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please help i know nothing about custody Pennsylvania

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  • please help i know nothing about custody Pennsylvania

    as i said i know nothing about child custody and i need some help.
    i am 20 yrs old and have a son 6 and a half months,, the apple of my eye his father and i are not married but living together. he did not live with me prior to having the baby and i dont know if that matters or not.. anyway, things are not going smoothly between us and i am thinking of ending the relationship. i am soon to be moving out of the state and i need to know what the custody issue would be if decided to file. i know that he would never try to take our son away permanently and there is of course no reason i could lose custody anyways. i take such good care of david and love him so much and can provide a wonderful home for him. my concern is for his father. the scenario i would most like to have is for me to have full custody but his father to have full visitation rights. i would nevr want to deprive my son and his father from knowing eachother and i know his father loves him very much. it breaks my heart to even think about taking his son that far away from him, but it would break my heart even more if i had to be separated from my son because of joint custody. basicaly i need to know what would happen if i moved out of state and davids father or even grandparents tried to make me send my son back and forth between states which is the last thing i want. i would do anything i had to to keep full custody of my son even pull out his fathers "dirty laundry"... but i still care about him and dont want to have to do that... what is the most likely scenario here?

  • #2
    hmmm confused

    You speak of the father as being a good father, yet you say you can pull out dirty laundry to keep full custody. Is he a good father or not? If he is, then it should not hurt you to share your son with his father. I would recommend talking to a divorce lawyer that also handles custody, and file for full custody but it would not be in the best interest of your son according to what you've said about the dad, to move out of state, just so you can keep him all the time. They could still fight you for thier rights to custody, and since you are the one choosing to move, you would probably be held more responsible for the costs of making sure your son sees his dad. Most courts give custody to the mom, and the dad gets great visitation rights. If he is a good dad, as you said, give him alot, so he doesn't feel as if he has to fight for anything. I myself, lived with my mom during the school year, and my dad during the summer, and it didn't mess with my schooling, and I didn't have to change schools, or have to meet new friends at a different school, but my dad saw me and my sisters alot. This is just an opinion, I am not a lawyer, I just want to see you son get what he needs, and you also, without the move. Oh, I must add, even if he is a good dad, if the dirty laundry that you are talking about consists of illegal activities, that can harm or put your son in any danger, then no, you should fight for all the rights you can get.

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    • #3
      misunderstanding

      it seems you may have misunderstood about the whole moving thing.. this move has been planned for months and im not moving to take the baby away. the situation is that my boyfriend, myself, and our baby live with my family, and as of this point we are ALL moving out of the state. im asking what the situation might end up being if either we broke up before the move and he stayed behind or if we broke up after the move and he returned here. i would never move to intentionally take our baby away.

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      • #4
        better think long and hard

        It's probably better to let your partner know that you're thinking of ending the relationship before he decides to leave his family behind and move out of state with you and your child. It would be terribly unfair to him to find out after the move that you'd planned on seperating from him all along. If the problems you're having can't be worked out and you do decide to end the relationship, he may choose to relocate anyway to avoid a long distance relationship with his child. I would avoid airing any dirty laundry during a custody dispute, it may come back to bite you in the behind and really isn't neccessary to be spiteful and vindictive since he has been a loving father (just because your relationship didn't work out, doesn't automatically undo all the wonderful things he's done for your child.) Remember, custody is about what's in the best interest of the child. It's not about making one parent out to be the bad guy.

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        • #5
          I live in PA and I am in the middle of a custody with my husband for his daughter. First of all a judge can order the return of a child to the state that he resided in for the past 6 months pending the outcome of the hearing if you let it go that far. Most PA family courts require both parents to attend a class to understand what is good and not good for a child. It is best to sit down and talk to the dad and meet an agreement that can be made without having a messy hearing. If you dod this than you will only have to see a court appointed hearing officer. The case I am involved in the mother lied and said that my husband has never been in his daughters life. She is going to look bad in court now because we have witness and picture evidence that states otherwise. So if you bring up dirty laundry make sure you have none. Also it is most common that both parents split the cost of trasportation of a child for visitation reasons.
          Not an expert just stating what I know from experience and or moral standings

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          • #6
            Originally posted by stepmom33
            I live in PA and I am in the middle of a custody with my husband for his daughter. First of all a judge can order the return of a child to the state that he resided in for the past 6 months pending the outcome of the hearing if you let it go that far. Most PA family courts require both parents to attend a class to understand what is good and not good for a child. It is best to sit down and talk to the dad and meet an agreement that can be made without having a messy hearing. If you dod this than you will only have to see a court appointed hearing officer. The case I am involved in the mother lied and said that my husband has never been in his daughters life. She is going to look bad in court now because we have witness and picture evidence that states otherwise. So if you bring up dirty laundry make sure you have none. Also it is most common that both parents split the cost of trasportation of a child for visitation reasons.

            The poster of this thread has not answered in over a month and a half, I Hope she reads this.

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            • #7
              trying to get advice for my daughter... can you help..

              My daughter is in a bit of a mess right now, she does not know where to turn or what to do. The father of her son came to take him for a few hours, said he would return him at a specific time, and has yet to bring him back. She has called the cops, they really cannot do too much, except escort her to the house they say with hopes with their presence he will return the baby to her beings she has 90% of his belongings at her residence. About a 2 weeks ago they both went at it he had her against the wall by the throat, she pushed him off of her, beings she had the baby in her arms when he did this... they were living with his family so of course she was asked to leave the house. She has since had to stay between her Grandmothers house and her dads.... she just found someone to rent her a room so she can be on her own.... she asked him to come take the baby for a couple hours so she could get clothes and stuff packed and ready for her move...he has been very nice to her the past couple weeks..tells her he loves her everytime they talk etc.... and now this. She calls to find out where he is, he tells her, she isn't getting the baby back and she never will again. She is devistated....

              Can you give me some advice to give to her ..... I am too far away to help her but very concerned for my Grandsons well being. His dad is on probation and works 11-7 shift so I have no clue who watches him while he works or if he takes that baby with him to his towing job. I wish she could afford an attorney but she cant and she doesn't drive so has no wait to get into the city for the papers she needs to file. I am so lost.

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              • #8
                Please post this on a separate new thread. More people will see it and you will get more responses. Also we would need to know what state, if they were married, if he is on the birth certificate, or if there is confirmed DNA paternity.
                Last edited by Ohio "Step" Mom; 11-22-2006, 10:28 PM.
                Don't listen to a word I say because ya know I've gotta be crazy to be a Brown's fan.

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by Ohio "Step" Mom View Post
                  Please post this on a separate new thread. More people will see it and you will get more responses. Also we would need to know what state, if they were married, if he is on the birth certificate, or if there is confirmed DNA paternity.
                  Also poster has she obtained any type of court enforced visitation?

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                  • #10
                    Would you be opposed to 50/50 custody? If so why? Moving out of state would not make things easier on the child.
                    All Things Pennsylvania Family Law

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                    • #11
                      broken hearted

                      Hi. I,m a 20 yr old father of a 3yr old boy. I have phsyical custody of my son. My ex girlfriend has visitation rights. She recently took my son for a week visit. After 3 days i received a pfa saying I couldn,t see my son or pick him up. I also received a letter from a free legal service at my residence that says she is filing for full costudy. how can i get my boy back home. she is m aking up lies that i hit her and my son and that i told her i,ll shot her. on the pfa they say i have a firearm but nev er, ever had one

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                      • #12
                        lostdad, please start your own thread to ask your question. You'll get much better response. When someone posts on an old thread, quite often the beginning date is looked at and we skip over the old thread.

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