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  • Son living with us (Alabama / Florida) Alabama

    To make things clear I am the stepmom, hubby does not have custody by courts yet but has the child. The ex still has 1 child. We are in Alabama and she is still in Florida.
    Ok now, he is here and has been for over 5 months. Nothing has been done about child support YET. We wanted to make sure he would stay,before filing reduction. During this time the EX has paid NOTHING, not lunch money, clothing, school supplies, I really mean NOTHING. She has givin him only a 10.00 bill since he has been with us. She wouldnt even let him bring his new school shoes with him to start school with. He came with 2 pr shorts and 3 shirts (thats all she allowed him to leave with ) While he has been here he has asked MANY questions, some I didnt want to answer, his mother should have never lied to him. I was not going to lie to him. She has always told him that his dad left them and divorced her, wrong! that was asked in front of to many ppl and I didnt have to answer that. He did ask to see how the divorce papers would proove that though. I may have been wrong for showing him but I let him read it all. He asked why his dad hardly ever paid child support, WRONG again! I asked him why he would ask that, he said his mom told him that. So OF COURSE I showed him the pay history through DHR. Of course theres more B.S. too. Son has asked his mom for money and her exscuse is her rent is to high and she cant afford it, but just recently bought a sewing machine and a new bike for herself... Go Figure.
    Anyway, hubby filed through DHR in Alabama same County all the divorce and Custody is to have his Child Support mod because we really need the money, a 15 yr old boy likes to have the more in style clothes and stuff that we really cant do for him now. I KNOW that DHR will not go back to the first of AUG when he first moved in, I figure they wont even go back to the first of JAN (this month) when we filed it even though it will take aprox 6-8 months to get into court. Of course that will be her free money I am really hoping for a no child support due to she has 1 and he has 1, BUT he keeps medicle ins on both kids. I dont figure that will happen either, she dont make as much as hubby. Heres my extra hope. I am disabled, M.S. which causes extra medical and presc bills. I probably had it since me and him been together but it wasnt known. I also have severe arthritus too. I can not work, I can not collect disability because I dont have enough credit hours. I cant collect SSI because of his income. Therfore I can not help with income which makes it a hardship on him for income. Does anyone know of how we can use this to help with his child support? I would really like to give son things he needs and some he wants. Any other info that may help when this finally goes to court or something we need to do before court? Anything we need to file?
    EX is going to hit the roof and probably try to bribe son to come back to live with her, I just dont see that happening. I have done everything possible to make him not want to live here (NO I WASNT MEAN TO HIM!) I dont allow him but 4 hours of playstation 2 per week, hardly ever let him on the computer, he has chores, he run the house with his mom (NOT HERE HE DONT!) I guess in a way I am strict and I limited the things he was use to 24/7 access. He was a game junkie plus he stayed on the computer when he lived with his mom. He LOVES it here and wants to stay. I have lightened up on him, but I mainly wanted to know if he really wanted to be here or if he just "thought" the grass was greener.
    Sorry for the length, but wanted to update and ask some more questions.
    here are the other posts I posted about this if anyone is interested TOPIC;
    Help needed, son wants to live with us Alabama
    Update; Alabama/Florida headache/son now moved in Alabama

  • #2
    I do not think that your medical situation, will have any bearing on child support, they will probably, since she has one, and he has one, look at both of the incomes, and go from their. If he makes more than she, and they each have a child, they may make him pay some. I am not sure, but I wish you the best of luck!! Is there any way to get any kind of assistance, since there is 3 of you? Have you been deemed disabled? Since he is covering both children, with his insurance, they may ask that she pay for part of that, if they charge him for that, or ask that she also cover the children with insurance, it is nice to be double covered, but I do not know once again. Mommyof4, and other senior members, that deal with child support, may be able to add more to this. Good luck to both of you!!

    Comment


    • #3
      i assume the child support order is in al? They use the income shares model which means that he will probably have to pay something since he makes more than her and they each have 1 child. your medical condition/income will make no difference on anything. Has he had the custody order changed so that he has 1 and she has one? he needs to do that when he does CS too.

