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  • Child custody etc. MARYLAND Maryland

    hi. i am a single mom to a one year old boy. i get child support from the dad and paternity has been established. we were never married. the dad has seen my son 3 times since he was born and all 3 times i took it upon myself to pay daddy a visit. dad never called once to ask to see his son. since day one i told him if he ever wants to see his son i will make plans to do so b/c i want my kid to know his father. i figured maybe one day he would come to his senses. ok so that never happened.

    my son also has a medical condition that requires a lot of time and care and trips to the e.r. etc....

    so sometimes the dad goes through phases where he will call and act interested and say i want to be a part of his life blah blah blah but then i say ok well call me when you want to see him and then weeks go by and he never calls and claims he is "busy". well "busy" is his fiance and she is a total evil witch who calls me and tells me my son's fathe doesn't care about him and i should have had an abortion and in the same breath she will say "we are going to see you in court for custody" and "we will take your kid away"

    ok so this is a nutty situation and i'll admit when it comes to my kid i get a little worked up and i will say stupid nasty things to this woman and my ex. but arguing with eachother over the phone is all that is done on my part that i condsider negative.

    i do not have a phone number to contact my ex. his girlfriend will call me from her phone tho and i am not permitted to talk to him according to her.

    so basically they flip flop between we don't care about the kid and "go find another father for your son" comments to "we are taking you to court for full custody" comments.

    my son has a wonderful life with me. i live with my parents and he adores them. i am home every day with him and he plays with his cousin daily and he loves her to bits. i work nights and he is always with either granadma and grandpa or his auntie.

    my ex works 60 hour weeks

    so forgive me for being long winded but i see you like details here. i want to make sure i get full custody of my son. just in case these nuts decide to go to court (i think they are just threats but with a child at stake you can not assume) i am having major anxiety over the whole ordeal mainly because of his medical condition and i need to know WOULD IT BE A BETTER IDEA FOR ME TO WAIT AND SEE WHAT THEY DO (like if they actually do go to court) AND THEN TAKE ACTION (because as of now he has no custody ) OR SHOULD I JUST GO AND FILE FOR CUSTODY?

    do i have a good case?

    what happens when you file for custody?

    how much does it cost to hire a lawyer for that?

    how long does it typically take for the whole process?
    Last edited by Carmine; 11-27-2007, 07:23 PM.

  • #2
    Ok first off don't worry....
    I know her in my state MI it cost $100.00 to file for a court hearing for custody....
    If he does do that ask that he have supervised visits due to the fact that he barley knows your son.
    Also ask that he have no other fenale present when he has his supervised visit and ask that you may pick the person who is there during time he is visiting.
    After so long he will get weekend visits ask that he has NO OTHER FEMALE present during his stays.... (HIS GIRFRIEND)
    Start noteing all the conversation with him and his girlfriend not that they may help you but to give an insight on what they are like..
    If she continues with theese phone calls get a restraing order on her... otherwise don't stress he just trying to threating you I bet he don't ever pursue...

    Comment


    • #3
      Agreed.

      The next time the girlfriend calls, tell her that you have no legal reason to talk to her.

      To put this in southern, she doesn't have a dog in this fight.

      The girlfriend (even if she becomes his wife) does not have ANY input into what happens with custody.

      Before that, go through the CS order and see if it states that your ex has to give you a number and address for contact.

      Then tell the girlfriend that you must have your ex's number.

      There is an excellent chance that he has no idea what she is saying to you. I will agree with you though. She sounds like a real peach.
      Not everything that makes you mad, sad or uncomfortable is legally actionable.

      I am not now nor ever was an attorney.

      Any statements I make are based purely upon my personal experiences and research which may or may not be accurate in a court of law.

      Comment


      • #4
        When they (she) calls, (hopefully, you have caller ID) do not answer the phone. You are under no obligation to have any contact with either of them, most especially not the gf (as previously stated). Let it go to voice mail. Play back the message to see who is calling. If it is him, you can choose whether to respond or not. If it is her, don't bother. Save the messages.

        I get that you want your child to have a relationship with the father. However, as you have tried and recieved nothing but threats and nasty phone calls, it is now time to step back and let Daddy Dearest figure out how to have a relationship with the child. Once he starts following through (if he does) THEN you can choose to help that along in any way you feel comfortable.

        He's a grown up. Let him start acting like one. It's not your job to make him a good father.

        I very rarely suggest that contact be cut off (except in cases of abuse or manipulation).
        HOOK 'EM HORNS!!!
        How do you catch a very rare rabbit?
        (unique up on him)
        How do catch an ordinary rabbit?
        (same way)

        Comment


        • #5
          It should be stated here that child support and visitation are independant legal decisions.

