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  • help us with custody issue?

    hello, my husband has a 4 yr old son by another women. We have been married for 2 yrs and have a 1 yr old son. His son, Tommy, loves being around us and has soo much fun with us, but tommys mom refuses to let us see him. She is intimidated by me playing step mom...she is terrified at the thought of loosing her son. so, we have a visitation order to see tommy, his mom wont ever let us have him, we have been all around with this case..We have heard many bad things about her current husband, about how he mistreats her, and Tommy. She has 3 kids by 3 different men, on her 2nd marriage , lives with her dad and is only 23.She refuses to work, she will for a wk or 2 then quit. We have decided to try and go after custody seeing as she is in contempt of court with visitation and all. What do you think are chances are of getting Tommy? And any advice would be great. Thanks

  • #2
    What State do you live in?? Some are easier than others for Father's to get Custody.

    Do you have DOCUMENTATION of her boyfriend being abusive?? "Hearsay" won't cut it in court.

    Do you have records or her relationships?? That's not easy to keep track of but the more you have the less it becomes a "he said" "she said" situation. Courts go by what can be proven, or seem to.

    Get a good Attorney!!! It will be expensive but it will be worth it.

    Contempt of Court issues are not enough in my State to get Custody, you have to literally destroy the Custodial parent in Court. If she is on drugs, that will help, her many relationships will help, her abusive boyfriend will add IF there are police records or other documented records of abuse.

    Good Luck!

    Comment


    • #3
      On a previous post you said that your husband wanted to sign over his rights, and that her husband wanted to adopt. You said that signing over his rights was what "EVERYONE" wanted. You also said that your husband didn't want the kid because his mom was a major B. What has changed?

      If she is not allowing visitation, have her charged with contempt. But it seems very odd that your husband would go from wanting to terminate his rights to wanting custody.

      The fact that she is young and has children with multiple men does not mean she is a bad mother. After all, your husband has children with multiple women. Unless she is actually unfit, as in the children are walking barefoot over mom's broken crack pipe in the house, she will retain custody. But you need to make sure the visitation order is enforced. The reason she doesn't let your husband see the child is because he lets her get away with it. So stop letting her get away with it.

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by MomofBoys View Post
        On a previous post you said that your husband wanted to sign over his rights, and that her husband wanted to adopt. You said that signing over his rights was what "EVERYONE" wanted. You also said that your husband didn't want the kid because his mom was a major B. What has changed?

        If she is not allowing visitation, have her charged with contempt. But it seems very odd that your husband would go from wanting to terminate his rights to wanting custody.

        The fact that she is young and has children with multiple men does not mean she is a bad mother. After all, your husband has children with multiple women. Unless she is actually unfit, as in the children are walking barefoot over mom's broken crack pipe in the house, she will retain custody. But you need to make sure the visitation order is enforced. The reason she doesn't let your husband see the child is because he lets her get away with it. So stop letting her get away with it.
        we were going to sign over his rights, we all felt that was best under the circumstances. since we decided to do that we found out that he husband is verbally,mentally and emotionally abusive to my stepson, among other things. So we think that he doesnt need to be around that. He treats my stepsons mother bad as well in public, in front of the kids. I hate how people judge without knowing the circumstances of everything. You say she isnt a bad mother, but in fact--she is. My husband was with her for 7 yrs for her to turn around and do this to him, we were married before i got pregnant, so the cases are different from her having a 4 yr old , 1 yr old and a 4 month old. all from different men. she plays with her kids head...uses them as pawns in her game. and we will no longer stand for it. Thanks for all ur advice. I appreciate it!

        Comment


        • #5
          I'm not judging, I promise. And I didn't say that she wasn't a bad mother, I said that having children with multiple men doesn't MAKE her a bad mother. I myself had a child with a previous boyfriend, then a child with my husband. It's very common. I think what I am saying is that no judge will want to hear you complain about how many men she has children with, because it has no baring on your husband's case. It is true that your husband has children with multiple women as well, regardless of the fact that he was married to one of them.

