a place we could afford. Since then my ex has sued me on over 50-60 things all within the last 6 months. When i disprove one suite he files two or more in its place. He has moved to Singapore and is continuing to file lawsuits against me. I just want left alone. My current husband and I recently suffered a house fire and lost all of our belongings. My ex of over 2 years has subpeoned the Insurance company about our settlement and the building of our new home. He is going after our builder next. I have been sued for marrying another man, moving to a village, not getting an "appropriate" job, Not working, working, not using my child support on the boys.... (Yet I have to pay a lawyer and lost my job), not fostering a good relationship for him with our children, ( this one I think he should do not me), getting married, going on a honeymoon, committing fraud against him, not driving our two sons to him on his vistiation weekends and not picking them up, and on and on. I have an order of protection already. It has stopped the phone calls, emails, ect. The legal stuff started after I filed and now is his "legal" harrassment. it is very much out of control. He even tells my two older children he HAS to sue me because someone needs to teach me a lesson. and he is NOT afraid to do it. I am not sure what lesson I am to learn, nor why. He had affairs, he walked out on us and yet I need to be taught lessons. He tells my kids he wants me to leave him alone so he can move on and enjoy his life. Yet he is the one filing the lawsuits. He is relentless and I just want him to go away. He has a high powered lawyer and I can not afford one so must represent myself. This scares me to death. I fired my lawyer after incurring almost 20 thousand dollars in bills. She basically backed him up on everything. Told me I needed to agree to his demands, told me the judge will force me to drive the boys and if I work will order me not to work on his weekends so I will be able to drive them, ect. Needless to say I am not real trusting of lawyers.

    Do I have anything I can do to stop this? I have been told already he will take me down and also take down my husband. I know he will not stop as long as I am alive.

    Please help, Please, I can't do this much longer.
    You really need a new attorney. A good attorney will be able to get the evidence into court that will prove that ex is harrassing you through frivolous lawsuits. The court can order sanctions and huge fines if ex continues.

    What parts of the order hasn't he followed?

    If he was ordered to do something and he isn't obeying the order, you can file for contempt.

