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  • Child support

    Hellow everyone, I am a pre med student..I have been jobless for about two months and havent sent cs. The mother of my babies mom tells me she is sleeping around non stop and stealing,, lying and blowing money up her nose. (cocaine) . I dont know what to do. I am in Arizona. I have no money to get a lawyer to see the baby. I dont wnat to send money at all!!1 I am not supporting a drug addict. her mom takes care of the baby and the mom works to sustain her habits. I have written a letter to her mom saying that i would support her in any way if she decides to take custody. Now if i want to sign my rights over,,, do both parents have to agree on this? If i sign my rights over do i still have to pay if the mother does not agree? I wont work to sustain a drug addict. If i knew her mother was taking care of her then that would be awesome but i know its not. The grandma is taking care of her.. what should i do? ive tried to get in contact with the courts over there but they say i need to be present in order to take her to court. Arizona to virginia is not right around the corner...

  • #2
    you cannot sign your rights over unless there is someone there to take them. You both cannot sign over rights to the grandma. If she is doing drugs, you need to report it to CPS and have them investigate. You cannot stop sending support because you don't want to support a drug habit- it doesn't work that way. You will need to petition the court to have it modified. Prove that the child is living with the grandmother, help the grandmother get custody and then pay support to the grandmother. You do not have to be there to file. Call some lawyers there. Most will offer a free phone consultation and at least tell you your options. Right now all you are doing is getting yourself in trouble for not paying support.

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    • #3
      Have you been declared the child's legal father? Where is the child living?

      If the child's mother is a drug addict, you have a duty as the baby's father to intervene, whether it is calling CPS or seeking custody yourself.

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      • #4
        i guess i have been declared the legal father i pay court ordered child support... the child lives in virginia...Im not 100% sure that she is using drugs but her mom almost is... and well i dont put it past the mother i think its true...

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        • #5
          You are throwing me off with the "I guess" part...

          If you pay court ordered child support, then you either 1. signed an acknowledgement of paternity when the child was born or 2. took a court-ordered paternity test that proved you were the father. You must know which happened????

          Tell Grandma that if her daughter is doing drugs, call the police. The child will be put into protective custody, and CSE will want to place the child with a FAMILY member if possible, which would be Grandma. However, this is only a temporary solution. Depending on what Mom is doing, she could end up in court-ordered rehab or on probation, and even if she goes to jail, she will get custody back when she is released since YOU do not sem to have any plans to seek custody.

          If you are under a court order to pay CS, you must pay, or you will face contempt and arrears. It is not an option to decide that you don't like Mom's lifestyle so you aren't going to pay. It doesn't work like that.

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          • #6
            I didnt sign her birth certificate. we did a court date over the phone .. he asked me if i knew if it was mine and i didnt know how she really was until now so i said i dont have time for this lets just get it over with so i can start paying. im a pre med student.. i have to take anatomy physiology and alot of hard courses i dont have time for this you know?yea im going to have to fork up some cash. The gma mostly takes care of the baby so her mom isnt going to send her to jail its her own child type of thing you know//I came on here a couple months back to see how i could get a dna test. her mom even told me to call the courts and they just gave me the run around or told me id have to be present..in va

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            • #7
              well, if you acknowledged paternity- and it sounds like you did- then you're stuck! Sounds to me like you are just trying to get out of paying- you decided your classes were more important than whether you had a CHILD!!!! not a puppy, a CHILD!!!!! I would say that if you care that little, don't worry about it. Keep paying your child support and supporting her habit and don't worry about the child. If you are ready to grow up and take some responsibility, contact CPS and have them investigate (she doesn't have to be the one to call). Get an atty out there to handle it for you. There are plenty of fathers rights places that will help you out. You can try to get custody- my husband did and the child was almost 3 and he had only seen her a handful of times. He didn't want a kid or anything to do with it either, but he was man enough to own up to his responsibilities to take care of HIS child and has since provided her a wonderful home for 9 years with very little contact from his ex.
              You need to decide whether you are concerned for the child or for yourself. If it's the child, then do the right thing- hire an atty and fight. If it's for yourself, just pay the support and allow your child to grow up without you.

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              • #8
                sounds like you got burned one to many times my dear... i am going to be a surgeon.... i dont want to be making minimum wage for the rest of my life.. i unlike you will be able to buy my daughter her own house her own car and give her anything she wants..im sorry i dont want my money to be used for drugs.. Thanks to all of you who replied besides one..









