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14 yr old daughter needs help PLEASE READ!! Pennsylvania

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  • 14 yr old daughter needs help PLEASE READ!! Pennsylvania

    Hello everyone. I am a single father of a 14 yr old girl and 5 yr old giirl who has 50/50 split custody with their mom, alternating weeks. My 14 yr old brought information to me concerning numerous things taking place in the mothers home. This arrangement has worked fine for 3 1/2 yrs until 6 months ago when mom met a new boyfriend, 7th since her and I split by the way, and he has moved into moms home 1 month after meeting her. He is very controlling towards the mom and the children, threatening to leave her if she talks to me, and tells the children he doesn't want my name brought up in their home while they are with them and tells them they can't call me or vice versa while with their mom. My daughters relationship with her mom has deteriorated to the point where "HATE is the only word she can come up with to describe how she feels. Both my girls are very depressed and for 4 -6 months have had no desire to return to their mothers home. My 14 yr old had an in cam,era interview with judge and attorneys on 10/18/06 and according to my attorney , took her mother through the mud and gave the judge an earful and a half. HOWEVER, 11/14/06 there was a hearing and my 14 yr old was not present per the judges request. The mother, the boyfriend and a friend of mom and moms mother all lied through their teeth on the stand and the order was changed to order mandatory counseling, change of pick up and drop off times at moms request, and they forced me to switch weeks with mom because she wanted me to. It appears to me that my 14 yr old doesn't matter in the deal and I am scared for her life. She has sent me emails saying, "Dad, I don't know what I'm going to do if you don't get full custody", and "Dad, I just wanna die but I won't because I have you" and I'm truly scared for her. I asked my attorney about an appeal and he said he feels the mom and boyfriend will be held in contempt of a court order before the appeal would ever get heard. The mom and boyfriend according to my attorney, "hung themselves" about a dozen times throughout their testimony via arguing with the judge, making snide remarks and actually being caught in lies by the judge, and he himself was full of anger at the judges ruling. Does anyone have any input on why the judge may have "catered" to them in my opinion, and totally disregarded my 14 yr old daughters feelings and wants??
    The only thing good about the outcome is mandatory counseling for her and the mom even had the gull to ask the judge why her and I both were ordered to go with the 14 yr old and sit in during her first session since all the problems are happening at her house. He also ordered that I be allowed to call my daughters on Wednesday night at 8:30 and she be allowed to call my home on Wednesday night at 8:30 while the children are with me. He "coddled" the boyfriend calling him a "sullen" individual and felt he was looked at by people as mean an unfriendly, but really is just a nice guy. How lame is that. He treats my daughter like garbage, has brought her to tears on many occasions with insults, argues about me in front of the girls, and emotionally, she is a wreck. How old does a child have to be in PA to petition the court herself to hear her case?? I believe the judges decision is going to do nothing more than breed additional hate towards her mother and boyfriend and the ones who testified on her mothers behalf including her grandmother. There is no way she can walk away from this and not see that the system has truly given her the shaft unless the judge ruled this way as part of a plan he may have regarding this matter. Any advice would be greatly appreciated as I as her father cannot consider this "OVER" until my daughters are both happy. I don't mean that ion a revengeful way, I mean it in that I will do everything the law will alllow me to do to get this resolved ....for the betterment of my daughters. Someone told me that at 14 yrs old the judge will take into consideration the childs concerns and wishes but that totally did not happpen in this case. I was calm and respectful in the courtroom, and the mother was interrupting, arguing, and just very hateful and walked away in her eyes, "a winner". I am so confused here but moreso concerned my daughters well being once she is aware of the outcome going against her wishes. Any help would be a blessing.

  • #2
    Your post is long with all the sentences running together and is hard to read. I understand that you are in an emotional situation but please edit your post putting it into paragraphs so that it'll be easier to read and understand. You'll get a lot more respones if you do.