    Comment


    • #3
      he has already sued me for contempt. He was ordered to keep my middle son in go karting and pay the expenses. He pulled him out within 3 months. Was to pay half of my kids school fees. Did not pay anything. Was to pay my sons football fees and get him his equipment. Did nothing. He was to sign a quit claim on our old house and refused. He was to help me rifinance our old home if I could not do it alone. He refused. He was to keep my sons go Kart so my son could race. He sold it. He had given it to him as a birthday present but sold it without his knowledge and did not give him anything from the sale. He was to pay for my Daughter to go to college. He told her not to sign up because he could not afford it. She had 6 months to enroll. After the 6 month time limit of his payments he told her He did not have to pay as she waited to long to enroll. He was to keep insurance on me for health coverage for a year. He cancelled it after a month. I found out when I went to get some medication and had no coverage. My medication is over 1000 a month. This is really just a start. There are so many more. He made our divorce decree non modifyable. He has done nothing but try and modify it for almost a year. I lost our marital home because of his contemptual actions. He sued me for not keeping the home, not keeping the payments up, not trying to sell it, ect. The house sold in December of 09. The lawsuits should have been done as all the counts he was suing me for were gone. Instead I am still being sued for those issues as well as new things. So many are stupid things he really can't win. I married another man. How does this affect him? We moved to a town that in 2000 had 200 people in it. OK and why is this an issue? Our town is a village. Ok where we lived while married was also a village. The cost of living where I am now is less than the cost of living where we lived while married. Ok well 15 dollar jeans there are also 15 here. He made 450 thousand a year. I get 28 % and I can not afford the lifestyle he was living. I had to cut finances to survive. In face our marital residence was purchased in 2000. we paid 250 thousand. He left me the home with a second mortgage. The home was mortgaged to 350s thousand and the second mortgage was 20 thousand. He could not do it on 100 percent of his salary. I am being sued for not doing it on 28 % of his salary. Go figure. He has subpeonead all of my bank accounts from 3 years before the divorce till current, He thinks I was hiding money. I came home from a weekend with friends and he left. I had no time to hide money. He has gotten copies of all of my childrens savings accounts as well as the accounts of our exchange student trying to prove I have funds. I have used all of the IRA money I got in the divorce. I was to get 215 thousand. He only gave me 152 thousand. I have since used those funds to Pay off and sell the old home, buy a new home, pay off a second mortage he left me with, pay off a new car he left me with the payments of, I have used it to pay attorney fees I have encurred from defending myself. this was 20 thousand. Now he is suing me because I paid those and he says I have 10's of thousands of dollars of funds hidden from him. I have spent every cent I have or have gotten in my divorce to somehow fix things he left me with and to pay off things he left me with. I now have no savings, no income, nothing. He is suing me for not using the child support on the boys. But I have to pay lawyers. We have been divorced two years. The home I bought with my new husband we lost in a house fire in January 2010. My ex is subpeonaing all of the insurance records and payments so he can file more lawsuits against me. I have been informed he will be doing the same to the builder we hired to rebuild our home. I don't want the builder to quit because of this but I can not protect anyone from him. He has the upper hand in all of it and I have no help. It is me against him and his 4 lawyers. I can not afford a new attorney. I have no more savings to pull from. I will owe 50 thousand next year on my taxes for closing my IRA this year. I am unemployed and my husband was laid off. My ex is suing me for not going on government aid. What kind of dad would rather have his children on government aid so he does not have to pay support? He has been temporarily transferred to Singapore. I am told if he is moved there he will no longer have to pay us owed support. I am ready for this. Really I want to tell him to keep all his money and just sign over all of his parental rights. I'm tired. Im spent. He knows how to wear me down. After 20 years of marriage he is a pro. He can take down anyone he wants. And he does. No one and no thing will stop him. He will keep goin and going till you are done. Even my boys want him to go away. They hate him. Unfortunately there is no law for being a jerk. so we are stuck.


      If anyone can help me please. I beg you. I don't know what else to do who else to ask. I don't trust myself in finding good councel and can't afford another mistake.

      Deb

      Comment


      • #4
        What kind of father would do all those things........a very bitter, deadbeat dad.

        The best thing you could do for your kids at this point would be to go on assistance if you qualify. The child support division would then go after your deadbeat ex- husband for repayment and that would take you out of the loop. He would have to answer to the agency rather than you, it might prompt him to leave the country and you would have your prayers answered.

        You might see if you qualify for no cost legal assistance too. I wish you the best.

        Comment


        • #5
          thanks

          I am in the process now of filing responses to his motions. I have over 400 counts against me. It is crazy. If they are not done on time he will automatically win all of his motions. I am at the point I wish he would just go away and leave us alone. I am wanting to make an offer to him through his attorney that He can keep his alimoney and child support if he agrees to relinquish all of his parental rights and responsibilities. Is this possible. Legally if he accepts this and I'm sure he will, Can the agreement hold up in court should he "change" his mind? The only reason he is filing all of this stuff is to keep up the harrassment of my family through legal channels. THis is because the restraining order I had to take out now prohibits him from doing it personally. Anyone else ever have this problem of a controlling ex. I have letters from my psychologist and from my 18 year old daughter about his abusive ways. The court will not allow them for me to prove he is a threat to me and my children through mental abuse. Apparently if you abuse people physically you can be stopped, if you abuse them mentally you have every right in the world and no one can stop you. If anyone has solved the problems from a controlling ex can you please help me with whatever you learned through the court system. I can not afford a lawyer. I don't qualify for aid as he pays to much for me to qualify. However if he has his way all will stop then I will qualify.

          THank you so so much.

          Comment

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