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Writing a letter to step daughter's mother IF she ever reqests visitation

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  • #16
    Originally posted by cyjeff
    I don't know about photographs... that seems a little draconian.

    But you did bring up a thought... that the mother is not allowed to discipline the child during visitation without oversight of the custodial parent.

    You don't want her disciplining the child in a way inconsistant with your rules and regulations.
    The discipline thing is something I've been thinking about.

    The thing with this mother is that she has Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). These folks are known for high conflict, extreme manipulation, and extreme rage. What they cannot prove, they will falsify. ( you know those that claim the divorcing spouse sexually abused the child or wage a campaign to alienate children against the divorcing spouse) Anything you verbally agree to will be as twisted as their thinking when it comes out of their mouths. High profile cases are Betty Broderick (killed her exH and his new wife) and Aileen Wournos (female prostitute serial killer). This is the kind of person I am dealing with.

    I am not saying that all persons with BPD are this messed up. There is a range from high functioning to low functioning. However, the basic behaviors are the same. Ours is definitely low functioning. The worst thing so far is that she stabbed her estranged husband in the face while holding their 1 yo child.(the one she just lost her rights to) She stole a car while drunk and high, wrapped it around a tree at 100mph, nearly lost her life, then turned around and tried to have the estranged husband arrested claiming he caused her injuries. Then she tried to sue the woman who's car she stole, for the injuries she sustained. I could literally write pages of the stuff she has pulled.

    I'm not dealing with a "normal" person here. That's why there HAS to be very restrictive rules for any visitations.
    Last edited by Ohio "Step" Mom; 08-24-2006, 10:49 AM.
    Don't listen to a word I say because ya know I've gotta be crazy to be a Brown's fan.

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    • #17
      Is there any way you can force her to be properly medicated for visits?
      Not everything that makes you mad, sad or uncomfortable is legally actionable.

      I am not now nor ever was an attorney.

      Any statements I make are based purely upon my personal experiences and research which may or may not be accurate in a court of law.

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      • #18
        Originally posted by cyjeff
        Is there any way you can force her to be properly medicated for visits?
        Unfortunately no. She would never follow through with therapy (which can take years to show improvement as part of the disorder is to deny they have any fault in what has or is happening) or take her meds. This was the reason the children's services has removed her children over and over again. (and why they now pursued to terminate her rights)

        This is also why she is not being told about the adoption until it is happening. She has threatened to kill one of her children if the father called children's services. She abducted another one when left unsupervised with that child (by the father).
        Last edited by Ohio "Step" Mom; 08-24-2006, 10:58 AM.
        Don't listen to a word I say because ya know I've gotta be crazy to be a Brown's fan.

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        • #19
          I just made the revisions to the letter that you all have suggested. I think it is coming together pretty nicely.

          The reason I put at the end that these terms were not negotiable is because, unless she takes us back to court (which would be a huge mistake), she really doesn't have a choice. Again, not trying to be cold, just dealing with that kind of person where you have to be inflexible or things could go terribly wrong.
          Don't listen to a word I say because ya know I've gotta be crazy to be a Brown's fan.

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