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16 year old wants to go live with Dad North Carolina

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  • 16 year old wants to go live with Dad North Carolina

    I read many of the posted threads by the teens seeking emanipation, or kids that have run away.
    I am writing about a granddaighter that I practically raised.She was 16 in July
    Her mother has custody, which was obtained before my granddaughter was 6 months old. The mother and father were teen age parents and never married.
    My son has always paid child support, to the mother, even though at least one time my granddaughter lived with me for like 18 months. My granddaughter has always spent a lot of time with me, more time than actually with the mom. The mom refused to allow my granddaughters father to see her once he got masrried and started another family. My son's wife did not work,my son earned low to middle class income, paid child support, and could never afford a lawyer to fight for rights to visitation , asking for custody was out of the question with the woman he was married to( shallow person)
    My granddaughters mother has neglected her, physically abused her and made her life a living hell. The mother came and took her daughter from my home after my granddaughter had been there for 18 months, like age 11-13.
    In which the mother only took her daughter about 15 times for a visit, of a day or so, and brought her back to me. Her mother learned that her daughter was seeing her father. Shortly after her mother took her back, she really assulted her, chocking her, leaving fingernail marks all over her neck. Blacked both eyes. The DSS took it to court but didn't push, they charged the mother with neglect the judge didn't know if acquiril nails could leave those ,marks. The mothers sister an RN in an ER came to court and would have testified. The court did not want to tie up there time, accepted a plea of neglect, my granddaughter was staying with me, the mother had her moved to her sisters, through the DSS.
    Long storey, all the court appearences which my son was present for ( even my supopena for his job)
    Eventally my granddaughter was returned to her mothers home about 10 months later, although the mother did none of the things the courts ordered her to do. Me the grandmother , I have not gotten to see my granddaughter since Dec 04.
    My granddaughter and her father talk on these pre paid boost phones. She wants to come and live with her father, and me.
    My son and his wife of 15 years finally seperated, partly from the court strain where his first born was abused, and he had not been part of her life.
    I called the DSS in NC,the man that had been invollved in the case is no longer with them. I spoke to a lady that knew nothing of the history. Abuse and neglect have been going on and DSS has been in and out of the mothers life for nearly 16 years.
    My granddaughter does not want to go to DSS and fill them in on current events in the home, since they have been of little help in the past, and additionally she would have to suffer consequences of her mom for going to them. So is my granddaughter just stuck until she is 18. My granddaughter is not in school, the mother was suppose to be home schooling her she wasn't. So my granddaughters education stopped in Feb 05. The mother remarried a man she had been dating, they have a baby about 18 months old, the marriage is in trouble, both cheating. The mom has a drinking problem, on top of everything else.
    If my granddaughter RUNS AWAY, ( not a missing person) leaves NC, comes to Fl to her dad, can they then go to DSS here and get custody reversed. Or does my granddaughter have to just live with this life another 1 1/2 years.
    My granddaughter needs psychiatric counseling, she has gone through bouts of cutting herself, she has gotten mixed up in a lesiban situation. She is not in school, although she is willing to go to a community college and get her GED, and then continue college classes in some fielf of law enforcement.
    My son and I do not wish to get into legal trouble. I am on disability so I would be home 247 to supervise my granddaughter. either my son or I can afford a costly custody battle, and my granddaughter doesn't want stay with her mom if she goes to DSS herself, it would just make her life harder, nor does she want to be placed in a children's home, or a fosterhome. She wants to live with her father, and both he and I want to help her get her life back on track. Please let us know what we can do.Can my granddaughter RunAWAY come to her dad and go to DSS in FL, to get custody reversed?
    Last edited by Lorena; 12-10-2006, 08:19 PM. Reason: Titled incorrectly