          I say this because it is only a matter of time before Witchypoo states that "if you don't let him do X, we can stop paying support until you do."

          Both sides must adhere to all aspects of a court order. Any changes to that court order only a judge can make. The litigants cannot just choose that they will ignore a court order because they believe current situation makes it justified.
          Not everything that makes you mad, sad or uncomfortable is legally actionable.

          I am not now nor ever was an attorney.

          Any statements I make are based purely upon my personal experiences and research which may or may not be accurate in a court of law.

          Comment


          • #6
            Lastly... STOP ARGUING with the ex and the gf. Take the upper hand.

            I am not saying take the abuse... I am just saying don't lash back. If you think a fight is starting, hang up or leave.
            Not everything that makes you mad, sad or uncomfortable is legally actionable.

            I am not now nor ever was an attorney.

            Any statements I make are based purely upon my personal experiences and research which may or may not be accurate in a court of law.

            Comment


            • #7
              The good thing (and the bad thing) is that Maryland is a two party state for recording telephone conversations. That said, don't let her (them) draw you into any kind of arguments. It does nothing but thrill the crazylady and gives her a drama fix. Don't support that habit. Just say NO!

              So lets start with what the court takes into consideration when determining custody:

              In making any decisions about the custody of a child, the court must determine what is in the best interest of the child. In cases where sole custody is requested, the court will consider, at a minimum, the following factors:
              • The fitness of the parents;
              • The character and reputation of the parties;
              • The desire of the natural parents and any agreements between them;
              • The potential for maintaining natural family relations;
              • The preference of the child, when the child is of sufficient age and capacity to form a rational judgment;
              • Material opportunities affecting the future life of the child;
              • The age, health and sex of the child;
              • Religious considerations;
              • Allegations of abuse;
              • The residences of the parents and the opportunity for visitation;
              • The length of the separation of the parents; and,
              • Whether there was prior voluntary abandonment or surrender of custody of the child.


              In cases where joint custody is requested, the court, in addition to the above factors, must consider the following factors:

              The capacity of the parents to communicate and to reach shared decisions affecting the childís welfare (this is the most important factor on the list);
              • The willingness of the parents to share custody;
              • The fitness of the parents;
              • The relationship established between the child and each parent;
              • The preference of the child;
              • The potential disruption of the childís social and school life;
              • The geographic proximity of the parentsí homes;
              • The demands of parental employment;
              • The age and number of the children;
              • The sincerity of the parentís request;
              • The financial status of the parties;
              • The impact on state or federal assistance; and
              • The benefit to the parents.



              What on these lists (that you can PROVE) would go against him obtaining custody?
              Don't listen to a word I say because ya know I've gotta be crazy to be a Brown's fan.

              Comment


              • #8
                hi everyone thanks for the replies.

                i thought it would be interesting for you to know that last night i had a conversation with the girlfriend. the "daddy" called me from his work last night so i didn't get the message until after he was off so i called witchypoo, lol, and said i was returning his call. and then all hell broke loose on the other line and he denied ever calling me. anyways...........i told her i didn't know what the problem was because i offered to work something anything out with him as far as visits and what not and she went on a rant about how all i wanted was his money. when we dated he was waiting tables and took the bus to work!!! now course he is managing a mercedes dealership and is raking in the dough (which makes me think she resents him having to pay mucho child support and shes in it for the money)

                so i know he would never stop paying 1. b/c it is taken out of his checks and he really has no control over the situation 2. he is scared of getting his license taken away which the lady at the cs office mentioned to him when he asked "and what if i don't pay?" lovely huh.

                but the thing is he makes a ton more money than i do but he also works 60 hours a week so if he were to get custody then he would never be around to see my son. and i am going to school to be a nurse but it is going to take atleast 4 years b/c i just switched from a history major and nothing transfers.....i digress. his own girlfriend said she only sees him on sundays. and the part that made my blood boil is i mentioned that he can see him every sunday considering he doesn't work and she said "he doesn't want to see him only 1 day a week. he wants to see him 3or 4 days a week" and i chimed in isn't 1 day better than nothing? (which is what he has now by choice) and she said that he wants 3-4 days so that he won't have to pay anymore. aaaaaaaaaaaaand she actually said "i don't care about your son. all i care about is myself and i know he loves me and we are getting married"


                so i am shooting flames out of my ears by now and i must thank you for the comfort i felt when i read that you can ask that no unrelated female be allowed (especially overnight) in the home during visitation.
                i was always under the impression that you could do whatever the heck you wanted with the kid once he was handed over to the other parent.

                for instance i thought that a parent with visitation could pick up the kid and have his girlfriend watch him while he worked.......................so i am still a little confused.

                do judges allow voicemail messages in court?

                can i tell the judge all of her comments? would it mean anything?

                the thing i am so worried about is the dad is a salesman, a car salesman and he can charm anyone and lie like a rug and i am emotional and i get mean when i feel threatened and i am likely to come off with a very bad attitude. so if we do have to go to court will either of us have to talk directly to the judge?

