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  • #16
    Well, I was not complaining about it was just wondering more why she wouldnt have to and I would.
    I tried to apply for CS later, but need to get paternity done. Have no idea where the guy is and I dont have know much info about him. ( Most things I do know about him turned out to be a bunch of lies.) That is my deliama. I am trying to go back to school full time. I will be able to get insurance for me, but I dont know if that would apply for the baby or not.
    I was upset yesterday when I posted that other one. If you dont think I havent tried to track the jerk down then your nuts. Things happen for a reason and, I guess its for the better anyway, dont want that lieing ******* anywhere near my son.

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    • #17
      Originally posted by mickeymouse5472 View Post
      Well, I was not complaining about it was just wondering more why she wouldnt have to and I would.
      I tried to apply for CS later, but need to get paternity done. Have no idea where the guy is and I dont have know much info about him. ( Most things I do know about him turned out to be a bunch of lies.) That is my deliama. I am trying to go back to school full time. I will be able to get insurance for me, but I dont know if that would apply for the baby or not.
      I was upset yesterday when I posted that other one. If you dont think I havent tried to track the jerk down then your nuts. Things happen for a reason and, I guess its for the better anyway, dont want that lieing ******* anywhere near my son.
      OK...

      What you need to do to get the ball rolling is file for a determination of parentage and a finding for child support. That was the actual wording on my order, but I don't know what state you are in. Provide CSE with all the information you possibly can, and they will track him down.

      Perhaps the reason your medicaid ended is because you applied so late in the pregnancy. I was also on medicaid, and did not need to reapply after the baby was born, because I was not receiving strictly pregnancy-related benefits. It was probably the same story for your sister.

      In Illinois, the state provides health care coverage for ALL uninsured or underinsured children whose parents make $70,000 a year or less. I have no idea what other states have similar programs, but you can look into it for your state. The state also provides free or low-cost immunizations for all uninsured childen, but it must be done at a Department of Public Health clinic (which means you have to make a day of it, because it can take hours). Again, check your state's official website to see if this is available.

      I get that you don't want this guy near your child. But you need to know, that if you simply let it go and try to forget about him, he can come back any time he wants in the next 18 years and request visitation, and he will probably get it. The courts do not like to leave children without both parents, and will absolutley allow him to try and establish a relationship with his child. Read some of the other threads on here, and you'll see that in this in particular,

      http://www.laborlawtalk.com/showthread.php?t=81486

      a woman is being forced to allow her children to communicte with their father, who is in prison for child molestation. You may hate him, but he has rights.

      And, for many many reasons, your child has a right to know who his father is. He has a right to know his family medical history. And he has a right to be supported by his father, at least to the best of YOUR ability to make that happen. Medicaid issues aside, filing for CS is really in the best interest of your child.