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by jlynne3662 View Post
      Hello everyone. I am a single father of a 14 yr old girl and 5 yr old giirl who has 50/50 split custody with their mom, alternating weeks. My 14 yr old brought information to me concerning numerous things taking place in the mothers home. This arrangement has worked fine for 3 1/2 yrs until 6 months ago when mom met a new boyfriend, 7th since her and I split by the way, and he has moved into moms home 1 month after meeting her. He is very controlling towards the mom and the children, threatening to leave her if she talks to me, and tells the children he doesn't want my name brought up in their home while they are with them and tells them they can't call me or vice versa while with their mom. My daughters relationship with her mom has deteriorated to the point where "HATE is the only word she can come up with to describe how she feels. Both my girls are very depressed and for 4 -6 months have had no desire to return to their mothers home. My 14 yr old had an in cam,era interview with judge and attorneys on 10/18/06 and according to my attorney , took her mother through the mud and gave the judge an earful and a half. HOWEVER, 11/14/06 there was a hearing and my 14 yr old was not present per the judges request. The mother, the boyfriend and a friend of mom and moms mother all lied through their teeth on the stand and the order was changed to order mandatory counseling, change of pick up and drop off times at moms request, and they forced me to switch weeks with mom because she wanted me to. It appears to me that my 14 yr old doesn't matter in the deal and I am scared for her life. She has sent me emails saying, "Dad, I don't know what I'm going to do if you don't get full custody", and "Dad, I just wanna die but I won't because I have you" and I'm truly scared for her. I asked my attorney about an appeal and he said he feels the mom and boyfriend will be held in contempt of a court order before the appeal would ever get heard. The mom and boyfriend according to my attorney, "hung themselves" about a dozen times throughout their testimony via arguing with the judge, making snide remarks and actually being caught in lies by the judge, and he himself was full of anger at the judges ruling. Does anyone have any input on why the judge may have "catered" to them in my opinion, and totally disregarded my 14 yr old daughters feelings and wants??
      The only thing good about the outcome is mandatory counseling for her and the mom even had the gull to ask the judge why her and I both were ordered to go with the 14 yr old and sit in during her first session since all the problems are happening at her house. He also ordered that I be allowed to call my daughters on Wednesday night at 8:30 and she be allowed to call my home on Wednesday night at 8:30 while the children are with me. He "coddled" the boyfriend calling him a "sullen" individual and felt he was looked at by people as mean an unfriendly, but really is just a nice guy. How lame is that. He treats my daughter like garbage, has brought her to tears on many occasions with insults, argues about me in front of the girls, and emotionally, she is a wreck. How old does a child have to be in PA to petition the court herself to hear her case?? I believe the judges decision is going to do nothing more than breed additional hate towards her mother and boyfriend and the ones who testified on her mothers behalf including her grandmother. There is no way she can walk away from this and not see that the system has truly given her the shaft unless the judge ruled this way as part of a plan he may have regarding this matter. Any advice would be greatly appreciated as I as her father cannot consider this "OVER" until my daughters are both happy. I don't mean that ion a revengeful way, I mean it in that I will do everything the law will alllow me to do to get this resolved ....for the betterment of my daughters. Someone told me that at 14 yrs old the judge will take into consideration the childs concerns and wishes but that totally did not happpen in this case. I was calm and respectful in the courtroom, and the mother was interrupting, arguing, and just very hateful and walked away in her eyes, "a winner". I am so confused here but moreso concerned my daughters well being once she is aware of the outcome going against her wishes. Any help would be a blessing.
      A 14 year old does not get to decide where they want to live. You are forgetting a few things... a judge is going to look at a child who is "tearing apart" a parent as disrespectful and non-obiediant. THe judge has modified the schedule and sent your daughter/ex to counseling to work out the problems that they are having. It's not about the mom winning or you losing ... it's about what is best for the kids. Perhaps what is best IS to try to FIX the situation.

      Comment


      • #4
        You did get some things out of the hearing although I know that you were disappointed with the outcome. The judge did see some basis for taking some action (even if the action wasn't what you wanted it also wasn't what your ex wanted either).

        Her custody now hinges on whether or not she follows the court ordered counseling. If she does not, that is a contempt action waiting to happen and would also show the court that she is not really interested in her daughter's welfare. If she does not show up to the counseling sessions (let her miss two before you file anything), file for contempt and have your attorney make sure it is heard in front of the same judge. Usually judges go by a weekly schedule as to what type of hearing on what day and when they are on duty. Tell your attorney that he needs to be "booked" on every day except when that judge is hearing contempt cases (when scheduling your contempt hearing). Judges are funny this way. Contempt another judges ruling and they slap people on the wrist, contempt their ruling and it isn't pretty. Ego I guess.

        As far as your daughters are concerned, I'm sorry this is going on. There is a "thing" that goes on with mothers and daughters when the daughter reaches the teenage years and it is rarely pretty. The fact that your ex has such a record of broken relationships probably does not help, then again, if she stays the course, this one won't last long either.