      Comment


      • #4
        First of all, your situation will have no bearing on your husband's obligations to his children. If he and his ex each have custody of one child, then child support obligations might be offsetting, but it really depends on their (husband and ex) differences in incomes. If he makes way more than she does, he will still be expected (and rightly so) to help support the other child.

        Originally posted by tundra2 View Post
        During this time the EX has paid NOTHING, not lunch money, clothing, school supplies, I really mean NOTHING.
        Since your husband has not filed to modify the custody or CS orders, she does not have to give your husband any money. She also was not obligated to send her son with any of his stuff. I'm not saying it is right, I'm just saying that from a legal standpoint, she's doing nothing wrong.

        Originally posted by tundra2 View Post
        I may have been wrong for showing him but I let him read it all.
        Yes, you were wrong. Very very wrong. These issues are between your husband and his ex, and if she insisits on dragging the children into it, it is up to HIM to work it out with the child. I know 15 is an "older" child, but he is still a child. It is just as cruel for you to badmouth his mother as it is for his mother to badmouth his father. The difference is, since you are the stepmother, this could actually play out badly for your husband in court. Judges do not like it when stepparents so brazenly interfere in a negative way as you are doing.

        Originally posted by tundra2 View Post
        Anyway, hubby filed through DHR in Alabama same County all the divorce and Custody is to have his Child Support mod because we really need the money...
        How long have Mom and the kids lived in Florida? I believe if they are residents of Florida, you may need to file there, but I am not 100% on that.

        Originally posted by tundra2 View Post
        I have done everything possible to make him not want to live here (NO I WASNT MEAN TO HIM!) I dont allow him but 4 hours of playstation 2 per week, hardly ever let him on the computer, he has chores, he run the house with his mom (NOT HERE HE DONT!) I guess in a way I am strict and I limited the things he was use to 24/7 access. He was a game junkie plus he stayed on the computer when he lived with his mom. He LOVES it here and wants to stay. I have lightened up on him, but I mainly wanted to know if he really wanted to be here or if he just "thought" the grass was greener.
        Stop it. This is your husband's child. I know he's 15, but he is just a boy. From what you have written, his mother first lied to him (lies you were quick to debunk by showing the child divorce papers which he had no business reading), then she rejected him (she never contributes any money, she won't help him out, etc.), and now you are trying to convince him he's not really welcome at your home either? You are going to smash the little bit of self esteem he has left. This child needs love and stability. You say his mother is awful, but you are desperate to send him back there? Does anyone actually want this child? Because the message all of you are sending him is a big fat NO. Terrible. Where he lives is a decision to be left up to his parents. Please stop interfering in this negative manner.

        If Dad wants custody, he needs to file for a modification in the custody order. When he does that, he will also have to file for a modification of child support, as they are two different issues.
        Last edited by MomofBoys; 01-09-2007, 07:02 AM.

        Comment


        • #5
          To make this very clear and easy to understand, child support will NOT be modified until the custody order is modified to grant legal custody to your husband. Your health issues have no bearing on whether and how much support he will owe. His children's financial welfare comes before another adult's, whether he is married to that adult, or not. I understand that you have arthritis and M.S., but surely there is SOMETHING you can do...after all, you managed to sit down and type out long posts on the computer.


          I am going to give you a bit of personal advice. Stay out of it. It's fine to ask questions and get information to give to your husband, but STOP discussing anything concerning the child support, custody, and marriage with this poor child. If he has questions, he has a father to ask. If he is any kind of father, he will find a way to truthfully answer his son's questions without destroying what bit of a relationship he has with his mother. It is not your place to discuss or inform him of any of this. These are words that will stay with him for the rest of his life and have the potential to taint every relationship he will ever have. We get that you think his mother is a loser. Well, that loser has been raising that child (it doesn't really matter if you approve of her parenting style, by the way) for the past 14.5 years. The kid's a good kid, so obviously, she wasn't THAT bad. Every time you feel yourself getting angry about her, stop and count your blessings that she helped produce this wonderful child for you to love. It is not your place to "test" this kid. It is his and his parents' decision to make as to where he will live. Take a HUGE step back. You are putting your husband in a very difficult position to defend if all of what you have said and done comes to light in the custody hearing.
          HOOK 'EM HORNS!!!
          How do you catch a very rare rabbit?
          (unique up on him)
          How do catch an ordinary rabbit?
          (same way)

