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  • Parenting Plan Michigan

    My X and I have a 5 month old which we are under temp. I am the father (DNA test and I am asking for 50/50 legal and physical custody) parenting time where I have him 4 hours Saturday and 4 hours Sunday and & hours Monday and Wednesday. Now we had gone to FOC and the evaluator doesn't want to start over nights until June 15th and only 1 night EOW and keep Mondays and Wednesdays the same. And August 15th 2 nights EOW. I had originally wanted EOW Friday @ 6 until Monday @ 6. But while doing research and along with what the judge had said (small children should not be away from either parent that length of time) I am trying to figure out what to do. My X refuses to compromise on any of it. She doesn't want to be away from him at all. The courts will have to force her. The FOC evaluator said that she didn't want to have the child go back and forth every couple of days either. I have read that an infant needs to be with both parents frequently. So I am now in need of some suggestions to where to go from here. I am thinking that its not in the best interest of our son to jump into such a dramatic change in his routine but I feel he needs to have his father be there in the morning when he wakes as well. I still would like to have him at least 3 nights a week if its frequency that will be best for him. So any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

    We go to court May 16th.....

  • #2
    Originally posted by prouddaddy View Post
    My X and I have a 5 month old which we are under temp. I am the father (DNA test and I am asking for 50/50 legal and physical custody) parenting time where I have him 4 hours Saturday and 4 hours Sunday and & hours Monday and Wednesday. Now we had gone to FOC and the evaluator doesn't want to start over nights until June 15th and only 1 night EOW and keep Mondays and Wednesdays the same. And August 15th 2 nights EOW. I had originally wanted EOW Friday @ 6 until Monday @ 6. But while doing research and along with what the judge had said (small children should not be away from either parent that length of time) I am trying to figure out what to do. My X refuses to compromise on any of it. She doesn't want to be away from him at all. The courts will have to force her. The FOC evaluator said that she didn't want to have the child go back and forth every couple of days either. I have read that an infant needs to be with both parents frequently. So I am now in need of some suggestions to where to go from here. I am thinking that its not in the best interest of our son to jump into such a dramatic change in his routine but I feel he needs to have his father be there in the morning when he wakes as well. I still would like to have him at least 3 nights a week if its frequency that will be best for him. So any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

    We go to court May 16th.....
    If the Friend of the Court evaluator makes a recommendation to the court, that recommendation will be valued much higher than what you have read.

    Why do you feel that your child needs to suddenly start seeing you first thing in the morning? Why are you opposed to easing into overnights, one at a time, then two, etc? Your suggestions that his routine be so abruptly changed seems odd to me. You currently have no overnights, and suddenly want three. The best interest of the child is to start one ata time and work up to three. The FOC suggestion is absolutley reasonable. It doesn't matter if the mother doesn't like it, she will have to abide by the court order.

    As I said on a different thread today, and quoting my attorney, "This is the consequence of having a child with someone with whom you are not or cannot be married." You do not get the benefits of raising your child in the same manner as a parent who is married to or living with the other parent. That's just how it is.

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    • #3
      Originally posted by MomofBoys View Post
      If the Friend of the Court evaluator makes a recommendation to the court, that recommendation will be valued much higher than what you have read.

      Why do you feel that your child needs to suddenly start seeing you first thing in the morning? Why are you opposed to easing into overnights, one at a time, then two, etc? Your suggestions that his routine be so abruptly changed seems odd to me. You currently have no overnights, and suddenly want three. The best interest of the child is to start one ata time and work up to three. The FOC suggestion is absolutley reasonable. It doesn't matter if the mother doesn't like it, she will have to abide by the court order.

      As I said on a different thread today, and quoting my attorney, "This is the consequence of having a child with someone with whom you are not or cannot be married." You do not get the benefits of raising your child in the same manner as a parent who is married to or living with the other parent. That's just how it is.
      I am not suggesting three consecutive...what I am saying is three throughout the week. This way it will not be such as stressful on him. Also I would think it to be more stressful if only having him 1 night EOW. I am not saying I should have the benefit of having him as if we were married I am saying he should have the benefit of having his father as well as his mother.

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      • #4
        Originally posted by MomofBoys View Post
        If the Friend of the Court evaluator makes a recommendation to the court, that recommendation will be valued much higher than what you have read.

        Why do you feel that your child needs to suddenly start seeing you first thing in the morning? Why are you opposed to easing into overnights, one at a time, then two, etc? Your suggestions that his routine be so abruptly changed seems odd to me. You currently have no overnights, and suddenly want three. The best interest of the child is to start one ata time and work up to three. The FOC suggestion is absolutley reasonable. It doesn't matter if the mother doesn't like it, she will have to abide by the court order.

