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Best Friend in trouble Iowa

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  • #16
    There are some people in the world that live for drama. Your friend sounds as if she fits that description. Sometimes this is the result of mental illness, in which case there really is nothing that you can do to help her. Either way, she has to either want the situation resolved or she doesn't and she will take the steps necessary to resolve it or she won't.
    Last edited by Ohio "Step" Mom; 10-01-2007, 04:00 PM.
    Don't listen to a word I say because ya know I've gotta be crazy to be a Brown's fan.

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    • #17
      Finally

      OK...I get a call on a Friday evening from her sister telling me that YES is back in the house. It's not like I didn't know it. I told her sister that I was no longer speaking to her and was done with the situation. My daughter heard me say that I was done with her and got very upset. My kids are very close to her. She sends her a text message (unknown to me at the time) and tells her she loves her and to please get out. She calls her son and tells him to please have her call her. She is crying on the phone with her son which makes her son even angrier with his mom. He asks to speak to me and tells me that him, his fiancee and brother will be down the next evening to see the kids. My daughter never receives a reply to either message.

      Saturday afternoon rolls around. My daughter gets a text message from her saying that B left on the 11 a.m. bus and that she loves her to. My daughter tells her that we have heard it all before. She replies to ask her son.

      Later that afternoon, her son calls to say what he wants me to cook.. and tells me that things got really bad the night before and that he was gone. Apparently this GROWN man got angry because she was ignoring him to read my 12 year old daughter's text message. He threw things at her and began to rant and rave. Her kids are not home at the time it all started. When they get there, she is basically begging him to just leave. Her oldest son tells him to get out. He tells him that he is not going anywhere and to **** off. Things start to get bad between the son and him. She is forced to call police for fear one will seriously hurt the other or worse. The police tell her that they can't make him leave if noone has been assaulted. The kids and her decide it's best to get out for the evening. She takes him to the bus station the next morning.

      Her kids show up and she walks in with them. !!! I don't say anything because I want my kids to see that she is ok. She is on the phone with him the whole time. I can hear him yelling at her. I finally look at the fiancee of one of her sons and ask her to take the kids in the other room. I looked at her and let her have it. Her oldest son told her that if she allows him to come back, he no longer has a mother. Both told her they are moving out and that her behavior in allowing it is the main reason why. I just hope she learns from this.
      Amateurs built the Ark, Professionals built the Titanic

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      • #18
        just a question but have you asked why she stays with this man?

        And if they have no kids together and all this is going on with her children as witnesses couldn't someone call the police on this man? even if just to let them know he has drugs on him?
        little bunny foo foo hoping through the forest scooping up the field mice and bopping them on the head...

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        • #19
          To answer your question I would have to be a mind reader.

          I have not really spoken to her alot since she showed up at my house with her sons. Her kids and sister called me over the weekend and told me that she drove 17 hours and left her family on a holiday to be with this man. Her whole family has cut her off and her kids are moving out this weekend. They are not sure where they are going but they are getting out. They asked if they can't find anywhere else to go, could they come to my house. I told them yes but that the youngest would not be allowed to sleep in the same bed as his fiancee. He is 20 and she is to but I have a small child that I don't think needs to see that. So needless to say, they probably won't stay for long.

          She called me on her way back from her little trip and basically tried to make it sound like it was her family's fault. I just told her I was done with the situation. She made the statement to the effect that she was sure the boys would be calling me about staying with me. I told her regardless of what happened between her and I, I loved those boys and would not turn my back on them. She again tried to make it out to be their faults for moving out and that she has done nothing wrong.
          Amateurs built the Ark, Professionals built the Titanic

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          • #20
            We all have to live with our choices. She made hers. Unfortunate but that's just the way it is.

            I wish I could understand what makes women stay with their abusers. Maybe they want to save them. Maybe they don't think anyone else will want them... maybe they think they deserve the abuse.

            I dunno.

            I do know that you did the right thing. I know your heart is heavy, but you did the only thing you could.
            Not everything that makes you mad, sad or uncomfortable is legally actionable.

            I am not now nor ever was an attorney.

            Any statements I make are based purely upon my personal experiences and research which may or may not be accurate in a court of law.

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            • #21
              Just an update...

              I know it's been a while since I last updated this posting.

              She is still "with" him as much as she can be with him BEHIND BARS!!! He was arrested 4 weeks ago for 4 felonies. Wisconsin extradicted him back. His ex had a restraining order placed on him for 4 years. He can not call, write, see her or the kids. At the restraining order hearing, he told the judge that it was not fair that the order included the kids. Apparently this judge had a few choice words. He basically told him that he had not supported these kids, seen these kids or as much as sent a Christmas card to these kids. And he would not put their mother in danger of being beat to a pulp again so that he could drop in when he felt the urge.

              He has a $1000.00 cash bond. WI is not a bail bond state and even if it were, from what I understand most states don't allow bail bonds for CS matters. His father will not bail him out so he has to sit there.

              Of course, she is accepting his collect calls (21.00 each) and putting money on his books. But yet, she can't afford to pay her rent.
              Amateurs built the Ark, Professionals built the Titanic

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              • #22
                Very glad to hear the guy is in jail now. Must have been such a scary time for everybody. You say that your friend still wont let him go. If that's the case, take your hands and your worries of it. If your friend is THAT ignorant, then maybe they deserve eachother.

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                • #23
                  There are some people we allow into our lives that are toxic. This is a toxic relationship for you. By worrying about her, and taking a step beyond that, worrying for her, you are doing yourself and your family a disservice. How much time and emotion on a daily basis does this person take from you? Could that time be better spent doing things for yourself and for those who appreciate you? Doing things for others and caring about others is a wonderful thing, however, when those person's who's lives are filled with only chaos and need, begin to suck the life out of you, you need to put an end to the relationship. This does not make you a bad person. It only means that your friend has chosen a path that you can no longer support. You can want better for her from now until eternity but unless she chooses to make better decisions, nothing will change.
                  Don't listen to a word I say because ya know I've gotta be crazy to be a Brown's fan.

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                  • #24
                    Osm...

                    OSM,

                    I totally agree with you. It was a very toxic enviroment. I finally stopped talking with her. My youngest son was put in the hospital in late January. She called my husband and asked if she could come to the hospital. She apologized over and over again for not being there for me. Like I told her then, she is the least of my concerns!!!

                    I have minimal contact with her now. I still talk with her boys and that is how I know most of what I put in the update. I love her but my family comes first. And like I said before, she is grown.

                    Thanks for replying! BTW...update us on your situation. Hope all is getting better for you!
                    Amateurs built the Ark, Professionals built the Titanic

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