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DOT rears her ugly head

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  • DOT rears her ugly head

    So it's been 2 years, 7 months, and 13 days since DOT saw Little Bit. Out of the blue today, she sent two boxes wrapped in Christmas paper, post marked February 22, 2008. I guess thinking that I would actually let Little Bit open something from her, she conveniently put a picture of herself in between the two boxes (taped together in such a way that she would have to find the picture if she was to be able to open the second box). Here was the attached letter.



    Little Bit,

    I'm sending you my love and prayers. Here's a few gifts from mom for you. I miss you and love you dearly. Hopefully your father and I can work something out to where I can see you soon. Here's my address and phone # so you will have it when you want to write me a letter, draw me a picture or call and talk to me. I miss you and love you so, so, so, much. Merry Christmas and happy holidays to you and the family.

    address: (300 miles away)

    Phone # *** *** ****

    I LOVE YOU,

    MOMMY

    P.S. Happy Birthday

    I LOVE YOU LIKE CRAZY


    NEWS FLASH DOT!!!
    She doesn't know who the hell you are!!! She was only 2 when you dropped out of her life. She's 5 now. You haven't made the slightest attempt to contact her in all this time and she has NO IDEA who you are.

    J was here when the package arrived (I was at my daughter's district bowling tournament). HE is even pissed at her. He said he is going to contact her and tell her she isn't welcome to interfere in Little Bit's life and that it would be too confusing for her to understand. (kinda shocked on that one)

    I wonder if someone saw the ad in the paper about the adoption and told her so now she wants to "prove" how good a mother she is. In the letter, she talks as if she just saw Little Bit yesterday. I guess it's like that etch-a-sketch memory has kicked in... in high gear.

    We are supposed to have a hearing March 28. Now, I have no clue of what is going to happen. I mean, J is in consent mode but this contact with DOT, I don't know if that's going to change things in J's mind.

    I read the letter he wrote. It was basically, LB doesn't know you; She thinks OSM is her mother. OSM and her family have accepted LB as their own and they are the only people LB knows as Mommy, her sisters (my daughters), Gma, and Papaw. Then again he goes on to say that if she were to be in LB's life again, it would have to be gradual and she wouldn't be allowed to tell LB anything about being her bio-mom because she's too young to understand. That it was her fault that LB doesn't know her and it would be unfair to LB to just pop back into her life.

    He's leaving the door open to craziness. I'm going to try to talk to him about this. I don't think he understands how ill DOT is. And I do mean ill. She has a diagnosed mental illness, Borderline Personality Disorder and is considered low functioning. An assessment of her level of ability to deal with life's issues, she rates below someone with Down Syndrome. She goes into psychotic rages with the slightest provocation. She has black outs during these episodes where she cannot remember what she has done. (CPS believes that this is why she forgot her 2 yo at the park, she couldn't remember what she did with her) She cannot understand that the things she does has an effect. Everything, in her mind, is always someone else's fault. Severe paranoia. Self mutilation. Has frequent suicidal depression. People are either all good or completely evil and her perceptions about someone can change in an instant. This is called splitting and is why BPD's cannot sustain relationships. If her perception of you changes to that you are evil, you will likely be subject to the psychotic raging. She has no concept of self image. She has intense fears of abandonment which also trigger raging. She is a pathological liar. Not that she intends to do it but because of the confusing messages in her head, she makes things up to match what she sees as reality. The psychological exam said that she cannot be relied upon to parent because she is too preoccupied with her own needs. OCD doesn't help the situation because it makes her dwell on things to the point where she neglects her own need to sustain herself, much less a child. The crack addiction.... well that is self explanatory.

    I don't think he remembers the craziness she put us all through. Like the time we were on a break during a hearing and they had a "talk" about having to work with each other, once the CPS case was done, in regards to LB. He agreed and right after the hearing, she marched straight over to CPS and told them he agreed to drop his case for custody so she had a right to just go ahead and take LB home/arrange between them (she and J) for his visitations. Like as if we were going to just go ahead and let HER have custody back after the hell hell she had put LB through.

    When the CPS workers told her it didn't work that way and they didn't believe her, she went banana ape ****, trying to assault the caseworkers, kicking the county vehicles, the Sheriff being called, then she and her mother storming the CPS building and us having to flee to the locked part of the offices because she was going so nuts. We, LB, J, one of the caseworkers, and I, were locked in a 8x8 room for over 3 hours while they calmed her down.

    WTH? Does he forget LB was sexually, physically, and emotionally abused, nearly starved to death, and neglected to the point she couldn't do the most basic of things a child her age should have mastered.... all in the "care" of her "mother"? Not just those things but there are many more things to be concerned with.

    Another would be when she was stabbing her husband in the face while holding their nearly two year old son. (their parental rights were terminated to him and he was adopted by his foster parents)

    How about when she stole her lovers moms car and drove it into a tree at 100+ mph nearly killing herself... because she was arguing with her husband. THEN she tried to sue her lovers mom for her injuries from the accident?!