          Comment


          • #6
            MomofBoys, I have alot of respect for your answers.
            I did read somewhere that in Child support there is a hardship clause, I dont remember where, it was a while back though. It has to do with after the fact of the child support ordered and can be modified due to a medical hardship on children born after or new spouses. Thats what I was referring to.
            I also know she doesnt have to give him anything or the child for that fact. I was just updating to whats went on since we had him. As well as his clothing and stuff inc stuff we bought him that he couldnt bring with him.
            It is just as cruel for you to badmouth his mother
            I have NEVER NEVER bad mouthed his mother, I have told him many times I dont know why his mom told him the things she has but it doesnt matter she loves him. I didnt have to tell him anything about his dad leaving, it was his dads family that corrected his statement, all I told him was "your dad tried to work things out, but things just couldnt be worked out" He then said then why did daddy file for a divorce, and yes I told him, his dad didnt his mom did. he asked to see the divorce papers. He asked what a plaintiff and defendent was. The kid is 15 and I have never lied to him and wont start now. He can come to me for anything and he knows it. He tells me things he WONT tell his dad. I then go to his dad. No scecrets No lies in this house. Son is very comfortable here, and knows I hide nothing from his dad, but I can talk to his dad better then he can about some things. If he wants something or money he comes to me, he comes to me for permission to do things. He IS a great kid! I wouldnt trade him for anything and he KNOWS it!
            now you are trying to convince him he's not really welcome at your home either?
            NO NO NO NO!!! I have never made him feel not welcomed, I am and always will be a strict parent. And will not just change for a child cause he isnt use to it. I gave examples of things I did and said (NO I WASNT MEAN TO HIM!) Mainly showing him the grass wasnt greener. In other words not as some NCP do, spoil the kid/s with money and gifts, going out of the way, trying to get them to stay. Just because I dont let him rule the TV, play plastation all day or play on the computer all day does NOT make a kid feel not welcome MomofBoys. You of all people should know that. Love and stability is what he gets here, I never said or gave the impression I wanted to send him back there. Funny things is, he treats me more like a mom then he does his dad a dad. I get lots more respect then his dad does. He listen better to me then he does his dad too.
            Oh and to add I know this has nothing to do with child support or Mod... but he passed his permit, watch out he can drive now. I am proud of him! He came to me and asked me if he could get his permit, not his dad I did make him wait till his grades were up, he already had the behavior straightened up (he likes to really aggravate ppl) and already had his chores down-pat. Now if only I could let him drive me Sorry its a phobia, I gotta have the wheel!

            My own son (who will soon be 18) who moved in with his father, he did it just because there are no rules, he does run his dads house, and abuses his other siblings, and done it because the grass was greener. I just wanted to make sure that IF he was going to stay he was going to stay. I dont want him to be here IF here isnt where HE WANTS to be. Athough I REALLY hope he does stay here! BUT if he is happier with his mom, then he should be with his mom. His mother didint abuse him, she clothed him,fed him, but was never home, he was left so unsupervised, her priorities were not her kids. She is a aweful person, and tried so hard to turn both kids against their dad. But in a way wasnt really a bad mother?!?! The kids had what they needed. I hope that made sence. I dont want him unhappy, no matter how bad of a person I think she is or how different I think she should raise her kids, she is still his mother. He loves her and that should NOT change.

            MomofBoys I hope I made myself a bit more clear, I probably should not have showed him the divorce papers, but I did. I would show my own kids my divorce papers (and I have) I have nothing to hide. I wont lie to him though, I want him to know he can trust me. I also want him to know if there is anything he needs ever I am here. He made a joke the other day, it really did hurt me though. He told me if me and his dad ever divorced he wanted to stay with me and his younger sister. (his dad and I have a child together) Now you tell me if he dont feel loved and stable here. I am a stay at home mom, his dad is either sleeping or working and off on weekends but sleeps alot then too. So basically I am raising him.

            milspecgirl, yes the case is in Alabama.
            MomofBoys, we were told if the divorce and child support is in Alabama it doesnt matter where or how long she lives elsewhere, it stays in Alabama unless hubby agrees to have it moved to another state.

