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  • Concerned with son's weight

    My X and I have a 6 month old son. We went to the doctor yesterday and the doctor was concerned about his weight....he only weighs 14.5 lbs. So he wanted us to start feeding him with his bottle and giving him water, juice and snacks. And he wants to see him again next month because he is concerned. My X decided she wants to start this feeding with me and go to get the food together. So I agreed. Co-parenting is a good thing. But in the mean time she changed her mind and has not contacted me and I exercise my parenting time tomorrow. While I have him I usually have a feeding and am not sure what to do. I have tried to contact her several times and she is not responding. I am very concerned about this and am afraid that my son is not getting what he needs. So I thought I would contact my atty. I left a message and all of a sudden I have been getting texts from her. She says she will get the food this weekend with her mother. I'd thought her knowing how concerned the doctor was about his weight she would start immediately....but I was wrong. She tells me that if I think she is not feeding him I should call cps. Well I don't want to do that but should I or should I just let her know I have fed him when I drop him off tomorrow? Also she just wants to go by what the paper says the doctor gave us but it is different then what he told us. I am confused and not sure what to do. Please help!

  • #2
    Q: Well I don't want to do that but should I or should I just let her know I have fed him when I drop him off tomorrow?

    A: Sounds like a good idea to me.
    “Be not niggardly of what costs thee nothing, as courtesy, counsel, & countenance.”

    --Benjamin Franklin

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    • #3
      Originally posted by seniorjudge View Post
      Q: Well I don't want to do that but should I or should I just let her know I have fed him when I drop him off tomorrow?

      A: Sounds like a good idea to me.
      So are you saying I should call cps or just feed him like the doctor said and let her know? Its not that our son is mal-nourished (or is he because he is not getting the food he should) but he is the size of a 4 month old the doctor said. I am so worried and so confused. I am trying to be a good parent and co-parent with her but she is now all of a sudden making it difficult.

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      • #4
        Originally posted by prouddaddy View Post
        So are you saying I should call cps or just feed him like the doctor said and let her know? Its not that our son is mal-nourished (or is he because he is not getting the food he should) but he is the size of a 4 month old the doctor said. I am so worried and so confused. I am trying to be a good parent and co-parent with her but she is now all of a sudden making it difficult.
        Q: Well I don't want to do that but should I or should I just let her know I have fed him when I drop him off tomorrow?

        A: Sounds like a good idea to me.



        (I suspect your call to her lawyer soured her.)
        “Be not niggardly of what costs thee nothing, as courtesy, counsel, & countenance.”

        --Benjamin Franklin

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        • #5
          Duh!!! Got it. Sorry just really frustrated. Thanks for the advice.

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          • #6
            The first thing I'd suggest is take a deep breath . If the doctor was ULTRA concerned about your son's immediate well being, he would have admitted him into the hospital or at least run a cbc or other blood work.

            I imagine the other poster is correct... she probably got a bit peeved that you took the issue to the attorney. As a mother, I can tell you that every little thing that isn't quite right with your child can often feel like it's a mirror of your success/ failure at mothering. The first time my son got stitches I felt like the worst mother in the world. She's probably having a bad mommy moment and feeling concerned that she's not doing something right.

            We all have different metabolisms and different ways of utilizing our nutrients. The Ped's job is to follow the growth and development of children and see how they fit on a chart... it sounds like your son falls on the smaller side of that chart. Try to keep in mind that to determine the "normal range" on that chart, there had to be kids on the smaller side and kids on the bigger side.

            My daughter stayed on the small range for her height... she has since grown 4 inches in a year. We aren't all programed the same.

            Follow the docs directions while your son is with you. My guess is, if he's hungry, he'll LOVE the new foods and will be so cranky and "wanting" of them more that she'll fall into line and feed him these things too...

            Hope that helps. I had two preemies... I know how easy it is to over worry... feel free to send me a message if you need clarification. Good Luck!!!
            [Momma
            ~you ought to see her fly~

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            • #7
              I don't believe my attorney has made a call as I have yet to hear from him. I believe she was finally returning my call. She had done this same thing when we first started him on cereal. She has also made comments on how she doesn't want him to get big or to grow up. She also doesn't take very good care of her eating...."she doesn't want to keep the baby fat on". She is 5'7" and weighs 114 lbs. I know my son is small...the doctor says he is the size of a 4 month old. I have always been on the higher end of the chart as I am now 6'2" and weigh 200 lbs. I am very fit and healthy. I am just concerned that if she does keep this up he will not get the nutrients he needs to develop a strong and healthy body. The doctor also said he should be drinking up to 8 oz of formula and she refuses to give him more than 5.5 oz. So I will take you advice and feed him as the doctor said and let her know and let her deal with him when she doesn't. But hopefully she will come to her senses and following my actions soon. I will also still mention it to my attorney. As he has been pretty good thus far. Thank you for the advice.

