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Thrown Into The Twilight Zone Washington

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  • Thrown Into The Twilight Zone Washington

    16 yr old daughter has been saying that if we didn't "stop" taking the $196 a month child support from bio-mom, that bio-mom would "force her" to get emancipated. (Of course we told her that was ridiculous, since she just turned 16 in Oct, is a 4 point student, has never even applied for a job and no one can "force" emancipation!)

    16 yr old cried and said her mom gets crazy during the weekend visits and could we please stop the overnight visits (we did, over screaming hysterics from homeless bio-mom). Begged for us to give bio-mom money. (Bio-mom gave up custody to dad when daughter was 8 months old to go party) Dad has worked at the same job for 16 yrs, married 7 yrs ago, middle income... Has had full custody, pshyco bio-mom has had visitation which used to be irregular but ever since she was required to start paying support, she has been pretty regular.

    Daughter acted weird/sulky but said it would be o.k. to stay with bio-mom for a few days before Christmas. Took a few things, not very much since she wasn't planning on a long stay...

    9pm Christmas Eve, Dad gets served with a restraining order, emancipation request (daughter wrote "Dad might not let me keep my job"???!! "Dad might cause me to be depressed" ???) Bio mom wrote that daughter is scared to death of dad and threatened to commit suicide if returned home. Bio mom filed for a modification of custody giving dad ZERO visits - not ever - none. Also emptied 16 yr old's savings account.

    Lawyer was on vacation last week but spoke to us briefly from home on Tuesday, said not to file a counter restraining order which would place our daughter in foster care...

    Does a restraining order take away all rights? Can we still require that she be removed from that home (camper in the back of someones house) and evaluated to make sure she is not being threatened? Can we demand that she go to a relatives home? The restraining order court date isn't until 1/26 and that is way to long to leave her at bio-moms without knowing what is going on.
    Last edited by MrandMrsInWAState; 12-29-2006, 08:36 PM.

  • #2
    Was this an emergency domestic violence restraining order? If so, by Washington state law, the full hearing has to be within 14 days of the filing of the ex parte RO. Why was the hearing scheduled longer in your case? Was it filed by the exW or by the daughter? (Since the daughter is 16 she can file on her own behalf)

    If the daughter is living in a camper (with mom) and she has been playing such games with you, I would call Children's Services and have them investigate the living conditions and request an mental evaluation on both the mother and daughter. I realize that sounds cruel, but this girl is playing games with you. She is playing her parents against each other. For her to spend a few nights in foster care may not be the worst that can happen to her. She sounds like she needs to have her tail jerked straight.

    Amazing how when they get a couple of hairs and have a period how they suddenly think they are grown and we become idiots.

    Either way you go with this, there really isn't anything you can do until the formal hearing (unless you do the CPS thing and that may be the only way you can know what is going on with your daughter). You cannot make ANY contact with whomever is named on the restraining order. You cannot send a third party to check either.

    Good luck in the twilight zone. Sorry you're there.
    Last edited by Ohio "Step" Mom; 12-29-2006, 09:09 PM.
    Don't listen to a word I say because ya know I've gotta be crazy to be a Brown's fan.

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    • #3
      Yes, it was an emergency domestic violence one, allegeing that the father is controlling the daughter to the extent that she is going to run away or commit suicide. The only paperwork that had the daughters writing or signature is the Minors Request For Emancipation.

      In April bio-mom had asked her to tell a judge that she was being physically abused. Daughter refused. Bio told her that with all of the money they would get they could buy daughter all of the cool clothes she could ever want. Wish we'd had a tape recorder.

      I can't figure out why the court date would be set so far out either. Guess the attorney will have to explain that to us.

      After a sleepless Christmas Eve night, we did call cps. Gave them all of the info. The emergency intake social worker said that a non-custodial should not have been able to do this with no evidence of any kind. Apparently it was determined that this is a domestic/custody dispute and not a child abuse case so they are not going to intervene.

      Absolutely crazy.