            Also, at sons age, our understanding is hubby dont needcustody to have Child Support modified, but yes hubby knows she can try to get son back with her custody paper. It would be the matter of IF the son voluntarly goes back to her.
            I had similar problem with my son who is/was drinking while living with his dad. I have custody but I allowed him to move in and was told it would take a court order to get him out of there. My custody papers meant nothing unless he wanted to come back to me. Go figure

            Sorry so long I really appreciate the responses. Any other info would be greatly appreciated. I will try and do better on AVOIDING the situations like showing any divorce papers or child support payment histories like I have already done. I am NOT a perfect mother, not even his mom. But I do try to treat him as my own. Nor am I trying to replace his mother. Hubby is by far NOT a perfect father either, I am working hard on that! I would say also that he dont spend enough time with his kids. He was raised up you work and earn a check for your family, that is how you give your kids a good life. He also dont bad mouth his ex, but is very short and cold? when the subject is brought up. You can tell he dont want to talk about the ex. I guess that is why son comes to me when he wants to discuss his mom. Remember I am an Ex also I try to think about what my kids are hearing from their dad and stepmom and how they feel so I try hard to talk with love, compassion, caring, ect to make him not feel like my kids did when they would discuss me around their dad and stepmom.
            THANKS CREW!
            Last edited by tundra2; 01-09-2007, 08:46 AM.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by tundra2 View Post
              we were told if the divorce and child support is in Alabama it doesnt matter where or how long she lives elsewhere, it stays in Alabama unless hubby agrees to have it moved to another state.

              That is correct. As your husband is the NCP, the child support stays where he resides. If his son has been living in Alabama for the past 6 months, Alabama would also retain jurisdiction for custody.

              Also, at sons age, our understanding is hubby dont needcustody to have Child Support modified,
              That is completely INCORRECT. He must be the custodial parent before he will be awarded child support (or in this case, depending on both parents' financial picture) a modification for reduction or negation.
              HOOK 'EM HORNS!!!
              How do you catch a very rare rabbit?
              (unique up on him)
              How do catch an ordinary rabbit?
              (same way)

              Comment


              • #8
                i can tell you from experience that alabama is the hardest state to get jurisdiction moved from. in our case, child and parent live in TN (and have for 9 years) mom lives in FL (part time) Al will not release jurisdiction. Now, if we file a new motion (not a modification) it can be done in TN, but anything having to do with the original papers goes thru AL. We have filed with TN to help us enforce CS, but they are enforcing an AL order- it does not switch to TN either

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by tundra2 View Post
                  I did read somewhere that in Child support there is a hardship clause, I dont remember where, it was a while back though. It has to do with after the fact of the child support ordered and can be modified due to a medical hardship on children born after or new spouses. Thats what I was referring to.
                  It is my understanding that medical hardship can only be used to modify child support if it is your HUSBAND or one of his children who has a medical problem. I searched, but couldn't find any info regarding a new spouse.

                  Originally posted by tundra2 View Post
                  He then said then why did daddy file for a divorce, and yes I told him, his dad didnt his mom did. he asked to see the divorce papers. He asked what a plaintiff and defendent was.
                  While it is really great that you and your husband are open and honest with your children, this just isn't something you shoud do. Not just because it is his father's place to discuss these things with him, but because it could be bad in court. If Dad files to modify custody, and Mom finds out that you have been discussing these things with the child (even in a positive manner), that could be revealed in the court process. A judge could interpret this as negative interference. Your husband's pursuit of custody could suffer. You have to draw the line and not ever discuss these things with the boy. It's just smart.

                  Originally posted by tundra2 View Post
                  Just because I dont let him rule the TV, play plastation all day or play on the computer all day does NOT make a kid feel not welcome MomofBoys. You of all people should know that.
                  I have to admit, I am unsure why me of all people should know that. I was only responding to your statement that "I have done everything possible to make him not want to live here (NO I WASNT MEAN TO HIM!)." You don't have to be mean to a child in order to make them feel unwelcome, and the way you put it, it sounded like you wanted the kid out. I am very sorry if I interpreted it the wrong way.

