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  • Changing a Childs Home State Arizona

    Just need a little advise.

    My boyfriends ex has remarried to a guy in the airforce. She now wants to make changes to their parenting contact.

    The agreement states that "Parties agree and acknowledge that the "home state" of the child is defined in A.R.S 25-1101 and the Parental Kidnapping Prevention Act of 1981, 28 U.S.C. 1738(a) is the state of Arizona."

    She wants it to be changed to:

    "Due to Mothers recent marriage, the "home state" will be defined as where Motherís husband and Mother are stationed according to Military orders given at any point. A copy of the orders will be sent to Father as soon as they are received by Motherís Husband."

    Can she just choose the Home State like that? And what happens when they seperate?

    These changes are something she has written on her own. She hasn't talked to a lawyer or mediator.

    She also goes on to state "Should the aforementioned military orders dictate a necessary move outside of the continental United States the following is an approximate amicable parenting time agreement. This is approximant and demands essential adjustments according to where the orders are to, and that this is in the best interest of the child. Mother will make reasonable effort to ensure that Father has parenting time for five weeks a year. Father will bare all costs for child associated for trips to and from the continental United States"

    We asked her to clarify what she means by the above statement, she said that because she wants her son to adjust, they will not be making trips back to the US for the first year and all cost of the international flight will be on my boyfriend when he wants to see his son.

    One my boyfriend doesn't agree with his son leaving the country. But she told him that she would keep his son from him if he doesn't agree to let her take him out of the county. Two, this means he doesn't get to see his son for a year, and why should it be his dime to pay the extra cost of a international flight? We live in NC, she and the son current live in Arizona, my boyfriend flies out to see his son every couple of months, last time he was there for two weeks and she only let him come over and visit his son twice. Although their contract says that when he flies out to AZ he is to have two weeks periods with his son, alone, not with mom there.

    His ex also said that when they would come back to the US to visit they will fly into AZ and my boyfriend can come visit his son there. So he is buying his own plane ticket (which is right) and paying his sons cost of the international flight. She said that the child is not allowed to come out to visit his dad in NC because at 4 years old he is too young to understand.

    This just doesn't sound right to me at all. Can someone please offer some input? And the ex is having my boyfriend's son call her new husband "daddy". Because he is the new baby's dad and the other child dad isn't involved at all, so it is just easier for all the kids to call her husband daddy. He has expressed to her that he really doesn't like his son calling someone else daddy and has asked her to stop encouraging it. Her reply was "you can't always get what you want and this works for us".

    This girl has just been extremely rude about everything for the 2 years I have known my boyfriend. (not that she is upset that I am in the picture, she has said several times she has not problem with me). She just keeps saying that because my boyfriend left her then he has to prove to her that he is even good enough to be in his son's life. We don't know how else to prove it. He was the one who took her to court because she refused to let him see his son, and even when he was laid off for 6 months, he sent her his entire unemployment check for child support, which was enough to cover the whole child support obligation, he was only able to keep 40 or 50 dollars a month for his bills. He has no problem paying his child support, we would never want the child to go without. But what else can we do? We don't have the money to go back to court right now, he would have to fly to AZ for the court hearings and everything else, a custody case can take years and tens or thousands of dollars.

    Does anyone have advise? I know that no answer is prefect and there is no easy answer, but any advise will help! Thanks. Sorry I know most of you don't like long post.

  • #2
    First let me say this.

    If she does not follow the agreement and he does nothing to make sure it is enforced, that is on him. If his agreement says 2 weeks and she does not allow the two weeks after he spends the time and money, he should file a report.

    Does she have cour ordered custody?

    If she is looking to modify the parenting agreement, she does not need to know that you cannot afford to go back to court. He can suggest alternatives and if they agree the court will generally approve if it does not harm the child.

    No way should he sign for having to assume all the travel costs for the child. He did not decide to marry somebody and move overseas.

    He should not agree to not seeing his child for one year either. How is that adjusting??? Moving and then not seeing one of your parents for a year??

    Bes of luck

    Comment


    • #3
      Define court ordered custody.

      When they seperated he took her to court for visitation, they both sat down with the lawyer he hired and the lawyer wrote up the agreement and the judge signed off.