  • #2
    Originally posted by Lorena View Post
    I read many of the posted threads by the teens seeking emanipation, or kids that have run away.
    I am writing about a granddaighter that I practically raised.She was 16 in July
    Her mother has custody, which was obtained before my granddaughter was 6 months old. The mother and father were teen age parents and never married.
    My son has always paid child support, to the mother, even though at least one time my granddaughter lived with me for like 18 months. My granddaughter has always spent a lot of time with me, more time than actually with the mom. The mom refused to allow my granddaughters father to see her once he got masrried and started another family. My son's wife did not work,my son earned low to middle class income, paid child support, and could never afford a lawyer to fight for rights to visitation , asking for custody was out of the question with the woman he was married to( shallow person)
    My granddaughters mother has neglected her, physically abused her and made her life a living hell. The mother came and took her daughter from my home after my granddaughter had been there for 18 months, like age 11-13.
    In which the mother only took her daughter about 15 times for a visit, of a day or so, and brought her back to me. Her mother learned that her daughter was seeing her father. Shortly after her mother took her back, she really assulted her, chocking her, leaving fingernail marks all over her neck. Blacked both eyes. The DSS took it to court but didn't push, they charged the mother with neglect the judge didn't know if acquiril nails could leave those ,marks. The mothers sister an RN in an ER came to court and would have testified. The court did not want to tie up there time, accepted a plea of neglect, my granddaughter was staying with me, the mother had her moved to her sisters, through the DSS.
    Long storey, all the court appearences which my son was present for ( even my supopena for his job)
    Eventally my granddaughter was returned to her mothers home about 10 months later, although the mother did none of the things the courts ordered her to do. Me the grandmother , I have not gotten to see my granddaughter since Dec 04.
    My granddaughter and her father talk on these pre paid boost phones. She wants to come and live with her father, and me.
    My son and his wife of 15 years finally seperated, partly from the court strain where his first born was abused, and he had not been part of her life.
    I called the DSS in NC,the man that had been invollved in the case is no longer with them. I spoke to a lady that knew nothing of the history. Abuse and neglect have been going on and DSS has been in and out of the mothers life for nearly 16 years.
    My granddaughter does not want to go to DSS and fill them in on current events in the home, since they have been of little help in the past, and additionally she would have to suffer consequences of her mom for going to them. So is my granddaughter just stuck until she is 18. My granddaughter is not in school, the mother was suppose to be home schooling her she wasn't. So my granddaughters education stopped in Feb 05. The mother remarried a man she had been dating, they have a baby about 18 months old, the marriage is in trouble, both cheating. The mom has a drinking problem, on top of everything else.
    If my granddaughter RUNS AWAY, ( not a missing person) leaves NC, comes to Fl to her dad, can they then go to DSS here and get custody reversed. Or does my granddaughter have to just live with this life another 1 1/2 years.
    My granddaughter needs psychiatric counseling, she has gone through bouts of cutting herself, she has gotten mixed up in a lesiban situation. She is not in school, although she is willing to go to a community college and get her GED, and then continue college classes in some fielf of law enforcement.
    My son and I do not wish to get into legal trouble. I am on disability so I would be home 247 to supervise my granddaughter. either my son or I can afford a costly custody battle, and my granddaughter doesn't want stay with her mom if she goes to DSS herself, it would just make her life harder, nor does she want to be placed in a children's home, or a fosterhome. She wants to live with her father, and both he and I want to help her get her life back on track. Please let us know what we can do.Can my granddaughter RunAWAY come to her dad and go to DSS in FL, to get custody reversed?
    I'm sorry, I'd like to help but frankly your post is confusing. Please edit it down to only what the present circumstances are and try going from there to ask your questions.
    Also, is this correct?- you are the paternal grandmother, your son is the child's father, the child's mother has legal custody.

    Comment


    • #3
      16 yr old wants to liv with father.

      Originally posted by xena View Post
      I'm sorry, I'd like to help but frankly your post is confusing. Please edit it down to only what the present circumstances are and try going from there to ask your questions.
      Also, is this correct?- you are the paternal grandmother, your son is the child's father, the child's mother has legal custody.
      My grnaddaughter lives with her mother, and wants to live with her father.she is 16. Her mother is not a good person at all the child does not want to bring it all up to DSS again, and have to stay with her mother and suffer repercussions of going to DSS and maybe being placed in a foster home or group home while DSS investigates. . Her mother does have legal custody. If my granddaughter leaves home as a runaway and runs to her father can they then go to DSS in Florida and can my granddaughter, my son's daughter live with us, while the process is handled in Fl, The granddaughter does not want to stir the pot while having to stay in her mothers home.

