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leaving bf custody issues Maryland

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  • cooloonka
    started a topic leaving bf custody issues Maryland

    leaving bf custody issues Maryland

    i am planning on leaving my boyfriend. he is the father of my daughter. we have the lease for the apartment in both names and the loan for the car is in both names but is is only registered in my name. i am the one physically paying for the car.
    the problem is i am afraid he will take my daughter away out of state and try something crazy if i tell him i am leaving.
    what ways can i assure our safety legally ?
    can i take the car ?
    i want to file for sole custody , how quickly can that be done in an emergency situation?
    any help is appreciated.

  • MissingStepkids
    replied
    Just an eye opener.

    Fathers can and do get awarded custody of their children. My husband had been the primary caregiver of his children. The ex took them for a visit and refused to return them. He took her to court and has been awarded temporary custody.

    Leave a comment:


  • mommyof4
    replied
    MD does not have common law marriage, but it does recognize CL marriages that are valid in other states.

    Leave a comment:


  • cyjeff
    replied
    So, to recap....

    File for custody. You leaving without the court's blessing will be seen as kidnapping - same as you are worried your boyfriend will do.

    Prepare for a court battle. You will go to court. He will be probably awarded custody/visitiation... and may get full custody as the childs daily caregiver.

    Lastly, be prepared to pay him child support if he does get full custody. Oh, and we haven't even begun to discuss alimony... as I don't know how Maryland feels about common law marriages.

    Just taking your child and leaving is illegal. It may cost you custody if the court sees you as a flight risk.

    Leave a comment:


  • rcpilot
    replied
    Descriptions

    You must also understand that different people find different things Vile and Disgusting which are fully legal. There are MANY things which are immoral but which are still Legal.
    If he hasn't committed a crime for which he has at least been charged for, you will have NO EVIDENCE that he is doing things which will harm the child.
    If he has done such things and has not been caught, then call the police and tell them what you know, that would solve all your concerns right there.
    But since we are left to Guess at the details, it seems as if he had committed such an act, you would have already called the police, this is because you have stated you believe that without you his world will fall apart, and the worst which is likely to happen to him is to be out seeking employment and housing. I don't think you honestly believe he will be living on the street, sleeping on park benches and begging for food, do you?
    If he has NOT committed any such CRIME, you need to go imediately and FILE with the COURT for LEGAL CUSTODY.
    If for some reason you are unwilling to do either of these things, then we believe you are most likely to have a lot of problems that you do not want.
    I have eleven bros and siss' and 25 bro and sis in laws, including divorces,
    with a grand total of 58 nefews and neices, I have 1 child. I have seen some of the vilest child custody battles you can ever imagine. One sister did not see her kids for five years, her case was one responsible for having the laws changed to include parents who kidnap their own children from th Custodial Parent.
    There are a lot of laws to protect you from that happening, but if you do it, you will be the one going to jail for kidnapping, it goes both ways. You MUST ACT IMEDIATELY to what ever the situation is, if it truely is as bad as you are making it sound (vaguely).
    Last edited by rcpilot; 01-20-2007, 09:17 AM.

    Leave a comment:


  • calie0106
    replied
    To the OP

    You came onto a public forum and asked for advice about your situation. All people can go on is the information you provide. Your are right that no on can say you are wrong or right for your actions because no one besides yourself is in your situation, however, people can express their disagreeement with your presentation of the facts.

    You repeatedly said, "he will be homeless and have no money for an attorney." Your belief that leaving will be so easy and have no ramifications, when the two of you have a child together, is not accurate. Unless there is some type of evidence, which you have not mentioned, to prove he is unfit for visitation, no court will grant supervised visitation. I do not understand how people expect legal advice if all the facts are not presented. I used this website as a source for months. I never did start my own thread because I knew I didn't have the time nor patience to go through my entire situation. Now that my family has resolved our issue regarding child support and custody with it's mandates and laws, I feel I can accurately lead someone towards the correct information.

    In your situation, I would get all the information you have proving he is unfit for visitation, file with court for full sole custody, and request supervised visitation based on your evidence. The court will decide whether or not that is warranted and order support based on either income if he has a job, or potential income calculated from past incomes.

    Leave a comment:


  • milspecgirl
    replied
    please understand that most of us truely care about the child. While we all agree that a mother and father in the child's life is best- we know it can't always be "happy" like that.
    I think, collectively our advice has been to go and file for custody to protect EVERYONE involved. If you fear for yourself or the child, remove yourselves before he gets wind of what might happen.
    Please also know, that unless he has done something vile, indecent, and evil TO THE child, he will get visitation if not custody as he has been the caregiver. If you feel and CAN PROVE that he is a flight risk, ask for supervised visitation and that he not be allowed to leave the court's jurisdiction with the child.
    As for the possessions, worry about them later.

