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what is reasonable visitation? Illinois Indiana Iowa Kansas

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  • what is reasonable visitation? Illinois Indiana Iowa Kansas

    I have a three old little girl with a exgirl friend. She upped and moved to Georgia giving me 3 days notice, we live in Illinois. We went to court over custody 3 months ago, and we were there for 8 hrs and the judge sided with her saying he couldnt take the child from the mother and that she could livr anywhere she wanted. I have been paying child support since we found out she was pregnant. Almost 4 yrs. So now its been 6 months since ive seen my daughter, my attorney and me are preparing for a visitation hearing . I was supposed to have my daughter 3 days after christmas. All i asked her was to drive my daughter to the airport to meet my mother so she could fly back from Atlanta with my daughter so she wouldnt have to sit in a car for 14 hrs in a car seat. She says no she couldnt do that, i reply back to her i shouldnt expect any favors from her seeing that she was self centered and selfish. She leaves me a message on my voicemail saying she doesnt have to let me see her at all and that i cant see my daughter. Why does she hold all the cards and have me by the balls? Can i expect reasonable visitation? What can i expect 2 months . 3months or only a month out of the year? and doesnt she have to meet me half way seeing she was the one that moved to Georgia with her gfriend she met online. please can someone give me some answers and advice, i miss my daughter! illinois

  • #2
    Have you established paternity? Is there is visitation order? CS should never start until after the child is born, so why were you paying before she was born?

    I have to say, the whole "has me by the balls" thing is one of the MOST IRRITATING phrases uttered by men when in this situation. I understand that you are having troubles, but the woman is not dragging you around by your testicles. When a child is born to unwed parents, the mother has sole custody until the father CHOOSES to be a part of the child's life legally. This is because she has no choice... a few days out of the hospital, and all the responsibility is on her and her alone. And if bio-dad is a deadbeat, she's in for a lengthy and EXPENSIVE battle to get what her child deserves.

    That said, I understand that this is NOT the situation you are in, which is great for your kid. But you made a mistake by handing over money before there was a court order. And even if you acknowledged paternity, until there is a court order for visitation and support, she holds all the cards.

    If there IS an order, have it enforced. If there is not, you need to file for visitation. How long ago did she move? You do have rights, and you WILL get visitation. You just need to be patient, follow the correct steps and don't exchange nasty e-mails or calls with her.

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    • #3
      Originally posted by MomofBoys View Post
      When a child is born to unwed parents, the mother has sole custody until the father CHOOSES to be a part of the child's life legally.
      OR... until the mother forces him to be a part of the child's life legally by taking him to court for visitation and CS. Either way, the woman is in for a penny, in for a pound from the moment the second lines pops up on the stick, while the man gets to wait it out a minimum of nine full months. This is why she holds the cards.

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      • #4
        Originally posted by jmbamb41 View Post
        She leaves me a message on my voicemail saying she doesnt have to let me see her at all and that i cant see my daughter.
        Sounds like something to save for the hearing. Keep all corrispondence, and be carefull of what you say or how you put things.

        It is not about YOU any more, it is about what is best for the child. You are responsible untill the day you die. That includes little things like college, weddings, divorce, grandchildren, first car, first job, first love. so many other things. Be there, and be a good roll model. If not in person, by example.

        Make sure that you are a person that she wants to share her life with. That means to put the differences between you and the ex behind. Not easy, but it must be done. Figure out a way to get free calling from her phone number. I did that for my kids, and they call their mother all the time. they love me more for it.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by jmbamb41 View Post
          ...i reply back to her i shouldnt expect any favors from her seeing that she was self centered and selfish.
          Do keep in mind though, that if you are going to keep a record of how she acts, she will likely do the same. Don't say stuff like this to her. Seriously. Did you think someone who you don't get along with was going to be willing to compromise after you called her self-centered and selfish? Even if she is, she is still your child's mother, and you are bound to her as co-parents of this child for life. Be the bigger person here, and it will be easier down the road.

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