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  • luly727
    started a topic Urgent! Need advise & help Illinois

    Urgent! Need advise & help Illinois

    My son is 17 and his ex girlfriend is 16. She just had the baby 5 days ago. My concern is that this girl is a trouble maker and a drama queen, main reason my son broke it off with her. Always rumors, gossip and lies going on. Drove everyone in the family crazy.
    Her parents are very odd, one day they like my son and want him involved with the baby, the other day theu " are going to take him for everything he has" " he wont ever see the kid" etc etc..
    The day the baby was born, we were not even in town, she told her parents something else, as a result her parents are angry with my son.
    Its been 6 days and we have not seen the baby except for pics that she posts on her profile on Myspace. She calls my son several times a day demanding his SS# and for him to sign some kind of paternity papers that her parents have..
    My son is afraid due to her parents cold/hot feelings and the things this girl has threathened him with ...
    We are told that we can see the baby anytime, but everytime we have tried to set something up, they are not available and we never get a call back.

    What can we do??? My son is going to comm college and works PT, brings home about $100 a week..we have bought clothes and accessories for the baby and have given them to the girl..not sure if her parents were told. My son has told her that he is afraid to sign the paperwork due to her parents threats but that he will help her with the baby and anything the baby needs..

    They keep pushing for him to sign the paperwork ( i have no idea what the paperwork is)..

    Any help & advise????

  • mommyof4
    replied
    Originally posted by racegirl View Post
    I would have your son call 1-800-447-4278 so he can establish paternity. He may be on hold for alittle while but that is how he can do every thing through the state of Illinois so patetnity can be established.
    Of course, calling that # won't establish a custody/parenting time order, so he will have nothing to make sure he actually gets to parent his child.

    He will get to establish paternity and pay child support, though.

    If he wants an order guaranteeing that he gets to spend time with his child, he has to go through the courts...even if he gets Mom of Baby to agree to parenting time, the agreement needs to be entered as a court order. Otherwise, it's completely worthless.

    Leave a comment:


  • racegirl
    replied
    I would have your son call 1-800-447-4278 so he can establish paternity. He may be on hold for alittle while but that is how he can do every thing through the state of Illinois so patetnity can be established.

    Leave a comment:


  • GotSmart
    replied
    I have a nephew in CA that has not seen his son in 4 years. He did not do what was advised. Mothers side went rabid. His wages are garnished and the child is hidden. No DNA test, and court date keeps being put off. He does not make enough to hire a good lawyer.

    Read the thread carefully, and follow the advice. Pay now, or pay more later.

    Leave a comment:


  • mommyof4
    replied
    Originally posted by luly727 View Post
    I am sorry, not trying to put up any walls, just very confused and I am trying to get advise from people that have been thru this...
    My son & I were allowed to go visit and see the baby yesterday. The mother & her mother were civil and nice..They didnt ask for him to sign anything..
    I hope that it stays civil..
    He still needs to follow the advice that has been given.

    Leave a comment:


  • luly727
    replied
    Originally posted by Morgana View Post
    If the paternity test shows your son to be the father, the courts will be on his side...he'll pay child support yes, but some kind of visitation will also be ordered. If they mother of the child will not allow him to see the child then, he's got a contempt issue.

    It seems like you are putting up a wall everytime someone makes a suggestion to you. What is the real issue here?

    If this is his son and he wants the legal right to see the child, then do what everyone here has been saying...get a paternity test.
    He cant afford an attorney? If he wants to see his child, he cant afford not to have one IMHO.
    Check legal aid. That is what they are there for.

    Good luck to you. You've been given lots of advice, all of it vitually the same and still thats not enough. We dont know what the child's mother or family will do. No one does. All you can do is to protect your son's rights by getting a paternity test. First step. Then worry about all the rest.

    I am sorry, not trying to put up any walls, just very confused and I am trying to get advise from people that have been thru this...
    My son & I were allowed to go visit and see the baby yesterday. The mother & her mother were civil and nice..They didnt ask for him to sign anything..
    I hope that it stays civil..

    Leave a comment:


  • Morgana
    replied
    If the paternity test shows your son to be the father, the courts will be on his side...he'll pay child support yes, but some kind of visitation will also be ordered. If they mother of the child will not allow him to see the child then, he's got a contempt issue.

    It seems like you are putting up a wall everytime someone makes a suggestion to you. What is the real issue here?

    If this is his son and he wants the legal right to see the child, then do what everyone here has been saying...get a paternity test.
    He cant afford an attorney? If he wants to see his child, he cant afford not to have one IMHO.
    Check legal aid. That is what they are there for.

    Good luck to you. You've been given lots of advice, all of it vitually the same and still thats not enough. We dont know what the child's mother or family will do. No one does. All you can do is to protect your son's rights by getting a paternity test. First step. Then worry about all the rest.

    Leave a comment:


  • luly727
    replied
    Originally posted by Morgana View Post
    He should NOT SIGN ANY PAPERS YET!!! Its been said over and over. Please listen.

    He will not be in trouble for not signing anything. At best, he can take the papers with him to be looked at by an attorney.

    He should do nothing until paternity is established for his protection.

    AND NO he should not make any agreement to pay any amount of money.

    Going to court will not hurt him. If the child is his, it will be established thru paternity testing and the court will decide on child support.
    Signing who knows what for a child that may not be his or promising to pay without paternity being established CAN and WILL HURT HIM.

