Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Holiday help - Alabama Tennessee

Collapse
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Holiday help - Alabama Tennessee

    Brief version. my husband has had sole custody for 9 years. mom has been in and out and on supervised only at her parents house for past 6 yrs. Grandparents excercise visitation and mom may or may not show up. Our daughter does not want to see her mother. She is at the age where she knows that mom darting in and out hurts her and she's tired of being hurt. We are going for TPR after the first of the year as it has been since june since she had any contact and stepparent adoption.
    The grandparents have told our daughter that they will not make her see her mom during the week she is there at christmas, but last we heard, mom lived 3 blocks away. daughter is terrified of running into mom and is saying she doesn't want to go. grandparents are fine with this and have said they will try to come here and see her for a day for the holidays if that's what she chooses. they are very understanding. we have no way of getting in touch with mom- she moves back and forth between al and fl at the drop of a hat. CPS has been trying to find her for 9 years. We send stuff to her parents and her dad will give it to her when she comes around- bout 4x a year.
    Is it okay for us to allow our daughter to stay home this holiday? Mom has never contacted us about visitation or anything and it is always set up thru grandparents. the mom may or may not go to the grandparents house when our daughter is there.
    our fear is that our daughter is diabetic and stress can cause her to get very sick. after talking about it last night, she woke up this morning in ketoacidosis due to her stress and being upset. We do not want her stressing and if staying home will keep her form being sick, that is what we will do, but we don't want mom to be able to use anything against us when we do the tpr.
    the order is out of alabama where grnadparents are and where mom is sometimes. we are in tn and child has been for 9 years. tpr/adoption will be filed in tn
    thanks for any help!

  • #2
    Originally posted by milspecgirl View Post
    Brief version. my husband has had sole custody for 9 years. mom has been in and out and on supervised only at her parents house for past 6 yrs. Grandparents excercise visitation and mom may or may not show up. Our daughter does not want to see her mother. She is at the age where she knows that mom darting in and out hurts her and she's tired of being hurt. We are going for TPR after the first of the year as it has been since june since she had any contact and stepparent adoption.
    The grandparents have told our daughter that they will not make her see her mom during the week she is there at christmas, but last we heard, mom lived 3 blocks away. daughter is terrified of running into mom and is saying she doesn't want to go. grandparents are fine with this and have said they will try to come here and see her for a day for the holidays if that's what she chooses. they are very understanding. we have no way of getting in touch with mom- she moves back and forth between al and fl at the drop of a hat. CPS has been trying to find her for 9 years. We send stuff to her parents and her dad will give it to her when she comes around- bout 4x a year.
    Is it okay for us to allow our daughter to stay home this holiday? Mom has never contacted us about visitation or anything and it is always set up thru grandparents. the mom may or may not go to the grandparents house when our daughter is there.
    our fear is that our daughter is diabetic and stress can cause her to get very sick. after talking about it last night, she woke up this morning in ketoacidosis due to her stress and being upset. We do not want her stressing and if staying home will keep her form being sick, that is what we will do, but we don't want mom to be able to use anything against us when we do the tpr.
    the order is out of alabama where grnadparents are and where mom is sometimes. we are in tn and child has been for 9 years. tpr/adoption will be filed in tn
    thanks for any help!
    It sounds like the grandparents are willing to back you up and testify if need be. So, my PERSONAL advise is to go ahead and keep her home. The grandparents have already said they don't mind coming to your home, and the likelyhood of the mom requesting visitation is very low.
    If the mom does ask, with the eveidence of grandparents' testimony and Dr.'s records it's likely that a court wouldn't do anything even if mom actually pushed it into court. That's my personal advise, however, I must add that from a strictly legal standpoint, the court order must be followed.

    Comment


    • #3
      supervised

      since the visitation with mom is supervised in the grandparents home, if the grandparents say it's okay if she doesn't come, then could mom push it since the child has to be in the grandparents home in order for her to see our daughter

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by milspecgirl View Post
        since the visitation with mom is supervised in the grandparents home, if the grandparents say it's okay if she doesn't come, then could mom push it since the child has to be in the grandparents home in order for her to see our daughter
        Yes, and no. Are her parents planning on telling her that she can't come, or that they will be visiting at your home?

        If the grandparents just don't tell her what's going on mom really can't do much, and really, what is the true likelyhood of mom actually filing, rather than just complaining?

        Comment


        • #5
          answer

          If they come to see her in TN, they will come to our house and then get a hotel room with her for the night. They go to the movies, to eat, etc. I would assume they won't even tell her they're coming. They didn't last time. She never talks to them. The reason I believe going there would be bad is that she knows what week our daughter is always there so she is bound to at least try to stop by. the grandparents have then said that in accordance with our daughters wishes they will tell her she is not welcome. I just hate for my daughter to even have to be put in that type of position. I doubt she would come to TN as her husband hates our daughter and would probably refuse to let her come even if she did somehow find out they were coming and I don't think they would let her.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by milspecgirl View Post
            If they come to see her in TN, they will come to our house and then get a hotel room with her for the night. They go to the movies, to eat, etc. I would assume they won't even tell her they're coming. They didn't last time. She never talks to them. The reason I believe going there would be bad is that she knows what week our daughter is always there so she is bound to at least try to stop by. the grandparents have then said that in accordance with our daughters wishes they will tell her she is not welcome. I just hate for my daughter to even have to be put in that type of position. I doubt she would come to TN as her husband hates our daughter and would probably refuse to let her come even if she did somehow find out they were coming and I don't think they would let her.
            The grandparents coming to you is better than your daughter being put into a position of seeing her grandparents tell her mom that she's not welcome. (just my opinion tho).

            Comment


            • #7
              wed

              Our daughter goes to her counselor on wed and I want to go over all of this with her. Our daughter has been out of school 2 days due to her sugars going so high. I am not going to have her spending a week worrying that every time someone drives down the street it is her BM. Last time her sugars went high and stayed high while she was with them they didn't know how to treat it and she came home to vanderbilt in an ambulance and a coma. I will not have that happen again.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by milspecgirl View Post
                Our daughter goes to her counselor on wed and I want to go over all of this with her. Our daughter has been out of school 2 days due to her sugars going so high. I am not going to have her spending a week worrying that every time someone drives down the street it is her BM. Last time her sugars went high and stayed high while she was with them they didn't know how to treat it and she came home to vanderbilt in an ambulance and a coma. I will not have that happen again.
                I'm glad she has a counselor, the counselor will be able to give you an expert opinion on how to handle the visits. Good luck and hang in there.

                Comment

                Working...
                X