          If your husband was with her for 7 years, that means the oldest she could have possibly been when they started dating (if you factor in how much time it took for you to meet him, marry him, and have a baby together as well) was 15. A judge isn't going to want to hear about a messy high school relationship either.

          If the boy is being abused, GET PROOF. Take him to the doctor and have him checked out. Call CPS. Find witnesses, and get a lawyer to help you gather evidence. If the stepdad is just a jerk, that's heartbreaking, but not reason enough to remove her child. But like I said, unless you have proof that she is unfit, ACTUALLY UNFIT, she will retain custody. Saying bad things in front of her child about your husband is crazy-maddening, but doesn't qualify her as unfit. And accusing her or the step-dad of abuse without real proof will land you in a lot of hot water.

          I wish all of you well. Remember, just because you are the "step-mom" doens't mean you can't be a powerful female figure for this child. Tell your husband to keep fighting for his visitation, and you will both have a positive effect on his life.

          Comment


          • #6
            Thanks again for ur help. I do realize that her other kids dont effect this case, just as my son doesnt. But i do think that her being in contempt right now will help us a lot. She has given us no number to reach her, she just moved from her apt. so we dont know where she lives. So refuses to abid by the visitation order that she claims in void because we havent came to get him in so long because she wont let us have him. etc..etc..etc...the list goes on..that girl is a real piece of work. now as far as abuse, we have witnesses saying the husband verbally abuses him. As far as any physical abuse, we dont know. But the child has told us some pretty bad things about how the stepdad acts. do you think that will fly in court? or no?

            Comment


            • #7
              No, people saying what they heard won't make a difference, especially since those people are probably biased toward you. There have been plenty of times when I've seen angry mothers in the grocery store and thought they were acting a little crazy, but I know I've also flown off the handle when my son decides that my lipstick would make pretty pictures on the wall. Yelling or (sadly) even belittling the boy in public is a jerky move, but not an abusive one.

              Your husband should petition the court to have a guardian ad litem appointed to his son. The guardian will work with BOTH families and be able to provide the court with an unbiased account of what goes on and what is best for the child. The issue of custody will be decided from there, but even if she retains custody, it will probably help with the visitation issue. If you live nearby (within an hour or two), your husband should get every other weekend and one night a week, plus summer vacation time and alternate holidays. But you will probably be expected to wipe the slate clean, ie, forget all that she has done or not done and what your husband has done or not done, and move forward from here. The most important part is your husband re-establishing and MAINTAINING a relationship with his son.

              I thought she lived with her father. Start there. Then various places of emloyment. Then your stepson's doctor (your husband should be allowed to see his medical records). Then places where you think she'd be (like anywhere people witnessed the stepdad being a jerk to the boy). Disappearing is not as easy as it sounds, especially with three small children in tow.

              Comment


              • #8
                thats a good point...we "know" where she lives...but she doesnt know we know where she lives..make sense?? lol..she wont tell us...i know from some friends of mine....lol..i have eyes everywhere...j/k...but...one of the people i have heard about her husband from is her cousin...so...do u think emails from her cousin telling me these things would stand? His mother refuses to let us anywhere near anything that deals with his life..she wont tell us who his dr is or what preschool he goes to...nothing. no one in her family will either besides her cousin, but she doesnt tell her anything important for fear she might tell us. as of right now, we are supposed to have tommy every saturday from 10-6pm and every tuesday and thursday for 4 hours, we get him most of the holidays and our family bdays for approx. 2-4 when she is not busy with him.we cant take him out of delaware county(which is where we live) but have family in columbus and such. she even went as far as to get a restraining order so to speak againist me, so i cant come with my husband to pick up tommy, i wasnt allowed on her apts property or i would get arrested..haha..what the hell did i do? when it was even stated between the 2 of them that if my husband couldnt get tommy, i could ..see how sneaky and 2faced she is....i dont know what to do. but i wont stand for this child being abused in any way...you know. thats not right by any means!!

                Comment


                • #9
                  No, those e-mails will mean nothing to a judge. Even though the it's her cousin, the person is still biased to you, plus it is hearsay.

