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  • knowledgeisthekey
    started a topic Help - PFA custody issues. Pennsylvania

    Help - PFA custody issues. Pennsylvania

    I am an unmarried mother of a 3 year old.
    My child's father and I split due to his drinking, drug abuse, and violent behavior.
    Along with depression and anxiety issues he is suppose to be on meds for and is not.

    I filed a PFA on him today because he bought a gun and is posting on the internet how he is going to use it on us.
    Also he is off his meds and admits to drinking and doing drugs on the internet (I have it all saved in screen shots).

    Now I was told that even with this violence, drug, mental history and threats that he still could get supervised visitation for our daughter.
    And even then still get no order to have to see someone, get back on his meds, quit the drugs, and drinking to be able to see her.

    Are these people insane? They say they care about the welfare of the child.. How is this caring about the welfare of my child?

    Please tell me this is not what they will rule..

    And what if I choose to move on in life I was accepted to some great schools
    even one in Germany.

    Am I suppose to let this abusive man rule me and my child's life forever and have to live in fear of him that one day he just might kill us?

    Just so he can see her.. Isn't all he put us threw enough?
    Last edited by knowledgeisthekey; 12-01-2006, 08:25 PM.

  • xena
    replied
    Originally posted by knowledgeisthekey View Post
    Ok today I got the pfa granted for my child and I for 3 years untill 2009.

    In that PFA it states that I have FULL custody of my daughter.

    But He is going to still file against that and file for custody.

    It says in my paper work he will do this.

    And it it says supervised visitations are to be determined threw this custody hearing that is if both parties agree.

    I was not notified of this "supervised" part of the "final order" and something different was written there the first time it was shown to me.

    I was not alerted that they had changed this.

    And signed the paper thinking it said what it has said before.

    So where does this leave me?
    Although the PFA states that you have full custody, please don't mistake that as an actual custody order. You still need to go to court to establish a regular custody order.
    The wording in the PFA is basically there to point out that the child is in your possesion and living with you, that's all.
    So, as irritating as it is, he does have the right to file for custody. Although with a PFA there's no way he'll get full custody. But, it will lead to a regular court order establishing you as the legal custodial parent, so in a way he's doing you a favor.

    The visitation issues, supervision, etc isn't a court order yet, that will be decided at the custody hearing, I agree with the other reply, it sounds like he's going to get very minimal supervised visitation.

    Leave a comment:


  • demartian
    replied
    Originally posted by knowledgeisthekey View Post
    Ok today I got the pfa granted for my child and I for 3 years untill 2009.

    In that PFA it states that I have FULL custody of my daughter.

    But He is going to still file against that and file for custody.

    It says in my paper work he will do this.

    And it it says supervised visitations are to be determined threw this custody hearing that is if both parties agree.

    I was not notified of this "supervised" part of the "final order" and something different was written there the first time it was shown to me.

    I was not alerted that they had changed this.

    And signed the paper thinking it said what it has said before.

    So where does this leave me?
    If the actual wording is that "Supervised Visitations will be determined", it sounds like the normal minimum they must include by law. Until all of the various court processes take place, they usually won't just strip a child completely away from someone unless it is proven that they won't be able to become a better parent.

    From experience, I can say that they gave my ex 5 years of chances at supervised visitation. He continuously chose alcohol and drugs over the right things and we are now having his rights terminated. In the end, it's a long process and it won't happen overnight. Just hang in there and keep on top of all the paperwork and keep friendly with the DA and whomever else is assigned to your cases.

    Leave a comment:


  • knowledgeisthekey
    replied
    Ok today I got the pfa granted for my child and I for 3 years untill 2009.

    In that PFA it states that I have FULL custody of my daughter.

    But He is going to still file against that and file for custody.

    It says in my paper work he will do this.

    And it it says supervised visitations are to be determined threw this custody hearing that is if both parties agree.

    I was not notified of this "supervised" part of the "final order" and something different was written there the first time it was shown to me.

    I was not alerted that they had changed this.

    And signed the paper thinking it said what it has said before.

    So where does this leave me?

    Leave a comment:


  • knowledgeisthekey
    replied
    Originally posted by demartian View Post
    You can apply for the sole legal custody, which will take some time to go through and may or may not depending upon all of the details.

    However, right now, work with the DA to see that you get temporary sole custody immediately based on the grounds of his violating that order. These can usually be done by the end of the day and will at least protect you both until this situation has straightened out.
    I have a question about this custody issue with the PFA.

    I was told that even if the judge grants me and my daughter the full pfa (right now its temp untill the 14th) And I get sole legal custody threw that order.

    I hear that this still is not thought of as real custody.
    Is this true and how can this be?
    And is there anyway I can enforce this custody ruling for our future and safety?