      They have joint custody, her having primary physical custody and he has a visitation schedule.

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by wildflower View Post
        Just need a little advise.

        My boyfriends ex has remarried to a guy in the airforce. She now wants to make changes to their parenting contact.

        The agreement states that "Parties agree and acknowledge that the "home state" of the child is defined in A.R.S 25-1101 and the Parental Kidnapping Prevention Act of 1981, 28 U.S.C. 1738(a) is the state of Arizona."

        She wants it to be changed to:

        "Due to Mothers recent marriage, the "home state" will be defined as where Motherís husband and Mother are stationed according to Military orders given at any point. A copy of the orders will be sent to Father as soon as they are received by Motherís Husband."

        Can she just choose the Home State like that? And what happens when they seperate?

        These changes are something she has written on her own. She hasn't talked to a lawyer or mediator.

        She also goes on to state "Should the aforementioned military orders dictate a necessary move outside of the continental United States the following is an approximate amicable parenting time agreement. This is approximant and demands essential adjustments according to where the orders are to, and that this is in the best interest of the child. Mother will make reasonable effort to ensure that Father has parenting time for five weeks a year. Father will bare all costs for child associated for trips to and from the continental United States"

        We asked her to clarify what she means by the above statement, she said that because she wants her son to adjust, they will not be making trips back to the US for the first year and all cost of the international flight will be on my boyfriend when he wants to see his son.

        One my boyfriend doesn't agree with his son leaving the country. But she told him that she would keep his son from him if he doesn't agree to let her take him out of the county. Two, this means he doesn't get to see his son for a year, and why should it be his dime to pay the extra cost of a international flight? We live in NC, she and the son current live in Arizona, my boyfriend flies out to see his son every couple of months, last time he was there for two weeks and she only let him come over and visit his son twice. Although their contract says that when he flies out to AZ he is to have two weeks periods with his son, alone, not with mom there.

        His ex also said that when they would come back to the US to visit they will fly into AZ and my boyfriend can come visit his son there. So he is buying his own plane ticket (which is right) and paying his sons cost of the international flight. She said that the child is not allowed to come out to visit his dad in NC because at 4 years old he is too young to understand.

        This just doesn't sound right to me at all. Can someone please offer some input? And the ex is having my boyfriend's son call her new husband "daddy". Because he is the new baby's dad and the other child dad isn't involved at all, so it is just easier for all the kids to call her husband daddy. He has expressed to her that he really doesn't like his son calling someone else daddy and has asked her to stop encouraging it. Her reply was "you can't always get what you want and this works for us".

        This girl has just been extremely rude about everything for the 2 years I have known my boyfriend. (not that she is upset that I am in the picture, she has said several times she has not problem with me). She just keeps saying that because my boyfriend left her then he has to prove to her that he is even good enough to be in his son's life. We don't know how else to prove it. He was the one who took her to court because she refused to let him see his son, and even when he was laid off for 6 months, he sent her his entire unemployment check for child support, which was enough to cover the whole child support obligation, he was only able to keep 40 or 50 dollars a month for his bills. He has no problem paying his child support, we would never want the child to go without. But what else can we do? We don't have the money to go back to court right now, he would have to fly to AZ for the court hearings and everything else, a custody case can take years and tens or thousands of dollars.

        Does anyone have advise? I know that no answer is prefect and there is no easy answer, but any advise will help! Thanks. Sorry I know most of you don't like long post.
        Your BF needs to take those papers to a local attorney for a consult right away.

        I'm pretty sure that an attorney will tell him to not agree with the requests. Actually, the way it is written is really ridiculous and a very obvious attempt by the mother to take rights away from Dad.

        Comment


        • #5
          The boy is four years old, I asked her the other day how potty training was going, she responded via text message "I just don't have the time for potty training, it is just too much being pregnant and taking care of two kids" She send me texts messages all the time say that if her husband wants the house clean then he will have to buy her a nanny!! She is a stay at home mom, why can't she clean it, yes i know that she is pregnant, and once she gets to a certain point in the pregnancy she will need to slow down and get help, but she is only 3 month pregnant! (Yes i have two kids, and my second pregnancy was hell, i know what it is like)

          We bought his son christmas gift and mailed them out to him, it was mostly clothes and one toy, and she called us yelling how unfair it was for us to buy stuff for the son but not her other children, and how it was going to cost her more money to have to buy more presents for her daughter so her daughter doesn't feel left out. Im sorry, but her daughter is not our responsability and she not even two years old, she doesn't understand that brother had one more box to open then she did. When she got pregnant with the daughter, the babies father said he wanted nothing to do with the baby so she just walked away, never asked for child support or anything, so his family doesn't even know that they have a baby, yet it is not okay for us to buy Christmas presents.