                  I am assuming that your husband has had paternity, visitation and child support all established. Does he have joint custody? The only way she can keep him from knowing where the child goes to school or who his doctor is is if she has sole custody. If that is the case, your husband needs to 1. ask for a guardian ad litem and 2. ask for JOINT custody. With joint custody, she will retain physical custody, but he has rights when it comes to schooling, medical care, etc.

                  Like I said, wipe the slate clean. I know how aggravating it is when the other person is a total loser. But without proof of abuse, a judge doesn't want to hear it. As far as him picking up the child alone, I would say pick your battles, and that isn't one of them. If it makes her feel more comfortable having him pick the child up alone (for any reason, even if she's just purposely being difficult), then just let it be. Sounds to me like she is threatened by the other woman in his life. Don't give her reason to create an even more difficult situation.

                  Your husband should get an attorney and file for the guardian ad litem TODAY. That's the best way to get the ball rolling.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    she has sole custody as far as i know. We are going to go file for contempt of court as soon as i get paid next wk. How would we request a guardian? how much does it cost?

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Lanesmommy View Post
                      she has sole custody as far as i know. We are going to go file for contempt of court as soon as i get paid next wk. How would we request a guardian? how much does it cost?
                      You will have to file a motion in the county where the child resides. Look for your circuit clerk online for more information on where to file. I don't know about court costs, but I would REALLY suggest hiring an attorney. Custody is a sensitive issue, and you wouldn't want major setbacks because you used the wrong form. Attorneys are expensive, but most can be very understanding and work with you on a payment schedule if money is an issue. The reason they get paid so much is because they perform a service yuo just can't do yourself, same as doctors. And it's worth it.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        you right...i really appreciate your help..thanks for all your time and advice..i will keep u posted on what happens..thanks again..Tamara

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          As you may be preparing for court there are certain things that you need to do:

                          Document each time your husband goes to get the child and the visitation is denied. This is best accomplished if you have a police officer come to the house (hers) after she denies the visitation. You don't want to call the police for every pick up unless she starts claiming things against your husband. He may want to take a "third party" (not you if the relationship between she and you is strained) come to witness the exchanges.

                          Go to any police department where she has lived and check for all incident and arrest reports. If the boyfriend has any of these types of reports, it could help your case especially if he has been involved in illegal or violent activities. They usually charge 10 cents per page for incident reports and $3-4 for arrest reports.

                          Check this link: http://www.callcorder.com/phone-reco...aw-america.htm
                          to see if it okay to record conversations he has with her in regards to visitations (including those that have been denied), or anything else pertaining to his son.

                          Ask, should you go to court, for psychological evaluations and drug tests for Mom and BF. (then be prepared to comply with the same)

                          When deciding custody, courts do take into account which parent is more likely to facilitate contact with the other parent and the stability of the home the child is living in. If the boyfriend (or she) has a record, that could sway things in your husbands direction. (provided he doesn't have a record)


                          Good Luck.

                          BTW: The only time anything her cousin says counts for anything is if the cousin testifies in court or your attorney takes a formal statement. In our case the mother's aunt tipped us off to what was going on in my step daughter's home but when asked to testify to what she told us, she was unwilling to go on the record. Lucky for us, Children's services investigated her claims and eventually removed the children so we could then get my step daughter. All of my suggestions above where what helped in our custody case.
                          Don't listen to a word I say because ya know I've gotta be crazy to be a Brown's fan.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            We have taken cops to her house before and she wont even open the door for them. The cops legally cant make her hand the child over just document that we went there to get him. They said that it looks good for us though. Would we be able to get a copy of the reports?

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Yes you can get copies of the reports. This is the kind of documentation you need to make your case. Like I said before, get copies of all reports involving both the mother and the boyfriend. It is public information. Most of the time they don't even ask why you want them but if they do, explain that your husband is being denied his visitation and you need the records for the custody case. If for any reason they deny your request (I've never run into that problem as it was actually a police officer that told me I could get all my step daughters mom's (and her husbands) records.) have your attorney subpoena the records. It will cost you more to do it this way though because then your paying an attorney to do it.

                              Keep involving the police when she denies the visitations. Give her enough rope............
                              Don't listen to a word I say because ya know I've gotta be crazy to be a Brown's fan.

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