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Physical custody for abandonment - New Hampshire

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  • Physical custody for abandonment - New Hampshire

    Long story short, my g/f's ex husband left her while she was pregnant few weeks after they were married.

    After she filed for divorce through her lawyer, he finally decides to contact her via email and few communications were exchanged. He finally asks about the 'baby' & after a divorce paper was sent, he decides that he wants partial custody.

    All emotions & reasoning aside, the guy did not give one single penny since the day he left & has not contacted her in any way or form until the email. She does not want him in her life nor see him as a fit father (let alone a husband)

    What is the likelyhood of my g/f getting a full physical custody & no rights for him? I'm excited for the baby and want to be part of the family but this is one thing that's bothering us both.

  • #2
    Has she had the baby yet? Is she divorced yet?

    Since they were married at the time of conception (and are presumably still married), then he will be the legal father. That means he has rights to the child. She cannot just try and cut him out. Once the child is born, the father's name will be on the birth certificate, and he will be entitled to visitation and required to pay support.

    It doesn't matter that it took him some time to come to his senses. He still has rights.

    http://www.divorcenet.com/states/nat...arental_rights

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    • #3
      Originally posted by tsrxis View Post
      Long story short, my g/f's ex husband left her while she was pregnant few weeks after they were married.

      After she filed for divorce through her lawyer, he finally decides to contact her via email and few communications were exchanged. He finally asks about the 'baby' & after a divorce paper was sent, he decides that he wants partial custody.

      All emotions & reasoning aside, the guy did not give one single penny since the day he left & has not contacted her in any way or form until the email. She does not want him in her life nor see him as a fit father (let alone a husband)

      What is the likelyhood of my g/f getting a full physical custody & no rights for him? I'm excited for the baby and want to be part of the family but this is one thing that's bothering us both.
      Without his cooperation and consent, the likliehood of this happening is nil.
      HOOK 'EM HORNS!!!
      How do you catch a very rare rabbit?
      (unique up on him)
      How do catch an ordinary rabbit?
      (same way)

      Comment


      • #4
        I guess in the state of NH she can legally not put his name on the birth certificate. Which he'll need to pay to get a paternity test done. And from what the lawyer said she can possibly get physical custody due to abandonment.

        It just doesn't make any sense for the court to grant anything. The guy couldn't even stay with his wife for more then few weeks out of his own greed and selfishness. It's going to be a long battle

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        • #5
          I don't understand something.

          typically, any children born during a marriage are legally assumed to be the product of that marriage.
          Not everything that makes you mad, sad or uncomfortable is legally actionable.

          I am not now nor ever was an attorney.

          Any statements I make are based purely upon my personal experiences and research which may or may not be accurate in a court of law.

          Comment


          • #6
            I guess it's assumed but from what she read she can take his name off because the pregnant mother has the right to do. I'm trying to support her as much as possible on this but trying to stay out at the same time so he doesn't know my presence which can turn against her.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by tsrxis View Post
              I guess it's assumed but from what she read she can take his name off because the pregnant mother has the right to do. I'm trying to support her as much as possible on this but trying to stay out at the same time so he doesn't know my presence which can turn against her.
              The mother does NOT have the right to do so.

              The mother cannot simply invalidate the father's rights because she wishes to give those rights to her boyfriend. And yes, for rights to be terminated by one party, another party must assume those rights.

              The husband does not have to prove his paternity. He is already the legal father.

              A boyfriend is not eligible to assume the rights. In fact, typically, you would have to be married for a year before you can even begin the process.
              Not everything that makes you mad, sad or uncomfortable is legally actionable.

              I am not now nor ever was an attorney.

              Any statements I make are based purely upon my personal experiences and research which may or may not be accurate in a court of law.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by tsrxis View Post
                I guess it's assumed but from what she read she can take his name off because the pregnant mother has the right to do. I'm trying to support her as much as possible on this but trying to stay out at the same time so he doesn't know my presence which can turn against her.
                That is incorrect. He is the legal father, whether she fraudulently refuses to list his name on the BC or not. At any time in the future, if he decides he wants to exercise he rights as a father, no DNA test will be necessary. The child is of the marriage.

                She needs to reconcile herself to the fact that she created a child with this man. The flip side is that while he has the rights of a father, he also has the legal responsibilities of a father. She needs to file for child support.

                Are they even divorced?
                HOOK 'EM HORNS!!!
                How do you catch a very rare rabbit?
                (unique up on him)
                How do catch an ordinary rabbit?
                (same way)

                Comment


                • #9
                  So -- your girlfriend is married and pregnant with her husband's child.