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              • #8
                Hmm... well, I can see how her body image issues might be adding to the problem. I think it's very fair to call the doc yourself... you have joint custody right? Just be very honest with the doc about your concerns, and the body image issues of your x. As him how concerned you need to be. It might be easier to have the frank discussion you need without her around. Just a thought... good luck!
                [Momma
                ~you ought to see her fly~

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                • #9
                  Mr. Proud it seems you have numerous concerns when it comes to your child! Have any of these been resolved?

                  As seen here
                  http://www.parentnook.com/forum/

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                  • #10
                    Since my last post....had to take our son to the emergency room. He was vomiting (projectile) and was turning blue. (My wife had told me he had been vomiting since we had started him on food.) Took him to the nearest hospital and of course it wasn't the hospital his doctor was at so my X was really upset.She actually fought with me on the phone when I called her to tell her I was taking him. I wasn't going to drive 20 miles while our son is turning blue. Anyway, once they got him stable they did eventually transfer him and they kept him overnight for observation. Now they couldn't find anything wrong and since he was feeling much better they released him and said we needed to follow up with his doctor. So 4 days later we took him to his doctor and the doctor really made it obvious that my X wasn't listening to him and just feeding him when she wanted and how much she wanted. Our son is 7 months old, weighs 15 lbs and is 26 inches long. Now I know some of you said that isn't that unusual but the doctor said he was the size of a 4 month old. Anyway at the appt the doctor was very upset he said our son should be drinking at least 8 oz of formula (X3 per day) plus 5 oz of food every day. Needless to say she hasn't been doing that. I had been giving him as much as he will want. I believe in feeding on demand. When he wants to eat. So the result was that the doctor said he was lethargic and that he wasn't sure why he was vomiting but to start feeding him on demand and give him more fluids (i.e. water, juice) in between meals. So here is my question.....

                    We go to court tomorrow for perm. custody/cs. In michigan fathers usually just get standard EOW and 1 day during the week. Unless there is some circumstance that causes the courts to believe the mother is unfit. Well I do believe I am a good father but I do have 2 arrests (cleared off record) that was brought up in FOC meeting so my attorney says that I am lucky to be getting standard. So what I was wondering if I should bring this whole feeding, hospital situation up in court with of course his medical records and see if I can get more than standard? If I did this would postpone to another court date and not sure if this would actually get me more time with him. Or should I just take the standard and run? Right now we are in the process of trying to settle but my X is wanted more child support than what I work. She is willing to start the standard visitation earlier than the recommendation as long as I give her the cs she wants. So any advice would be greatly appreciated.

                    Sorry for the length.

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                    • #11
                      Has your son been listed as Failure to Thrive by going by the weight charts? It may be that he is feeding but is just not growing or if he is spitting it up there may be something more going on and may not be the fault of your ex-wife at all. FTT and projectile vomiting can be linked to a medical conditon such as Pyloric Stenosis, it usually happens from birth up until 2 months but there have been reported cases of it happening later around 6-7 months. When your son was in did they do any tests on him such as an xray GI, ultrasound? If not you may want to get him back in and see if they will do just that if he continues to spit up.

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                      • #12
                        My suggestion is this:

                        At this time, rather than ask for something different as far as parenting time, have your attorney demand that you be more involved with the medical problems - be present at well-child visits, etc. DUE TO your concerns over your sons health......... NOT because you suspect HER, but because you have great concerns over his health and do not want to be "out of the loop."

                        That way you are not accusing her (because without proof this may look bad in court) but are showing true concern for your son, and asking for involvement in his health problems, medical care, etc.

                        Talk to your attorney about requesting this and what can be done.

                        God Bless!
                        Amy

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                        • #13
                          Well went to court and got shafted! Got the bare minimum. What does a father have to do in michigan to get to be with his son? I brought up the feeding, his weight and how the doctor said he was the size of a 4 month old at 6 months. But the attorney said we didn't have the evidence to show that she is hurting our son and he didn't think the judge would postpone it again. (my atty had to postpone due to conflict of schedule). Also I am being forced to pay child support as if I was working a full time job. I only work 15- 20 hrs a week due to a disability that prevents me to do my job; they had to create a position for me. I would really gladly give her that if I could. It seems as though I was forced to sign the judgment when I didn't really want to.

                          It was put in the orders that I have all rights to his medical records. In fact we do meet at the doctors when our son has his appts. He has one next week friday. Hopefully he has improved. The doctor didn't find any other source of his not thriving other than her not wanting to feed him when he told her to. We had the same problem with her when the doctor said to start him on cereal.

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                          • #14
                            Wow Proud... it sounds like you've really had a difficult few weeks. Since court is out of the way for now... I would suggest you try your hardest to stay as involved as possible in his life. Documenting what's going on with your son's health... even taking notes on what you feed and witness behaviorally... even diapers and such... would show you're concern. Continue to be involved in doctor visits. You might even take your notes with you to the doc.

                            If you ever go to court again... you have to assume that the judge will believe that you're telling it 1/2 right and she's telling it 1/2 right. The only way they can sort it out and make a judgment is with other information. It could be your involvement with doc and the doc's testimony of you being concerned/ caring and working in the best interest of your child... could help you get more time with your son.

                            Good luck to you!
                            [Momma
                            ~you ought to see her fly~

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