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Custody laws in Virginia PLEASE HELP!!

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  • Custody laws in Virginia PLEASE HELP!!

    Im 16 years old and I currently live in Virginia. When I was 13 my parents got divorced and at that time I lived in South Carolina. My dad moved to Texas and my mother and I moved to Virginia. My parents have not talked in about 3 years, my mother refuses to and I have not seen my dad in about a year (the only reason I got to see him is because I went behind my mothers back otherwise she refuses to let him see me). My parents marrige was not good, they were like fire and ice and they constanly fought. My dad made mistakes but he never cheated on my mother or hurt her or me in any sort of physical way. My dad is a good person and I love him very much, he works nights at a electrical company and is buying a house. Living with my mother is not good, we constanly fight and since Im her only daughter she is overbearingly controling. It scares me because I have done stuff that I want to quit doing and I feel that if I stay with my mother in virginia that I wont be able to quit doing those things. My mother will never agree to let me go live with him, she even told me that she would fight me and to get a lawyer. My mom currently owns a house and makes a little more money than my dad does, but my dad is buying a house very soon. My dad has agreed that I can come live with him and he will do anything he needs to do to make that happen. After all that (sorry for boring you with my life story), how much legal leeway do I have being 16 and would the courts frown upon my dad working at night (he will probably have a house by the time I make the request to move in with him) and what are the laws in virginia for custody (in english please, I have trouble understanding legal gibberish ). Thank You so much for all who help.

  • #2
    This is not a matter that you have any say over. There are too many questions that you can't answer to really give you much advise. But, there is a reason that your mother doesn't want you to see your father. I have no idea what it might be or if she is justified keeping you away from him. There is also some reason that your father has never fought your mother for the right to be involved in your life. The only thing you can do right now is tell your mother how you feel and see if she will tell you why she thinks your father is a bad influence. She isn't obligated to give you an answer though. For a change of custody to take place, your father would have to take your mother to court to modify the original order.

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    • #3
      My parents marrige was bad, they were awful together but it wasnt only my dad's fault it takes two people to make a wrong and honestly my mom is just out of her mind. We constanly fight about everything, I cant have a conversation with her at all. My dad is a great person and he is so much more understanding of me and he would do anything to have me move in with him. I know that I do have some say in this, I talked to a lawyer and a police officer about it but they only gave me so much information. There has to be some sort of way that I can get away from my mom. What about moving out when your 17? Do 17 year olds have more rights than 16 year olds?

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      • #4
        Originally posted by zengirl
        My parents marrige was bad, they were awful together but it wasnt only my dad's fault it takes two people to make a wrong and honestly my mom is just out of her mind. We constanly fight about everything, I cant have a conversation with her at all. My dad is a great person and he is so much more understanding of me and he would do anything to have me move in with him. I know that I do have some say in this, I talked to a lawyer and a police officer about it but they only gave me so much information. There has to be some sort of way that I can get away from my mom. What about moving out when your 17? Do 17 year olds have more rights than 16 year olds?
        No, they don't. When you are 18, you are free to live where ever you want. Until then, your mother (as she seems to have sole custody of you) decides where you live. The ONLY way you would have any say is if (like Ceara already told you) your father sues for custody, and the judge allows you to express your wishes. Even then, you don't have much say, as it is the JUDGE'S decision. He may choose to take your wants into consideration or completely disregard them. If your mother is willing to get an atty and fight, and your father is not going to, then you will be living with your mother until you are 18. Have you ever wondered WHY your father did not fight for you in the time he has not been allowed any contact? That is not a normal reaction to being cut off from your kid. You need to take the time to really look at this from other perspectives other than your mother doesn't understand you. It is very easy to romanticize what your relationship will be like with your dad, as you have not had one for a while. I suspect that you are thinking that you will be able to do what you want if you are living with your dad. After all, he won't be home at night with you, will he? (And yes, your father working at night while you are left unchaperoned would probably be a deal breaker.) For the next 1-2 years you are going to have to suck it up. When you are 18, you're free to go.

        Just one more thing...it shows exactly how immature you are that you are doing things that you KNOW are wrong, yet blaming continuation of those things on having to live with your mother. Get a clue. Only YOU have the ability to stop doing things you should not be doing, and you know it. Unless your mom is holding a gun to your head while she shoots you up, she has no control over your stupid decisions. She can exert the control, though, to do whatever she has to do until you figure out how to be trusted on your own. Why do I have a feeling that THAT is what you two fight about? Her telling you no, and you doing whatever you want to do, anyway? Personal responsibility....memorize that phrase and learn to apply it to your life.
        Last edited by mommyof4; 07-06-2006, 02:42 PM.
        HOOK 'EM HORNS!!!
        How do you catch a very rare rabbit?
        (unique up on him)
        How do catch an ordinary rabbit?
        (same way)

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        • #5
          It is really unfair that any of you judge me like that. Yes I have done stupid things, but thats what mistakes are for... to learn a lesson. My dad works really hard to give me what he can... he even bought a house so that when Im 18 I can move there. The mistakes I was talking about didnt have anything to do with drugs. All I wanted was answers here not to be Judged as immature by someone who knows nothing about me.

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          • #6
            Originally posted by feelthezen69 View Post
            It is really unfair that any of you judge me like that. Yes I have done stupid things, but thats what mistakes are for... to learn a lesson. My dad works really hard to give me what he can... he even bought a house so that when Im 18 I can move there. The mistakes I was talking about didnt have anything to do with drugs. All I wanted was answers here not to be Judged as immature by someone who knows nothing about me.
            Are you 'zengirl"? If you aren't why are you responding to an old thread?

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            • #7
              And if you are, whining about how mean and judgemental we are (even if it is true) does not change the legal infomation you were given.
              HOOK 'EM HORNS!!!
              How do you catch a very rare rabbit?
              (unique up on him)
              How do catch an ordinary rabbit?
              (same way)

              Comment

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