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by Lorena View Post
        My grnaddaughter lives with her mother, and wants to live with her father.she is 16. Her mother is not a good person at all the child does not want to bring it all up to DSS again, and have to stay with her mother and suffer repercussions of going to DSS and maybe being placed in a foster home or group home while DSS investigates. . Her mother does have legal custody. If my granddaughter leaves home as a runaway and runs to her father can they then go to DSS in Florida and can my granddaughter, my son's daughter live with us, while the process is handled in Fl, The granddaughter does not want to stir the pot while having to stay in her mothers home.
        Your granddaughter should NOT run away, that will make the situation worse than ever.

        Is there any documentation of RECENT neglect or abuse? If there is, your son should be able to file an emergency motion asking for a temp order of custody which will allow DSS to investigate. Unfortunately because your GD lives in NC and the orders are in NC, nothing can be done thru Fl courts or Fl DSS. He needs to file evrything in NC.

        Comment


        • #5
          NC DSS /CPS a Joke/ Child would be safe and loved in FL

          Reguarding my 16 y/o granddaughter that wants to live in Fl with her dad and mom in NC has custody, Xena perhaps you need to re read the long one you didn't understand. Her mother has abused her off and on all her life even attempted to strangle her and left the nail marks on her neck for months. The courts did nothing.This was a little over 2 years ago, why would we think NC would do anything now or different. That is why we were in hopes that another state Fl might take a total look at what as gone on in this childs life,
          and release her from her mother. Instead she has to serve another 1 1/2 years in abuse and neglect. All because the courts wants reconsillation with the birth mother, or shall we say the birth canal. Dad does not have the money to fight this, as he pays out the money in support.
          Last edited by Lorena; 12-14-2006, 06:26 AM. Reason: spelling errors

          Comment


          • #6
            from what I am understanding running away is not an option. Just because she runs to FL and the dad lives there does not mean FL will take jurisdiction. The case will have to be heard wherever the original custody/visitation was heard until that court gives up jurisdiction- if the bio mo still lives there and the child is a legal resident there, then FL can do nothing. Your son will need to file for an emergency hearing for a temporary custody placement until a final hearing can be held. This will need to be done in NC and he will need proof of recent neglect. The fact that the child is 16 and can testify may help. A judge may be willing to listen to the child at that age. This can be filed without a lawyer but from out of state it will not be easy. It will probably require a lot of phone/fax/internet time. Since you fear for your granddaughter, a lawyer in her jurisdiction really would be in your best interest. There are pro bono atty's who will take abuse cases. Someone on these boards normally posts links.

            Comment


            • #7
              Wants to live with dad in Fl

              My granddaughter would still have to stay with her mom while going through a court hearing even when filed for emergency custody wouldn't she. She feels the safest way is to keep her mouth shut.

              Comment


              • #8
                i'm not sure. maybe not. it depends on the evidence that is presented. you need a lawyer to handle that

                Comment


                • #9
                  !6 year old in NC wants to live with Dad in FL

                  There is never any money for the lawyer as it goes to child support. Lawyers aren't free, and I never found one that would do anything pro bono in NC. That is a big reason I left there, is all this mess and no one does anything, except turn their backs. The system really needs to be changed. When the kids are young they are to afraid to tell the truth about the abuse for fear of more abuse, by the time they get old enough to talk, no one does anything to help them. It is all about the person who gave birth and reconcillation even though the mom never follows through and does anything the court orders her to do

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Okay, bottom line...if your granddaughter wants anything to change, the abuse is going to have to be reported to CPS. Your son is going to HAVE to file for modification of the custody order to allow her to live with him. Contact the NC bar association to see what attys are on rotation for pro bono or reduced fee. He can also contact legal aid. If she contacts CPS, your son can file for emergency custody to allow her to live with him whiel the investigation is ongoing, whether she is removed from the home or not.