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      • #18
        I understand what your saying, I really do. I am not a young stupid teenager, who doesn't understand what it is to raise a child. I have spent the last 9 yrs, being both a nanny and a foster parent. Raising kids is secound nature to me. I have also been going to school. So I am no dummy, I know what kids need. Yes, my son needs a father figure/male role modle. Which he has in abundence. So he is in no way deprived of this! You also have to know what I mean by I don't know much about the father of the baby. I met him thoughfriends of friends, and hung out with him alot when I was in Colorado, before my mother died( 3-4 Mo). After she died, I was staying in her house alone until I sold it, with everything packed up ready to move. He came to me one day stating that he was kicked outta his house and did I mind letting him stay with me until he found a new place. So I let him, under the agreement he pay half of everything and kept things cleaned up. Adventually we started dating and so forth. Then he started to get very obsessive, and controling. So I broke it off told him he could stay for a few weeks, because I knew he had no place to go. During this two weeks I wasn't home, much I was makeing trips back and forth to Utah, working two jobs. Plus I was still caring for kids part time. While I was gone he never attempted to move clean or anything! So I had my step-dad go to my house throw him and all his things out, and change the locks. He then threatened me several times, threatened my family, and even some of my friends, and then disapeared. Right before I moved, I found out he was dating one of my 17 yr old co-workers. I talked to her and warned her that he wasnt a good guy. What she then told me, blew my mind. He had given her a completely different, middle and last name and told her he was different age too. Same story my x kicked me out sob story, I am living in my car, blah, blah. he told her totally different stuff. I figured that was just because he didnt want to get in trouble for being with a minor. I told her that wasnt his name and he was lieing to her, but of course she never listened. Later on I found out that he has gone by several different names (middle and last for some reason sticks to the same 1st name), ages and stories. All the time I thought that he was working, he was with other girls telling them his sad stories, and what ever. Any way I have no idea what this guys real age, name, and background is. Nice huh, I thought that stuff like this was only in the movies.
        I still don't know what to do or think of this so most the time I don't! I just live life as always. Sorry about telling you my life story, but I think its the only way for people to understand. Anyway like I said before I looked for this guy when I went back to Colorado to visit my friends and family and I have not seen him since Dec, 3rd of last year, with my x-co worker. (Oh, and he told her he didnt know me and that I must have thought that he was someone else.) As far as him knowing the fathers side for health reasons. I know the guy was allergic to a few things or so he told me. All the stories he told me of his family and what not who knows how many of them where true.
        When my son is older if he wants me to hunt the guy down, and find him I will do my best, but I doubt anything will come of that. My new BF has been raising him as his own, so far. I know things can always change, but for now he has a Mom, and a Dad, a home, food clothes and all the things babies need.
        Actually I was more curios, and upset about the whole medicaid thing, if I can't get help from those who are suposed to help. Then I guess that I need to find another means, end of story.
        Actually getting back to the whole medicaid thing, the whole reason this was brought up is because she wants Child Support. She has been really nice to the father of her daughter and all his has done is give her grief. So its about time for him to start paying for their kid. I was suprised that with her getting medicaid that he wasnt paying CS already. He makes way more money then her. He is a guard at a jail, and he went to school to be a cop. So wouldnt a judge be more likely to give her CS, being that they are on medicaid?
        Just for your info, they have 50/50 custody. My sister wants to fight to get back full custody, with visitation though. (She never wanted 50/50 her lawer walked out on the case and it ended up 50/50)
        Ohh, and as for a judge that would force a child to see a man that molestaded them, or even another child, #1 should never be a judge!
        #2 He needs to be sitting in jail next to the man who comitted the crime, becuase he is basically condoning it! He is handing these children over to a petifile! That I think would be almost the same as doing it himself! Isnt there laws to protect children from that? The judge needs to be drug out in the street and shot. That is the most tramatizing thing ever for a child, and I can't understand why this guy still has a job!!!
        Last edited by mickeymouse5472; 01-14-2007, 07:36 PM.

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        • #19
          Honey, I get what you are saying, trust me I do. It's not my finest moment, but my oldest child is the product of a one night stand. I know what it means to be roped in by promises by someone who has no intention of keeping them, as does probably 99% of the other people who contribute to this forum. And I know how horrifying it is to realize that not only did you let a perfect stranger in your bed, but you had a child with him too, and now you are faced with the fact that one day, you have to explain that to your child. I get this, I really do. I also know what it's like to not be able to find him.

          Originally posted by mickeymouse5472 View Post
          Yes, my son needs a father figure/male role modle. Which he has in abundence. So he is in no way deprived of this!
          That's great he has a father figure, but that's not what I said. I said he deserves to know who his father is. There is a difference. If you try and hide it from him, he'll resent it, no matter how normal his life is with you and your boyfriend.