          Comment


          • #6
            Sorry I know that was just my frustration about his whole thing. But this woman is constantly say that my boyfriend is just not good enough to be in his sonís life because ďa good parent wouldnít have left the relationshipĒ

            They knew each other for four months before they got pregnant, he was 20 she was 17, and they were young. Yes I know that doesnít excuse anything, I had my daughter at 17. She is the one that ended the relationship, but she says that he moving out to NC was abandoning his child. He was jobless in AZ and no family there; his dad talked to his boss man here and got him a job, so he moved. He isnít a bad father, he has done 10 times more for my girls then their father ever has. He is constantly talking about his son, how much he misses him, he calls and texts and emails to find out how he is. And she is just completely hostile.

            Comment


            • #7
              So, what happens if her husband gets orders to move outside of the state, will the "Home State" of the child change? Can she just demand that the home state be where ever she wants to live?

              Then what happens when her and her husband seperate? Can it be written that the home state is to be referted back to AZ? Or is that something unheard of. Her whole family lives in AZ so I would think she would move back if they were to seperate. She has 3 kids and no high school degree, she has never had a job longer then a few month, she would need her family's help.

              Comment


              • #8
                First of all, as a girlfriend of a parent, you have no legal say in the matter. Sorry, but that is the law.

                Second, he needs a lawyer ASAP. We have not seen the documents, and the laws in different jurisdictions are different enough that only someone familiar with the local law can be of substantial help.

                Third. Send the text messages to your computer, and print them off for the lawyer. Also lock them in your phone. They just might be useful.

                It is my opinion that people should be married before they make babies. They should not get married until they are sure that they want to stay with that person their whole life. Life is hard enough without throwing divorce in the equation.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by GotSmart View Post
                  First of all, as a girlfriend of a parent, you have no legal say in the matter. Sorry, but that is the law.
                  I know I have no rights or legal say in the matter, and no where did I state that I did, I know even if we were to ever marry I still have no rights to his son. I have two kids that are not his, so I understand who has rights and who doesn't.

                  The ex as befriended me, she has asked to get to know me, thus why I talk to her, she sends me a text complaining about her husband and reply asking how their son is doing.

                  My boyfriend has asked me to get on here and ask more expierenced peoples opinions since I was familiar with the website and he was not. All he wants to do is stop her from taking his son out of the country. He called an hour ago to talk to his son and she just kept yelling at him cause he won't sign, he just kept asking "please let me talk to my son and we will discuss issues later" till she just hung up on him, she wouldn't let him talk to his son yesterday either. Their contract says that she is to allow him telephone contact if it is at a reasonable time. She never lets him talk to his son then turns around and yells at him for not having contact with him.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Document, document, document.

                    Get a lawyer tomorrow AM.

                    That is the best we can do.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by wildflower View Post
                      So, what happens if her husband gets orders to move outside of the state, will the "Home State" of the child change? Can she just demand that the home state be where ever she wants to live?

                      Then what happens when her and her husband seperate? Can it be written that the home state is to be referted back to AZ? Or is that something unheard of. Her whole family lives in AZ so I would think she would move back if they were to seperate. She has 3 kids and no high school degree, she has never had a job longer then a few month, she would need her family's help.
                      It doesn't matter what orders his ex's husband is given- the legal fact is that your BF has the right to be a parent to his child. That means that he does not have to, nor should he agree to anything she is asking.
                      He needs to tell her no to everything and tell her to file with the court. Belive me, the court will agree with him that mother should not be allowed to move child anywhere, especially out of the country just because her husband recieves orders.

                      He really needs to get a consult with a local attorney if and when his ex files, in the mean time he shouldn't sign anything and should begin documenting everything for later use in court.

                      Comment

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