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can they take her? Alabama

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  • can they take her? Alabama

    We just found out birth mom is looking to file to get custody of step daughter. My hubby has had her for 9 years. she is 11. Mom has been in and out for those 9 years and is currently on supervised. visitation is with her parents with mom coming sometimes and not coming other times. she has never paid support. We did not allow our daughter to go there for the holiday because she was sick and we had a Dr note telling us not to allow ppl untrained in her condition to care for her (it was too late to file a modification to stop). Also step daughter is adamant about not going and counselor is telling us it would be detrimental to send where when she does not want to go right now
    the tricky part- my hubby has been accused of stealing and is currently up for trial. someone else who was living there at the time took the items and hid them in the house, but when police searched, they charged him. He has never been in any trouble so we are hoping he will get probation for a cpl years and expungement or something.
    she is planning on using this to take daughter from him. she is willing to live with her parents until she "proves" herself to the courts. Stepdaughter is terrified of someone taking her from us. order is in AL, we are in TN thoughts?

  • #2
    she is stepdaughter not daughter

    Originally posted by milspecgirl View Post
    . We did not allow our daughter to go there for the holiday
    sorry, but as a stepparent, you have NO say in the matter. this is between your husband and his ex. she is THEIR daughter, not yours.

    Comment


    • #3
      cicero

      that was helpful thanks- I am very aware that I have no legal rights- that was not my question or debate.

      Jimbo- your thoughts on her paternal grandmother getting custody as she has helped my hubby raise child for past 9 years (until I came along a year ago). If it helps, child has medical condition which requires intensive training to take care of her- no one on bio mom's side will take the training- even though we offered to pay for it.
      Everyone is saying- even police that IF convicted, he will probably get probation.

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by milspecgirl View Post
        that was helpful thanks- I am very aware that I have no legal rights- that was not my question or debate.

        Jimbo- your thoughts on her paternal grandmother getting custody as she has helped my hubby raise child for past 9 years (until I came along a year ago). If it helps, child has medical condition which requires intensive training to take care of her- no one on bio mom's side will take the training- even though we offered to pay for it.
        Everyone is saying- even police that IF convicted, he will probably get probation.
        Her health care may be a big issue there. Keep Doctor's reports, etc on all of that. Do you have any documentation showing that the Bio Mom's family denied training in her issues?

        Comment


        • #5
          hmmmmmmmmm

          I think in the last modification that was done it says that bio mom could not have unsupervised without training- she hasn't gotten it in 4.5 years- you would think that would be evidence. Our daughter will tell you that even though we have tried to explain to her grandparents how her pump works and how to use it, they refuse to use it. The grandparents did come to training when she was first diagnosed 6 years ago, but do not follow Dr. protocol- our daughter will testify to that. Also, if she were to move there, it would put her 3 hours from her Dr. There are no Dr's in that town specially trained as there are at Vanderbilt where we live. Does the fact that she adamantly doesn't want to go there mean anything.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by ciceromom View Post
            sorry, but as a stepparent, you have NO say in the matter. this is between your husband and his ex. she is THEIR daughter, not yours.
            And you are still a pathetic troll, Kelly.
            HOOK 'EM HORNS!!!
            How do you catch a very rare rabbit?
            (unique up on him)
            How do catch an ordinary rabbit?
            (same way)

            Comment


            • #7
              In both Alabama and Tennessee, there is NO AGE when a child can choose which parent to live with. The court may listen to her and take her opinion into consideration, but keep in mind that judges do not like it when parents put their kids in this situation, and ultimately, the choice is left to the adults.

              As far as her not wanting to go to a counselor... again, she's a child. She doens't get to make that decision. If you and your husband feel she needs it, you are not doing anything wrong if you make it happen. She probably is just overwhelmed, possibly embarassed at having to talk to someone about her problems. This will pass.

              I don't think Mom can use Dad's court case as a way to "take the daughter." Dad still needs to be convicted, and even if he is, if it is a non-violent crime, it's probably not enough to change the custody order. Mom will have to prove that Dad is somehow unfit, and that a change in her circumstance is in the best interest of the child. Document all cases where Mom and her family won't get on board with medical treatment. Get doctors/nurses/therapists to do the same, and you will have a strong case for what is in the child's best interest.

              Comment


              • #8
                i know

                I know mom can't have unsupervised visitation- I have those papers memorized and i carry them in my briefcase at all times to reference them if I need to. Our daughter is in counseling- and loves it. her counselor recommends going with our daughter's wishes on not seeing her mother. The grandparents (who are the supervisors and excercise the visitation) had training up until about a year ago when her medical protocol changed- they have not had training since. We found out when she went this summer they let momma take her off unsupervised and did not follow medical protocol that we explained to them. she was not due to go again till xmas. We did not find out that they allowed the things to happen over summer that did until daughter told us when she told us she didn't want to go for xmas (bout mid dec- too late to file modification). I immediately got on phone and called Dr's, therapists, and lawyers and got letters that she should not go as they have not had training in her new protocol. We are working on filing to have supervised moved here where we (who have had all the training and then some) can supervise. As retaliation for us opening a CS case (30k past due) she is going for contempt for us not sending her and is going to bring up the criminal issues to try to gain custody or at least get unsupervised. My hubby was just concerned that the criminal could result in him losing her.
                As for Kelly (or whoever it is), I am well aware that I have no legal say in the matter. But, I will not let that stop me from doing everything I can to protect the child that I have come to love and protect as my own. I wasn't posting as to whether I could do anything- I was asking a question that had nothing to do with that. I like to live by- if you have nothing helpful to say, don't say anything- you might want to look into it. Your post did nothing to answer any questions and was in no way useful unless you count stirring up people as useful.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by jim_bo
                  I see you found another person that you could play post-police with. I don't see how Ciceromom is a "pathetic troll" for stating the obvious. I think it is people like you who feel as if they have to step in and referee a conversation between two other people constitutes a Troll. Now, go hide under your bridge.
                  Her name is Kelly Abernathy and she lost custody of her children when she falsely accused him of abusing her and the children in her divorce/custody war. There were actually articles about her and her situation before a judge ordered that everything be sealed due to the vicious lies she told to the press. You can still find some information about her if you just Google her name.