    Leave a comment:


  • demartian
    replied
    Originally posted by knowledgeisthekey View Post
    Well He violated his PFA and now has a warrant for his arrest.
    I don't know where this leaves me.

    He once again made a threat on my life.
    And on the internet where I could save it for the courts.
    And the officer recoded it.

    I am so lost at this.

    I want to apply for sole legal custody of her.
    Does this mean I can?
    You can apply for the sole legal custody, which will take some time to go through and may or may not depending upon all of the details.

    However, right now, work with the DA to see that you get temporary sole custody immediately based on the grounds of his violating that order. These can usually be done by the end of the day and will at least protect you both until this situation has straightened out.

    Leave a comment:


  • knowledgeisthekey
    replied
    Well He violated his PFA and now has a warrant for his arrest.
    I don't know where this leaves me.

    He once again made a threat on my life.
    And on the internet where I could save it for the courts.
    And the officer recoded it.

    I am so lost at this.

    I want to apply for sole legal custody of her.
    Does this mean I can?

    Leave a comment:


  • xena
    replied
    Originally posted by knowledgeisthekey View Post
    I have witness to his threats.
    I also have log of all this on the internet.
    It's on his myspace page.
    With his picture and the gun along with pictures of my daughter where he says he is teaching her to hate.

    He has placed this all on his myspace and has e-mailed me.
    Thats how I got the temp pfa to start.
    Go to court, ask for permission to move. If he files a counter petition for visitation you can request supervised visits, anger management classes and parenting classes. Take all your witness and all of the documentation you can find to court. It's possible that a Judge will order supervised visits and allow you to move out of state. (it's very iffy about going out of the country tho).

    Leave a comment:


  • knowledgeisthekey
    replied
    Originally posted by xena View Post



    Do you have RECENT police reports of violence? Have you saved the internet threats? Have you positively verified that HE actually posted the threats? Anybody can post anything on the web claiming to be someone they are not, that's why it's so important to verify who actually posted the threats. Do you have reliable witnesses who have personally seen him harm or threaten you or the child? Do you have any domestic violence counselor who can testify?
    These are all the things you'll need to even begin to try to keep visitation rights totally away. Basically the court, whenever possible will allow a parent the chance to be a good parent because evry child deserves to know both parents.

    .
    I have witness to his threats.
    I also have log of all this on the internet.
    It's on his myspace page.
    With his picture and the gun along with pictures of my daughter where he says he is teaching her to hate.

    He has placed this all on his myspace and has e-mailed me.
    Thats how I got the temp pfa to start.

    Leave a comment:


  • xena
    replied
    Originally posted by knowledgeisthekey View Post
    You see I don't see how supervised visits are going to be good for anyone.

    You don't know this man.. I didn't know this man.

    Hes a ex nazi skin head (I didn't find this out untill after 3 years with his man and I was pregnant).

    You say I chose to have a baby with this man and my only option is adoption.
    This sounds a little harsh.
    You don't know the history of this relationship.
    He hid much of his past from me and was from another state.
    He has not one tie with his family.

    I had no clue who I was with to me he was a nice guy for the first few years.
    Sober and kind.

    But now I know his past and he is a raging drug addict drunk that wants to kill me and my child.
    How is this my fault?

    You say adoption is my only way to change my life and get away from this abusive man. She is my life.. She is all I have.
    I guess its every batter womans fault that the men they get with are not what they seem. And I should just give him the bullets and some drugs and paint a red x on my daughters head. To me this is what it sounds like.

    This is enraging to me.

    I am not as stupid is to remove my child from the country without permission.
    But my question is will they let me? Even if he has supervised custody?
    Or do I just give up and let him rule us forever.?
    I'm sorry, but I'm trying to help you by showing you what a Judge will see. Once you have that knowledge you'll know exactly what evidence/documentation you need to gather before going to court.

    Going soley on what you have posted- this is what a Judge will see:

    The father is a FORMER nazi skinhead:
    Who for at least 3 years did NOT live that lifestyle or show any indications of being violent.
    The father is a drug user, alcohol abuser who, for at least 3 years did NOT use drugs or abuse alcohol or give any indication that he was capable of using.

    The father hid his past from you and did not have any family relationship, yes the Judge will see that, but from a purely legal standpoint those 2 things are irrelevant and do not give any indication that a person is a danger to thier child. Which really is a good thing because it cannot be held against you that you did not check into his background or ask the right questions, etc. You, like every other normal person, fell in love and took the person's word for things based on thier actions at the time. You cannot be blamed for that legally, nor can he be legally blamed for hiding his past.