      I just found this on the WA Courts site:
      You must explain in your motion and to the judge any emergency and risk of harm that would result if you are required to notify the other parent or spouse about the hearing before the order is signed. If the court signs an order, it will be good for no longer than 14 days (or 28 days if you are in King County), unless the order provides otherwise. A hearing date is set as part of the Ex Parte Restraining Order and Order to Show Cause. A copy of this order, along with a copy of the Proposed Temporary Order you wish to have the court approve, must be served upon the other parent or spouse (this may not apply in all counties).
      Last edited by MrandMrsInWAState; 12-30-2006, 06:00 AM.

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      • #4
        I understand that they may not do anything about the restraining order but they may want to investigate the living conditions.

        I would call the courthouse on Monday to see if there is something, some piece of paperwork that you have yet to receive about the order. You don't want to chance missing a hearing and the formal RO being put in place by default.

        I understand your frustration. Although my exH never got a RO against me, he "persuaded" our then 16 yo daughter to move out of my home while I was at work by purchasing her a car. (something I told her she would have to work for) She would only get the car if she did it and like any self centered teenager, she did. It hurt tremendously. Even though she later found out life wasn't so rosy at her father's, (you can't use the car unless.......unless.......), it changed our relationship.

        I hope you can get to the bottom of this and the court can clearly see how this woman is manipulating this girl. One thing I did learn though, you have to hold this 16 yo partially accountable for this. It may be a hard lesson to learn but at the age of 16, she is beginning to make her own decisions (and most of the time those decisions are self serving).
        Last edited by Ohio "Step" Mom; 12-30-2006, 08:52 AM.
        Don't listen to a word I say because ya know I've gotta be crazy to be a Brown's fan.

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        • #5
          Thanks for the assistance, I do appreciate it.

          I looked up the court date online using the case number and found that it was written incorrectly on the document. What looks like a 26 was actually changed into a 16 but not done well. The hearing is scheduled for the 16th.

          The backyard they are staying in is the daughters boyfriends house. The mother was staying there (since September 05 in a camper in their backyard) partially because she is pshyco and partly to spite us because our then 14 yr old daughter was not allowed to date until 16.

          Last night while trying to find any possible clues to this mess, I went through her laptop and found three threats from the boyfriend (slightly younger than the daughter) saying if she doesn't stay with them, he will off himself.

          A REAL healthy environment for the girl.

          I hope our attorney knows what she's doing and that we get a sane judge. I PRAY we get a sane judge.

          Thanks again.

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          • #6
            Originally posted by MrandMrsInWAState View Post
            Last night while trying to find any possible clues to this mess, I went through her laptop and found three threats from the boyfriend (slightly younger than the daughter) saying if she doesn't stay with them, he will off himself.
            And the mother is supportive of this???!!!!! Clearly she is not fit for any type of custody. Make sure you make copies of these threats and the living arrangements (pictures are great and they can support your story of where this camper palace is parked).

            You would have to get an insane judge for them to NOT see harm in this arrangement.

            Glad you cleared up the date and I wish you luck on the 16th!!!
            Don't listen to a word I say because ya know I've gotta be crazy to be a Brown's fan.

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            • #7
              Update

              Our atty scheduled an emergency hearing for Friday the 5th.

              The motion and order papers were delivered to bio on the 4th. Bio immediately freaked and called our atty asking if there was some way she could "just make all this go away". Also shared contents of those docs with daughter despite warnings not to do so.

              We got to the court house on the 5th - they had to keep step mom in another room so bio would not go into louder hysterics.

              Result:
              Bio is restrained from any contact* with the daughter until at least 7/08/07. During that time she will pay for counseling sessions for daughter at least twice a month.

              *She does have the option of seeing daughter by appointment only, when she pays for a professional visitation supervisor.

              Daughter was returned home yesterday at 4:30pm.

              Thanks again for your encouragement.
              Last edited by MrandMrsInWAState; 01-06-2007, 05:10 PM.

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              • #8
                YES! YES! YES! I am so happy for you guys!! Also glad you didn't get an insane judge! I know that you may have some difficulties with the child for some time. Pretty much her mother promised her the sun and the moon and delivered crap. Hopefully with the counseling things will get better.

                So what about the suicidal boyfriend. Is there a restraining order against him? If not, you may want to look into that.


                Good Luck to you and again congratulations!
                Don't listen to a word I say because ya know I've gotta be crazy to be a Brown's fan.

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