        Still, up until my oldest daughter reached 14, things were truly GREAT. Then, without warning, I was the idiot that she wanted to die. When she turned 16, her Dad baited her with the promise of a car. I told him that if she was given something like that (my parents offered to give her theirs but I told her she would have to pay them at least 100 a month for two years, still less than 1/2 the value of the car) she should have to earn it (pay for maintenance, or insurance, or token payments, SOMETHING) or she would not appreciate it. He bought her a car anyway, I was a selfish B, she packed her things while I was at work one weekend and moved to her Dad's (he actually had a "1/2 child support party", banners and all). "Dad bought me a car", "Dad doesn't question where I'm going or who I'm with", "Dad always loved me more than you", "Dad buys me Abercrombie, American Eagle, etc..., etc..." Two blown engines, one transmission, a radiator, a starter, two batteries, 6 tires, a water pump, 2 brake jobs with rotor replacement, (all of which he tried to get me to pay half for) and 1&1/2 years later, she got pregnant, he kicked her out to live with "baby daddy" (because I told her she could, but he could not, live here with me) in a two bedroom trailer with the guys exgf, their twins, his mother and her boyfriend, his two sisters, 2 dogs and 5 cats. Who won't take her calls now? Dad. Who is the idiot that must die? Dad. (no I do not encourage it)

        Sorry about that. It really wasn't so much a rant as much as....I know this is difficult but, please realize that your daughter needs both parents on the same page and if counseling gets you there, chalk it up as a win. If it doesn't, go for contempt without hesitation. You did great in court before, keep it up.

        One last thing, courts move slower than snail snot when making decisions to change custody. In some cases that is good, in yours, not so much. Try to be patient (hard as it is) and don't give up being a good, concerned father.
        Don't listen to a word I say because ya know I've gotta be crazy to be a Brown's fan.

        Comment


        • #5
          Thanks Ohio Step Mom

          Thank you for the encouragement. I do have nothing but the utmost concern for my daughters welfare and seeing her as unhappy as she is makes me feel horrible. I know the bf in the situation is the brunt of the problem but I'm adult enough to know that as long as he is in their lives and the children are in my life that he and I must at minimum, "tolerate " each other. Even in court he made comments insinuating he doesn't have to get along with me, although the judge told him otherwise. He told my 14 yr old that he is determined to keep the mother and I from speaking to one another and he succeeded. Two weeks prior to meeting this guy, the mother was borrowing my push mower and then "poofff" .....not as much as even a glance at me. The only reason I remained civil with her to begin with was for my daughters sake. Now.....since the judge ordered I be allowed to call their home while daughters are there, the bf has my 14 yr old scared to death while talking to me becaause he said her calls are being recorded and they won't let her talk unless they are within earshot of her. They said she could email me two times a week followed by.."we have access to your email so watch what you tell your father". Just today.my daughters road the bus home to my house to "exchange" the girls just this one time as we switched weeks this week as the judge granted. (normally switch Sunday evening) My 5 yr old daughter takes a "doctor prescribed" multi vitamin and the mother was called asking her to drop them off or somehow get them to me. She told my 14 yr old, "I filled the prescription so they will stay at my house"?????? I can't see a doctor giving me a "seperate" prescription for these just because the mother wants to be ignorant and not send them back and forth. I've paid for every months supply of these since she started the vitamins and we sent them back and forth each week and now that she paid for them this one time......she feels my 5 yr old should only get them while at her house. Is that not lame or what?? I know of no doctor who will write two precriptions for the same medication for reason of split custody but for some reason she thinks they will I guess. I have no problem with her staying clear of me but when doing so is hurting the children, it becomes a problem for me. I just see this ruling breeding more hate from my daughter towards her mother and her grades in school since ruling have deteriorated.....almost as if she is saying "I don't give a %$%$ anymore". As sad as that may be. I have been told by many that I'm an exceptional father and it makes me feel good to hear that however I am feeling as though I'm helpless here. I agree that my only hope here is that we fix the problem through counseling but seeing what I've seen/ heard since the hearing, it appears as though it's going to be a very difficult task. It hurts badly to see my daughters suffer emotionally at the expense of their mother who is putting a man she has known for such a short period in front of them knowing full well he dislikes the children as much as they dislike him. I can't understand how someone can scare someone into NOT talking about , or email about what goes on in their house and not have a clue as to why it is looked at as "hiding something". Maybe that is just me but I know for a fact that I could care less what my daughters tell them about what goes on here or what I talk about. Paranoia maybe?? I don't know. I just ask that people do for my children all that I feel I can do presently......PRAY!! Best solution is that we both, mother and father, keep the split custody arrangement working towards the same goal but again.........this mother has totally lost sight of what is really important here and that is 2 beautiful girls who are paying dearly for her selfishness.

          Comment


          • #6
            The kids are always the ones that pay when one parent (or their boyfriend) has an agenda.

            This may seem tedious but you need to document all interactions and issues that arise. The vitamins, the "within earshot" remarks, the email invasion of privacy, whether or not the exchanges go well, everything.