          Originally posted by mickeymouse5472 View Post
          As far as him knowing the fathers side for health reasons. I know the guy was allergic to a few things or so he told me. All the stories he told me of his family and what not who knows how many of them where true. When my son is older if he wants me to hunt the guy down, and find him I will do my best, but I doubt anything will come of that!
          Allergies are not what I was talking about. I was talking about a history of heart disease, hypertension, cancer, diabetes, asthma, etc. These things are important. Ask anyone who doesn't know their own history, and they will tell you the same. When you adopt a child, even if the biological parents wish to stay anonomous, the adoptive parents are still provided with medical history. God forbid that when your son is older, the reason he wants to hunt his biological father down is because your son needs a bone marrow transplant or a kidney. It happens. More than you think.

          Originally posted by mickeymouse5472 View Post
          My new BF has been raising him as his own, so far. I know things can always change, but for now he has a Mom, and a Dad, a home, food clothes and all the things babies need.
          And, if you and your BF marry some day, maybe he would like to adopt your son. It's not as easy to terminate bio-dad's rights as you might think, even if he has disappeared. Trust me, this is another thing of which I have intimate knowledge. If you get the process rolling now, however, it will be easier to terminate his rights, or perhaps even to get him to voluntarialy terminate his rights (which he can only do if you are married, your husband wishes to adopt, and you have been married for a year).

          Also, at this point, if something were to happen to YOU, your child would become a ward of the state, and if he wanted custody, your son's bio-father could and would get it. This would happen even if you and your BF were together for the next five or ten years, and then you died. Your boyfriend has no legal rights to the child, and couldn't keep him and raise him as his own. But bio-father could get him back. That's how it works.

          Originally posted by mickeymouse5472 View Post
          Actually I was more curios, and upset about the whole medicaid thing, if I can't get help from those who are suposed to help. Then I guess that I need to find another means, end of story.
          Again, all you have to do is file for the determination of parentage and finding of child support. Give them all his information (as well as all of his aliases) and the names of all the people who may know him or associate with him. You obviously know something -- the names he uses, the people he associates with, the city he lives in, the last person he dated. He's not a total blank. You do have enough to get started, and that's all it takes to get medicaid. Medicaid, and by extension, the government, are not supposed to just open up their funds to help you out. You are supposed to make a fair effort. You are not doing that, and have no plans to do it. At this point, frankly, you don't deserve it.

          Originally posted by mickeymouse5472 View Post
          Ohh, and as for a judge that would force a child to see a man that molestaded them, or even another child, #1 should never be a judge! #2 He needs to be sitting in jail next to the man who comitted the crime, becuase he is basically condoning it! He is handing these children over to a petifile! That I think would be almost the same as doing it himself! Isnt there laws to protect children from that? The judge needs to be drug out in the street and shot. That is the most tramatizing thing ever for a child, and I can't understand why this guy still has a job!!!
          You completely missed the point. The point was that no matter how much you despise the father of your child, he has rights, and those rights cannot just be terminated at your sayso, not even if he is a criminal. The judge in this case is not condoning pedophilia, he is applying the law. There is a huge difference. The judicial branch of government doesn't make the law, they apply it. It's not the fault of the judge that such a law exsists, it's the fault of the legislature. That's why he still has a job.

          Like it or not, your son's biological father has rights. And if he cleans up his act and wants to participate in this child's life at any time in the next 18 years, he is legally within his rights to do so. In the above case, dad was a criminal and still has rights. In your case, dad is nothing more than a cad. He will get visitation if he seeks it. You may think that it will never happen, but 18 years is a long time, and apparently, you are willing to take that kind of gamble with your son's future.
          Last edited by MomofBoys; 01-15-2007, 05:42 AM.

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          • #20
            You aren't alone, and I haven't been a teenager in multiple decades either.

            I can not track down my ex because he lives wherever, a car most likely... I have been trying to have my husband adopt my son for over 2 years. Because I can not find the bio-dad via certified mail, paper ads, etc, the courts have taken eons to get anything done... It doesn't even matter that they know they can walk into any bar in the neighborhood he lives in, they need a physical address for the adoption process or for him to walk into court (which isn't going to happen)...

            And trust me, I worry each and every day that if anything ever happened to me, he would pop up out of the woodwork to take my son so that he could receive the benefits available for taking care of him after my death.