    Or how about the times when she "forgot" LB at the crack house? Or how she LET her husband call LB the N word instead of by her name? Or how she hid LB from J for the first two years of her life? Or how she kidnapped her oldest daughter after CPS gave custody to the child's father (after she allowed the child to be mauled nearly to death by her drug dealing boyfriends pit bull.... then "forgot" that child at a park in Georgia (700+ miles away)? How about how, because she was angry with the child's father, she nearly killed her oldest son when he was a day old and then threatened to throw him off a bridge if CPS was called?


    I guess that's the problem with alcoholics. J sincerely has periods of time where he has no memory of events. I guess it's a good thing I kept the journals I wrote when the case started and continued until after the case closed. Now if I can only get him to focus enough to discuss/read them.


    Who knows whats going to happen now with the adoption? I sure as hell don't.
    Don't listen to a word I say because ya know I've gotta be crazy to be a Brown's fan.

  • #2
    OSM,

    I was so praying this would all come to an end soon.

    Sit J down with all those journals and make him read them. Tell him if allows her back in that child's life he is as guilty as she is when the outcome traumatizes that little girl.

    As far as the adoption, I wish I had an answer for you. I would definitely make the court aware that this was the first contact in *** years/months. Hopefully, the court will be able to see through this charade she is attempting to pull.

    You are in my prayers.
    Amateurs built the Ark, Professionals built the Titanic

    Comment


    • #3
      J's been very unsettled and upset since the package came. I tried to talk to him but he's not in the mood to talk about it.

      I really am trying to stay upbeat here. Its just that I've been to this place so many times, almost a consent, almost forward progress with the adoption, almost being able to relate to J as someone who also loves this little girl.... and it always seems as if something gets in the way. Now that he and I both know where she is, we will have to have her served (per my attorney).

      Even if I didn't admit her address is now known, he would. And I guess in the world of logic, rationality, and honesty, it is the right thing to do. But we know we don't live in that world. Not by a long shot. Not with someone who is mentally ill the way she is. She shouldn't be a road block but she will be an obstacle. I doubt two outfits, a letter, and a picture after 2 years 7 months and 13 days of NADA will prove true intent to parent LB.

      One thing I can say is that this does prove she knows where LB has been all this time (claiming before that she didn't know.... while she stalked my home near daily). She can't continue to claim otherwise which will call into question where she's been all this time. I've owned and lived in this same house for 10 years. The longest she's ever stayed in one place was during one of her frequent incarcerations. (that particular one being for her conviction for child endangerment)

      In the last year or so, I've had the luxury of being able to relax with only the occasional hiccups of DOT. When she gets notice, I have no doubt the stalking will happen again, the attempts to cause me problems at work will start again, the calls will start coming, the craziness will happen.... again. She is sincerely a dangerous person. I guess it's time to get that privacy fence installed around the back yard so I might be able to at least feel safe that crazy won't snatch LB from the back yard.
      Don't listen to a word I say because ya know I've gotta be crazy to be a Brown's fan.

      Comment


      • #4
        I hope this helps.

        Since Little Bit does not know her, please talk to her about how to handle strangers and make sure she knows her name, address, and phone number.

        Comment


        • #5
          osm- how terrible for you. as much as you hate it, you will have to have her served now that you have the info. UGH. definitely talk to her about strangers and make sure any school,daycare etc knows she is not to leave with anyone

          Comment


          • #6
            I guess that is another thing to actually be grateful for. Little Bit's preschool teacher wanted a picture of DOT so she could keep an eye out for anything suspicious. DOT provided that for me in this package. The only other picture I had didn't look anything like how she looks now. All I could tell them was she had a prosthetic right leg. Now I can send a copy of this recent picture to them.
            Don't listen to a word I say because ya know I've gotta be crazy to be a Brown's fan.

            Comment


            • #7
              I am also praying that this will end soon. DOT reminds me so much of my idiot DIL. After her and my son's parental rights were terminated and my daughter had adopted, "little miss drug addict" would actually write letters to my Grandson telling him how much mommy misses him, how she wants to see him, etc. Since she didn't know my daughter's address, she'd always send the letters to my house, asking me to give them to my 3 yr old grandson.
              I didn't give them to him, all I did was send them back to "little miss drug addict" with a not nice letter explaining that she was no longer "mommy" and that she had no legal or moral rights to even write to him. Fortunately she ended up in prison, but even 6 years later, I hear through the grapevine that she wants to see HER little guy.

              My situation with her has gotten better tho, I sure hope yours does too before long.

              Comment


              • #8
                J has announced that unless I remarry him, the adoption is off. That "her mother" is making an effort to now be in her life and therefore the only reason to allow the adoption to happen is because of marriage. He is furious that I spoke with her first husband about the letter. He states that he cannot trust me anymore because I asked her first husband his opinion of what to expect. I tried to explain to him the difference of talking to someone who has a longer history dealing with a co-parenting situation with DOT and he could only come back with "she's my daughter so what the hell would he know about me and my daughter". He made allegations (again) of an intimate relationship between her ex and I. I tried to explain it to him this way; I doubt you've talked to your ex's about the situation. I was with (my daughter's father) for over 14 years and I sure as hell haven't talked to him about it. But, I know you've talked to your friends about it, and so have I. Her ex is my friend.

