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Wanting custody Back!! Iowa

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  • Wanting custody Back!! Iowa

    I lost custody of my sons, because of the way I was chosing to live my life. I now have completely changed my life around, And I just want them here with me? How do I go about this? And is it possible? Please help!!

  • #2
    who has the kids? When were they taken? And who took them the state or there father?

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    • #3
      And has there been a significant change in the CHILDREN'S lives since custody was awarded to whomever else? (assuming that they are not in state custody)
      HOOK 'EM HORNS!!!
      How do you catch a very rare rabbit?
      (unique up on him)
      How do catch an ordinary rabbit?
      (same way)

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      • #4
        Ahh, I read your other thread. The children are living with their father. You will have to show that the father is unfit and that the CHILDREN'S living situation has significantly changed since thier father was awarded custody. I know it seems unfair, but just because you got your life back on track (congrats, btw) the court is not going to uproot and disrupt the children's lives (school, routines, stability as they know it, friends, etc.) without a very good reason as to why it would be in their best intrests.

        Do you have visitation of any sort?
        HOOK 'EM HORNS!!!
        How do you catch a very rare rabbit?
        (unique up on him)
        How do catch an ordinary rabbit?
        (same way)

        Comment


        • #5
          I live 6 hours away from my children, so visitation is basically not happining! My sons have no structure in their lives... no disipline.. no schedule. Their father yells at them.. and is always sending them to their room to play video games and watch tv. He uses this as a babysitter! He himself is constintly online playing xbox and spends no quality time with my sons. They have become very disrespectful and don't communicate well with others. Their father is more worried about being their friend then their father. Im scared for their future. When I do see them they are dirty and his house is not clean. How do I prove all this... they need the love and attention that a mother can give them!

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          • #6
            Originally posted by AmberB View Post
            I live 6 hours away from my children, so visitation is basically not happining! My sons have no structure in their lives... no disipline.. no schedule. Their father yells at them.. and is always sending them to their room to play video games and watch tv. He uses this as a babysitter! He himself is constintly online playing xbox and spends no quality time with my sons. They have become very disrespectful and don't communicate well with others. Their father is more worried about being their friend then their father. Im scared for their future. When I do see them they are dirty and his house is not clean. How do I prove all this... they need the love and attention that a mother can give them!
            Well, an option is for you to move closer to your children so that you see them more regularly. If you don't see them, then how do you know what is going on in the home? (not what you believe, but KNOW). I'm sure it would be very inconvenient for you to disrupt YOUR life to be closer to them, but they can't move to be closer to you.

            As I said, if the children's living condition has not significanlty changed since custody was awarded to the father, a judge is not going to change. Particularly as you had custody, but lost it. I am glad that you have straightened you life out, but the fact is that the custody situation is not going to change because of how well YOU are doing. It will only be changed based on the kids.
            HOOK 'EM HORNS!!!
            How do you catch a very rare rabbit?
            (unique up on him)
            How do catch an ordinary rabbit?
            (same way)

            Comment


            • #7
              I will start off by saying that my only option was to move away! I had no where else to go, when my husband at the time filed for divorce. He left me no choice and that was his intentions.. I wasn't taken to court by him, I signed the custidy papers and that was that! At the time I was emotionally unstable and was told everything he knew I wanted to hear in order to sign the papers... I truley believed everything he told me. If I knew for one second that they were all lies I would of never signed the papers. I was led to believe that this was all temporary! Moving closer to my children is easier said then done... Im scared to live in that area, theres nothing but trouble there. My life is extrodinary here, I have a good job, I start nursing school in Janurary and I have a loving new husband! I live everyday of my life doing what I can to be the best mother I can be for my children.. Im afraid moving back to the area I came from would only set me back. I am bringing God back into my life and I believe that his will be done. And if Im to have my children here w/ me then he will make that possible. My intentions for comming on this site is to get opinions from others goin through the same thing. Not for someone to tell me HOW my situation is going to turn out. Because the outcome is only in one persons hands! GODS!! I do visit my children when I can, and I talk to them everyday! That is how I know whats goin on in the home. I had my sons for the summer and I saw a significant change in their behaviors. And I also do have eyes there watching him! I love my children and regret everyday some of the decisions I made. But I believe everything happens for a reason, and that something good comes out of everything. Im just a mother missing her kids and I need support and communication from others going through or that have been through the same thing! I thank everyone for their response and hope to continue getting them!

