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Worried about Grandchildren Pennsylvania

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  • Worried about Grandchildren Pennsylvania

    Good day, this is the first time I have posted. I have an issue about my grandchildren and wonder if anyone can offer some advice. My now, 18 year old step-son became the father of twin boys 20 months ago. When they were born, he and the mother resided with us. She also was underage. Before the babies turned one year old, they separated and the mother moved out with the babies and went to her father's house to stay. This is a complicated story. My step-son pays child support for his children, but the mother has no job, no means of transportation, and doesn't seem to care about her children. They are slow and behind, and didn't walk until they were 18 months old. The house where they live is very small and she has both of the babies sleeping in the same crib. They also have 2 large dogs that concern me for their well-being. In my next breath, my step-son cares for his children, but is not emotionally, or financially ready to be a father, and is in college, and working a part-time job to cover his child support responsibilities. I myself, had gotten the mother and children enrolled in the state health insurance, otherwise, they probably wouldn't have any. Now for the even sadder part, recently we moved out of state, and left the father at his college, which is close to his children, and the mother still lives with her father. We are no longer able to help care for the grandchildren. We have offered on several occasions to have the mother bring the children and live with us, so she could go to school, and get an education and help herself, but she seems to be satisfied with getting a small amount of child support, and hanging out with her friends. The money she receives from my step-son for child support, she also spends on herself. I would like to get custody of these children, our grandchildren. They live in PA, we have moved across the country. The father is 100% behind us in this decision, as he knows they would be in the best possible place. Can anyway advise me as to what I can do to help these poor children succeed in life? Thanks
    Last edited by spickett34; 01-17-2007, 08:27 AM.

  • #2
    If you are worried about your grand babies why don't you call child protective services on the mother.. You will not be able to get custody of them babies unless mom is proven to be unfit. And you must have proof.. Just a side not my son was almost 21 months before he started talking, kids develop at differant stages..

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    • #3
      worried Grandmom

      Hi, thanks for the reply...I have thought to call protective services, but my main issue with that is if they go in and don't take the children, then she will create havoc for my step-son. She is verbally abusive to him and threatens him when she doesn't get her way. She threatens that she won't let him see his children. I have found in the past, that protective services will offer child-rearing classes instead of removal. I have never seen her show affection to the babies. I think she cares, but I have heard thru the grapevine that she said that they ruined her life, and I can't help but think she is just using the babies for the money. I think she does the bare minimum to get them to survive. They are 20 months old, weigh less than 20 lb. and they don't talk yet. I don't want to be an overbearing grandparent, I just want to do what is best for the children. Will protective services just put a band-aid on the situation, or do they follow-up and at what point do they intervene. A part of me says I shouldn't do anything, it isn't my life, but another part of me is just concerned for their future, and wanting them to have the best they can have, which we can offer them.

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      • #4
        i understand your concern, but really the only thing i can see you doing is calling CPS. If things don't get better- call again. Does the father have any established right to visitation?

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        • #5
          If your step son has visitation then i would tell him to enforce it ASAP.. Everytime he has the children I would take note of everything.. Really there is nothing you can do unless you have proof... But I would call CPS for the kids sake... They do seem like they are a little under weight.. Good luck.. Keep us posted

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          • #6
            Before we moved, I took my step-son to see an attorney in regards to this matter. the attorney advised that he make up a document and if they both agreed to it, then they wouldn't have to go thru any legal processes. I had written an agreement, as a beginning tool, and suggested that they modify until they came to an agreement. Needless to say, they never did, therefore, he has nothing in writing. They both are of legal age now, and I have no say in any matter when it comes to the children, since they are both of legal age. I have repeatedly suggested to him to document the verbal threats he receives, and the occurrences that happen, but I can't squeeze blood from a turnip, and like I mentioned in the first blog, he is very immature and incapable of handling this situation. He wants someone to do it for him. I must say, I love my stepson, but neither of these "parents" are responsible or mature enough to be a parent. On a side note, I want to state for the record that this girl, while living in MY house, was having a "fling" with another boy and causing turmoil within our house. Her own father really didn't want her to move in with him, but I had to force the issue because she had nowhere else to go, and wanted out of the house. She has since been dumped by this guy whom she felt was her escape. She spends her child support money to get her nipples pierced. It is a very sorrid and complicated matter to say the least, and a part of me wants to let them handle it, but the emotional part says that I can't step aside.

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            • #7
              Because your son has no visitation rights then why are you worried that if you call CPS it will ruin something between them? I would call asap... And if your son wants nothing to do with making it work on seeing his children then that is his fault.....

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              • #8
                My step-son does see his children, they are there twice a week, and whenever she calls and wants him to have them. They have no schedule or written agreement, but at least he does see them. He doesn't document his visitation or any occurrences, although I have told him over and over to do it. I will call CPS and worry about any repercussions later. thanks for the advice.

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