                Comment


                • #9
                  You can add into a parenting agreement that you have the Right of First Refusal. This means that if he can't be with your son because of another obligation (work) for more than say 4 hours, he has to offer you the opportunity to come pick your child up.

                  Ususally the attorneys do all the talking and you are pretty much limited to yes or no answers. Kind of hard to "sell" anything if the only answers you are allowed to give are yes and no. You may want to check into this, in our state if someone files against you in juvenile court in reference to custody, you may qualify for a court appointed attorney.
                  Don't listen to a word I say because ya know I've gotta be crazy to be a Brown's fan.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    I know you are in a tough situation.. Remember be the strong one...... Request that she the girlfriend can not be at any hearing... that she can not be at his house during visitation with your son. He may or may not grant it but it is worth a shot..Save every thing you have from voice mails to letters to emails.....

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      STOP talking to her for any reason.
                      HOOK 'EM HORNS!!!
                      How do you catch a very rare rabbit?
                      (unique up on him)
                      How do catch an ordinary rabbit?
                      (same way)

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Personally, this is what I would do. I would stop making contact with Dad, you have done your part if he wants to be a part of the baby's life he should make the effort on his own. Dont talk to the Girlfriend at all like a previous poster stated, just let it go to voicemail and save it, Only talk to dadand only if he contacts you.(unless you need something from him of course)
                        I wouldn't file for custody, let him do it if he wants your already getting support which is alot more then most. Save your money though for a good lawyer in case he does decided to take you to court that way you are prepared.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Carmine View Post
                          hi. i am a single mom to a one year old boy. i get child support from the dad and paternity has been established. we were never married. the dad has seen my son 3 times since he was born and all 3 times i took it upon myself to pay daddy a visit. dad never called once to ask to see his son. since day one i told him if he ever wants to see his son i will make plans to do so b/c i want my kid to know his father. i figured maybe one day he would come to his senses. ok so that never happened.

                          my son also has a medical condition that requires a lot of time and care and trips to the e.r. etc....

                          so sometimes the dad goes through phases where he will call and act interested and say i want to be a part of his life blah blah blah but then i say ok well call me when you want to see him and then weeks go by and he never calls and claims he is "busy". well "busy" is his fiance and she is a total evil witch who calls me and tells me my son's fathe doesn't care about him and i should have had an abortion and in the same breath she will say "we are going to see you in court for custody" and "we will take your kid away"

                          ok so this is a nutty situation and i'll admit when it comes to my kid i get a little worked up and i will say stupid nasty things to this woman and my ex. but arguing with eachother over the phone is all that is done on my part that i condsider negative.

                          i do not have a phone number to contact my ex. his girlfriend will call me from her phone tho and i am not permitted to talk to him according to her.

                          so basically they flip flop between we don't care about the kid and "go find another father for your son" comments to "we are taking you to court for full custody" comments.

                          my son has a wonderful life with me. i live with my parents and he adores them. i am home every day with him and he plays with his cousin daily and he loves her to bits. i work nights and he is always with either granadma and grandpa or his auntie.

                          my ex works 60 hour weeks

                          so forgive me for being long winded but i see you like details here. i want to make sure i get full custody of my son. just in case these nuts decide to go to court (i think they are just threats but with a child at stake you can not assume) i am having major anxiety over the whole ordeal mainly because of his medical condition and i need to know WOULD IT BE A BETTER IDEA FOR ME TO WAIT AND SEE WHAT THEY DO (like if they actually do go to court) AND THEN TAKE ACTION (because as of now he has no custody ) OR SHOULD I JUST GO AND FILE FOR CUSTODY?

                          do i have a good case?

                          what happens when you file for custody?

                          how much does it cost to hire a lawyer for that?

                          how long does it typically take for the whole process?
                          YOU HAVE TO TAKE HIM TO COURT! Go to the Court house and file for custody...you can get all the forms you need on line...mdcourts.gov...you can even file to wave the cost of filing...be smart take him to court before he take you.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            This thread is from 2007. I suspect the situation has been resolved by now.
                            The above answer, whatever it is, assumes that no legally binding and enforceable contract or CBA says otherwise. If it does, then the terms of the contract or CBA apply.

                            Comment

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