        As I said on a different thread today, and quoting my attorney, "This is the consequence of having a child with someone with whom you are not or cannot be married." You do not get the benefits of raising your child in the same manner as a parent who is married to or living with the other parent. That's just how it is.

        I have also been in his life since he was 4 days old.....almost every day until his mother started prevented me from seeing him so I had to get the courts involved. And until this day she wants to be a family but I am concentrating on my son and what is best for him.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by prouddaddy View Post
          I am not suggesting three consecutive...what I am saying is three throughout the week. This way it will not be such as stressful on him. Also I would think it to be more stressful if only having him 1 night EOW. I am not saying I should have the benefit of having him as if we were married I am saying he should have the benefit of having his father as well as his mother.
          At this stage, three nights, whether consecutive or not, is an unreasonable request. Why are you under the impression that it will be stressful on him at all? He is an infant. He either sleeps through the night or he doesn't, but spending one night with you verus three will not have the kind of effect on his psyche as you seem to be worried about, unless that night is the ONLY time you see him. What the FOC is recommending is reasonable and completely in line with the best interest of the child. What YOU think does nto hold as much weight as what the FOC thinks. It just doesn't.

          Whether the benefit is yours, his, or both, the answer is the same: this is the consequence having a child with someone with whom you are not or cannot be married. HE will not get the same experience as children born to parents who are married or live together. This is the choice you and his mother made.

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          • #6
            Originally posted by prouddaddy View Post
            I have also been in his life since he was 4 days old.....almost every day until his mother started prevented me from seeing him so I had to get the courts involved. And until this day she wants to be a family but I am concentrating on my son and what is best for him.
            Yes, but you still do not have any current overnight privlidges, yet suddenly want three per week. Your request is not reasonable.

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            • #7
              Why do more people think it reasonable for the mother to have custody than the father? There are PLENTY of men out there capable of being just as good a parent as a woman. I am unsure why everyone here is telling this man that he doesn't have as much right to his child as the mother.

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              • #8
                I think that it is totally reasonible of what you are asking. You have no overnight visits or any visit at all due to the fact that she will not allow you to do so. I understand that the courts want to ease him in to being with the both you seperitaly and one night at a time is the way to do that, But like the last guy said. There is no reason that you as that Father shouldnt have that right to be able to take part in the night time activities. My husband was a single dad for almost 2 years with full custody and he did a fine job his self. I think that you are right to ask for half the time, there is no reason why she should get your son so much eather.

                I dont get it. So many people want men to step up and take responsibility but when a man such as you wants to fight for the right to see and be with your son they want to say that you are being un reasonible.

                i say fight for what you think is right!

                But the sad truth is that what the courts says goes. You better make a good case and support your reasonings behind "why" you want this. I think that it is obvious why, so your son can grow up knoing you and you can see all the "changes" he will go through!!

                I commend you for your efforts!!!! Keep fighting!!!

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by curious64108 View Post
                  Why do more people think it reasonable for the mother to have custody than the father? There are PLENTY of men out there capable of being just as good a parent as a woman. I am unsure why everyone here is telling this man that he doesn't have as much right to his child as the mother.
                  Re-read what I wrote very, very carefully. I did not insert gender whatsoever. You did that. I said nothing about mother verus father. I said what this parent was asking for was unreasonable in terms of visitation at this time.

                  I did not say it is more reasonable for her to have custody. I said what he is asking for (three nights when he currently has none, rather than going on the recommendation of the FOC which is completely in line with best interest of the child) is what is unreasonable.

                  He does have visitation. He laid it out. The proper course of action is to have those visitations graduate to more, not jump into more.

                  Yes, plenty of men are great Dads. I happen to be married to one of them. But I'll say it yet again: This is the consequence of having a child with someone with whom you are not or cannot be married. This is how the system works, that when an unmarried woman gives birth, she is automatically the resdential parent, she automatically has sole custody until the father assers his rights. There is no other way for the court to figure it.

                  Had they been married when the child was born, the scenerio would be different. But it does him no good to argue about how it is unfair. he and the mother chose the situation. They have to deal with the consequesnces.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    And there is nothing stated that 3 nights a week could not be an eventual agreement.

                    There seems to be a problem with working up to 3 nights a week.

                    Unless the op already has children, this does not hit me as an unreasonable request. Learning to take on an infant in small doses as a single parent sounds like an excellent idea.

                    In fact, I wish someone would have taken MY kids for the night or two occaisionally... but I digress.

                    I also agree with the above... as a father.

                    When a child results outside of a marriage, the woman is the defacto primary caregiver... especially until the child stops breastfeeding.

                    If you want more rights, get married before you have children.
                    Not everything that makes you mad, sad or uncomfortable is legally actionable.

                    I am not now nor ever was an attorney.

                    Any statements I make are based purely upon my personal experiences and research which may or may not be accurate in a court of law.

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