            See, my bet is that you will end up having to file contempt charges eventually. Complete documentation is sometimes crucial to proving your case.

            Just out of curiosity, did your ex or her bf tell you directly that the conversations are being recorded? If not, there are penalties (felony charges) for recording conversations in everyday situations without the knowledge of all parties in your state. Pennsylvania is a "two party" state:

            Pennsylvania

            Pennsylvania requires the consent of all parties. 18 Pa. Cons. Stat. Ann. Sec. 5704(4) with the following exception: any individual may record a phone conversation without the other party's consent if:

            The non-consenting party threatens the life or physical well being of the consenting party, or any member of his/her family.

            The non-consenting party commits any criminal action (the statute specifically uses the example of telling the consenting party that they have marijuana they want the consenter to buy, but does state ANY criminal act).

            Felony penalties may be imposed for violation of the Pennsylvania statute.



            So basically, if they are threatening you or your children, you can record without their knowledge and present the recordings as evidence in a hearing. However if that is not the case and they have not directly informed you of the recording activity, you may be able to file charges.


            Just a thought


            Good Luck
            Don't listen to a word I say because ya know I've gotta be crazy to be a Brown's fan.

            Comment


            • #7
              start keeping documentation of your situation.
              All Things Pennsylvania Family Law

              Comment


              • #8
                Scared for my daughters "emotional well being" in PA

                I've posted on here before and have an update and seriously need help for m y daughters sake. I sought Primary custody of my 2 daughters, case was heard on 11/14/06 and judge ordered mandatory counseling for my 14 yr old daughter who seemns to be affected with the most "emotional abuse" at the hands of her mother and controlling , jealous boyfriend. We used the same counselor who saw my daughter 3 times before court, who after each visit told me, "No child should have to live this way". My daughter has seen counselor twice since judge ordered and now counselor is tellimg my daughter, "Is it really worth stressing over all the negative instead of just dealing with it"? My daughters hope of things getting any better in her mothers home completely vanished with that comment and I am at my wits end as to why a counselor would tell her that. If she was able to just "deal with it" she wouldn't be seeing her in the first place. The mother and boyfriend constantly insult her to tears, threaten to kill me, curse in front of her and my 5 yr old repeatedly, in most cases while talking derogatory about me, which the judge ordered they NOT do but the court order seems to be worth no more then the paper it's printed on. They demand there be no contact with me while in their care via in person, email or phone with the exception of one phone call initiated by me at 8:30 on Wednesday, ordered/allowed by the judge of which they told my daughter they are going to start hanging up the phone as soon as I call just to have "proof" i called if I try to take them for contempt. My daughter tells me she just don't feel it's worth talking about any more if nobody is going to help her. Meanwhile , her and my 5 tr old are absolutely miserable while with there mother and her response is, "tough, just deal with it".
                I sooooooo want to help them through legal avenues but I'm feeling more and more as the legal system has truly let us down and sided with the mother and boyfriend who drink, do drugs, curse like a sailor, neglect the children by letting them run the house while they sit in their bedroom all evening, degrade me in front of the children like I'm an animal, scream things towards me while talking on the phone with daughters etc. Each week since court, the phone call I make to children either results in them begging me to bring them home or them crying and yelling at their mother and boyfriend to stop screaming towards me. It is a sad situation and I'm looking forv any "additional" avenue I can take to help the situation. Preferrably get primary custody but if that can't happen, I need help for my children so they are not "emotional basketr cases" for years to come from abuse like this at the age they are. I love my children dearly but the system is allowing them to be treated miserably by the mother and I feel nothing I have done thusfar, $2500.00 later has done anything but made matters worse. Please, if you are familiar with the laws of PA and rights I or even my children have to stop this abuse, I would greatly appreciate your input. Thank you in advance and God Bless!!

                Comment


                • #9
                  NOTE: I am not a lawyer and I am not in your state. I cannot give you legal advice and I do not know the law in your state.

                  However, your post reminds me of something my stepdaughter went through when she was roughly the same age as your daughter and her relationship with her mother suddenly went south. Not for the same reason, and not as badly as your daughter is going through, but badly enough.

                  I did not meet my husband until after this occurance, so I can't tell you how it came about. What I can tell you is that eventually my husband DID get primary custody of his daughter. So there is hope.

                  If you have not been court-ordered to use this specific counselor, find a different one. Sometimes it takes a few tries to find one that "clicks".

                  Best wishes.
                  The above answer, whatever it is, assumes that no legally binding and enforceable contract or CBA says otherwise. If it does, then the terms of the contract or CBA apply.

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