                  Look, I don't want to sound judgmental, but she hardly has a basis to say that he lacks character when she already has a boyfriend while she is still pregnant and married. Adultery is still on the books in New Hampshire as a misdemeanor. Since you are her boyfriend, if you have had realtions, she is guilty of that. I'm not telling you this because I am on the Dad's side. I am telling you this because it makes her behavior of cheating pretty much just as bad as his for leaving his pregant wife. You even admitted that you are trying to hide your relationship. That won't be good if and when Dad finds out you exist.

                  He has not abandoned the child. You cannot abandon a child who isn't even born. And as I said, it does not matter that he took a while to come to his senses. The fact that he wants to be a father to his child is all that matters. The child is a product of the marriage. He won't need a DNA test, and if the wife really wanted to force one, she would pay for it, not him.

                  He has the right to see his child. She cannot remove that right from him because he acted like a jerk.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Thanks for the all the advice, sorry if some of it came out wrong but I'm trying to support her while her soon to be ex husband disappeared & he hasn't given any clue as to why he wants any kind of custody.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Many people want to be with their children, just not their spouse.

                      Remember that the only side you are hearing is your girlfriend's, and she is telling you never to talk to the father.

                      Maybe there is a reason for that.
                      Not everything that makes you mad, sad or uncomfortable is legally actionable.

                      I am not now nor ever was an attorney.

                      Any statements I make are based purely upon my personal experiences and research which may or may not be accurate in a court of law.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by tsrxis View Post
                        Thanks for the all the advice, sorry if some of it came out wrong but I'm trying to support her while her soon to be ex husband disappeared & he hasn't given any clue as to why he wants any kind of custody.
                        The point I think you are having a difficult time accepting is that he doesn't have to give ANYONE a reason for wanting any form of custody. He is the father. As such, until he puts that child in considerable danger, there is not the proverbial snowball's chance in Hades that she will be successful in her quest to cut the father out of his child's life.

                        I have to tell you, without judging YOU, that you need to be very careful in your relationship with this woman. She is still married, involving you in her personal struggles with a custody issue that is not an issue until the child is actually born, and managed to find true love very quickly after her marriage fell apart. Make sure you have both eyes open and know what you are doing. From a woman's viewpoint, I will tell you that there is more to this woman's relationship problems than she is letting on.
                        HOOK 'EM HORNS!!!
                        How do you catch a very rare rabbit?
                        (unique up on him)
                        How do catch an ordinary rabbit?
                        (same way)

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Yes I understand and if he does gets any rights, well hopefully he can at least be a supportive father. Coming from a step family and seeing this type of situation all my life it angers me almost how someone can actually be this selfish.

                          We both know we'll get through this together whether we like the outcome completely or not. People have warned me and yes I will keep my eyes open Thanks again.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by tsrxis View Post
                            Yes I understand and if he does gets any rights, well hopefully he can at least be a supportive father.
                            I do not think you are understanding. It's not an "if" situation. Unless he is a danger to the child, he WILL have rights. That is how it works.

                            Originally posted by tsrxis View Post
                            Coming from a step family and seeing this type of situation all my life it angers me almost how someone can actually be this selfish.
                            But -- and playing devil's advocte here -- how can you consider that he is acting selfish when he wants to be a part of his child's life? If he walked away and never turned back, that is selfish. But he did come back, at least for his child. The child isn't even born yet, and Dad has realized that he wants to be a part of his or her life. How is that selfish? It certianly seems that the selfish one is the mother who wants to cut the father out of her child's life. How in the world is that in the child's best interest?

                            Originally posted by tsrxis View Post
                            We both know we'll get through this together whether we like the outcome completely or not. People have warned me and yes I will keep my eyes open Thanks again.
                            You should open wider. If you were really in this together, she wouldn't be keeping your relationship secret from her husband.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Well you have to understand he left her two weeks after they got married because it was 'him', no reason, walked out, while she was pregnant, she had to work by herself to support her son and pay all the bills including her house. When he finally decides he'll contact her because of the divorce paper, about eight months later, he doesn't ask anything about the baby nor how she is. Yes, him showing some kind of interest maybe good but it just doesn't look good at all to begin with when he left her completely.

                              Say that the court gives him the visitation rights...do courts usually grant something like that during say the first year of the baby is born? From what she understands it doesn't usually happen while the mother is breast feeding?

                              The whole me dating her can backfire like you said. It's the only reason why she's keeping me out of it.
                              Last edited by tsrxis; 02-12-2007, 06:34 AM.

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