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Utah: Who determines visitation dates??

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  • Utah: Who determines visitation dates??

    Basically I am getting a divorce, but the job I have makes it so I am out of the country for 4 weeks and back at home for 3 weeks. I would like to have my kids the 3 weeks I am home, but my soon to be ex says the most she can go without seeing the kids is 4 days. I am agreeing to let her be custodial because of my job. I could get a different job locally but pay and other things would not be as good. If I was to fight for custodial while having a job stateside I think I could win. College graduate, no arrests, good credit, long standing job. My Ex has a DUI is bipolar and a HS drop out. And just got out of a mental health clinic for alcohol abuse and suicidal thoughts. But ideally I'd like to have them the 3 weeks I am stateside and then the days I take vacation. I would have my parents have overnights while I am out of the country so they could spend time with one another and that way I meet the 182 days a year. Any thoughts??

  • #2
    I think you need to make the case to your attorney so it can be written into the divorce agreement (or argued to the judge).

    Just being bipolar will not keep the children from being with their Mom. If she is in fact, suicidal, thats another issue.

    FWIW, my husband traveled frequently (but not for the extended period you describe). His custody agreement (he was custodial parent, BTW), said that when he was home, he had the children, when he was gone, she had the children and it should average out to her having the children no less than 150 days a year (I cant remember the exact number).
    It was sometimes actually less than the 150 because she had plans and didnt want the kids there so they stayed with me while he was gone instead of going to their Mom's. I'm just giving this as an example of the types of agreements than can be worked out.

    Your attorney should be able to make some suggestions about how to work this to be fair to you. Maybe during the 3 weeks you are home, she gets them one day each week.

    The agreement is just that..an agreement. If you and your spouse cant come to an agreement, then the court will decide. However, it is generally in your best interest to work together to come up with a solution if you can.
    I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
    Thomas Jefferson

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    • #3
      Originally posted by TheSiege View Post
      Basically I am getting a divorce, but the job I have makes it so I am out of the country for 4 weeks and back at home for 3 weeks. I would like to have my kids the 3 weeks I am home, but my soon to be ex says the most she can go without seeing the kids is 4 days. I am agreeing to let her be custodial because of my job. I could get a different job locally but pay and other things would not be as good. If I was to fight for custodial while having a job stateside I think I could win. College graduate, no arrests, good credit, long standing job. My Ex has a DUI is bipolar and a HS drop out. And just got out of a mental health clinic for alcohol abuse and suicidal thoughts. But ideally I'd like to have them the 3 weeks I am stateside and then the days I take vacation. I would have my parents have overnights while I am out of the country so they could spend time with one another and that way I meet the 182 days a year. Any thoughts??


      How old are the kids, and how is this going to play when the kids are in school?

      You cannot transfer visitation to your parents in the manner you describe. If you and Mom can't come to an agreement, I can see Mom being designated the primary parent and a long-distance parenting plan being put in place. I don't see any court giving you 182 days a year when you're actually out of the country for over 6 months of the year.
      Last edited by Dogmatique; 05-30-2012, 01:09 PM.

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      • #4
        Well including vacation time I should be right around 182, my kids are 9 and 2, I will live in an area where I can drive them to school. I will at the very least have them for more than then days required to be considered joint custody. If things dont work out I can always get a job there and deal with it then

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        • #5
          Originally posted by TheSiege View Post
          Well including vacation time I should be right around 182, my kids are 9 and 2, I will live in an area where I can drive them to school. I will at the very least have them for more than then days required to be considered joint custody. If things dont work out I can always get a job there and deal with it then


          But in the meantime, you're still out of the country for extended periods - and the court won't simply "give" your visitation to a third party. That's just not how it works. Again, as it stands, Mom is likely to be the primary parent with you having visitation. A 50/50 timeshare just isn't likely at all in this scenario.

          Is this about child support?

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          • #6
            As an afterthought...

            3 weeks on/4 weeks off is an absolutely horrible schedule for a 2 year old. S/he would get used to being in one place and suddenly be transplanted somewhere else. That's just not good for a child so young - they need stability, not being uprooted every month.

            That alone would be a reason to deny your request. And given that most courts don't want to separate siblings, it would likely end up - once again - with Mom being the CP and you having visitation.

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