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            • #21
              You usually automatically get medicade when you are pregnant and recieve it for up to 3 months after the child is born.. Normally they don't deny a child to medicade, my son continues to get it and he is going to be 3 yrs old, here in michigan they go by your income... Also you can apply for My Child it only cost like $5.00 per month, and for yourself check with a local health Dept. They may have some type of insurance there.. And as far as child support goes FILE your child needs it, the process does take some time, they will find DAD. Good Luck.....

              Comment


              • #22
                I am sorry to get everyone upset. I have the 2nd "book" of papers that I got for child support. With all the unknowns I was worried about getting in trouble because it states at the end that I could be in trouble for false information. Being that I dont know what is true, I threw away the papers and went about finding a second means. Then knowing that I would never recieve a penny, I never thought twice about fileing. Your not right about saying that I dont want to find this guy! I do! (BUT) Your 100% right, I want nothing to do with the father of the baby, and nor do I want him anywhere near my son. I want whats best for my son, and that is not a lieing womanizer!! I dont care what rights you, or whoever says this guy has. He has never been there for me or my son. I am the one who carried him, gave birth to him, and other then my family members helping me out its been me, and me alone caring for my son. If my son wants me to find his father, and meet him fine! I will not hesitaite in any way shape or form. I never plained on hiding lieing or with holding any known info from my son. He will always know why his biologiacal father is not in the picture. (when he is old enough to understand of course) I never planned on having my current BF adopt him, neither have I ever planned to get married.
                I guess from comming from a long line of single moms who have souly cared for their kids with out the help of the fathers (in any way shape or form not cs or anything!) has me a little biassed towards fathers rights. Although I know that there is good, great fathers out there, that is no the case in my sons. Nor am I saying that fathers dont have rights. I am just saying in my paticular case, I dont care about this guys rights!! My son is my ONLY concern. Its not like I sat on my *** and did nothing. I just want to find this guy and talk to him, before I even fill out any court papers. I do not want this guy to get mad and use my son as a pond to hurt me. I want to make sure that my son does not become a victum. I hardly doubt this guy would want the responsiblity of taking care of a child let alone a infant. He may get upset at haveing to pay CS, then take it out on my baby. I am sorry if I hurt anyones feelings about what I say, (and Said) but this is just how I feel. After being a foster parent for years and seeing all these children destroyed by parents, and the system. I am not willing to sacrifice my Son for a little assistance that I will only need for a few years! I am not about to put my son through that. My only intention, is my biological and natural, and instictive right to protect my son from anyone and everything! I am not about to let anyone, not even our ****ed up government legistative, what ever it is to tell me, who what and where other people can see or do to with a child that I carried inside me and next to my heart for 42 weeks. All I want is my son to grow up healthy, and happy and to be a respectful and good man. I am completely fine with not receiveing any government help at all! As acorrding to you I dont deserve it! I just Thank God that I have a wonderful family that supports me 1000% in everything I do. Is willing to help me out with anything I need. If it get to the point where I need drop outta college, and get a full-time job with benifits then that is what I will have to do! My son is everything to me! When it comes to everything he is number 1.
                As far as medical history, I have done thought of that as soon as I found out that I was pregnant with so many things running in my family it is absolutly my concern. Especially since my mother just died of cancer 2 mo before I got pregnant. (come to think of it I know nothing of my family history from my sperm donors side other then his father also died of cancer!) What makes you think that I would not be aware of this? If you think that I havent tried to find this guy on my own then you must also think that I am stupid. I have a good friend watching out for him for me. So far he is no where to be found. I sat and talked to his last GF, (my x co worker) when my now 8 mo old son was not even a month old. She told me alot of things, but that he just never came home, one day and she hadnt seen or heard from him. (This being only 3 mo from the last time I saw her.) I also talked to a guy that he used to hang out with the last time I was there in Oct.(oh and by the way he only had two people that I knew of that he hung out with and the one guy moved to Denver, before I moved to Utah.) The guy told me that the last he knew he was is in some town in Wyoming, that I had never heard of before living in his car! (which he tends to do alot) I am so far at a dead end. This guy could be anywhere at this point.
                Again just after I lost my Mother you think that I would not think of what would happen to my son if I pass on. I have already talked to a lawer who is writing a will and a gardianship paper. Stating that if something would happen to me that my family (NOT BF) is more then willing to take care of my son. As my lawer told me already so you dont need to bring it up, that you cant will children to others. You can leave a Gardian ship paper stating your wishes for a child and a court can abide by that or not.(BTW, I am on my sisters Gardian Ship paper for my niece that me her x, and I signed a few weeks after my mothers funeral.) Also that the father could come and take him if he wished to do so. (which I am not even worried about, because as I said before I highly. highly doubt that he would want the responisblity of raising a child. He got pissed off at me when I kept my niece for a week here and there. As he stated to me a hundred times that he doesnt like kids)
                I am glad that everyone who replied to whether possitive or negitve in my prospective it only makes me feel stronger, that I am doing the best and the right thing!
                Last edited by mickeymouse5472; 01-15-2007, 01:39 PM.