                    There is no other way around this. I know she is scared and it is a horrible situation to be in, but this is the only way to fix it.
                    HOOK 'EM HORNS!!!
                    How do you catch a very rare rabbit?
                    (unique up on him)
                    How do catch an ordinary rabbit?
                    (same way)

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Lorena View Post
                      Reguarding my 16 y/o granddaughter that wants to live in Fl with her dad and mom in NC has custody, Xena perhaps you need to re read the long one you didn't understand. Her mother has abused her off and on all her life even attempted to strangle her and left the nail marks on her neck for months. The courts did nothing.This was a little over 2 years ago, why would we think NC would do anything now or different. That is why we were in hopes that another state Fl might take a total look at what as gone on in this childs life,
                      and release her from her mother. Instead she has to serve another 1 1/2 years in abuse and neglect. All because the courts wants reconsillation with the birth mother, or shall we say the birth canal. Dad does not have the money to fight this, as he pays out the money in support.
                      The others have reiterated what I've said. It's unfortunate, but NC has jurisdiction and right now nothing can change that. The only way to get anything changed is for your son to go thru the NC court. The advice to have GD report the abuse/neglect and Dad to file an emergency motion is the best way to go. Your GD can talk to a worker at a mental health clinic, the police, or anyone else. Unless her Mom keeps her literally locked in the house there will be some way for her to contact people for help. I understand her fear, but unfortunately short of your son moving to NC to report it in person, it will be up to your GD to ask for help. She should fully explain how afraid she is of Mom's reaction to her getting help. Does your son have any friends or relatives up there? If he does, maybe they can do the reporting for your GD.

                      According to your posts, there is already proof of the neglect, that can be used to help prove that it's continuing. It's disturbing that nothing has been done yet. Please don't take this the wrong way, I realize that kids fall thru the cracks at times, but I can't help but wonder what else there is to this whole thing. There's alot of proof, so why hasn't your son been able to get even temp custody? Has he always been an active part of her life? If not, how long ago did he begin to be a part of her life? There's some reason that nothing has been done to protect your GD and maybe if we can figure that out, we can figure out how to help her.
                      Last edited by xena; 12-14-2006, 02:01 PM.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        16y/o who wants to go to dad in FL

                        Yes there are additional facts to this storey. I , the granddaughter have been the primary person in my granddaughters life. The dad, my son was living with GD mothers at the time of her birth and for the next year. After they broke up the mother in this drama got back together with her oldest daughters father who was also born out of wedlock and also has suffered a lot of phyical & emotional abuse. My son was allowed visits on a regular bases, and also has always paid child support. After my son, my GD father meet another woman, and married, my GD mother refused him to be allowed to see his daughter if he brought his wife with him to pick her up, so he then began bringing his father-in-law. Still the mom said no, finally after the father of the first born pulled a gun, on my son and told him not to come back, he didn't. All he was left with was the image of his daughter standing at the door crying for him. By this time the wife was also getting pretty negative about his first born and child support going out the door. I am not proud of my son for stepping back, we became estranged for years over this situation.
                        As I stated in my first long storey, my GD often stayed with me, one time was for 18 months, her father learned she was there and began coming around. ( yes he continued paying child support to the mother, we referrred to this money as money that was keeping his daughter safe while she was with me). Mom found out dad was seeing his child, snatched her away and took her back with her, that was in the later part of June, by October she had nearly strangled my granddaughter to death, and blacked both eyes. The mother has no relationship with her own mother who lives 15 min. away that grandmother has terminal cancer, there is no relationship with her own sister who my granddaughter was placed with for a short time.
                        My son and his wife of 15 years split up after he got his daughter the one we are writing about out of jail. She was mothers chaffeur while mom was drunk and step dad called the cops. Have you ever read the Boy called IT!!!
                        Anyway. my son has finally stepped up to the plate, he and I moved to Fl to make a home for my granddaughter. We thought we would be able to help her here, since NC has failed so terribly. My GD and her dad talk all the time on the boost phones. So as not to leave a trail. If you reread the first one after reading this, you will see my granddaughter needs so much help.
                        By the way the mother got off on the fact that she was contributing to a minor by having her daughter drive her around drunk, my granddaughter was 15 then, and not licensed. I think they did find her guilty of something. between 2 neighboring counties there is a novel on this mother and the neglect and abuse. There are big cracks in the system. I love my granddaughter more than life itself, and no longer know how to help her, since the department that is in place to help children have failed her and her sister terribly. Now there is another child about 18 months to grow up with this woman.

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