                  Originally posted by tundra2 View Post
                  He can come to me for anything and he knows it.
                  Again, I am so sorry I misinterpreted. I am very happy that I was wrong about the situation, though, because children need positive influences in their lives. People often think 15 is an older child, but he's still just a boy. If you and your husband can model positive adult behavior and interaction (with him and with eachother), then he will thrive as an adult, no matter how scary his driving may be!

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by MomofBoys View Post
                    It is my understanding that medical hardship can only be used to modify child support if it is your HUSBAND or one of his children who has a medical problem. I searched, but couldn't find any info regarding a new spouse.
                    And your understanding is correct.

                    Here...let's make it easy to understand. A new spouses income is not used to determine the amount of support ordered (except in VERY limited circumstances in a very few states.) By the same token, the financial problems due to the new spouse, regardless of the nature of the hardship, is not considered for modification of a support order. In a nutshell, the new spouse has no bearing on the support order. Period.
                    Last edited by mommyof4; 01-09-2007, 11:04 AM.
                    HOOK 'EM HORNS!!!
                    How do you catch a very rare rabbit?
                    (unique up on him)
                    How do catch an ordinary rabbit?
                    (same way)

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      It is my understanding that medical hardship can only be used to modify child support if it is your HUSBAND or one of his children who has a medical problem. I searched, but couldn't find any info regarding a new spouse.
                      Ya know I have been looking for it too and cant seem to find it. It has been about ummm 7-8 yrs since I found it and printed it out. Maybe I still have it in my breifcase and be able to show and old code? Anyways I know laws change. It wasnt that important to save a few $$ I do know however the M.S. drugs out now are very expensive! It was killing us so I had to stop most of the meds I was on. (for time being anyway)

                      mommyof4, I respect your answers too. It isnt my fight, your right. I just want son happy. My hubby though looks to me to find the answers. I wont say he is dumb, because I know I am not the smartest of the bunch here. He knows nothing of this stuff and asks me to do it for him. Of course the loving wife I am I do this stuff for him. As far as sitting at the computer and making post, you have no clue. It took me over an hour to make that post. Unfortunately I can not sit for long periods of time because of the arthritus (most pronounced in my hips and knees but have it everywhere)
                      Due to the M.S. and living in the middle of nowhere driving is a problem. I really wish I could work, it would make it easier on us! I just dont think many places are going to allow me to work at my hours, on days I can, at my own pace, let me nap if I need to, provide me with transportation, ect. Hubby has this night shift job to back me up in case I cant get out of the bed to get the kids up for school. Which is also good because he is here (sleeping) during the day in case I need him and the kids are here at night. Enough about that I dont need to explain, this isnt about me.
                      About this
                      Also, at sons age, our understanding is hubby dont needcustody to have Child Support modified
                      Your reply; That is completely INCORRECT. He must be the custodial parent before he will be awarded child support (or in this case, depending on both parents' financial picture) a modification for reduction or negation.
                      It must be correct?!?!, because DHR has already accepted and filed for the mod and KNOWS hubby dont have custody. They only asked for proof that he now lives here with hubby. School records was proof enough for them.

                      MomofBoys I guess it was my fault, it is hard to read words on a screen and know the actual meaning. Sometimes I try to shorten things too, but leave important stuff out. Thanks so much for the replies.
                      To everyone Thanks for your replies. Some things I may not be doing that I could be doing better, some I have done that I should not have. Only way to know is HELP from ppl that have knowledge or someone that has been there.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        I will say nothing except two things. When sensitive questions are asked about his mom, even though he wants to hear it from you, you simply need to say "that is something that your dad has to discuss with you, I am so sorry", and two, since you have shown him, truth or not, something that can harm his feelings toward his mom, that can be used against him in court. If you had not shown him that, then your man could have used her lie about the divorce against her, so he is no longer one up on her, on that subject. I know your intentions were good, but the courts are picky on this. Good luck to you, and I believe that you meant that you made him feel like you wanted him there, but made strict rules, none the less. You don't sound like someone who would not want this boy there, or to feel like you did not. I hope I am correct on my assumptions of the mis type.

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