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                • #23
                  Ummm, I'm not sure why you decided to get so upset. I never said you were stupid. I suggested that you had other reasons for being so hesitant to file for child support.

                  Let me tell you a little story. I had my daughter, her father had NOTHING to do with her for 2 years until he found out I was getting married. I never denied him visitation until he got arrested for embezzlement and drugs. At that point, I STILL didn't deny him visitation...just said that I was not comfortable with him being alone with A. (She was 2 months old). Well, that was the last I heard from him until I was served with a petition for custody on her 2nd b-day. I'll spare you all the drama and skip to the part where he molested my daughter. It took 4 years of court battles (and I do mean battles...he had gotten married, you see and needed a good story to tell his in-laws why he was not allowed to see A.) He wound up with very limited visitation that had to be supervised at all times by a non-related, adult female and my consent to take her out of his home (even if it is to go to the movies.)

                  I am telling you this to illustrate to you that no matter what you THINK he MIGHT do...no matter that he doesn't want anything to do with your child now...no matter if he never pays a cent in child support...at any time in your child's life until he turns 18, the father can come and sue for custody/visitation, and unless you have proof that he is a child molesting, drug addicted, ax murder, he WILL get visitation.

                  I suggest that you file for sole custody NOW while he is NOT interested and involved to pre-empt problems in the future. (I know that is not what you were asking, but I am responding to your reasoning in your last post.)

                  As to the child support and medicaid...you wanted to know why and if it was true. The why is that it is not the general public's responsibility to support you or your son, in any way, shape, or form. By asking for and accepting medicaid (or any other type of public assistance) that is what you are asking the taxpayer's to do. Every citizen deserves to know that you have done everything you possibly can to get the father to kick in his fair share. If, after you do everything possible to find him and file for CS, he cannot be found, at least there is a reason, other than you think that the state should pay for your and your child's healthcare because you don't want the dad around, that the taxpayer's can accept.

                  As to is it true that you must file for CS...as you have been told, yes it is true for the reason's stated above.

                  If you decide to forgo the medicaid because you don't want to file for CS, that's your choice to make. But don't get mad when others weigh in on this. As taxpayer's, we have EVERY right to demand that all other avenues be exhausted before we support a woman and her child that we did not have the fun of creating.
                  HOOK 'EM HORNS!!!
                  How do you catch a very rare rabbit?
                  (unique up on him)
                  How do catch an ordinary rabbit?
                  (same way)