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              • #8
                Do you have any proof that the living conditions of the chidren are detrimental? Has the father ever had to answer questions about neglect (from CPS or whatever acronym applies)?

                I am not trying to say that you are not the best parent for the children. I am only trying to tell you how the court works. If the children are not found to be neglected (cps standards), abused or in an otherwise detrimental environment, the court will not disrupt the children's lives.

                How old are the children?
                HOOK 'EM HORNS!!!
                How do you catch a very rare rabbit?
                (unique up on him)
                How do catch an ordinary rabbit?
                (same way)

                Comment


                • #9
                  No there isn't any PROOF of these things!! How Do I prove emotional neglect? How do I prove that my sons arn't being deciplined properly? I do I prove that they have no structure in their lives? My sons are 6 and 4. My youngest voices frequently that he wants to live me.. Oh how that kills me! What am I to do? Am I to just not fight it? and just exsept I've lost them forever? I just can't do that!

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Unfortunately, most judges won't listen to the wishes of a 4 year old in making a custody decision.

                    I think you have an uphill battle without a valid history of visitation, contact and payment.

                    Do you have anything that would show that your life has changed? A doctor's opinion?
                    Not everything that makes you mad, sad or uncomfortable is legally actionable.

                    I am not now nor ever was an attorney.

                    Any statements I make are based purely upon my personal experiences and research which may or may not be accurate in a court of law.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      I know that judges don't listen to children wishes! I do visit them as often as I can... It's really always been up to my ex-husband. We never have really abided by whats on paper! I don't pay child support because he didn't ask for it. However I have been sending 150.00 a month because he asked me to. Should I start keeping record of this? He is not able to pay for them alone anymore! And if you seggest I go to a doctor for proof that I have changed and am emotionally stable now then I'll do so. What about getting a someone involved w/ the children? To asses the children and what they think?

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                      • #12
                        You do realize that if he goes to court for CS, the payments you made in the past won't count?

                        One question for the divorce experts.... She said she signed over the children under duress. If this can be proven via real documented evidence such as those kept by a mental health professional, etc. would that give her a chance to have the custody changed? Usually with contracts, to make them legal you have to be sound and not under duress, my divorce decree even states that I am signing it of my own free will. Not sure if that would apply to this custody situation.
                        -----------------------------------------
                        98% of the population is asleep. The other 2% are staring around in complete amazement, abject terror, or both.

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                        • #13
                          It might... but we would need to know the nature of the statement "the way I was living my life".

                          Courts are notoriously unimpressed with a parent that wants to reclaim emotional parentage after a significant gap of time. There is some doubt that the parents life will not revert to the way it was.

                          That is why I asked if there was visitation and/or support. The only way to reclaim custody is slowly... to establish a pattern of emotional and financial responsibility.

                          An absent parent can not just walk up after several years and say, "I am not the same person I was when I left so I should get the kids now. After all, they would prefer to be with me (since all we do when together is have fun) over my ex (who gets the fun of discipline and regular meals)."
                          Not everything that makes you mad, sad or uncomfortable is legally actionable.

                          I am not now nor ever was an attorney.

                          Any statements I make are based purely upon my personal experiences and research which may or may not be accurate in a court of law.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            I would not think that she would be able to use the defense of being under duress. Anyone who has ever been though a custody battle knows that this is very stressful and takes a toll of you mentally and physically.

                            Any evidence that a doctor can provide may only strengthen her ex's position. This may help prove that the best interests of the children were served by their father being granted custody.

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                            • #15
                              Amber, please start giving your ex his payment in check or money order form, did you just give him cash in the past? The reason is simple, he can state that he never recieved any of it, and you must provide proof. It is also good to show that you are paying child support even though it is not ordered, it shows responsibility on your part, which is a sign of you changed. You could also, for now, ask the courts to grant you more visitation, such as weekend visits (so not to disrupt the childrens schooling, showing once more the best interest of the child). You could ask for half of each summer, so you could have them for a longer duration of time. You could ask for alternating holidays (like every other x-mas, thanksgiving). This is where to start, by seeing your children more. I know you want them now, but it will take years to build trust with the state, on the new you. This is not a guarantee that you will eventually get them back full time, but even if you do not, you will see them a great deal more than you are now.

                              It will also give your children the chance to get to know you all over again, and get to know your new husband, so when they grow up, and the courts do at least put into consideration, where a child would like to say, you will know that your children would feel comfortable, and maybe even request to stay with you and your husband. Good luck to you!!
                              Last edited by turbowray; 10-14-2006, 07:42 AM.

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