    So what you need to work on is proving that although he behaved for at least 3 yrs, he has now gone back to his old ways and is a danger to your child. I'm sorry, I know this is hard to understand, but legally, the court deciding visitation doesn't care about what he feels about you or you about him- all they focus on is will the father be a danger to the child or not.

    Do you have RECENT police reports of violence? Have you saved the internet threats? Have you positively verified that HE actually posted the threats? Anybody can post anything on the web claiming to be someone they are not, that's why it's so important to verify who actually posted the threats. Do you have reliable witnesses who have personally seen him harm or threaten you or the child? Do you have any domestic violence counselor who can testify?
    These are all the things you'll need to even begin to try to keep visitation rights totally away. Basically the court, whenever possible will allow a parent the chance to be a good parent because evry child deserves to know both parents.

    NO- it is NOT a battered woman's fault. And no one, most of all me, will ever say to just let them kill someone. You have misunderstood what I was saying. Believe it or not, there are people who can change and be good fathers, and I do know what I'm talking about because my oldest child's father was abusive to me, even held a loaded shotgun to my head once. But when he was given the chance to change and be a good father he did change. Your ex managed to change himself for at least 3 years, so obviously he's capable of being a good person, who knows he might end up being a goodd father after all. And if he isn't, with supervised visits you'll have an easier time protecting your child if he doesn't want to be a good father.
    demartian has some excellant suggestions, please look into them.

    Leave a comment:


  • knowledgeisthekey
    replied
    You see I don't see how supervised visits are going to be good for anyone.

    You don't know this man.. I didn't know this man.

    Hes a ex nazi skin head (I didn't find this out untill after 3 years with his man and I was pregnant).

    You say I chose to have a baby with this man and my only option is adoption.
    This sounds a little harsh.
    You don't know the history of this relationship.
    He hid much of his past from me and was from another state.
    He has not one tie with his family.

    I had no clue who I was with to me he was a nice guy for the first few years.
    Sober and kind.

    But now I know his past and he is a raging drug addict drunk that wants to kill me and my child.
    How is this my fault?

    You say adoption is my only way to change my life and get away from this abusive man. She is my life.. She is all I have.
    I guess its every batter womans fault that the men they get with are not what they seem. And I should just give him the bullets and some drugs and paint a red x on my daughters head. To me this is what it sounds like.

    This is enraging to me.

    I am not as stupid is to remove my child from the country without permission.
    But my question is will they let me? Even if he has supervised custody?
    Or do I just give up and let him rule us forever.?

    Leave a comment:


  • xena
    replied
    Originally posted by knowledgeisthekey View Post
    I am an unmarried mother of a 3 year old.
    My child's father and I split due to his drinking, drug abuse, and violent behavior.
    Along with depression and anxiety issues he is suppose to be on meds for and is not.

    I filed a PFA on him today because he bought a gun and is posting on the internet how he is going to use it on us.
    Also he is off his meds and admits to drinking and doing drugs on the internet (I have it all saved in screen shots).

    Now I was told that even with this violence, drug, mental history and threats that he still could get supervised visitation for our daughter.
    And even then still get no order to have to see someone, get back on his meds, quit the drugs, and drinking to be able to see her.

    Are these people insane? They say they care about the welfare of the child.. How is this caring about the welfare of my child?

    Please tell me this is not what they will rule..

    And what if I choose to move on in life I was accepted to some great schools
    even one in Germany.

    Am I suppose to let this abusive man rule me and my child's life forever and have to live in fear of him that one day he just might kill us?

    Just so he can see her.. Isn't all he put us threw enough?
    Usually supervised visitation is ordered. This is NOT as bad as it sounds, supervised means that it will never be just him and the child. There will always be someone there to make sure the child isn't hurt. Quite often though when a parent with anger issues finds out that thier visits are to be supervised they don't take advantage of the visitation rights.

    The court cannot ORDER anyone to take meds, quit drinking, etc. The court CAN order parenting classes or agner management classes, so do ask for those.

    It is STRONGLY advised (others might confirm this) that you NOT take your child out of the country or even to another area/state. The father will have the right to get a court to order you to return the child to thier jurisdiction.
    Take care of the custody/CS/vistation issues first and then if the court okays it you can move.

    Yes, in a way you will have to deal with the abusive man for the next 18 yrs. You have CHOSEN to have a child with him, the ONLY way to make sure that he never bothers you or the child would be for you to give your child up for adoption. Make sure to document everything, get police reports whenever there is a problem, and take it all to the court. If the court does order supervised visitation you'll still need to keep records in case they're ever needed.

    To give you some hope though- if you have enough eveidence to convince a Judge that he is truly a danger to his child (not you) maybe the court will order very little vistation.

    Leave a comment:

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