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    I am not trying to argue, because I know its my choice what I do with my son.
                    I never want or asked for anybody to support me. ( I AM ALSO ONE OF THOSE TAX PAYERS! I HAVE WORKED ONE, OR MORE JOBS SINCE I WAS 15. THE ONLY TIME I WASNT EMPLOYEED WAS THE 8 WEEKS I TOOK FOR MATURNITY LEAVE!!,0 When I was 16 before I moved out on my own I was supporting my 6 person family all on my own, because both my mom and step-dad where laid off. I only wanted to have medicaid for myself just in case. (That is the only thing that I dont have is insurance and its the most expensive, and hardest to get!) I never planned on useing it unless I need to which would have been probably never. I dont like doctors or hopital or clinics. I have lived almost my entire life without insurance, and going to the doctors. SO NOT getting medicaid for ME is nothing. Medicaid is not an issue and I never even thought of applying for anything else. ( I WAS MOSTLY ASKING, BECAUSE I THOUGHT THAT IT MIGHT HELP MY SISTERS CASE TO GET CS FROM HER X) I pay all my own bills, with help here and there from family. I have lived and supported my self sinve I was 16 yrs old. My son has medicaid until July, and I working on getting my own means of stuff. As far as getting full custody, I know I have it for now. You do make a good point though, I never thought about him trying for later. He has had nothing to do with me since Nov of last year. Never attempted to call(I still have my colorado # for my cell, so he could call me at anytime.) or find me hasnt asked my step-dad or sisters (which I dont think he would dare anyway, nor would my step dad tell him anything.) Never asked if the baby was his or if I had the baby. If its a boy or a girl. Nothing! He hasnt contacted any of my friends or anything to contact me. I guess I just figured that with the distance and his not liking kids I wouldnt have to worry. He does have charges under the name he used when I knew him. My step-dad charged him with stalking my then 17 sister. Which I am sure does nothing, but at least its on file. I dunno, its hard being a single Mom and trying to do the best. I do have a lawer that I pay a small amount every month. (kinda like a bank account that way if I need him for some reason I dont have to come up with a huge sum of money, I dont have.) In case that something like that happens, I will fight to the death for my son! Before I do anything drasctic I really wanna find this guy and talk to him.
                    Last edited by mickeymouse5472; 01-15-2007, 05:18 PM.

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      OK, I was re-reading your posts, and I know you lived in Colorado, but I cannot pinpoint where you live currently or where you are a legal resident.

                      But I found some information on guardianship, and not all states allow you to just appoint guardianship without the consent of the other parent, unless that parent's rights are terminated. In your case, his rights have not been terminated. Ultimately, that means that in the event of your death, bio-dad can come back and seek custody, and since you never served him with papers saying WHO you appointed as guardian (thereby never giving him a chance to be part of the process or object to it), he ultimately can seek custody, and will be entitled to it.

                      This lists all states:

                      http://naic.acf.hhs.gov/general/lega...ianshipall.pdf

                      I also noticed that you posted this:
                      Originally posted by mickeymouse5472 View Post
                      I dont care what rights you, or whoever says this guy has.
                      Honey, that argument just ain't gonna fly if it ever reaches a judge.

                      Chances are, you are right. He's gone, he's not coming back, he won't bother you again. But you cannot just wash your hands of this. You need to be prepared mentally and LEGALLY that one day, your decision may come back to bite you. That is all we are trying to do by posting all this info, is give you ALL the facts.

                      I wish you and your boy lots and lots of luck. I don't have any daughters, but personally, I think raising a boy is one of the greatest things ever! Whoever said that a Mama's Boy was a bad thing never had a son!

                      Comment


                      • #26
                        One more thing...

                        I certainly don't mean that in the event of your death, this cad could swoop in and take over custody. Since he has not even been established as the father, he would have to start at the very beginning: petition to establish parentage, petition for visitation, petition for custody and perhaps even be subject to a home study. It is unlikely that a judge would just hand your son over to a complete stranger against your expressed wishes.

                        It wouldn't be an instant thing, but it is possible that he could eventually wind up with custody, even though you have appointed a legal guardian. If he ever cleans up his act, and say, even got married and had money and siblings and a secure home and a stepmother to offer your son... do you see?

                        Just something to consider!

                        Good luck!

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