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Help in Oregon on Custody issue

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  • Help in Oregon on Custody issue

    Hi. I need some help and information. I'm in a very bad situation with my ex regarding visitation with the kids. I am unfamiliar with OR law on custody and what programs there may be out there to assist me.

    The issue is as follows:
    I was married to the ex for about 15 years and she wanted a divorce. She consulted a women's advocate rights group and they walked her through how to squeeze me for money. We were having issues in our marriage where she was unwilling to be intimate at all on the basis that she felt it was "nasty". During an argument one day, I tried to prevent her from leaving and she fell and bruised her knee. She called the police and filed a report saying that we argued about the lack of sex and I caused her to bruise herself. I was charged with assault and now have a felony record. Long story short, I gave her everything in the divorce proceeding thinking this was a phase and that she didn't really mean it...everything that hat she asked for and more, including custody of the kids, alimony, and child support for them along with all possessions.

    Because of the felony I lost my job and was unable to get another one for a long time. I made very good money and when the alimony stopped coming because I was unemployed, she asked me back with promises to make it work. I found a job eventually and we got back together. We were legally separated in the proceeding and never changed the status because if we got divorced, she wouldn't have medical coverage form my job. We got back together but things never changed as she promised.

    We pretty much didn't have a marriage, we lived together to save money of me having a place of my own. A year ago...she called the police again and kicked me out after coming back from a business trip. I still give her money for alimony and support based on my old salary back than which was about 100K a year. I make half that now. Now she won't let me see the kids at all, instructs them to not answer the phone, or answer the door when I try to go see them. I knock on the door and the kids tell me they will get in trouble if they open the door for me. She's left them home alone on several occasions and told them not to open the door for anyone. They are 8, 10, and 13.

    She has been a stay at home mom all our marriage and now she refuses to go get a job to help. She wants me to send money and only that, having no contact with her or the kids. She spends the majority of the money on her bills and comes up short for taking care of the kids, and she asks me for more money. She says that she will see me in court because she won't let me see the kids. She refuses to let me see the kids at all if my girlfriend is around and she has no qualms using the kids to manipulate me to give her money by letting them suffer if money is low. I give her half my paycheck now and it's not enough.

    What can I do get myself out of this and what programs are out there to help me? I was told by the court clerk that since it was just a legal separation and it was about 7 years ago already, I'll need to refile everything again. Is that true? And if I refile again for a divorce will they restart the time I have to pay her alimony? I don't want to support this woman for the rest of my life. I'm tired of giving in to her and I want her to start taking care of herself and taking responsibility for the kids too. PLEASE HELP.

  • #2
    I don't have much money to pay out to lawyers or anyone without taking away from the kids which I don't want to do, is there any way I which I can get a lawyer who's willing to help me or programs to assist?

    Also aside form that felony charge, I've had a few misdemeanors from teen years, but nothing major. I have never abused my kids, or used drugs etc. I have also never yelled at her in front of people or the kids or abused her or even threatened to.
    Last edited by OregonDad; 09-01-2009, 10:58 PM.


    • #3
      This site does not do attorney referrals and reputable attorneys do not troll message boards looking for clients.

      You can contact your state bar association, your local legal aid, or any law schools in the vicinity for the names of some attorneys who might be willing to help you for a low cost. Do NOT expect an attorney to take this on for free - attorneys still have to pay their bills.
      The above answer, whatever it is, assumes that no legally binding and enforceable contract or CBA says otherwise. If it does, then the terms of the contract or CBA apply.


      • #4
        My suggestion- go fishing, for a lawyer.
        Get a phone book. Start calling lawyers that do free initial consultations.

        Tell them the story, and if they can't help, they can refer you to someone they think might.

        Another is hit Google.

        It's a tough job, but looks like ya gotta do it.
        I don't believe what I write, and neither should you. Information furnished to you is for debate purposes only, be sure to verify with your own research.
        Keep in mind that the information provided may not be worth any more than either a politician's promise or what you paid for it (nothing).
        I also may not have been either sane or sober when I wrote it down.
        Don't worry, be happy. is a good resource!