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SSDI just approved; now what? Pennsylvania

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  • #16
    Originally posted by DiscouragedDad View Post
    No, there isn't any court ordered visitation. And with the level of animosity toward me from all concerned, pushing the issue would--in my opinion--only add fuel to the fire.

    Many people have encouraged me to file anyway. I've considered it but ultimately feel that, in my particular circumstances, it would do more harm than good. It breaks my heart not to see them, that's for sure. But a court-ordered visitation, when they don't want anything to do with me, just doesn't seem like the best action to take for all concerned.

    Sad but true.
    How old are your children?

    Sometimes it's better to go ahead and file for a visitation order, even if you know that the CP will not follow it, just so that in the future you can show your adult children that you did try to see them.

    Depending on your childrens' ages, you might be able to get court ordered counseling for visitation also. basically, until your children are adults, they do NOT get to say whether they want to visit or not, if there is an order and you enforce the order they have to visit with you. It's like schooling, Drs appointments, dental appointemts, etc. Children might not want to go, but they do not get to choose.

    A visitation order along with court ordered counseling can actually work out to where the children could end up enjoying the visits regardless of what thier mother thinks.

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    • #17
      Originally posted by xena View Post
      How old are your children?

      Sometimes it's better to go ahead and file for a visitation order, even if you know that the CP will not follow it, just so that in the future you can show your adult children that you did try to see them.

      Depending on your childrens' ages, you might be able to get court ordered counseling for visitation also. basically, until your children are adults, they do NOT get to say whether they want to visit or not, if there is an order and you enforce the order they have to visit with you. It's like schooling, Drs appointments, dental appointemts, etc. Children might not want to go, but they do not get to choose.

      A visitation order along with court ordered counseling can actually work out to where the children could end up enjoying the visits regardless of what thier mother thinks.
      I have 3 girls. The oldest will be 18 this coming March (2010). My middle daughter just turned 16, and my youngest is 14. My only contact has been with the oldest. Their mother won't communicate with me under any circumstances (the 'eternal silent treatment'), and my oldest daughter screens out any attempts by me to talk with the other 2 girls.

      I just moved a thousand miles away from them; a visitation order at this time is irrelevant. I moved to their area almost 3 years ago, accepting a job transfer to their area in spite of the fact that I hate the weather there. In 2 years of trying to coordinate some kind of reconciliation, the end result was that they became even more estranged than before.

      Some folks try to encourage me, saying that once they're out from under their mother's influence, they'll seek me out on their own. Even if true, that's no conciliation for the years gone by with little/no regular interaction with them. Sure, it may be better than nothing but... a toothache is better than 5 toothaches, but looking at pain in such a relative way doesn't relieve the pain, at least it doesn't for me.

      Well, I'm whining and ranting a bit so I better close here. Thanks again to everyone for replying. I hope to get some closure on this matter soon: the waiting is the hardest part (thank you Tom Petty)

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      • #18
        Originally posted by DiscouragedDad View Post
        I have 3 girls. The oldest will be 18 this coming March (2010). My middle daughter just turned 16, and my youngest is 14. My only contact has been with the oldest. Their mother won't communicate with me under any circumstances (the 'eternal silent treatment'), and my oldest daughter screens out any attempts by me to talk with the other 2 girls.

        I just moved a thousand miles away from them; a visitation order at this time is irrelevant. I moved to their area almost 3 years ago, accepting a job transfer to their area in spite of the fact that I hate the weather there. In 2 years of trying to coordinate some kind of reconciliation, the end result was that they became even more estranged than before.

        Some folks try to encourage me, saying that once they're out from under their mother's influence, they'll seek me out on their own. Even if true, that's no conciliation for the years gone by with little/no regular interaction with them. Sure, it may be better than nothing but... a toothache is better than 5 toothaches, but looking at pain in such a relative way doesn't relieve the pain, at least it doesn't for me.

        Well, I'm whining and ranting a bit so I better close here. Thanks again to everyone for replying. I hope to get some closure on this matter soon: the waiting is the hardest part (thank you Tom Petty)
        I agree that pushing visitation would do more harm than good. Hopefully, at some point your kids will seek you out, but you already seem to be prepared for that never happening.

        Alot of fathers are in the same situation, including my husband. His ex had done a very good job of alienating his kids from him, when I met him I gently pushed him to try one more time. It didn't work, his kids were 21, 17, and 16 at the time. When he first made contact they were happy to hear from him, but when he was told by an attorney that he would need to file for a CS modification because he was still paying support for the 21 yr old married daughter, and he filed and served his ex, all of a sudden the kids didn't want have anything to do with him. It's very sad when a CP does that to thier own children, but as my husband realizes now, he di what he could and his ex has to answer to God on judgement day for what she did. In the mean time, my kids from a previous marriage have accepted my husband and love him very much, but as he said, the pain never really goes away.

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        • #19
          About the money, I would have taken ALL of it out, put it in ammo cans and shoved them under the bed. It's there when you need it and unless they have a search warrant they can't touch it.
          I don't believe what I write, and neither should you. Information furnished to you is for debate purposes only, be sure to verify with your own research.
          Keep in mind that the information provided may not be worth any more than either a politician's promise or what you paid for it (nothing).
          I also may not have been either sane or sober when I wrote it down.
          Don't worry, be happy.

          http://www.rcfp.org/taping/index.html is a good resource!

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