    Leave a comment:


  • cooloonka
    replied
    and again you have no right to say what i am doing is wrong. you have no clue what the basis of my actions is.

    Leave a comment:


  • cooloonka
    replied
    you need to realize that there is way more to the story than i am willingto put online. of course i would not do this unless it was absolutely necessary. of course he has done something vile and disgusting and evil that is causing me to have to resort to this plan of action. stop for a minute and realize this is where desperate people come for advice in desperate situations. pardon me if i didn't include every ugly detail about why i am leaving.

    sometimes a parent must pick up and leave the other without sitting down and talking tings over nicely dr. phil style. i appreciate the advice i've been given but then again i feel like i got more than i asked for.

    Leave a comment:


  • milspecgirl
    replied
    "My question is why more people are not saying what you are about to do is wrong. If a man were on here saying he was planning on leaving his girlfriend who was a stay at hom mom and without his income, she would be homeless and couldn't afford an attorney to fight him for custody or visitation, everyone would be jumping down his back."

    I think most ppl here are trying to tell her that her plan of action is not near as good as she seems to think it is. I could care less which gender was asking the questions. My answer would be the same- if you believe the other parent will take the child and leave, go file for custody. You may not be granted it, but it will open a case and place that child under the court's jurisdiction and provide some protection to BOTH parties.
    I am not going to tell her to stay in a relationship that she doesn't want to be in and I'm not going to tell her to try to work something out before she protects herself and the child. Once that has happened, I think she should try to come to an agreement with him (good luck), but everyone on here knows that it doesn't matter how much you agree on, if it isn't in a court order, it's a waste of time. If she is trying to keep the child from the father, it won't work- he could very likely get custody as the primary caregiver. he will probably be granted very generous visitation at the least.

    Leave a comment:


  • MominMA
    replied
    My question is why more people are not saying what you are about to do is wrong. If a man were on here saying he was planning on leaving his girlfriend who was a stay at hom mom and without his income, she would be homeless and couldn't afford an attorney to fight him for custody or visitation, everyone would be jumping down his back.

    He is the father of your child and perhaps some thought should be made as to what your child's best interests are. Seeing both his/her parents is better for her/him. Especially if the father wants to be involved. He was good enough to live with and buy a car with and make a child with. You walking out on him and knowingly leaving him high and dry makes you no better than him.

    He doesn't need an attorney to fight for either sole custody or visitation, as other people have told you. And he is not going to be homeless because his name is on the lease, so he has a minimum of 60 days to get a job and earn enough money to secure another apartment. You also run into the problem with the car. You most likely have a joint checking or savings account, so there is no way to prove only you pay for the car. It is a mutual possession and he has just as much right to it as you do. You might think leving is going to be a peice of cake, but it is much more difficult than you think, especially if he fights you on it, and with fathers rights advocates help, he has just as good a chance at custody as you do, from what you have mentioned so far.

    If you want to leave, you can, but do it the right way. As mentioned by someone else, if the fear is he is going to take the child away and you have no proof to validate your claim, he will get visitation and he can take her away then, if that is his plan. You should see if you can work something out prior to your leaving. At least work out the car and the apartment and see if you can agree on a visitation schedule and then get it documented with the courts.

    Leave a comment:


  • MomofBoys
    replied
    Originally posted by cooloonka View Post
    oh woops i missed that reply up there.. it answered my question i guess..

    the likeliness of him getting custody are slim to none. especially since he will be homeless and unemployed when i leave him .
    If you leave, he'll just go get a job. And since you are planning to leave, he'll still be in your apartment, and as long as he pays the rent with his money from his new job, or even if he moves in with friends, he is not homeless.

    You are making assumptions without either contacting an attorney or researching the law yourself, and that is your number one mistake. Right now, you are not in a position to say firmly that the chances of him getting custody are slim to none. He is her legal father and primary caregiver. He has a shot (and a fairly good one).

    Go file for custody TODAY. And remember that doing so is no guarantee that you will become the custodial parent.

    Leave a comment:


  • demartian
    replied
    Originally posted by cooloonka View Post
    oh woops i missed that reply up there.. it answered my question i guess..

    the likeliness of him getting custody are slim to none. especially since he will be homeless and unemployed when i leave him .
    Don't depend on that... Women who are abused and leave, end up with full custody every day and MOST of them are homeless and underemployed due to caring for their children when they make that choice.

    Leave a comment:


  • demartian
    replied
    If he DID gain custody and you gained visitation, he still would not be allowed to flee the state with your child, so either way, you still need to file for the sole custody and through with that.

    Leave a comment:


  • cooloonka
    replied
    oh woops i missed that reply up there.. it answered my question i guess..

    the likeliness of him getting custody are slim to none. especially since he will be homeless and unemployed when i leave him .

    Leave a comment:

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