                  As you have NO idea what or who you are talking about, I strongly urge you to shut up, sit down and learn.

                  She has been banned from multiple sites (including this one) many, many times. She reregisters under different names, including, Kelly, Kelly Abernathy, Alexis, DaddyofAlexis, Wanda'smommy, Doug, etc. At last count, she had around 163 children, steps, cousins..had worked as a hooker, was raped (or her kid was) and had multiple children from the rapist, and on and on and on. She always posts the exact same "advice" using the exact same syntax. Unfortunately, she can't grasp the fact that she is so blatantly obvious.

                  Oh, I forgot when she was signed on as 'titansfan' and was responding to her OWN posts as "Kelly Abernathy". That was my favorite.
                  Last edited by mommyof4; 12-29-2006, 07:28 AM.
                  HOOK 'EM HORNS!!!
                  How do you catch a very rare rabbit?
                  (unique up on him)
                  How do catch an ordinary rabbit?
                  (same way)

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Oh, and for clarification, Georgia is the only state that allows a child to make the decision as to who he or she wants to live with (barring any abuse, coersion, unfitness, etc.). However, the age that the court allows the child to make that decision is 14, not 11. At 11, the court retains the authority to allow the child to express his or her wishes at the age of 11, but that is solely at the discretion of the judge.

                    NO state allows a child to decide at age 11.
                    HOOK 'EM HORNS!!!
                    How do you catch a very rare rabbit?
                    (unique up on him)
                    How do catch an ordinary rabbit?
                    (same way)

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by milspecgirl View Post
                      Our daughter is in counseling- and loves it. her counselor recommends going with our daughter's wishes on not seeing her mother.
                      Sorry... I completely misread your original post! That said, the counselor may be someone who can testify (or swear in an affadavit) as far as what is in the best interest of the child.

                      Originally posted by milspecgirl View Post
                      As retaliation for us opening a CS case (30k past due) she is going for contempt for us not sending her and is going to bring up the criminal issues to try to gain custody or at least get unsupervised. My hubby was just concerned that the criminal could result in him losing her.
                      She can file for contempt, but if your doctor will testify/provide an affadavit that your daughter was unfit for travel, it likely won't stick. You and Dad have an obligation to protect the health of the child, and with a doctor backing you, you probably have a good case.

                      Again, even with a criminal record, bio-Mom still has to prove Dad unfit. That doesn't mean you won't face obstacles, but if he's convicted (or pleads to a lesser charge and gets probation), she still has to prove that daughter is better off elsewhere. Keep documenting! Best of luck MOM!

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        And Dad's legal trouble (especially if he is given probation) will not negate HER legal problems.

                        How did Christmas go? I know you said they were going to file for contempt, but was she alright over the holiday? I thought about y'all.
                        HOOK 'EM HORNS!!!
                        How do you catch a very rare rabbit?
                        (unique up on him)
                        How do catch an ordinary rabbit?
                        (same way)

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Holidays were good. she did end up with sky high sugars on christmas eve and large ketones but with quick action, I had her down and okay by morning. I can pretty much guarantee she would have been home in the ambulance again if she had gone there. they are, of course, threatening contempt charges, but we are in the process of filing to modify so we'll see what happens. how are things in your neck of the woods?

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by milspecgirl View Post
                            Holidays were good. she did end up with sky high sugars on christmas eve and large ketones but with quick action, I had her down and okay by morning. I can pretty much guarantee she would have been home in the ambulance again if she had gone there. they are, of course, threatening contempt charges, but we are in the process of filing to modify so we'll see what happens. how are things in your neck of the woods?
                            Crazy, but good!!!
                            HOOK 'EM HORNS!!!
                            How do you catch a very rare rabbit?
                            (unique up on him)
                            How do catch an ordinary rabbit?
                            (same way)

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              kelly

                              She is my daughter in every sense(except she didn't come form my body) I take care of her, feed her, clothe her, take her to school, doctors, PTO and teacher conferences. I help her pick out clothes every morning and kiss her good night every night. I am the one she calls when she is unsure of what to do with her medical condition. I am the mommy she calls for when she has a bad dream- I am the one who put alarms on her windows so she could sleep at night not worrying that her mom's new husband was going to kill her. I am the one teaching math and social studies. I am the one she jumps to when she gets an A and I'm the one who spends an hour EVERY night doing eye exercises because of the fact that her REAL MOM neglected her so bad as a baby that her eye muscles never developed (being locked in a trunk so your MOM can party will do that to you). So, don't you dare tell me that I am not her mom- you don't have a clue. I am smart enough to sit back in a courtroom and play stepmom and to respect a judge in order to protect my daughter and keep her egg donor from ever hurting her again. So knock off the I'm not her mom crap- I may not be mom but I am most certainly MOMMY. now go away

                              Comment

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