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Pregnant, father doesn't now - what to do? California California

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  • Pregnant, father doesn't now - what to do? California California

    deleted for privacy
    Last edited by mklh2006; 12-09-2006, 06:15 PM. Reason: privacy

  • #2
    Once the child is born, he can sue for paternity and request and pay for a DNA test to prove it.

    At that time, he can then sue for custody/visitation and you can get Child support.

    You cannot deny him access to his child if the court deems it appropriate for him to have it.

    Looks like you and your ex are linked for at least the next 18 years.
    Not everything that makes you mad, sad or uncomfortable is legally actionable.

    I am not now nor ever was an attorney.

    Any statements I make are based purely upon my personal experiences and research which may or may not be accurate in a court of law.

    Comment


    • #3
      It sounds like a restraining order might also be in order.

      Comment


      • #4
        And while he may or may not have the right to see the child, he does not have the right to see you.

        Having said that, there are many pieces of the parenting pie that you will have to decide jointly... including adoption if fatherhood is established.

        I am not sure a judge will grant a restraining order that is designed to limit visitation from a parent without a really good reason.

        Not liking the father does not fall into that category... though stalking mom might - IF the new daddy was ever dangerous. Being clueless or creepy is not dangerous.
        Not everything that makes you mad, sad or uncomfortable is legally actionable.

        I am not now nor ever was an attorney.

        Any statements I make are based purely upon my personal experiences and research which may or may not be accurate in a court of law.

        Comment


        • #5
          deleted for privacy
          Last edited by mklh2006; 12-09-2006, 06:15 PM.

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          • #6
            deleted for privacy
            Last edited by mklh2006; 12-09-2006, 06:15 PM.

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            • #7
              The secrets of your situation

              I know a few mothers in situations very much like yours. If you are COMPLETELY SERIOUS and still want to have this baby here's what they did...

              1. change your email. Still keep the one he sends emails to so that he won't know you did it but give everyone else a new one.

              2. change your phone number. Make sure there is no one who will give him your new one if he were to show up at a friend or family members house and try to get it.

              3. move if you ever suspect he may be watching you. Even a move of only a few blocks (if you don't get your mail forwarded and maybe get a PO box) can throw off a stalker.

              4. No one, I mean NO ONE, can ever know the baby was not from a sperm donor. Tell your parents you didn't want to tell them because you were afraid it wouldn't work. Then keep that story until there hasn't been a sign of your stalker for at least two years. Even do some research on how the procedure is done so that if they question you, you sound legit.

              5. Make sure your place of employment knows that your stalker is not welcome there and if he shows up he is to be told you transferred out of state.

              6. At the hospital after the birth tell them that you were date raped. Tell them you have no clue who the father is and you do not want to report it. They will leave you alone after this unless you apply for welfare.

              Please think carefully about what you are getting yourself into. I agree that it sounds like it may be the best but it's very hard to live your life hiding such a huge secret from everyone. Good luck!

              Comment


              • #8
                Typically, we do not use this board to help people to break the law.

                Until he is convicted of stalking, this is just a he said/she said and his story could be completely different. Your advice is designed to help the OP break the law... i.e. deny parenting rights due to the mother not liking the father.

                This is unacceptable.

                How would you feel if the situation was reversed? If I were giving the father advice on how to run off with the child? You would, and rightly, think me guilty of breaking the law.
                Not everything that makes you mad, sad or uncomfortable is legally actionable.

                I am not now nor ever was an attorney.

                Any statements I make are based purely upon my personal experiences and research which may or may not be accurate in a court of law.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by warriorprncss3 View Post
                  I know a few mothers in situations very much like yours. If you are COMPLETELY SERIOUS and still want to have this baby here's what they did...

                  1. change your email. Still keep the one he sends emails to so that he won't know you did it but give everyone else a new one.

                  2. change your phone number. Make sure there is no one who will give him your new one if he were to show up at a friend or family members house and try to get it.

                  3. move if you ever suspect he may be watching you. Even a move of only a few blocks (if you don't get your mail forwarded and maybe get a PO box) can throw off a stalker.

                  4. No one, I mean NO ONE, can ever know the baby was not from a sperm donor. Tell your parents you didn't want to tell them because you were afraid it wouldn't work. Then keep that story until there hasn't been a sign of your stalker for at least two years. Even do some research on how the procedure is done so that if they question you, you sound legit.

                  5. Make sure your place of employment knows that your stalker is not welcome there and if he shows up he is to be told you transferred out of state.

                  6. At the hospital after the birth tell them that you were date raped. Tell them you have no clue who the father is and you do not want to report it. They will leave you alone after this unless you apply for welfare.

                  Please think carefully about what you are getting yourself into. I agree that it sounds like it may be the best but it's very hard to live your life hiding such a huge secret from everyone. Good luck!
                  Please do not give advice that is prompting someone to LIE and break the law, that is NOT the way to fix any problem.

                  Besides being wrong, a mother should NEVER conceal the fact that a man has a child- for severla reasons:
                  1. Although she may say right now that she doesn't want CS, she can't see into the future- it will be very unfair to both child and father if she ever does need CS, or need to file for public assistance.
                  2. EVERY child has the RIGHT to have a father- as long as that father isn't going to hurt the child. To hide the child's existance is only hurting the child in the long run.
                  3. What if, God forbid, this child, even as an adult yrs from now, ever needs an organ, or bone marrow, or to even know thier biological medical history? To keep a child's existance hidden is tantamount to possibly risking thier life.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    deleted for privacy
                    Last edited by mklh2006; 12-09-2006, 06:16 PM.

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by mklh2006 View Post
                      So, how are babies sent for adoption when the mother doesn't know who the father is? Are those babies just never allowed to be put up for adoption?
                      When a mother TRULY doesn't know who the father is, or lies about it, a notice to putitive fathers is run in the legal section of the newspaper. This gives notice by publication.
                      There have been alot of cases where adoptions cannot continue or even be overturned when the father discovers that he has been defrauded, so for your child's sake you really need to do everything above board. Basically, there is only one way that you won't have to notify him or ever risk him finding out, and that's aborting. (BTW- persoanlly I am very anti abortion, however, it is legal and I do acknowledge that the law gives a woman that right).

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                      • #12
                        deleted for privacy
                        Last edited by mklh2006; 12-09-2006, 06:16 PM.

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by mklh2006 View Post
                          That is a ridiculous thing to say. I knew this person for only 29 days. And during that time, I learned enough about him to learn that he was not a good guy, and yes I did learn to be afraid of him, and I consequently broke up. Now whether or not I slept with him too soon is an entirely different question, but to say that he must not've scared me too much, as if somehow I should've known exactly what kind of person he was when we first had sex is sorta ridiculous.

                          So, how are babies sent for adoption when the mother doesn't know who the father is? Are those babies just never allowed to be put up for adoption?

                          And please, spare me the moral lesson, it is not what I came here to get, and was not related to my question. I realize you might be trying to help, but understand that the MEDICAL COMMUNITY established that I was infertile, so I was under the impression that I could NOT get pregnant. So much for medical opionion, huh?
                          Medicine is not an exact science. But here's something they do know: having unprotected sex greatly increases your risk of contracting sexually transmitted diseases. You need to keep that in mind the next time you have sex with someone you barely know.

                          Thank God you only got pregnant.

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                          • #14
                            deleted for privacy
                            Last edited by mklh2006; 12-09-2006, 06:16 PM.

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                            • #15
                              deleted for privacy
                              Last edited by mklh2006; 12-09-2006, 06:16 PM.

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