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ex girlfriend pregnant not ready for child Illinois

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  • ex girlfriend pregnant not ready for child Illinois

    ..........
    Last edited by joekol; 12-28-2010, 07:12 PM.

  • #2
    You can't have it both ways. Either you are the father of the child and you get to both see the child AND pay child support, or you are not the father of the child, you do not have to pay child support but you do not get to see the child either.

    If you want to be able to see the child you also have to be able to pay child support. If that means you have to get a job, or get another job, then that's what you have to do. She didn't get pregnant by herself - you were there too.
    The above answer, whatever it is, assumes that no legally binding and enforceable contract or CBA says otherwise. If it does, then the terms of the contract or CBA apply.

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    • #3
      If you're truly worried about your childs welfare with his mother and want to do something about it, then now is the time to prepare yourself mentally and financially to be a father. Make up your mind to do it now, and then work to be good at it.

      You can take parenting and anger management classes through your county's health department (or they can direct you to where you can). These will help you be better prepared, and also IF the day comes when you fear for your childs safety and pursue custody, they will help you A LOT.

      Your first priority right now (while the child isn't here yet) should be getting a job and saving up money. If you're the father, you won't have any choice about support....... so get ready.

      God Bless!
      Amy

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      • #4
        Originally posted by joekol View Post
        my girlfriend got pregnant, weeks later we broke up. she has been on SSI her entire life and will continue to do so. she refuses to get an abortion or adopt. i do not have and am unable to get a job that pays enough to support a child. SSI and any job(s) i get will not be enough to give a child the life it needs. currently her house spends 80% of the income on housing alone and has 3 persons in a 1 bedroom apt.

        She is attempting to force me to pay child support and force me to not be allowed to see or have any custody of the child after she gives birth. many in her family are drug users, drunk, or mentally unstable. i come from a better founded house and i have a slight anger problem but am completely non abusive and have much experience with children. does she have any right to keep me from seeing my child? (legal action has not been taken by either side yet. as a hypothetical if i need to take action for any form of custody while i pay child support, do i have a case and if so how strong of one)

        both of us are only 19 by the way.
        As soon as the baby is born you'll need to file in court for a custody, visitation and CS order.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by cbg View Post
          If you want to be able to see the child you also have to be able to pay child support.
          Just to clarify this, parenting time and child support are separate. You don't have to pay support to be able to see the child (once you have court orders), and whether you pay or not you don't have to exercise parenting time.

          And no, you can't force her to abort or give the child up. If she was so undesirable as a parent, you should not have risked pregnancy by having sex with her.

          Once baby is born, file for paternity testing, parenting time and support. Unless support is court ordered, any money you may give her may not count, and until it is ordered, you are not obligated to give her anything. If she gets state assistance, they will want you to reimburse them.

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          • #6
            I worded it poorly. I was not attempting to say that he could only see the child if he paid child support. The poster is attempting to have the rights of parenthood with none of the responsibilities. It doesn't work that way.

            Certainly he can see the child, if he is determined to be the father. But he is going to have to pay child support if he is determined to be the father. That is a given. What's more, he will have to pay child support regardless of whether he sees the child or not. With parenthood comes responsibility. If he can't afford it, he'll have to find a way to afford it. He doesn't get to say, I'm the father, I'm going to sue to see the child, but oh, no, I can't pay anything towards its support, I don't have any money.

            If it is determined that he is not the father, he will not have to pay child support. But if that is the case, he will not have a right to see the child unless the mother says so. After all, he will not be the father in that case, so he will have no parental rights.
            The above answer, whatever it is, assumes that no legally binding and enforceable contract or CBA says otherwise. If it does, then the terms of the contract or CBA apply.

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            • #7
              It has been my experience in Illinois, and I would assume in other states as well, that while support and visitation are *technically* separate, it just ain't so.

              My son's bio-father (we'll call him "The Tool") filed TWICE for visitation alone, and both times support was tacked on to the petition by the judge. You need to have a reason to not be able to pay support, and "I don't make a lot of money" is not a reason.

              The Tool was led to beleive by his lawyers that child support would not be addressed unless I filed for it, and I never filed a thing, yet here I sit with two garnished checks a month. They are separate issues, but they are so intertwined they are one, like two sides of the same coin. You can't settle one issue without the other (again, unless there is a legitimate REASON that the other parent cannot pay support).

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              • #8
                i am not trying to get out of support in anyway. i am unsure where the idea came from, but thats an aside. i am doing my best to get a job and will be in debt as far as i need to to give the child a decent life. my only question was, does she have any right too keep me from the child based on the personalities and finances involved. is there a chance she will be able too keep me away? (and yes it is a guarentee the child is mine. she wont even require a test to prove)

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                • #9
                  She has every right to keep you away, but not because of finances. When the baby is born, you will not be the legal father until a court says you are, and if you're smart you'll ask for a paternity test through the court (so that they recongize its validity). Once proven to be the father, you can file in court for your parenting time. Then if she denies you, you can file for contempt of court.

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                  • #10
                    so basically... she can keep me away no matter what as much as she wants until i get an order post paternity testing? even if she admits there is no possible way it was anyone elses.... and just out of curiosity so i make sure all facts here are fact and i dont need a second opinion to double check.... is this a lawyers opinion? or a person with situation experience?

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                    • #11
                      i do not have and am unable to get a job that pays enough to support a child. SSI and any job(s) i get will not be enough to give a child the life it needs.

                      That's how it sounded like you were trying to get out of child support.

                      Get all the second opinions you want. It won't change the answer.
                      The above answer, whatever it is, assumes that no legally binding and enforceable contract or CBA says otherwise. If it does, then the terms of the contract or CBA apply.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by cbg View Post
                        i do not have and am unable to get a job that pays enough to support a child. SSI and any job(s) i get will not be enough to give a child the life it needs.

                        That's how it sounded like you were trying to get out of child support.

                        Get all the second opinions you want. It won't change the answer.
                        Agreed.

                        I gotta throw the BS flag on this one...

                        she refuses to get an abortion or adopt. i do not have and am unable to get a job that pays enough to support a child.

                        She is attempting to force me to pay child support
                        I guess it's time to drag out the old "don't have sex if you can't support a child" thread.
                        Not everything that makes you mad, sad or uncomfortable is legally actionable.

                        I am not now nor ever was an attorney.

                        Any statements I make are based purely upon my personal experiences and research which may or may not be accurate in a court of law.

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                        • #13
                          It's not so much proving to you and mom that you're the dad....the court needs to know. When you're not married, it's assumed that anyone can be dad and you need to prove you are. Unless you sign a paper at birth saying you are the father. If I were you, I'd want to confirm my paternity before signing anything.

                          IF she doesn't name a father on the paperwork, and IF she never gets state assistance or applies for child support, you will have no rights or obligations. But that could change in the future.

                          I am not a lawyer, but I've been reading about family law for a long time. All my grandkids are being raised by (2) fathers. I've heard these facts from an attorney online and many folks who have been through the system.

                          If you don't believe us, you can get all the second opinions you want. Talk to someone at your courthouse. Get a free consult with an attorney.

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