                What scares me most? I am quickly approaching "done". I am feeling so completely stuck. If I press on, LB could be hurt because in his uncontrolled rages, he will end up saying things that will scare and confuse her. If I give up and remain in her life as only me, she could be hurt because he cannot or will not see the danger that exists by letting DOT come back into her life. As much as I love her, I cannot remarry this man.
                Don't listen to a word I say because ya know I've gotta be crazy to be a Brown's fan.

                Comment


                • #9
                  you can't give up. you are the only stable thing lb has. my prayers are with you

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Word from my attorney today. Not good. My attorney went to file the paperwork to have DOT served and while he was discussing it with the clerk, the judge just happened to come out. Apparently we have an ultra conservative new judge who let my attorney know that he (the judge) "will not sentence a child to a life in an already broken home". And that my petition will not be approved "in his tenure".



                    When I was finally able to pull myself together, I went to get the mail and guess what! A frickin Valentines Day card from "Mommy".


                    I'm marking this day as the worst in my entire life and the Ativan I took is wearing off. March 5 sucks.
                    Don't listen to a word I say because ya know I've gotta be crazy to be a Brown's fan.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Ohio "Step" Mom View Post
                      Word from my attorney today. Not good. My attorney went to file the paperwork to have DOT served and while he was discussing it with the clerk, the judge just happened to come out. Apparently we have an ultra conservative new judge who let my attorney know that he (the judge) "will not sentence a child to a life in an already broken home". And that my petition will not be approved "in his tenure".



                      When I was finally able to pull myself together, I went to get the mail and guess what! A frickin Valentines Day card from "Mommy".


                      I'm marking this day as the worst in my entire life and the Ativan I took is wearing off. March 5 sucks.

                      I'm so sorry!! That is horrible...

                      Perhaps the Judges "tenure" will end quickly....Is he old? Maybe he'll have a stroke or something...(I'm kiddin'...kinda...)
                      Please Note: My "warm and fuzzy" font is not working, therefor my posts will be direct and to the point.

                      Thank you in advance for your anticipated understanding.

                      Bay

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Ah (expletive deleted...but you know exactly what I mean).....

                        I don't even know what to say.

                        Of COURSE you can't remarry him and I have to question HIS sanity (of course, I always have anyway) for even suggesting that idea.

                        I can't remember...are there any protective orders that are supposed to keep DOT away?
                        Last edited by mommyof4; 03-06-2008, 05:15 AM.
                        HOOK 'EM HORNS!!!
                        How do you catch a very rare rabbit?
                        (unique up on him)
                        How do catch an ordinary rabbit?
                        (same way)

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          oh yea, because a life with a missing mom is so much better than divorced parents. Good lord- he must be senile!
                          any chance at all you can get a different judge- maybe some sort of bias or something

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            The RO from the stalking when LB first arrived has expired (by a year). She'd actually have to show up and act crazy again (almost a guarantee if she's around she'll act crazy) before I can get another one. I'm trying to find out "if" (actually where) she's had any law enforcement activity since last April/June when she did the B&E/identity theft/assault. She's now 300 miles away in another state (still not far enough for me) and it's harder to get that info.

                            My biggest fear? That J will get some idiot idea that it would be okay to send LB to go visit "mommy". If you remember, the last baby daddy who fell for her manipulations, allowed a visit and literally, as soon as backs were turned, she took off to Georgia with the kid and after a while, ended up "forgetting" the child at a public park. It was several months before the whole mess was straightened out between Georgia and Ohio CPS's and the child was back with her father.
                            Don't listen to a word I say because ya know I've gotta be crazy to be a Brown's fan.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Ohio "Step" Mom View Post
                              The RO from the stalking when LB first arrived has expired (by a year). She'd actually have to show up and act crazy again (almost a guarantee if she's around she'll act crazy) before I can get another one. I'm trying to find out "if" (actually where) she's had any law enforcement activity since last April/June when she did the B&E/identity theft/assault. She's now 300 miles away in another state (still not far enough for me) and it's harder to get that info.

                              My biggest fear? That J will get some idiot idea that it would be okay to send LB to go visit "mommy". If you remember, the last baby daddy who fell for her manipulations, allowed a visit and literally, as soon as backs were turned, she took off to Georgia with the kid and after a while, ended up "forgetting" the child at a public park. It was several months before the whole mess was straightened out between Georgia and Ohio CPS's and the child was back with her father.
                              Is CPS aware of what is going on? If not, I would definitely give them a heads up. After all, they are the ones that placed LB with y'all and ONLY because YOU were in the picture and would care for this angel.
                              HOOK 'EM HORNS!!!
                              How do you catch a very rare rabbit?
                              (unique up on him)
                              How do catch an ordinary rabbit?
                              (same way)

                              Comment

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