                Originally posted by milspecgirl View Post
                well, if you acknowledged paternity- and it sounds like you did- then you're stuck! Sounds to me like you are just trying to get out of paying- you decided your classes were more important than whether you had a CHILD!!!! not a puppy, a CHILD!!!!! I would say that if you care that little, don't worry about it. Keep paying your child support and supporting her habit and don't worry about the child. If you are ready to grow up and take some responsibility, contact CPS and have them investigate (she doesn't have to be the one to call). Get an atty out there to handle it for you. There are plenty of fathers rights places that will help you out. You can try to get custody- my husband did and the child was almost 3 and he had only seen her a handful of times. He didn't want a kid or anything to do with it either, but he was man enough to own up to his responsibilities to take care of HIS child and has since provided her a wonderful home for 9 years with very little contact from his ex.
                You need to decide whether you are concerned for the child or for yourself. If it's the child, then do the right thing- hire an atty and fight. If it's for yourself, just pay the support and allow your child to grow up without you.

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                • #9
                  I am just giving you the legal facts. If you don't want to pay for her drug habit, your only option is to have the child removed from her custody. I have been on the CP and NCP side of this and I know how much it burned to see new tattoos and tongue rings while the kids had holes in the bottom of their shoes. But, unless you want to be brought up on contempt charges, have your license taken away (including your ability to obtain a medical license), and possibly go to jail (makes it hard to get a medical license then too) you better start doing what is legal.
                  I understand you will be able to buy her lots of things, but money doesn't buy love. Please listen to those of us here who have been through all of this. Contact a father's rights group, get an atty in AZ, call CPS, and do what you can to get this child out of the situation she is in. You will feel much better paying your CS when you know it is going to your child. You also haven't mentioned whether you have filed or exercise visitation.

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                  • #10
                    and on another note

                    you have no idea what i can provide my daughters- I could very well be way richer than you will ever dream. but, i can guarantee if i had even one inkling that my child was living with drugs, I would drop it all to help them

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                    • #11
                      and on another note

                      you have no idea what i can provide my daughters- I could very well be way richer than you will ever dream. but, i can guarantee if i had even one inkling that my child was living with drugs, I would drop it all to help them

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by jfanzen View Post
                        I didnt sign her birth certificate. we did a court date over the phone .. he asked me if i knew if it was mine and i didnt know how she really was until now so i said i dont have time for this lets just get it over with so i can start paying. im a pre med student.. i have to take anatomy physiology and alot of hard courses i dont have time for this you know?
                        and
                        i am going to be a surgeon.... i dont want to be making minimum wage for the rest of my life.. i unlike you will be able to buy my daughter her own house her own car and give her anything she wants..
                        Pretty much shows that while you MIGHT end up making enough money to give her anything, you won't.

                        I hope you never surge on anyone I know!

                        Oh, you might consider a course on psycology, writing and ethics too.
                        What is veiwed is not always what is seen and
                        what is heard is not always what is spoken!
                        ~M. Noitall~

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                        • #13
                          i dont feal like putting punctuation in the correct spaces... im not here to be judged .. im on here to get information.. if i wanted a councelor i would go to one.

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by jfanzen View Post
                            sounds like you got burned one to many times my dear... i am going to be a surgeon.... i dont want to be making minimum wage for the rest of my life.. i unlike you will be able to buy my daughter her own house her own car and give her anything she wants..im sorry i dont want my money to be used for drugs.. Thanks to all of you who replied besides one..
                            All your future riches will buy your child nothing if she doesn't survive childhood because her mother was a drug addict and her father didn't lift one finger to help her.

                            If mom is a coke addict, and that girl accidentally gets her hands on some of that cocaine, well, you are a "med student," can't you figure out the consequnces?

                            What the hell is the matter with you? You can always go back to med school. If your child suffers, you can never take that away. Not to mention you are falling into legal trouble by not paying your court ordered child support. If you continue to take the easy way out, your child will continue to suffer the consequences.

                            Call child protective services. Take some initiative. FIGHT FOR YOUR CHILD! And for god sakes, stay away from pediatric surgery. If your bedside manor is anything CLOSE to your skills as a parent, you will leave a trail of crying, devestated children in every hospital you practice in.

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                            • #15
                              "i dont feal like putting punctuation in the correct spaces... im not here to be judged .. im on here to get information.. if i wanted a councelor i would go to one."

                              well, you got the information- you just don't like it. God, I feel so sorry for that child with 2 parents who could care less. Maybe someone somewhere will have enough sense to pull that child out of the mess she's in. Great surgeon you'll make- your patients will be charmed.

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