    OK and then what happens?? If he takes the papers with him, we can not afford an attorney( I live alone with son and I am on SS Disability and barely make ends meet now) . And I know the parents and the ex GF will be calling everyday to get the papers back..just avoid their calls??
    What then? What happens if they just drop everything and do not proceed in court? I am assuming that if he refuses to sign the paternity papers they will not allow son or me to see the baby..the girls parents said that she is going to apply for the 'state medical card' and thats why they needed my sons address & ss#..does anyone in Illinois know if this is true? I know that the girl is covered under the parents health insurance, not sure if it would also cover the baby..can they come after my son to repay the medical expenses of the maternity & delivery that their insurancce paid for ( at one time they said that they would do this ).. Also if the ex and her parents do not go to court for child support, does the State of Illinois automatically do this?? Or do they need to do it?
    Sorry to be asking so many questions, I just have no where else to turn and have no idea, as I have never been thru something like this.
    Last edited by luly727; 08-28-2009, 07:58 AM.

    Leave a comment:


  • Alice Dodd
    replied
    Just tell him to take the papers and say he needs to go over them with his attorney before he can sign anything. Tell him to keep repeating this if they argue.

    Leave a comment:


  • Morgana
    replied
    He should NOT SIGN ANY PAPERS YET!!! Its been said over and over. Please listen.

    He will not be in trouble for not signing anything. At best, he can take the papers with him to be looked at by an attorney.

    He should do nothing until paternity is established for his protection.

    AND NO he should not make any agreement to pay any amount of money.

    Going to court will not hurt him. If the child is his, it will be established thru paternity testing and the court will decide on child support.
    Signing who knows what for a child that may not be his or promising to pay without paternity being established CAN and WILL HURT HIM.

    Leave a comment:


  • luly727
    replied
    Ok, sp when he goes today to see the baby what does he do? Just flat out refuse to sign the paternity papers and leave??

    I tried to go thru the laws in ILLINOIS, but most of the things I found were regrding married people. NOw I think I read that even if my son does sign the paternity papers, since he is a minor, that the courts will not make him financially responsible until 6 months after he turns 18..Someone that knows more about ILLINOIS, please advise...

    That would give him time to finish his course in college and get a full time job to pay the 20% that is child support in illinois..

    Would it help if he signed some sort of agreement with the birth mother to give the baby XX amount every month..that might calm the GF's parents down so they dont take all this to court..right now my son goes to college full time and works part time..he has no time for more hours at work with school & homework..and brings home $100-$105 a week tops

    Leave a comment:


  • mommyof4
    replied
    Originally posted by luly727 View Post
    Thank you very much. Well he was told that he could go see the baby tomorrow morning, but I am sure that they will put those papers in his face to be signed and then the S*** will hit the fan if he refuses.
    Her parents are saying that they need his SS and him to sign the papers so that she can put his name as father on birth certificate..
    Won't it look worse for my son IF they do go to court if he made no visits to see the baby that is presumably his?? wont it make him look like a dead beat dad? I don't know, I am afraid of these people. And I can not afford a lawyer.. i think that if my son doesnt show up to see the baby they might just get mad and 2 things can happen, they can cut him out completely or they can come at him full force..
    I dont know..i am so worried about all this..I have seen pictures and the baby does look like my son did when he was born, but he is alot darker almost like he has a tan...
    No, it won't make him look worse because all he will have to do is be honest that he tried to see the baby, but that she and her family were blocking him from doing so unless he gave them his personal information and unless he signed some statement (an affidavit of paternity).

    NO unmarried man should ever just accept the word of the woman who gave birth to his child that he IS the father. That may sound cold and cynical, but you should search this forum for the multiple stories of men finding out 10, 12, 16 years down the road that they are NOT the fathers of the children they have been supporting. And guess what? By that point? It's too late to do anything about it.

    He CAN'T be a dead beat Dad because at this point, he is NOT Dad (legally). He has absolutely NO obligation to support the child at this point. Now, when CS is ordered, it may be ordered back to the date of birth. That's why Xena told you to tell your son to put aside any money he was going to give to the mother of the baby until a CS order is issued. ANY money he gives her outside of a CS order is a gift and he will not get credit for it.

    They can try to block him from having a relationship all they want. If your son handles this correctly through the courts, they won't have any choice.

    If they come after him full force, so what? He is already going to be persuing paternity, custody and CS. It kinda' takes the wind out of their sails.
    Last edited by mommyof4; 08-28-2009, 03:55 AM.

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  • luly727
    replied
    Thank you very much. Well he was told that he could go see the baby tomorrow morning, but I am sure that they will put those papers in his face to be signed and then the S*** will hit the fan if he refuses.
    Her parents are saying that they need his SS and him to sign the papers so that she can put his name as father on birth certificate..
    Won't it look worse for my son IF they do go to court if he made no visits to see the baby that is presumably his?? wont it make him look like a dead beat dad? I don't know, I am afraid of these people. And I can not afford a lawyer.. i think that if my son doesnt show up to see the baby they might just get mad and 2 things can happen, they can cut him out completely or they can come at him full force..
    I dont know..i am so worried about all this..I have seen pictures and the baby does look like my son did when he was born, but he is alot darker almost like he has a tan...

    Leave a comment:


  • mommyof4
    replied
    Originally posted by xena View Post
    In addition to the other replies, your son should NOT give the mother any money for now. For now, he should take the money he planned to give her, set it aside for when he is ordered to pay CS. It is very likely that the court will order retro support, and in most states, any money given before the order is issued is considered to be a gift. Unfortunately, that usually ends up meaning that the father will have to pay twice.
    I knew I forgot to mention something important!

    Leave a comment:


  • xena
    replied
    In addition to the other replies, your son should NOT give the mother any money for now. For now, he should take the money he planned to give her, set it aside for when he is ordered to pay CS. It is very likely that the court will order retro support, and in most states, any money given before the order is issued is considered to be a gift. Unfortunately, that usually ends up meaning that the father will have to pay twice.

    Leave a comment:

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